Sometimes I feel a great yearning in my soul to be a Christian, and other times I abhor the idea…there better be a book for this kind of feeling, bros.

OP? Questioning the existence of god? All intelligent anons will go through this, and wrestle with that one. Its how I became agnostic. It makes sense to me there is a god, what who or who god is? I can't know.
My advice? Don;t fall into the trap that if there is no god? You can do anything you want or can get away with. I felt, as I lost dogma faith from church by parents... it was incumbent upon ME, to arrive at my own morality and rules. What rules made sense, that were reasonable for me to follow, but also good for society. Spent a long time on this, couple years having rejected everything, coming to my own conclusions.
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I have my own rigid morality I follow. And I see a lot of so called "religious" people? Rationalize all sorts of bullshit. I don't.
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Believing in god, or wanting to? Provides a measure of calm. It makes the universe make sense. I *never* mock religion, any religion. That's childish. The LAST thing I want? Is more people to go atheist, the world is bad enough already. With no santa claus? People will run wild. Why not? There's no god! Ha!
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ProTip: If you sat down and went through it all? You will pretty much arrive at the ten commandments, as a reasonable agreement socially, to keep things down to a dull roar on earth while we're here. Yeah. DOn;t steal you neighbor's shit, dont fuck your buddy's wife. Things will go smoother. Who would have thunk it, you know? KEK
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Thats where "atheists" are such childish grown up children. Religion serves more functions, than simply getting to heaven or whatnot. If religion is making a person feel better, its working. If religion keeps people having morality of some kind? Great.
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atheism is fine? But... where's the morality to REPLACE it. Its the missing ingredient in all "smug" atheists.

This book was made for you, Anon.