Thread 41610220

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>>41610220 (OP)
i am trapped in a relationship I dont want to be in by my gf's mental health. I feel like Im the only thing holding her together and like she might khs if i try to leave. its all just too much though, im constantly stressed and anxious and my own mental health is getting worse and worse

If you’re reading this, I’m sorry Sam.
I think her name was Sam.
My memory ain’t good.
I hanged with someone from here at San Francisco once.

>>41610220 (OP)
I is diying w/o my parents knowing and never having had came out anddd im kinda nervous for when they notice changes but I feel bad saying it but theyre retarded and kind of oblivious x. P hehe with money they gave me btw ofc cuz im neet. I just want to be a lazy bum and never work ajd want to live at my parents rent free forever But I cant not seize the opportunity to finally be on hrt,

>>41610245
what does she do to cause you all that stress and anxiety?

>>41610220 (OP)
tbhon i want a gock on my face right now

>>41610254
if shes had a bad day she can have these bouts of like really intense rage that are honestly kinda scary and she says the most horrible shit. its hard to articulate but just even the idea of experiencing them fills me with dread. and then I am basically the only person she talks to about anything because she thinks shes too busy to have time to get therapy and she doesnt want to worry her parents, so all the negativity comes out at me

I have desires to please women that i will never be able to fulfill, I do still love my bf with all my heart

>>41610220 (OP)
i have a scat and fart kink

>>41610220 (OP)
Im glad I don’t have trans friends. the majority of trannies scare me.

I mostly support trans rights because they’re the only people that ever have acid to sell

>>41610290
yea same. dont think ive had the best experience with them tho given ive mostly interacted with obnoxious ftms

>>41610279
have you tried talking to her about it?

I flip between wanting to brutally fuck trannies and despising them because every now and then I'm reminded of the off the charts mental illness only found in that cohort
It's the kind of stuff so bizarre you have a hard time believing there's a living breathing being who can be so fucked in the head
But I'm sure if a couple days from now I see a hot tranny irl I'll rape again just like before

>>41610306
most mtfs are either mentally ill, sex pests, or autistic. like 99% probably. avoid avoid avoid.

>>41610220 (OP)
we should try stuff together
or not

>>41610220 (OP)
recently joined a gay dating server, had a couple of attractive interesting guys message me. after post nut clarity (alone, no sexting), i got disgusted with myself and left the server, went nc, and made my status invisible. i don't know why i do this or if i'll ever be a functional gay. perhaps i should work on ai for love and simp for onlywhores for sex because i'm struggling to imagine what person would put up with the homophobic distancing and need to escape the moment i feel like i'm trapped the moment forever comes to mind.

>>41610220 (OP)
I am a recluse that never goes outside, like maybe once a month, & I use my parent's insurance behind their backs for HRT. I'm also stoned 24/7

Rapidly deteriorating relationship with my gf is the only thing keeping me together, I would be so depressed and empty on my own, and pretty sure wouldn't be able to find anyone ever again
>>41610245
oh hi

>>41610220 (OP)
I am straight up a bad person I stand for nothing and fall for everything and my guilt over this fact is only felt when someone shames me for it but I take every single word people say as truth and as seriously as possible and so I am constantly switching view points and opinions so fast and constantly ashamed and I digest nothing in the process except more noise in my head.

>>41610220 (OP)
I don't want to be in an erelationship with my current bf. it feels like I can't manage to have a fucking conversation with him, just lovey-dovey stuff and sex discussion. maybe if he were online more it'd be better.

>>41610350
yeah of course, hard to be fully honest though when someone is in such a fragile state

>>41610520
if it were me, being lied to would make it that much worse when you break up later

be honest with her

>>41610539
yeah you're right. at the end of the day not being fully honest is just another form of lying isnt it?

>>41610220 (OP)
I keep wondering about what we could’ve been and it feels wrong, please stop showing up inside my mind.

kms in late december, between christmas and new years
i know that's a boring confession i'm sorry

>>41610549
it is, and I think it's kinder to both yourself and her to be fully honest

>>41610576
thank you for your honesty

>>41610220 (OP)
Forgive me father for I have sinned

>>41610586
being so boring is one of my "reasons why," so to speak

Yesterday I got naked and let my dog lick me all over and I jerked off. Had a very strong orgasm from that

>>41610609
>die
>everyone remembers you as being too interesting, possibly transsexual too

>>41610576
id really prefer it if you didn't, thanks

>>41610417
My schedule for the last 80ish days
>wake
>blinker
>take e
>blinker
>eat
>blinker
>take e
>eat
>five blinkers
>sleep

>>41610576
Any particular reason?

>>41610220 (OP)
I've been on hrt for 7 years, since I was 16. I pass completely but I still live as a male in every aspect of my life. Every single person I know sees me as male and I'm still too scared to present femininely despite having hair to my ass and strangers never guessing I'm secretly a man. I'm post op, post FFS and hate myself through and through. I know I'm attractive and get attention without trying but I've always been single, still a virgin and am too scared to try anything.

I am afraid of being perceived in any regard and this fear has made me freeze and become a mere voyeur of my own life. I have nobody to talk to, nobody knows I'm trans everybody just ignores it, nobody has ever tried to help me or ask what's wrong even though I'm clearly depressed

>>41610220 (OP)
i cheated on my gf pre-srs bc i wanted to penetrate a guy at least once to see how it felt (it was meh)
since then ive cheated multiple times with men, unprotected (very satisfying)
i have no plans of stopping at this point

I think I don't like my gf anymore
Should I just date some cis girl instead?

>>41610220 (OP)
lmao is that the dst screenshot i posted like a month ago

my tru confession for this week is that i keep lying to the people in my classes so they don't get any idea of who i am bc im scared of forming any kind of real bond with any of them bc im fucking dumb!! ill be caught in my web of lies sooner or later, but who fucking cares lol

I genuinely need to kill myself. Because of my tranny disease I will never get to have sex or be loved and since I have nothing to leave for I just want to make the pain stop as quickly as possible.
I don't know how I'm going to do it but probably jumping.

>>41610802
yes I stole it that is my confession

>>41610814
>leave
I meant live. Yet another reason to kill myself.

>>41610814
honestly fucking same! i hope i die of some kinda painless shit tho bc suicides 2 scary. wanted to hang off the local highway bridge but a bunch of guys got the same idea and now its cordoned off :(
anyways don't kill urself anon i luv u

>rapes I have known since eighth grade my sophomore year of high school
>enjoys it
>feels bad remembering it
>feels good thinking about him cumming in my throat
>feels bad realizing I raped him
>feels good remembering how much he cummed inside me
>feels bad remembering that his parents were going through a divorce
>finally apologizes for raping him my junior year of highschool
>he forgives me
>we graduate highschool
>i confess that i think i am in love with him at senior party thrown by school
>he lets me suck his dick and we never talk again
My love life in a nutshell by the way the guy I lost my virginity to was a guy I raped….

>>41610820
its a good game i think everyhon should play it

>>41610806
work that shit out, meet people, don't end up like me. things may go to shit being yourself but at least you'll know who your friends are >>41610402

worried me and gf aren't good for each other and that she's getting tired of my shit but won't say anything and that I might prefer afab to amab or something

>>41610899
yea its fucking ironic too bc im the same person calling them fake lol. live and learn, die and learn

>>41610220 (OP)
I am an FtM suffering incestuous urges towards my older sister.

>>41610628
this would not happen
>>41610652
"you can't always get what you want" - the beatles
>>41610722
many

>>41610686
i feel you anon. my schedule for past 7 months
>wake up tired
>hotknife a glob of HHC-O off a spoon on my stove (dab rig broke)
>get as high as i can w/o greening out
>morning nap
>get high
>lunch
>get high
>afternoon nap
>get high
>eat dinner
>get high
>go to bed exhausted

>>41610975
>but if you try sometimes, you get what you need

>>41610985
and im boutta get it this december too

>>41610992
literally bored yourself to death. what a way to go.

Jerked off to the instagram icon of the guy I'm into since his page was private. Didnt cum though since I already came twice earlier in the night to thinking about jerking him off.

>>41610220 (OP)
pissed off my idiot boyfriend for telling him i wouldnt like him if he became a feminine twink
how am i supposed to jerk off now

>>41611020
Share?

>>41611029
>wouldnt like him if he became a feminine twink
wtf why not

>>41611039
masculine men are hotter

>>41611039
I'm incapable of wishing to have sex with them, I've tried. Doesn't ring.
More power to them

>>41611060
thats just like, ur opinion bro

>>41611020
real

>>41611074
they don’t look like that THOUGH

>>41611138
forreal?

>>41610220 (OP)
I still miss him. I will always be his as long as I live, even though he's forgotten me

I think I'm turning into a (g)incel

Gonna be moving to a relatively big city in about a year or so and uhhh I’m really hoping to find a tranny gf and maybe even make some like-minded friends but that’s just wishful thinking and I’m prolly just gonna get even lonelier :(

Sometimes I think about chopping my hair off like this
t. mtf

>>41611890
why does David Bowie almost pass in this pic?

>>41611865
what city

It makes me genuinely sad I wasn’t born with a vagina, I hate my penis so much. I like gay guys and especially bears but I feel like they’ll never understand/want to date me because I’m trans.

I ruin everything I get my bony hands on.

bump

>>41610279
>moidrage
>she
bro you are dating a mangry man

pseudo confession but a bunch of hot firefighters just came in my house bc apparently my neighbours fire alarm went off for inspections and all i could do was stand there leaking spaghetti and looking fuckin terrified lmao
sry /tttt/ i failed u

I'm FTM, I've never been raped or assaulted, but in my childhood I sexually abused my younger brothers a lot, not really understanding what I was doing desu because we had no sex education. Like I did not know that sex was a thing and thought that those parts were just for peeing and pooping.

all i want for my birthday is dinner with andre.
https://youtu.be/uNvOKRMxF-s

im a gay man who will never find love due to struggling with gender dysphoria (im repping) and internalized homophobia. i think about roping almost daily because of this

>>41610220 (OP)
I'm afraid of intimacy or closeness I treat those closest to me like dirt and I don't know why. I push away anyone who gets too close and I am wrecked by guilt. These people want to help me break from my shell and I've had the chance a million times yet I do not

>>41613436
this message reads to me like you were assualted and you also kinda knew what you were doing to your brothers and youre in denial about both of those things but good luck