Thread 41609053

Ive posted here a few times the past week, kinda just been really depressed about a recent breakup with my ex boyfriend, i kina want advice from a cis dudes perspective because i really dont understand how men think/how their socialization has affected how they react to stuff

im a femboy/boymoder whatever and was always kinda raised gender neutral so i mean it when i say that, theres just some stuff i dont get and i want to figure out how to be a better partner for any future men i date, this break up has devastated me and having any perspective would be very much appreciated

>>41609053 (OP)
what do you need advice about doe. be more specific

i have a discord but kinda shy to post publicly after the last time i did and people spammed it, but if anyone wants to post theirs i can add them from there

>>41609077
like, idk sometimes im confused about how dudes ive dated express their feelings, sometimes it feels like they have difficulty doing that, but sometimes it feels like they "will" themselves to supress their feelings and then i mistake the two and end up fucking up>>41609077

>>41609053 (OP)
boymoder but I'm spiritually male anyways. What has you confused?

>>41609099
idk if this is exactly the same, i need the advice of someone who lives their day to day life as a man with male social expectations that they embrace, like your perspective might just be similar to mine, im still fine chatting just unsure if it will help

>>41609083
Just post it here dingus, you're anonymous

>>41609160
As in, the question. Not discord.

>>41609096
A lot of men are raised to be emotionally repressed
there's more emotionally open men too but generally a lot aren't used to expressing feelings openly. Nothing I could squeeze into one post besides that but a lot of it is really about helping people figure out the things actually going on in their heads. You know, language issues. Articulating what really bothers them.

>>41609160
i kinda just also wanted someone to talk to :<

but the thing i was gonna ask about was like, is it regular for men to break up with girls and then, pretend like they arent affected by the break up?

like understandably if you dont love someone anymore and you feel hurt by them you probably wont be as affected but, like i wasnt a monster, he seemed more vulnerable around me than any other person, he said multiple times how hes never felt like that before

and like, for me, even though we broke up, i still love him, and im confused about whether its more likely that he just was able to prepare for the breakup and move on quickly, or if the expectation for him as a man was to "make sure his feelings didnt control him" or "let a girl/boymoder affect his feelings" idk

>>41609208
he was also kinda autistic but like, he "passed" as neurotypical for most people if that makes sense, so a lot of the time i would forget that he was autistic and that probably affected stuff

>>41609236
well for me about a month before my breakup, i was able to tell things werent gonna work out
i got all my feelings out there, cried over it n allat
then a month when i actually broke up with her, i didnt seem emotionally affected at all
because by that point, i wasnt. i had already let all that out earlier. it might as well have been as if we hadnt been together in that past month at all
that was just one of my experiences. it might not be helpful, but maybe something similar happened with him. im a repper anyways but i feel like a man and will never feel like anyone else but one

>>41609281
that makes sense, i still cant get over how cold he was when i last saw him, i was sobbing my eyes out and so anxious and i wanted to beg for a second chance, i tried explaining my side and he just, looked and sounded mildly irritated/a little annoyed, idk how i could break up with someone i called the love of my life and ever act like that if they were pouring their heart out

>>41609316
niggas is stone cold brah
we gangsters up in here no cap
but no really people are just terrible in general and he sounds terrible. not really a man/woman thing as much as it is a being terrible thing

this is kinda pathetic to ask but, like, is there any probable chance that genuinely if i showed efforts to fix the problems that caused the break up (new therapist, adressing my ADHD, adressing the habit to lie about a lot of things even when i didnt want to) that most men would ever consider taking me back?

i ahve a new therapist, im working out those issues, learning to keep myself calm, learning to listen, i think the issue was maybe he thought the person he fell in love with was a lie since i lied about some stuff, but he came the closest to seeing the most vulnerable me

ive had so many bad coping mechanism built from previous life shit i genuinely didnt kbow how to treat a partner in a healthy way

but every day i resist the urge to just message him and beg for him back because im pretty sure if i did that he would ghost me forever, im trying so fucking hard but all i wanna do is listen to my heart, he always talked about how his love didnt make any sense and maybe wasnt healthy but he listened to his sense of love and i wanna do the same,

>>41609368
>is there any probable chance that genuinely if i showed efforts to fix the problems that caused the break up (new therapist, adressing my ADHD, adressing the habit to lie about a lot of things even when i didnt want to) that most men would ever consider taking me back?
no. definitely not do this. most people in general would not take you back.

>>41609366
he wasnt terrible, he just made a decision and kinda stuck with it, and i get that, i just, idk, i thought i was special to him, and if anyone was special to me i would try to give them a second chance, maybe hes just a more comitted man, he doesnt like backing down/giving in for stuf like temptation and such,

he has a family member who would break up and get back together with a girlfreind over and over, seemingly they broke up like 9 times, and my ex would talk about how that wasnt good

im worried he saw that and just went "never gonna get back with someone after i break up, never"

but, i, i geuss i thought i was worth more, if i just had 1 more chance i could show him i really can change, isnt love all about changing for the better? growing as a person to be a better partner for your lover?

>>41609388
i wasnt gonna, i just dont know what to do, i dont feel like i could ever date anyone else, what the fuck am i supposed to do, i tried to just forget about him, but everytime i dont distract myself i start crying, we broke up like 3 months ago and we just casually text, every few days a "hey look a funny meme" or a "haha heres a cat"

but he used to message me quite literally almost 50 times a day, he would send me little memes and art of characters and stuff we both liked, he would call it "picking berries" for me,

and we would always try to sleep call daily if we could, idk how someone could put that much time and effort for 6 months and then, just stop feeling that way suddenly, im worried the more time goes by hes just gonna solidify his view that i cant change

he was his best self, or atleast further along the path to being that, i wasnt, and i feel like if i can prove i can give him my best self, then there wouldnt be any problems

>>41609458
just block him. youll get over it faster and theres no point in continuing to message him considering that youre getting next to nothing out of this current friendship with them and theres no hope of ever getting back together eith him to the way things were

>>41609512
i cant do that, i think it would have to take him telling me he hates me to make me do that, but so long as hes talking to me, theres like, hope right?

i wouldnt be this distraught if it wasnt for the lack of closure he gave, WHICH HE DOESNT ACTUALLY OWE ME yes im aware i just, idk that hsit feels cold

>>41609083
add me if you want to talk
only1onetime

>>41609552
there.
is.
no.
hope.
no hope for anything. No hope for a return to form, no hope for closure. It’s over. Give it up and get with someone else.

>>41609552
I feel like he took a piece of my and now im just, myself but with less composure and less happy, how does someone legitimately prove to someone that they can change, i would do anything, im going to the gym more, i have a new therapist

i did so much to show i cared, hell, before we even broke up i had a gift planned for our 1 year anniverssary that cost like $300 and i customized, and i just have that here in my apartment feeling like i can never give it to him

>>41609569
and does that have to be true? surely theres been relationships that have come back after a breakup, if what was causing issues genuinely was fixed, why wouldnt there be a way to fix things?

>>41609053 (OP)
femboy chasers? that's just gay dudes also just ask what ppl are looking for b4 getting into a relationship

>>41609642
i mean i did ask him

and hes dated trannies before, whether hes gay or straight doesnt really matter here

>>41609580
-_-

>>41609685
im serious dude, what, is it just unnatural for that to happen?

like, if person x and person y have a problem because of some faults person y has, they break up, but then person y fixes those problems, there HAS to be examples of that bringing people back together?

>>41609733
yes it is unnatural for that to happen and everything youre saying is cope

>>41609767
okay but can you explain why like, i dont get that, if i broke up with someone, and they changed, i would happily get back with them

>>41609775
you are not him
you are not most people
even then, its very easu for you to say that considering that youve never been in a situation where someone has hurt you badly enough to make you want to cut contact with them

>>41609791
actually i have, and i did cut contact with an ex before, she reached out six months later and we are friends again, she didnt want to get back together but if she asked i would have, she clearly had made progress

but yeah your point still stands