Thread 41584482

Steins;Gate edition
>QOTT: Were you considered "gifted" as a kid?

Previous thread: >>41542181

I was considered smarter than people around me
But ofc I became a failure come middle school
Now I’m a uni dropout failure hrt repper

I was considered smart but lazy

I wish I could age gracefully like a woman

>>41584576
A lot don't.

>>41584576
Have you ever looked inside yourself and thought that maybe you are not really trans? That for some reason you adopted this belief of being born in the wrong body as a cope, and it made you feel better so you kept reinforcing that belief that you are trans, until the rest of your brain was rewired to accommodate this belief instead of reality?

>>41584482 (OP)
yes, very... that turned out great now that im a permaneet with no value to society just leeching and doing nothing. i went from gifted programs to failing everything until dropping out

>>41584627
Is that really much different?

>>41584482 (OP)
qott: pretty sure they tell everyone that
thankfully i also have the brand of computer autism that makes money without talking to people so not a total failure

>>41584627
I don't think I'm trans, not really. I was trans for a while but didn't feel any better.

>>41584674
If you can accept that you are a man without having the unconscious belief you are a woman then yes you will be happier

>>41584482 (OP)
QOTT: I was considered smart enough to get good grades in middle school, but those took a nosedive soon after puberty hit and the mental illness became more apparent.

Are we really going to have to cave and troon out like all the jon 40 memes? I really have the repper deathstare everytime I look in the mirror. I am beginning to think I am going to have to troon out, because it may be inevitable I've been repping for 2 years, but the thoughts do come back, and yes 2 years ago I went and saw a doctor for tranny meds, but chickened out after getting the bloodwork done. I just can't stand getting more manly with time.

>>41584897
After 5 years im starting to think its inevitable, but im not strong enough to act on it.

Hey, I've an idea! What about just being really feminine, but staying a dude, and not taking hormones or thinking you need to "become" a woman to be happy in life?
Why not just let yourself act WAY more feminine as a dude - since clearly that would make you happy?

if you werent abused as a child and have no cptsd AND ont see yourself as female woman then you are fake

>>41584897
The farthest I'd ever go is permamanmoding or becoming a modern day eunuch. It helps when you completely give up after realizing you've missed your chance or never had one, and any small consolation now wouldn't be worth the trouble. If I ever loose all remaining shame and start honmoding, I expect one of you to mercy kill me on the spot.

>>41584993
I would've if I was single, I have a GF, and she was supportive when I went to the doc, but she kept talking about me trooning out too much, and there's something weird about someone being there every step of the way for an end result that might horrify them, like I just want to be isolated in a cocoon, and see what happens. But dude even this fucking 40yo manmoder told me he doesn't regret taking it, and I'm pretty sure the blanchard faggot even said taking the trannymeds was a valid solution to helping mental faggots like us. The other thing is, I'm losing a bit of my hair, and I already want to get my facial hair removed, but if I do that without tranny meds I'll have to keep going in on the regular because results won't last, and that point what's the point. Women already tell me I look like a tranny on the internet, I probably get treated like a tranny already without knowing it, trannies gravitate to me at fighting game tournaments, I should just fucking get this over with while I'm still in my fucking late 20s before I cave at like 35, but it's all so much more worse.

>>41585242
that's valid

>>41584482 (OP)
>Were you considered "gifted" as a kid?
Yes, but I burnt out after puberty started. Started disassociating and getting bullied pretty badly for being, acting, hell, wearing clothes, femininely. Eventually I adapted by being a bitter, mean, and angry person that would throw a punch at being heckled, which stopped that kind of treated and made me suitably male enough to fit in. However I never could really regain any of my passion for academics so I just cruised through as the B-student who aced most tests but flaked on homework and such.

>>41584482 (OP)
take your HRT, retards

>>41585387
Yeah I would've if I was single too but now i have a girl that needs to be sexually pleased and needs a man of the house. Before I met her I had a rule that I would lose my virginity first to prove I wasn't a failed male. Now I've succeeded too much. I also suspect everyone is treating me like a troon/knows

>>41585070
Yeah that would be a great fucking idea, except as the days go by I look more like a man instead of a twink which a twink is feminine. Look at boy george nigga, what's worse being a fucking tranny, or a bald faggot feminine faggot with a beard. I think the latter is much much worse. Plus trannies do seem to age slower, I've seen it on this board, they lock down their apperance even roll it back a few years once they start the tranny meds, and that shit holds well into their 30s. For normal twinks it's over at 25. idgaf what anyone says I've spent time in femboy spaces it's a fact after that point the femboys quit showing their faces.

>>41585413
My mom keeps getting on my ass about why I never grow out my facial hair, and I just told her it's because I have better skin now, and I want to enjoy it lmao. Women are like actual hawks in enforcing gender norms if they are conservative. I think my parents thought I was a faggot, but boy are they in for worse when they find out I'm a tranny.

>>41585404
what's the point? I'll need ffs

>>41585413
exactly dude if I can't get it up and give her dick game, or if I look too feminine/uncanny, or I knock myself out the goldielocks zone for her type I can tell it's over. Then you are basically also still forced to act like a man. Honestly maybe I can just mentally do like the hrt femboy cope.

>>41585404
Please just hold me down and inject me with estrogen.

>>41585415
stop worrying about how you look, and let yourself ACT more feminine

>>41584482 (OP)
>Were you considered "gifted" as a kid?
Yeah

>>41585404
Sure i just need some money lol

I want to force a repper bf to transition and feel obliged to do the same myself so as to not be hypocritical

>>41585575
Sexist

>>41584482 (OP)
I learned how to read at a younger age than most and memorized countries and their capitals as a kid, but beyond that, no, not really
I feel like I'm treated like a low-functioning autist by most

if you are taking hrt or considering taking hrt you are not a fuckin repressor

>>41585644
>if you're not taking hrt you aren't a repper
retard much?

>>41585540
do you think I don't already act like a fruit cake?

>>41585644
we're all spiritually trannies here dipshit, there's no fucking difference, we all are agp or hsts, and that is a fact. We just haven't trooned yet. Yes anon, you are already a tranny.

if you act feminine or have long hair you aren't a repper

>>41585691
Why in the fuck would even not allow yourself that, you must really hate yourself, you can definitely get away with that in society.

if you bottom you're not repressing
go out, impregnate women, raise strong sons and then you can be a repper

>>41584482 (OP)
>QOTT: Were you considered "gifted" as a kid?
Fuck no. My parents encouraged me and said I was smart but ever since I could think I knew I was just a loser and I've never been proven wrong on that.

>>41585691
I honestly can't accept acting feminine. It would be too much.
I've been trans and presenting but I could never cross that hurdle. I didn't dance at clubs or use any delicate gestures or take cute selfies. I guess it's an internal admission you're a woman and I couldn't accept that.

>>41584482 (OP)
yes school asked to test me for gate program, idk if I failed the test, or if my parents said I couldn't join the program. That was in the first grade.

>>41584627
I know for a fact that this is what has happened to me. It has completely erased my old sense of self, and made life a living nightmare, but I know for a fact that at the core of it all is just a recursive thought loop reinforcing itself and overwriting everything it can. I'm currently trying everything in my power to stop it

>>41584627
cope for what, I went down the tranny rabbit hole after I went through a 3 year period of avoiding looking at my face in the light. I was on a roadtrip with some friends, so I couldn't shave because of the long drive, and I saw myself with stubble, and felt so bad I shut down. Then that lead to question why that bothered me so much, and why do I try to look feminine, etc. I'll meet you in the middle and say this, I am a VERY feminine man. Enough that I have these tranny thoughts.

>>41585786
I basically act like an italian, hand gestures, emotional, is that feminine? Do the fag wrist thing a lot.

>>41584482 (OP)
>QOTT
Yes, I am 19 and have a master's degree as well as multiple awards by local and international organizations. I spent all of my days at home wanking to tranny porn. Can't transition because I don't want to disappoint my family (and I wouldn't pass anyway, it's too late).

>>41585691
I still can't take estrogen im repper now?

>>41584482 (OP)
>QOTT: Were you considered "gifted" as a kid?
I guess I was? Was top of my class through most of elementary/middle/high school, graduated top of my class from HS, was offered to start studying at uni while in my final years of HS. Turned it down because I was working on some crypto algorithmic trading stuff I had since I was 15 or so. Was one of the best in the world in a pretty niche market which allowed me to retire when I was 19, never went to uni after. Now I just sit at home and never talk to anyone or go outside and can't remember what I did last week due to constant dissociation. hope I find the courage to rope soon and can leave the money to my family.

>>41585916
idk I've never met an Italian. I suppose there's a masculine and feminine way of doing it
I feel a need to stoically minimise movement to utilitarianism

>>41585644
that's repperchads we are all jon 40ing together. I have to be a bald man in a dress, you all have to go down with me.

>>41584576
same
>>41584587
true
nobody does really
except for personality. a good personality makes a wrinkled woman (or man) look mighty fine.

>>41585786
but if you saw yourself as a woman you would let yourself act that way, right?
so why not act that way now, since that's how, ideally you would want to act?
>admission you're a woman
feminine men exist

>>41586015
What is your point man, why do you not want us taking estrogen? Vast chunk of us have been feminine since childhood. Did you get too existential with the line of thought that trans women are women. I don't agree with that, I think I am just a feminine man. I still want to take estrogen though.

>>41586015
I'm not a woman, I'm not going to act like one

>>41586069
feminine men can act feminine

>>41586055
it suppresses your nature
its ok to have masculine and feminine traits in the same body!

>>41584482 (OP)
Yes, but being gifted is more fake than my masculinity and more gay than me.

>>41586078
I'm not some zesty fag lol good for you but that shit is as gross as John 50 crossdressers to me. That isn't me

>>41585844
You and like 90% of all other trannies. It happens to the best of us.

>>41585644
>or considering taking hrt you are not a fuckin repressor
That's stupid, you're still repressing until you actually press the plunger and inject the E.

>>41585706
>you can definitely get away with that in society.
Not if you already have the AGP autist phenotype, long hair just made me look like an ugly tranny, even without HRT.

>>41586239
Same, including having people accuse me of being a tranny in public.

>>41586119
become a zesty fag
>that shit is as gross
unlearn those beliefs

I kept my long hair from being trans I just pivoted to an unkempt male style. I've never received any comments tbhon

>just act like a woman bro there's no reason men can't act like women
just take your hrt and transition at that point, why the fuck are you repressing if you're free to act like a woman? being a man sucks but I can't be anything else

I'm self aware enough not to transition! Imagine what people would say!
>said twirling my hand in the air to illustrate my lispy annunciation of every word with the other resting on my hip

>>41586304
The whole 'feminine man' thing is gincel's spam, he doesn't get having GD or being trans as a concept. He has no empathy. His entire engagement is that he's upset being trans stops you from being in his strike zone, so he says stupid shit like that and starts to rant about gay male fertility all over the board. The only thing you can do is ignore him, attempts to explain the idea that no, 'being feminine' isn't what you want, being a woman is, will just bounce off.

being a fag is fun what's everyone's favorite carly rae song
>>41586332
idk why people keep responding to him

>>41586248
Nightmare fuel, never really got comments or accusations thankfully. It was mostly just staring and people giving me weird looks like they knew what was up, which disappeared after I cut my hair short.

>>41586408
I live in a highly conservative area surrounded by ghetto fauna so non-conformity is not only more quickly spotted, but the ones spotting it have far less of a filter or self-restraint in drawing conclusions from it.

>>41586408
I would tie my hair up and tight but got stares and comments when I still had bangs after doing so
I don't even get comments if I have it down now that my front is long enough to part to the side. I do have a balding five head now though

>>41586332
>gay male fertility
topkek

>>41586170
I'm definitely not trans, and thus also not a repper. I'm fully aware this is all just a cope for me and that my situation is nothing akin to the severity of actual repping.

>>41584482 (OP)
>QOTT: Were you considered "gifted" as a kid?

>>41587196
Yeah the psychic lobotomy program, I remember that.

I've come up with a new cope to fend off ripping my large intestine out: my dad is good looking in his middle age and my mom is extremely not. Being attractive is the only thing that matters in this world, far more than being yourself, and I'm simply taking the better path based on my heritage. 25 is way too late anyway and I'm just gonna do better in the next life.

I need to drink so bad

>>41587196
the pinkish liquid in the cups almost looks kinda familiar and I don't know why
spooky

Yoyo peeps. So I feel as though I want to aim for a physique that lets me indulge some form of gender affirmation for both sides of my silly hetroleaning life.
I think this will be achievable by slimming down dramatically and focusing on leg exercises - specifically going after my glutes.
I feel like the ultimate form really is a pear shaped dude. Slim guy with a fat ass and wide hips.
Is this attainable? I'm gonna try and achieve it anyway, giving myself 3 years to do it.

>>41590103
Theoretically yeah, but it'll be harder without feminine fat distribution.

>>41589845
what the fuuuuuuuck me too

>>41585691
>act feminine
there are degrees of it. not manspreading much or not walking like someone kicked you in nuts is just not being tryhard wannabe thug/tough. being fluid in movement and expressive is quite normal but most men dont do it. being flamer is performative femininity. i dont see point in acting like chimp-ronot-stoic thing.
>have long hair
oh come on, thats silly. people just think i am metalhead or something.

>>41589845
>>41590145
yeah, that was the special girl juice they'd only give to female students but you could get it if you asked
I would ask for it every lunch

God made me male because he knew I would be wretched

God made me male because He knew I could only be happy if I was a girl, if I was a woman

God made me male, so that in spite of having a path to a good life, that path would only have worked if I weren't an ugly, disgusting, effeminate homosexual

God made me male because He knew I wouldn't ever deserve to be happy

I'm not sure if I believe in Him anymore, but still, I think I half-believe this

Had a smaller buttgasm, couldn't get the big one today. Wish I had a pussy so much it's unreal.

>>41584482 (OP)
>QOTT: Were you considered "gifted" as a kid?
Up until like 4th grade yeah. Then when I became more and more depressed, I just couldn't give two fucks about studying the subjects I hated. Despite that I still managed to ace the tests in the subjects I liked even without studying up until the end of HS.
Went to uni for one and a half year then I dropped off because I got an offer in a niche field which I enjoy working in and it pays much better than what kinds of jobs I could get with the degree I would have received.

I only masturbate with my dick because it's fast and compartmentalised. I would only do anal if I was comfortable with myself tbhon

>>41591128
i dont masturbate at all i cant look at the foreign dick unfortunately on me its disgusting

>>41590814
chat is this real

>>41591485
Why are you repressing go join the local polycule they will love you

Does society accept feminine men in your country?

>>41585644
>>41585691
i take hrt and have long hair

>>41591593
im not, im taking e but realistically im hrtrepping... i dont have any plans to come out irl to anyone or change gender since i just cant look correctly so im here

>>41591611
only if rich or famous

>>41591864
that's not really accepting them then since the money let's them do things that are otherwise unacceptable

>>41591873
Yeah

>>41591611
>>41591873
The consciousness of the 'orthodox'. They essentially hate, too, for the most part. But when it's a high-ranking position. Or when the parents have a high-ranking position. That's like okay. Because we all 'sinners'. It's simply harder for them to do harm. Idk maybe I just live in a city where lot of religious organisations. And most of them orthodox christian or protestant.

>>41584482 (OP)
I pretty much still am considered gifted at art, I was drawing in the canteen of my training course building and one of the course coordinators was super impressed at my drawings which was nice. I mostly draw girls and weird creatures. But I sucked academically at everything else.

>>41592028
its kinda sad seeing alex consani become more and more clocky and masculine.

>>41589845
>>41590145
>>41590456

Has any /x/ schizo done a rabbit hole on the fluoride smoothie and latent transgenderism connection? It should be researched. Supposedly the intent of the program is to spiritually neuter certain segments of the population, most Gate Kids went on to experience burnout and mental illness in adulthood maybe the trans psy op is a part of that.

>>41593435
Nah I had tranny thoughts BEFORE they fed me the pink juice.

>>41593435
its way more likely that men are just alienated and don't have as clear as a role in society and are being outperformed by women.

>>41584627
i think because i used porn to cope with negative feelings so much and that encourages thinking of other people as objects and comparing your body to others you do begin to think "if only i looked different then id be happy" and then if you get deranged enough you eventually are lead to either roiding or trooning

>>41591611
they fucking hate us

>>41591611
I don't know, I've seen one gay couple who were feminine and they could've been tourists.
When I was trans I had men obviously hit on me but at the time I didn't even process it because I was in a liminal stage of leaving boy/manmoding. Gay men are really just relegated to a single gay bar here and I'd presume someone would respond with hostility if you implied they might be gay.
So obviously feminine behaviour isn't common but I'm not sure anyone would care either

I WISH I WAS A WOMAN

I still blame the hons of the 2010s for flying too close to the sun on the "im a real woman treat me that way no matter how much I don't pass" shit. If we started with the incurable mental illness angle at first maybe we'd have sympathy instead of hate

>>41594185
I hate those cunts because we could have had a drug to actually get rid of gender dysphoria by now. I'd take fucking electroshock therapy at this point. But they went all in on the 'everyone is valid!!1!' shit and now I've got to suffer in silence because apparently this is my identity and not a severe mental illness.

>>41594185
Anon, the people who hate us hate us because they think we violate the holy will of Jesus, no amount of logic or even appeasement can bridge that gap.

Crossdressing I'm very androgynous looking, and actually I think I like it. I look cute, but also like I could beat you up, and that's nice. Without a hoody over my tshirt though I am built like the joker in a nurse outfit lol.

>>41594318
not anon but that doesnt matter, yes some people will hate us no matter what but a large portion of people doesnt actively hate us but just dislikes us because of that

Is there anti fem hypno?

>YWN look like her
Why even live?

>>41594318
I consider myself a Christian and its crazy to me how many people base their hatred off of the Bible when the whole point of the religion is forgiveness. Especially when their hate is based on old estimate doctrine
I still think the hate wouldnt be as strong if every contrarian chud didn't decide to be a based catholic in the 2020s

Another day another unsolicited rant from my online friends about how much they hate trannies.

>>41594544
you people are weird I just wanna look like the weird semi-goth chick from the breakfast club

I just want to be myself but female.

>>41594730
Why are you friends with transphobes? Man, even if you weren't trans that's nasty

Here to just say I will never be a woman and none of you will be either and that is ok :)

>>41594740
I just wanna be a mire beautiful and innocent version of myself

>>41594786
Being transphobic was a cope for a while and a vent for my self-loathing. The truth is though that I fell in with this group through another hobby and have just sort of stuck with them even as they all got really political and I slowly came to terms with being a repper. So I've sort've outgrown it, but I'm bad at cutting people off, especially since I can't actually give them an explanation as to why, since that'd involve telling them I'm a tranny and dealing with the shame of that.

I will never be a woman, and that's not okay.

>>41594871
Well bro why not just accept that we are guys and its just better to live as one objectively, learn how to be at peace with just being a man

>>41594884
I fucking hate you, gincel.

>>41594882
It is actually, you just need to tough it out and you wont even think about it, I am not even trans or a repper, I will always be a cis man and thats great, men are objectively the best

>>41594887
Just start taking roids bro things will be better and everyone will respect you and you won't need to be a freak in public :)

I mean there might be urges but its no big deal and it can be managed why ruin your life right

Holy fuck I wish I was dead I once more seen my side profile and I look exactly like a happy merchant. >Giant hooked nose and protruding chin.
Omg why guy who broke my nose couldn't just punch it down into my brainstem ahahhaha
I was never even a twink because of this. Literally life ended at 13.
It's so obvious why I never had friends since then.
Hope I will get drafted next year and could shot my face off with an AK-74.
Lenin Bless Russland for a mandatory conscription for all male subhumans

>>41594740
ok nobody cares pick me bitch

>>41594544
is this a tranny

>>41594893
>I am not even trans or a repper
yeah you can tell

>>41595669
You can try and be funny about it but it is just true, I might have some urges, but yeah it is nothing major and it shouldn't ruin your life

Tldr is I am not really a repper

>>41594544
Any cisoid who goes around like this should be forced to work a manual labour job until they're as bulky and manly as me.

Why do people 'change gender' in response to these feelings? Particularly AGP? Once the novelty of looking pretty fades you're stuck with a useless body and you've ostracised yourself from every relationship you have

>>41584482 (OP)
>QOTT
nope I was just a trouble autistic fuck growing up and I didn't chill the fuck out till like around almost to the end of highschool

>>41595639
no
https://www.instagram.com/dankathetraveller/?hl=en

I am a terrible person. The worst of the worst. I had everything handed to me in a silver platter, and I still managed to ruin everything, all because I was the one receiving the things. If someone else were in my shoes they'd do so much better at everything.
I ruined my grades back in high school because I got lazy, and I'm still not in college because I have no discipline to actually put in effort at anything I do, all that I have ever produced has been half-assed.
I ruined the few (online) friendships I had because I'm a bpdemon and I constantly threatened to kill myself for a speck of attention, and I was just mean and rude for no reason. I have no idea how they endured 4 years of that. They were the only people that actually understood me for once, even if we actually never met irl.
I'm now stuck with tranny thoughts because I used the internet too much at an impressionable age. Pandora's box can never be closed again, the childhood fascination with gender bender manga having now spiraled out of control and turned into something absolutely hideous.
I'm a burden to everyone that has to deal with me, and that's not even the self-hate talking. I'm tired. I would be in any place or situation, really. I wasn't meant to exist.

How do I kill myself properly? I don't have guns or dangerous meds, but I do have a sturdy belt and a doorknob, is that good enough?

>>41596528
Meh let it ride. Either troon out or move to some remote state and work at walmart

>>41596336
>ostracised yourself from every relationship you have

Are you in relationship now or what?

>>41596528
>>41596844
after typing that out i feel a lot better. i think i need a journal or something

>>41596336
Unfortunately true

i'm going to cross dress and suck a dick tomorrow night
that's my repper cope

>>41597831
feels terrible because you just end up feeling like a faggot and dirty afterwards, you arent "supposed" to be doing it so i always feel gross and like im forcing something that isnt really me.

>>41596336
for me its more the pain of what i am than the longing for what im not. i dont care about being a woman or being pretty i just hate being an uggo man.

>>41597831
Hope you post some pictures here

I am always flip flopping with I am trans/genderfluid and then I look at the obvious facts and tell myself that I wouldn't pass due to being really masculine looking and other factors though I almost in my mid 20s still vexes me and I have to accept it and to move on.