Thread 41622351

All the people I feel the most in common with IRL often turn out to be CSA victims. I already know my dad touched me up but only as an adult after I transitioned, and only to try to scare me out of being queer. But I was already this way before that. I have very little memory of my childhood so I keep wondering if anything else happened & the past few years I keep having flashes of memories of environmental detail of a particular room I don't recognise accompanied by feelings of cosmic-scale dread and learned helplessness. But I also have autism and a long and complex history of childhood illness so I'm not sure if it's a traumatic memory associated with something to do with one of those or to do with something CSA-related. I know I used to google for info on "boys in dresses" on my parents' computer when I was a kid <10 in the 00s before I knew words for trans stuff, and a few times I found sissy captions sites that used pictures of real boys crossdressing - children - but not doing anything sexual. Even if I wasn't assaulted as a kid I'm wondering if I saw pizza as a kid and am blocking it out or something like that. Not sure whether to ask here or /adv/. What type of specialism do you even see about an issue like this? Isn't repressed memory retrieval stuff hacky?

t. creepy hon with weird kinks + childlike personality and intelligence + disordered sleep + mild negative schizotypy + extremely sexually overactive (gay) and paraphilic in childhood

>>41622351 (OP)
There are specialists for this?

>>41622351 (OP)
>All the people I feel the most in common with IRL often turn out to be CSA victims.
>Autism
You are simply fixating on a group of individuals which is causing you to relate to them which is causing you to want to be more like them.

Recovered memories of CSA is a shitty meme condition made up by quacks in a bygone decade. No research has ever verified it as a thing that happens. However we do have lots of research showing that if you convince people repressed memories are a thing that they just fucking MAKE UP SHIT THAT SUPPOSEDLY HAPPENED TO THEM.

Stop subconsciously WANTING to have suffered more to justify the other bad cards you have. The amount of sympathy or understanding you might imagine such a thing would grant you would never actually overwhelm the damage it would have done.

>>41622448
>Recovered memories of CSA is a shitty meme condition made up by quacks in a bygone decade
t. glowie employed by the Franklin Credit Union

>>41622463
>I want to larp as having had a horrible thing happened to me so I can abscond from all responsibility and just blame everything on that
You realize it's insulting to people who actually suffered something, right?

Kids raped by billionaires actually remember it, ding dong, that's why they have to do shit to keep them quiet.

>>41622481
t. Peter J. Freyd

>>41622500
I have no idea who that is but the fact that you do implies to me you're already heavily inoculated into an internet subculture that heavily believes in the existence of repressed memories and won't hear anything to the contrary.

>>41622516
>denarius the raped has too much victimhood culture, have you tried hitting the gym?

>>41622516
Is like people are desperate to have an excuse for how they feel and see how abuse victims have memories fade a bit over decades, so conclude they must have memories too but completely forgot they had them ever and need some psych to help them come up with a past

>>41622351 (OP)
>I already know my dad touched me up but only as an adult after I transitioned, and only to try to scare me out of being queer. But I was already this way before that. I have very little memory of my childhood
It was your dad 100%.

>>41622536
seethe harder you teenage-brained adult. It's universally insulting to wannabe someone else's suffering.

>>41622557
They imagine the positives of how others would treat them differently and how they could think about themselves differently or else they wouldn't engage with such a thing.
They don't understand the reality of it at all.

>>41622557
>>41622516
I was traumatized by the adolescent realization of what circumcision actually means and what was done to me, and I blocked everything related to circumcision or foreskin from my child mind to the point that every time I saw foreskin in hentai I subconsciously told myself it was a form of japanese censorship (and most live porn until pretty recently does not feature foreskin because they never show the dick soft), and have never trusted my parents or doctors but couldn't put into words why. I was triggered by an event about 10 years ago and the memories (the initial trauma and every time I had suppressed it since) came flooding back in an instant, which sent me into a feral rage for about two weeks and forever changed my conscious relationship with my parents.

>>41622578
In practice people feel so uncomfortable around victims that are still suffering as adults. Life so much easier when run a course of certain substances to remove the emotional impact of past trauma, so it just becomes a thing you happen to know rather than it being your life.

>>41622623
To be clear I am 36 and 10 years ago I was 26, and I was a virgin throughout the suppression of memories.

>>41622351 (OP)
So the only way this makes sense is if you were really young (under 6). If else you are probably not going to forget. Repressing a memory is not forgetting the memory it is a wall of denial and lies you build around the memory to keep from thinking about it. You still know it happened you just get good and controlling where ur mind wandere. It would come up other ways especially if you have been molested as an adult

>>41622448
Nah the group I'm autistically fixated on is twinky trans men with fagcent - yummy. It's just that of my closest friends growing up who I feel the most in common with 3 out of 5 turned out later on to admit to me they had trauma of that sort, and when I moved to a new city I made some more friends and some of the people I got friendly with because I saw something of myself in them also turned out after the fact to be the same. Are the traits I describe more common in CPTSD cases of any cause maybe?

>>41622637
>In practice people feel so uncomfortable around victims that are still suffering as adults.
100%. People just tell me "yikes" and "take your meds" or "wow trauma dump." It's not a fucking sympathy train, whatever you get is never enough to fill the hole that's created by the traumatic event.

It reminds me of this girl who faked tourettes, she had extreme movement that was coincidentally funny and laughed about it, and people who actually had it just said universally: "If I had an episode that badly I'd be feeling pissed, not laughing." That's what I mean that they don't get.

>>41622667
I just used psychedelics while bombarding myself with traumatic memories, and it removed a lot of the power those memories had over me fortunately. Didn't expect it to work but gave it a shot and it helped.

>>41622623
>>41622643
Nobody has memories of being a new born baby.
Even if circumcision has a negative impact it wouldn't have anything to do with repressed memories it would just make the child start out less social.

The rage you feel is indignation, not repressed feelings from when you were an infant.

I'm anti-circumcision.

>>41622667
>she had extreme movement that was coincidentally funny and laughed about it
is her tick making a jerk-off motion with her hands tho?

>>41622678
Yeah I've heard good things about psychedelics. Glad it worked for you. Sorry for going off the handle.

>>41622683
NOBODY ON THIS SITE CAN READ A SENTENCE AND INFER ITS MEANING PROPERLY HOLY SHIT THAT'S NOT WHAT I FUCKING SAID YOU TURBO NIGGER

>>41622691
Hope things get better for you too. I understand why youd be so frustrated at these others tho

>>41622712
Thanks, I appreciate it.

>>41622578
>it's universally insulting to bring up victims that talk about repressing memories
good goy

>>41622764
See: >>41622645