Thread 41510442

i feel like ever since i started on E i'm now like somehow more mentally ill, more scared of everything (e.g i used to be the one in the house that took care of spiders but now they terrify me), i feel dumber but that could be the other drugs im taking, also unrelated but i lost my spice tolerance somehow (also i'm more sensitive to both heat and the cold although i tend to prefer to be slightly warmer now)
did you experience any odd/weird changes like these?

>>41510442 (OP)
when i traveled to a new city i kept getting lost and i couldnt figure out directions

>>41510442 (OP)
It's made me probably smarter but also more retarded. My mental acuity and agility is great, but my common sense and ability to actually keep myself alive have nosedived.

>>41510442 (OP)
no

>>41510442 (OP)
All this yeah. I can feel my emotions now. I have more depth and can feel more then one emotion at a time. Im more empathetic. I can understand myself better. I can understand others better. I can read subtext better. I feel like i can use more of my brain. Im more elegant in articulating my thoughts in conversation. I dont feel the need to compete or prove myself. I even eat slower. . BUT i am always anxious and have wayy more bpd like behaviors and get bitchy. Sleep no longer wipes my emotions clean so i can have bad dreams and wake up upset about something from the previous day now. Weirdest part is that i didnt realize before i started hrt that i had a general deep sense of peace i could access pretty much at any time and it was amazing. I no longer can do that. I have not felt at peace since i started.
But i can take scolding hot showers now and enjoy it so its a give and take

>>41510442 (OP)
I have an easier time caring for myself and certain movies make me cry now but that's about it

>>41510716
i'm also more empathetic i think but i attribute that to the few times i took mdma more than anything else desu

also like if anything i understand myself worse but as a counterpoint i've stopped caring about alot of things so i just go "it is what it is fuck it we ball"

>>41513786
however now sometimes i just go insane over the guy i like simply just talking to another woman cus i suspected she likes him (i was fucking right though cus she asked him out, he said no though so she can get fucked :3) and i for some reason had the urge to set my house on fire. i was also on 4-ho-met at the time so like that probably didn't help!

I kind of only just started but i feel like emotions come to the surface way more easily, they're not really any more intense than before but I can get a sudden wave of sadness

but yeah hrt does change your emotions, some of it is placebo and some of it is real

There is no clinical medical studies saying that HRT has more than a negligible effect on your thought process.

What you and others are doing is trying to gaslight others into thinking it's possible to "un-male" your brain. It isn't.

>>41510442 (OP)
I think E just makes it easier to cry and T just makes it easier to get mad.

>>41510442 (OP)
Kind of but not really? If anything I think it just affect how your brain processes emotions depending on how much I take and how often. Maybe I just feel more open about expressing myself in these ways? The choice to take HRT can be a crack in the dam that makes all of the other repressed stuff flow freely.
In any case, it might be beneficial to practice breath meditation in order to get a grip on those emotions. I've found it quite helpful!

>>41510716
>Weirdest part is that i didnt realize before i started hrt that i had a general deep sense of peace i could access pretty much at any time and it was amazing.
whoa, I gajned what you lost

on T I had a deep sense of bleakness and foreboding. on E I have this irrational calm joy I can access pretty much whenever I want

>>41513815
don't get me wrong overall i'm still what alot would consider "malebrained" mostly because my autism mainly affects me socially lmao these are just random other changes i noticed that may be related, may be due to other causes, or may be placebo entirely, i just wanted other peoples perspectives
>>41513827
i've definitely found myself crying more but i've also found myself being angry more despite my T levels being extremely low every time i get them checked

>>41513891
idk i don't think before hrt i ever felt anyh emotion before so much that it physically hurt but since starting that just wont stop happening lmao like if i see the guy i like just interact with another womani feel physical pain in my chest/heart sometimes (and one time the person i used to be insane about interacted with someone else so i actually vomited in the toilet. i have become more stable since starting drugs though)

>>41513957
bonus question for yall anons have you ever felt anger so intense towards someone where you actively want them not just to die but for their suffering to be as bad as possible and you stop viewing them as human and just a fucking bitch that needs to be burned alive and their continued existence just makes you so fucking mad (but you just say/do nothing because you know it's illogical and you don't wanna bother others) because that shit aint fun

>>41513815
There are few medical studies on all of this stuff. That doesn't mean things arent happening. The sun doesn't rise in the morning because somebody wrote a paper about it.

We still are a ton of male experiences and socializing, its just running on an estrogenizied brain. Which means its our work to accept and adjust ourselves to what the estrogenized brain wants.

>>41510442 (OP)
i have bpd now

>>41513978
Ohhh gotcha yeah, I can only speak from my experience, that sounds pretty awful! Hope it clears up for you in the end xx

>>41514008
i've had multiple people suggest that to me but i think it's just my adhd+a c bomination of other issues, like atleast for me that'd be far more likely, but also i cant get assessed cus when ever they try its jusut "erm im fine actually literally nothing is wrong with me im never going to die teehee"

>>41510442 (OP)
It made me even more of a bottom and I also cry all the time now

>>41514240
i somehow became less of a bottom despite becoming more degenerate i just have less interest overall in that kinda stuff even if i love it and am lowkey insane cus i want a guy toi rape/murder me (maybe even both :3)

>>41514286
this is normal right? everyone wants this right?

>>41513786
>>41513811
if this is a cry for help then heres permission to stop taking psychedelics. it sounds like you could use a break

>>41510442 (OP)
HRT does not change how you think. Since you are a male-socialized person, you have misogyny heavily-embedded in how you view the world. so you think taking "women's" hormones will make you more into your own view of a woman (i.e. dumb, scared, incompetent, etc.) and this sexism manifests itself as the psychosomatic symptoms you have described.
so in short: you're just a sexist moid

>>41513815
it's funny because it's not "un-maling" their brain at all. in fact, they're just proving that they view women as any other man would. they're literally implying that people with more estrogen (i.e. women) are dumb, stupid, etc. like it's so disgusting and misogynistic and it's why these lateshit boomerhons who started at 23 years old will never be real women

>>41510442 (OP)
Not really, but i did actually stop having an inner monologue. Now I think in thoughts, not words, and yes its worse.
I also became a massive crybaby, got super sensitive to pain, and my mental illnesses absolutely got worse.
I also absolutely got more submissive, but thats more a byproduct of losing any and all muscle i had, I think.

>>41517015
If you have ever seen the type of people who say this kind of stuff it becomes obvious why they do it. 100% they are being sexist, but they also do not pass. So they basically live as men, have no understanding of the world through the eyes of a woman, and since they have basically no physical changes they cope by saying "ohh at least my brain is feminized" and then spew the most disgusting sexist stereotypes that would make a deep southern conservative blush

>>41510442 (OP)
More horny and needy. Its just a feeling, like when my estrogen spikes I need to be held
>>41515145
Do I have permission to start taking mushrooms ? My boyfriend says I'm not allowed to, but he takes them and that's kinda of mean and unfair. If you give me a good argument why I should be able to, I can show it to him and he'll share.

>>41513949
woof big relate, my sense of peace is universal now instead of circumstantial. being on T was like numbing myself out and pretending that was okay

>>41510442 (OP)
nothing other than making me be able to cry when sad

>>41517003
>>41517015
>>41513815
im >>41510624 and it took me 2 seconds to prove my experience is real. stop being weird and making everything about sexism. https://www.sciencenorway.no/forskningno-gender-differences-norway/testosterone-improved-womens-sense-of-direction/1432347

>>41510442 (OP)
it's a lot easier to cry and my libido is much lower than it used to be
p sure a lot of what's posted here is honscience

>>41513815
>theres no studies on this phenomenom that a tiny and widely oppressed minority experiences and nobody cares about studying yet, so it cant be real despite the fact that millions of people are living through it every day
yeah and cells didnt exist until the invention of microscopes. why the fuck do i bother with social media

>>41510442 (OP)
my emotional intelligence got significantly higher to the point it's noticeable to people around me

>>41513815
both testosterone and estrogen are neuroactive steroids, both of them can have a downregulating and upregulating effect on serotonin, dopamine and glutamate, both of them can shift brain structurally.
on estrogen structural changes in hypothalamus lead to different thermoregulation and reduced libido as an example and you think structural changes in other parts of the brain won't lead to any other behavioural changes? think again
we just don't know fully what changes and what not, because a lot of it is nurture but for example being on estrogen makes you less reward dependent, of course considering that being reward dependent also is determined by your genetics, not only hormones