Thread 24511801

"Enlightenment" editon

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>>24506419

/wg/ AUTHORS & FLASH FICTION: https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ
RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS: https://pastebin.com/nFxdiQvC

Please limit excerpts to one post.
Give advice as much as you receive it to the best of your ability.
Follow prompts made below and discuss written works for practice; contribute and you shall receive.
If you have not performed a cursory proofread, do not expect to be treated kindly. Edit your work for spelling and grammar before posting.
Violent shills, relentless shill-spammers, and grounds keeping prose, should be ignored and reported.
(And maybe double-space your WIPs to allow edits if you want 'em.)

Simple guides on writing:
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHdzv1NfZRM [Open]
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whPnobbck9s [Open]
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAKcbvioxFk [Open]

Thread Theme:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eYJBrqeEZ5o&pp=ygUXRGFyayBiZWFjaCBzdXBlciBzbG93ZWQ%3D

>>24511474
Vim with XeLatex and Evince. If you aren't using these two programs to simultaneously typeset and write, you're a retard who will never be successful. The productivity boost from Vim alone lets me write nearly 40 pages an hour.

>>24511474
Online notepad.
Simple enough not to detract, but has spell check unlike offline notepad. Minimalist word processing is the way to go for me. Too many settings and features become a excuse to procrastinate, and I really don't need much when drafting.
https://onlinenotepad.org/app

Is it bad if I lay out too much of the worldbuilding at the start of my novel? I feel like I'm describing the scene too much in my first chapter and I'm not gonna leave much for later or like I'm "overloading" the chapter with worldbuilding. In my novel worldbuilding is very relevant because it's a dystopy though

I'm working through a second draft of my novel, and I'm hit with the question 'is it enough?' Have I over compensated? I wanted to direct the writing away from a fan fiction feel towards something more literary, but is it now Dollar Store Raymond Chandler? I wanted to avoid describing characters by looking in mirrors and highlight how our two leads are a pair of 6s who see the other as a 10, but is it too much for a starting page?

I know the right is 'better' than the left, but that doesn't mean 'good.'

>>24511474
LibreOffice Writer

what the fuck is a cinematic prose? and why is it hated?

>>24511474
Obsidian.

>>24511474
Google Docs
I want access to my stuff at all times, and I can keep a Bluetooth keyboard in my car to work on projects on a whim. Plus it supports typesetting options like bold and italics (odd that some software suites or digital typewriters don't)

Nowadays, my chapters only seem to come out to about 900 words each. Idk what happened. I used to write loads of paragraphs and over-explain everything. Now it's just nothing. Zip. Zero. Plot beat and move. That's all.

>>24512219
when people who don't read try to write and they end up describing an imaginary movie

>>24512299
OwO literally me

>>24512140
some definite improvements from first to second draft - namely the brevity/clarity edits and nixing gus's self-description of his outfit - but i'm feeling partial to the flow of the first draft.

>"it came with the gorgeous sunny days, the clean public beaches of light powdery sand butted up against turquoise ocean, the towering corporate structures looking over a city of partying and vice"
i love your description of the beach here and wish you'd kept it in. you only needed to reword the last clause. very nice prose.

the introduction to ana from gus's perspective seems clunkier in the second draft. if gus thinks she's painfully beautiful, why would he be reflecting on her insecurities in this scene? ana's low self-esteem can be shown subtextually as the story progresses. the same goes for the descriptions of their relationship -
>"she would choose him over adonis"
okay? you'll be showing ana's devotion over the course of the story, right? the payoff is more satisfying if the reader discerns this from their interactions, rather than having to take gus's word for it.

if it were me, i'd avoid shoehorning in physical descriptions entirely, but especially in the introduction. again, you'll have many opportunities to pepper it in if you really insist on adding it. two lengthy paragraphs of physical descriptions alone reads very fanfiction-y and amateurish to me.

technical complaints: comma splices everywhere (second draft included). wanted to flag the head hopping as well - unless your story can't be told without it, i'd limit the narration to gus's POV (or at least line break/chapter break before you switch).

all that said, this is really solid, anon. i quite like how your prose flows. you already have great groundwork to build off of as your story develops.

>>24512140
>is it too much for a starting page?
yeah, I think you don't have to do so much description. you should focus instead on what's going on right now. you could jump all the way down to the sign language part and start there

write what you know

>>24512441
I know that I know nothing

>>24512369
Thank you! It's funny, you said everything I was second guessing to myself after doing the rewrite. As far as POV goes, it does hop around a bit and I'm trying to smooth that out. We don't follow Gus exclusively, he's not even in the middle part of the novel in order to give the spotlight to other characters.

The first draft is completed at 125k words, any chance you'd like to give it a read through? I really like your feedback.

>>24512376
I understand, but at the same time I find description light prose hard to follow. I tried to read Metro 2033 and it was so sparse in the beginning that had I not played the game I would have been lost as to what was even happening.

>>24512441
howdy pardner

>Time to write for today
>Could continue my novel
>Instead write thousands of words of the foulest blowjob smut I can imagine.
>Can't even post it anywhere but ao3 because of the content

I keep doing this.

>>24512557
women love a great deal of visual detail in their writing. it's not without its appreciators
you're less likely to have appreciators among moids

>>24512299
oh, you mean like Blood Meridian? The greatest novel since moby dick?

>>24512650
It's good to write what your heart tells you

>>24512299
>>24512678
Of Mice and Men

>>24512256
Imagine dying in a horrible wreck because the other driver was distracted by writing his novel

>>24512917
Ok but you'd probably end up in the novel in one way or another and that would be a kino story so erm... kinda awesomesauce

>>24512921
Total happiness in the world increased

>>24512140
It's not my cup of tea, but it's good. I don't do a lot of descriptions unless they're relevant or usually briefly when I introduce a character. I'm to much of an autist to focus on 'people' things so write a lot about machines or describe things using biology or stilted metaphors. I think I will post a sample here later for critique.

>>24512917
Sacrifices must be made for true art.

>>24512678
Why are men obsessed with Blood Meridian? It's nothing special. Punishing readers by making them search up obscure geological terms and using "and" instead of proper grammar isn't good writing.

>>24512219
My understanding of it is when the POV is written like it has camera direction like what you are reading is a hastily converted film script instead of something made for the medium it's actually in.

It's hated because it utterly destroys immersion in the story.

So uhhhhh genuine question, what percent of this thread do you think are just fanfic writers?

I think a good 50%. The others are probably a mix of fantasy scifi and light novels.

>>24513003
I don't think that is a genuine question.

>>24513008
I dont use /lit/ at all, i was just passing by and saw this on the front page and wanted to see if my theory is correct.

I want to write a novel with a futanari main character, but how do I explain it without having it just be fetish shit?

>>24513003
web novel general exists

>>24513034
The entire concept of futanari is fetish shit by default.

You can still do it tastefully and stuff, but it will always be fetishy.

>>24513036
Did they split off from you guys or something?

>>24513036
To be fair, basically none of the webnovels in the thread appear to be fanfics.

>>24513036
I took one look in there aaaaaaand some guy is shilling pajeet ayurvedic scam shit.

>novel has a contemporary setting
>character mentions having seen a movie in theaters
>movie named won't even enter production for over a month
>publication prospects are so shit I know the movie will have been released for a while before I come close to getting my shit out there

>>24513047
"aaaaaaaaaaand that's gore of my comfort character" sounding motherfucker, shut the fuck up

>>24513003
Don't know but I'm happy it's not allowed here, it would take over

>>24513034
it shouldn't come up at all outside of the context in which it would matter, randomly giving info on your character and describing her genitals for no reason would be weird even if she didn't have a dick. but if it were difficult for her to find relationships or she got a woman pregnant that's different.

i have a story with a male intersex character but the whole deal is that the region was cursed so that women can't stay there, they slowly die, so it was an evolutionary/magic thing.

also this >>24513038

>>24513062
>i have a story with a male intersex character but the whole deal is that the region was cursed so that women can't stay there, they slowly die, so it was an evolutionary/magic thing.
Freud would have a field day with this

>>24513034
Why? Why would that ever come up outside of fetish shit?

I want to write explicitly pornographic imagery, but how do I do that without it getting sexual?

>>24513066
no, but Crowley probably would, it's specifically meant to be an inversion of baphomet as an intersex female.

>>24513072
Seen it done in horror on occasion in two different ways.
One is describing the stuff clinically, coldly, almost inhumanly.
The other is to make it traumatically gross and unpleasant sounding.

>>24513081
Is it going to be played straight? For horror? For unease, or as something natural? You can do all of these, and it won't be fetishy. Or, more specifically, why would you care if if it does. The nature of it is unsettling in prose if described properly.

Is it a bad idea to work on multiple stories at a time?

>>24513100
No but it's also not a bad idea to pour your focus into one to get it done.

>write one sentence
>browse 4chan
>write one sentence
>browse 4chan
>repeat
Anyone else? How do I stop this?

>>24513165
write two sentences or listen to cool touhou jazz

>>24513165
I'm been only allowing myself to do this after I've hit 1000 words the past week or so.

Wrote 1,000 words today. Might write more.

I hate how you can be stumped for like an entire month, but then shit just starts flowing out of you. Why can't I just be consistent?

>>24513195
You have to kinda force consistency through habit building.
Sucks sometimes but it works.

>>24513195
Discipline.

>>24513165
i mean we both know the actual answer is to develop long term discipline

but discipline's less hot siblings include these mediocre tricks that worked for me:
1. tell someone what you are supposed to be doing and then have them check on you ("someone" can include a stream with online friends etc)
2. download web extensions that block sites that steal your time for some of the day.
3. remove access to the internet until you completed your task (YMMV, but for example i have a desktop pc with a wired connection, and i just hand my SO the cable and she only gives it back upon seeing the accomplished task.)

a lot of these wont really work unfortunately, a brain intent on not doing the thing will simply not do the thing

but you should try them anyway (or come up with something similar that might be more compatible with your brain's flaws than mine)

>>24513195
Try prune juice

>>24512219
They are clearly aiming for a movie adaptation. And that's cringe.

>>24511801 (OP)
How do I stop using the word Well at the start of character dialogue?
Feels like I have no way of having a character talk without it sounding stilted

>>24513452
Dialogue doesn't have to be realistic, otherwise it would be filled with constant stutters and umms and likes and yeahs
Starting it with "well" is the same thing
To learn not to do this, open a book and look at examples until you're satisfied

>>24512128
You want the reader to know the basics of the world and then expand upon more advanced parts of the world as the story goes on
If it's world building that doesn't really affect the main story then it's best told through a character talking about it when it's relevant, at a point where the characters are exchanging stories, or it being put in supplementary material

>>24513466
This. Supplementary material is overlooked nowadays, but I have found it super useful and if you're writing a good story, it will become necessary as you accumulate notes and such.

>>24512128
Why are you laying out something when your characters exist in the world and can go around and see them. If the political structure / nature of the world politic isn't relevant to the story, there's no need to hamfistedly shove it into the current plotline so your reader can say 'wow, what a well thought out political structure'. In my day to day life, I never run into people that say 'Oh my lordy lord, I can't believe that they ruptured the hydraulics at the local dam' and then tell me the intricacies of how power generation works in tandem with municipal spending and tax allocation, because the course of my day takes place at the dam. Conversely, if I was working in DC, I would constantly be hearing about the goings on of such things.

Obviously this assumes you're writing genre fiction, and not literary fiction like Moby Dick which successfully does something kind of like this. The only other way I've seen it done well is with a frame narrative of some sort or an appendix, like in BoTNS.

>>24513503
*sorry, meant to say 'takes place at the warehouse I work at'. Basically, there's no major intersect between me and the machinations of the upper crust or the clockwork of the world.

how this for an intro?
the girl dies under mysterious circumstances, its a detective story

>>24513721
i like the scene, but the narrator (the writing) is too distant and expository. even if you're intending on an omniscient narrator.

i can go into some detail if you aren't familiar w/ what im talking about

>>24513774
thanks. I can see what you mean. I shouldve posted this scene instead. Because this comes right after and is what Im most uncertain about.
the intro is a bit of a loredump perhaps, but I dont know how to adjust it

>>24513721
How much information does the narrator have? It seems unsure of certain details.

>>24513782
thats like the opposite of what the other guy said if I understood correctly.
the narrator is a detective, he knows a lot but not everything

>>24513721
>>24513781
I'd suggest formatting the Latin into italics, it's just a neater way of presenting anything outside of the primary language.
Also, maybe do a grammar once-over of everything and format it either into clear American or British English instead of using pieces of both.
>>24513787
>thats like the opposite of what the other guy said if I understood correctly.
Not quite -- as the other anon mentioned there is a lot of exposition coming from the narrator, but he's using words like 'supposedly', 'perhaps', and 'maybe' rather often. I find it personally jarring to read that sort of thing from a narrator, but it's much more excusable if it's some established character.

>>24513721
>>24513781
>>24513791 (Previous post)
Also, if I'm being totally honest, you might want to go to /wng/ for advice on heavily systemic/high fantasy stuff worldbuilding, even if you aren't technically publishing as a webnovel. I think that after the split, most of the anons who would be able to advise you best on that sort of thing went there.

>>24513781
you need to pull the reader in somehow; it current reads like commentary.
you'll need to pay close attention to your narrator and breathe some life into it. this depends on your pov, of course; but even the omniscient narrator that i mentioned should have character.

the BEST advice i can give you at this point, is for you to read a couple published novels with your writer brain active, and see what you can extract from that

>>24513805
I was hoping that as a commentary it would work.
do you mean adding more emotion to it?
because I purposely avoided that, I hate when I read something and the narrator inserts his/her own emotions into it.
The narrator is a very factual guy, hes a detective, throughout the story he doesnt express his feelings much except when he visits the apartment or interviews a suspect

>>24513809
this is where the conflicting advice stems from. it reads like omniscient commentary, but hints at being something else (w/ the uncertainty).

what you 'hate' is usually referred to as 'voice'. and in 3rd limited, it's essentially just the character's inner dialogue but in 3rd person.

as is, you're pretty much defying expectations and confusing people. you really need to find a novel where the narration doesnt bother you and steal what they're doing

>>24513810
well thanks for the advice. So to confirm you expect more things like refection from the narrator? because thats feedback Ive received before

>>24513823
sure, and with their flavor of bias/perspective. you want to give the reader the opportunity to sympathize or be immersed-- this is core to storytelling-- they cant do that with commentary

>>24513034
I’m writing a story with a futa MC. My take on it was, she’s part of a hereditary bloodline where all paternal (futa mom) descendants are futanari. She was a regular woman until her Awakening—now she’s got a cock and a constant urge to fuck anything in sight.

I'd say: do the story a bit more literary. It’s fetishistic by design, sure, but if you want to veer away from pure porn, just treat the character like you're writing a regular, non-porn story. Don’t fixate on her cock too much.

If you're a guy like me writing this, people will already know you like chicks with dicks, can't hide it.

Where Im from we call guys who like chicks with dicks flaming faggots

>>24513781
>There's a duelling area famed for its duels
oh

But I knew I could not let myself grow weak. Spring would come one day, and with it a whole lot of work. I mulled over in my head the tasks before me.
Not only do I have to till the earth, but most importantly I have to go mining to make new and strong metal tools for everyone, including weapons and armor. I have to repair the bridge and maintain the house. I have to renovate and expand the house for the new arrivals. I have to build large waterwheels and windmills for irrigation, flour production, metal processing, and papermaking. I have to find an animal or plant whose fiber can be used to make durable clothes abundantly and reliably; and once I do, I have to build a spinning wheel and a loom. I have to build water wells, ponds, reservoirs, and cisterns, for when drought inevitably strikes. I have to domesticate and artificially breed different varieties of livestock and plants, in case a devastating disease threatens to exterminate our current assortment. Probably other things too that I cannot think of right now.
The road ahead is long and arduous, and yet this is but the very beginning, the basic building blocks of the civilization my children will inherit and enjoy.
And the very first step in this long and arduous road, is to keep myself healthy and strong--which is why I cannot just lie back and do nothing. That is why I insisted they let me at the very least split the firewood and remove the heavy mountains of snow, along some other heavy tasks.
And they gave in surprisingly quickly, though I soon realized why: they enjoyed seeing my half-naked body and its gorgeous muscles glistening with sweat and flush. In fact, they would often dispute their tasks and schedules just so they could have time to watch me work. I could often hear their sighs and giggles and laughs, and see their big smiles and shiny eyes and red cheecks from afar.
What can I say? Adorable. My wives, all of them.
And then, at long last...

>Want to share my work on here
>Don't want to doom myself to association
It's not that you guys are bad, but the 5% of people would just ruin my career if I ever made it that far. Shame

Well, I finally got my hands on trying to write something that more or less resembles a book.
I’ve grabbed a bunch of journal entries and reflections, and now I’m editing them. I don’t think anyone wants to read the depressing journal of a loser—or at least, I don’t want that to be my work. I’m just trying to give it a detached, ironic style. My intention isn’t to write anything deep or come across as having some kind of spiritual or mental breakthrough; I just want to write something easy to read that may or may not resonate with some other fuck-ups out there.

>>24514085
It's true, many people trawl the /lit/ archives for rough draft versions of passages from selfpublished Amazon fiction and then discredit them in the media.

>>24514085
Your caution is admirable but probably excessive.

How do I make my writing not come off so didactic? For example, I'm trying to write a simple short story about a character who falls in love with a streamer, sending her tons of money, goes to find her in real life, then becomes heartbroken in a moment of epiphany when he realizes she does not feel the same way and realizes his folly, feeling shame in his deluded desire and exploited innocence and overcoming it, ala Joyce's Dubliners. But I feel like it always comes across as too much a treatise trying to teach "parasocial feelings bad, taking advantage of online fans bad," instead of a snapshot into an aspect of the contemporary human condition in the digital, 21st century world, aka art.

I've now finished two books this year nd both land at about 33-38k words. Idk what the fuck my autism is.

>>24514176
Seems short

>>24514255
It is. It's too short.

>>24513721
As an intro it really doesn't grab your attention. Most of it is exposition and it works against you since there are so many superfluous details that you're not establishing your setting but rather going through a shopping list.
Your narrator is extremely sure about why she got piercings and what spell some tattoo looks like but is seemingly unsure about the background and what spells are on his golden bands. Your narrator is either omniscient or he's not.
This arena is so cluttered that it feels more like you're copying some sort of video game's design rather than making something that's actually compelling, especially since I don't reckon that most of these elements even matter for this duel (yes, I stopped reading after the fuck huge exposition paragraph).
My advice to you would be to lean way more on showing instead of telling, especially on a detective story. You're wasting so much of the reader's attention span on shit that does not matter like the appearance of a character which is soon going to be a corpse that you can examine in detail. Also >>24513781 why the actual fuck is the narrator talking to himself? You haven't even established any sort of character that could be the narrator so you're doing free indirect speech for the narrator. The most important thing you should be doing is hooking your readers, if you actually established the detective and then proceeded to find the body as a hook that'd be way more interesting than whatever generic fantasy exposition you imagined and MUST me be told to me before anything even happens.
Consider reading a noir or detective novel that's published, avoid webnovel slops.

>>24514176
at least 100k for a book anon. Try to add something extra to the story.

>>24514158
don't use language or story structure which confers a moral?
start with what you want to communicate and have that inform your writing. edit out incidental instances which signal the wrong meaning
>describing his own writing as art
>makes the claim without exposing his writing to the judgement of others
very gay of you
flaubert and his consequences

>>24514605
its important to make the reader visualize what things look like
describing her is definitely a good thing
you dont know what the fuck youre talking about
why'd you bother writing a paragraph when you couldve just said "dont like it"

>>24514622
>its important to make the reader visualize what things look like
girl... girl no...

>>24514606
I'M NOT FUCKING DOING IT I WILL NOT FORCE SLOP INTO MY BOOK FOR THE SAKE OF IT

>>24514645
some spook is about to crawl out of the woodwork and tell you to kneel to the market

>>24514176
same problem here. 2 books, both at 38k
I forced once to 45k but I think you can tell when reading that I added filler.
40k is the minimum

my third book is at 35k and I still got a lot to cover so hopefully this one will reach the coveted 50k

>>24514622
You seem to be seething at things completely out of context but I'll try my best to explain it to you.
>its important to make the reader visualize what things look like
Visualization is one aspect that writing is capable of, not the only one. A book is not a movie and you're not limited to only one of your senses.
You wrote one sentence about an arena with a crowd. How exactly is that a good description that invokes any sort of imaginative impulses in my brain?
You know what works against my imagination? Arenas filled with a checklist of stage props that came out of some video game. "Oh, it's a MOBA" followed by a quick rendering of what the average MOBA minimap looks like. Absolute Cinema.
>describing her is definitely a good thing
Describing her is not a good thing because you didn't establish a character. You told me a name, a bunch of physical aspects and slipped in one personality trait. You're spewing factoids that are not important for what's going on which is one of the worst ways of characterizing someone. Not only that but you chose to do this in a paragraph packed with exposition.
Yes, you can do exposition, just don't act like "a emo girl that's kind of aggressive" is the absolute peak of characterization.

>>24514685
>is the absolute peak of characterization.
like I did that?
clearly my post ruffled your jimmies for some reason

a lot of the problems you have with it are established later. like the narrator knowing certain things but not others. Or who the MC is. I cant post everything in a screencap.

I think you just got upset over the description of the arena because it reminded you of videogames and now youre mad
take a break

>>24514698
Deflecting from valid criticism does not change what you wrote and is definitely not going to improve it.

>>24512140
>>24512369
>>24512376
So I took out the description dump and peppered it into the larger segment. And also tried to fix (most) comma slices.

I really like the intro, its a cute moment and sets up the setting. But maybe its too schmaltzy. But these two are the b-plot and emotional heart of the story.

As always, always welcoming of more feedback.

>>24514698
you're being a fag about someone giving you a feedback that you in the first place requested. some of his points were vapid but none of it was vitriolic. your melty is unwarranted
learn to take criticism or shut the fuck up and keep your shit to yourself you bitch made retard

What do you guys think of >>24514013?

There is a giant stone door so large and wide that it has been standing there since time immemorial. No one knows who had built it, for why and for what purposes, are mysteries that have been lost to the passages of time ,though its mystique ,and allure, has intrigued and tempted, many people from far and wide, over the eons who have wished to discover what esoteric secrets lay hidden behind it. We only know that under no circumstances whatsoever should that door ever be opened .

How's my opening?

>>24514756
It's fine, I guess. Grammar and orthography need to be improved, and the door's appearance need to be described. Otherwise it's just a blank slab of stone--and why would that inspire mystique or allure, other than the size?

>>24514756
>>24514767
What do you think of this >>24514013?

Dropped one writing project and on to the next.

Back in my comfort zone of writing in third person limited. It just feels right. Like coming home after living in a hotel for too long.

>>24514158
show the humanity of the streamer as well

>>24514767
>>24514756
You can also use the door description to explain why everyone knows that the door is not to be opened.
For example, maybe the door is covered with reliefs and statues like the Greek sculpture of Laocoon and His Sons, inspiring terror in the peoples and letting them know the potential consequences.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laoco%C3%B6n_and_His_Sons

>>24514739
put it in a screenshot if it's a short excerpt, put it in a bin if it's longer
>mormon posting
I'm in-between hating and appreciating the prose styling. it's neither curt enough to convey gravity and immediacy nor winding and dynamic enough to feel melodious. you do have enough syntactic variance to not feel droning, though there's argument that such an effect would be a good thing in the opening list. the complete absence of metaphoric language is felt strongly. prosaically it's middling and a ineffectual, if inoffensive
I get an impression of arrogance from the narrator. if the middling prose is a stylistic choice, designed to compliment this mid wit narrator, then that's rather clever and I could see that being interesting if this piece continues. as it stands I'd want a greater sense of either his mediocrity or his arrogance depending on what you're going for
there's a slight sense of drama in the beginning. I appreciate pioneer stories and I was suspecting that the struggle of frontier survival would be the appeal. however this impression never culminates or comes together. the piece is left with no drama or tension
there is no plot, no events. there is a promise of events but nothing interesting
it's emotionally bereft. there's might be some sentimentality with the wives but I didn't sense it
your piece doesn't do anything or offer anything. it's just a list of information, none of which comes together meaningfully. no abstraction or emotion. I can appreciate that you're putting thought into your sentence structure but you're not there yet
>preposition after a semicolon
?
consider an em-dash
>>24514739
>>24514771
it's one thing to ask for eyes on an overlooked piece but begging this close together is tasteless. don't do that shit

>>24514791
>>mormon posting
What do you mean by this?
>blah blah style
Kek. Were you expecting flowery aureate poesy for a little excerpt that's supposed to fit in a larger work?
>I get an impression of arrogance from the narrator
Why, though?
>there's a slight sense of drama in the beginning. I appreciate pioneer stories and I was suspecting that the struggle of frontier survival would be the appeal. however this impression never culminates or comes together. the piece is left with no drama or tension
Most of the drama up to this point already happened. This part is describing the end of the chill (relaxed) winter and the beginning of spring.
You seem to be asking too much for something that's, what, 200 words?
>it's one thing to ask for eyes on an overlooked piece but begging this close together is tasteless. don't do that shit
Then reply sooner.

>>24514804
>another nigger with a fragile ego who can't take feedback
you suck at writing bro. cope
>defending a lack of anything in his excerpt
if you're aware of that then why post it? dumb ass
the reason nobody replied for so long and you literally had to beg for attention is because what you wrote was beneath addressing

What's with the sudden influx of people demanding critiques for their excerpts and then having a melty when you don't blow smoke up their asses?

>>24514812
I don't get it, either. I come to /wg/ explicitly to get a baseball bat to the nuts. It's improved my writing tremendously.

>>24514807
>gets asked to elaborate
>"y-you suck, c-c-cope!!!"
Kek.
>>24514812
What other possible use does this thread have?
>>24514807
>>24514812
>>24514815
And stop samefagging.

>>24514821
Huh?

>>24514821
I don't know man, if you want to be fellated for subpar writing you might want to find a different site like Reddit where any negativity is banned.

>>24514812
>sudden influx
this shit is perennial and always has been. they're just common in writing communities in general
as for why, hard to say. it's obvious when it's a new writer who comes in, drops the first page they've ever written, then tries to fight anyone who points out that they don't know what they're doing and it shows
I assume it's just a troubled ego. dissonance between how good they think they are and how they actually are. they post because they want praise, they expect praise because they know little about writing and have no framework to evaluate good from bad, then they flip out because they have personality problems
I know all creative communities get these types but I bet there's a disproportionate amount of them among writers. you'll see all the time people who feel intimidated by other mediums so they start to write because they think it's easier. these types don't appreciate writing or know anything about it, so their opinions on writing are based entirely on their own efforts, which lends them to delusion

>>24514824 (You)
Huh?
https://files.catbox.moe/e1w2xq.jpeg
>>24514826
Faggot, redditards are the ones who speak bullshit as if everyone took it for granted (hivemind) and then start seething when asked to elaborate (because they can't substantiate their position).
>>24514829
You call others arrogant and then write shit like this. Kek.
And answer the question if you dare:
>What other possible use does this thread have?

>>24514838
beg me to reply to me
naked on your hands and knees
just like you had to in order for me to acknowledge your drivel in the first place

>>24514839
But you already replied?
And without answering the question nor the elaboration, like the arrogant coward that you are.
Kek.

I always lol at these posters who write a 30k-word booklet and then act like they've completely exhausted the potential of their story, characters, and themes with that and adding even one more word would be "filler"

>>24514844
something something brevity

yea, don't try to police /wg/. it's not like this thread was especially productive before anon wanted to start shit.

>>24514844
it really makes you think.

>>24514791
based em-dash enjoyer

>>24514767
>>24514776

It's supposed to be really large that it stretches into the heavens and has a whole bunch of cool shit carved into it. Aesthetically it's inspired by the Vault B door in India. Just think of it as a bigger version of that.

>>24513935
Tell me more about your story

>>24514791
>>24514013
So you seem to think this is about religious groups or American protestants during the conquest of America. That's not it. I'll tell you the idea behind it in case you and other anons are interested, because I think it's a cool concept.
So the idea is that the MC gets isekai'd by a god so that he creates a modern civilization in a primitive stone-age world (like Dr Stone). He will be "reborn among the children of men" until a sufficiently advanced civilization is achieved.
At first the MC is a goody-two-shoes virtue-signalling modern person, so when a group of different-colored men comes into the village, he gladly accepts them despite everyone else's warnings, because doing otherwise would have been le heckin racism or something. Due to the new guests and their lack of impulse control, food starts running low, so MC imposes a food rationing; and this, of course, causes the engineers and doctors to snap in the middle of the night while everyone is most vulnerable. Everyone gets murdered except for some women and a few children. Then MC becomes a turbonazi and uses his technological knowledge to genocide all the subhumans, and vows to help his people (the survivors) thrive.
Which takes us to the excerpt and his thoughts.
>arrogant
I imagine you think the MC sounds arrogant because he says "I have to do this and this and this MYSELF". The reason is that he LITERALLY has to do it himself, not only because he's the only one who knows how to, but because he's the only man available--moreover, the women are pregnant with his children because, being the only man available, they throw themselves all over him (that's what "new arrivals" refers to).
Personally I think it's a pretty cool concept. I've been bemusing myself with the idea, and I just decided to write that excerpt because I was daydreaming about it.
Nothing else. No need for you to get triggered over muh mormons and shieeet.
>>24514898
Ah that's cool. You still need to mention it, though. It doesn't have to be long flowery language since it's a preface / introductory passage, but something succint yet abstract such as "all things of the world and also what can only be described as beyond", etc.

>>24513935
Specifically about her cock. Dimensions, sperm production, sensitivity levels, does she have a refractory period, etc

>>24514928
wtf when did I make this post

>>24514927
I wasn't triggered over mormons. it was a light hearted jab over the multiple wives and low tech rural living
the impression of arrogance came from both the character's general self importance (which wouldn't be interpreted as arrogance if I knew everything relied solely on his actions), and how he speaks of the wives
>they enjoyed seeing my half-naked body and its gorgeous muscles glistening with sweat
wild line
glad you could take a breather. I wasn't blindly shitting on your writing, just trying to thoroughly explain my opinion and why I ended up forming it
next time don't get all hostile and chimp out

>>24514947
>next time don't get all hostile and chimp out
that's offensive

Just got hit with the "What are you doing with your life?" question. Man, what a buzzkill

>>24514947
>next time don't get all hostile and chimp out
I never did. I simply asked you to elaborate. You were the one to chimp out. Kek.
Good you could take a breather, though. Try doing that before chimping out next time.

>>24514927
>harem isekai power fantasy
you seem really annoying
nothing against slop but you should self contain in /wng/

>>24514986
>>harem isekai power fantasy
What a chad
He's better than 99% of shitters /here/

>>24514928
He should commission a few medical study diagrams with annotations depicting every aspect in excruciating detail, ideally.

>>24514927
>So the idea is that the MC gets isekai'd by a god so that he creates a modern civilization in a primitive stone-age world (like Dr Stone). He will be "reborn among the children of men" until a sufficiently advanced civilization is achieved.
Not to be rude, but this definitely comes off as a very /wng/ premise. You'd probably get more serious replies if you asked for advice there.

That's it I'm adding smut to my novel and selling it to a small smut publisher

>>24506707
yet again

>>24515003
>he thinks the small publishers aren't even more innodated than the big publishers (because they aren't as gatekept)
o im laffin

every day I wake up and ask myself, "how is 1k a day anon doing?"
and every day I learn that he's written a thousand words
these days are good

>>24514844
>t. wrote a 100k+ word mammoth of filler nobody wants to read

>>24515015
>100k+ word mammoth
That's not even 300 pages, hardly "mammoth".

>>24515004
Well done, you've inspired me to also start 1000 words a day

>>24515019
It's mammoth for someone who's never been published before and the fact that it's mostly filler makes it seem even longer.

Stop wasting your SFF stories by posting them on 4chan. Write a short story once a week or once a month and try your hand at making it as a writer. The chances are slim, but you will get paid if you send to these places. Don't look back once you make your first sale.

>Clarkesworld
https://clarkesworldmagazine.com/submissions/
1000-22000 words, no exceptions
12c (USD) per word. No horror but dark SF/F permitted.
No use of Chat GPT nor AI allowed
No simultaneous submissions (do not send the story somewhere else).
Stories must be well-written, suitable for audio (since there are narrated audiobooks), and convenient for screen reading (so no weird formatting).
Rigor in science fiction is appreciated, but it does not need to be "hard."
There can't be any of the tropes listed on the site.

>Asimov's
https://www.asimovs.com/contact-us/writers-guidelines
up to 7500 words, at 10c per word (USD)
Character oriented stories, but there is also some poetry $1 per line
Absolutely no use of Chat GPT nor AI allowed
No simultaneous submissions (do not send the story somewhere else).

>Fantasy & Science Fiction
https://www.sfsite.com/fsf/glines.htm
No simultaneous submissions (do not send somewhere else).
Up to 25,000 words in length. 8-12 c (USD) per word. You must read a sample of the magazine before sending.

>Interzone Digital
https://interzone.digital/submissions/
Simultaneous submissions accepted (you can send somewhere else).
Maximum of 5000 words. 1.5c (EURO) per word. Double-spaced and emailed.

>Amazing Stories
https://submission.amazingstoriesmag.com/guidelines/
$20 per story, $10 per flash (USD), and poetry also
No simultaneous submissions, no multiple submissions
1000 to 24,000 words

>Apex Magazine
https://apex-magazine.com/submissions/
8c per word (USD), up to 7500 words
Usually dark sci fi or horror is accepted.

>Beneath Ceaseless Skies
https://www.beneath-ceaseless-skies.com/submissions/
Up to 15,000 words, 8c per word (USD)
Provides feedback on rejections
No use of Chat GPT nor AI allowed
Character-focused, adventure fantasy (no sci fi nor horror) that has a deep sense of world.

>>24515008
Then I'll self publish it on Amazon and spam it on a bunch of subreddits. If it gets on KU maybe someone will actually read it

>>24515027
No one here should have picked up the pen. They don't read enough. All men like the men ITT are crazy to think they can be writers. A writer is a term of respect we give to people who can sum up an entire age, or be remembered until humanity dies.

>>24515029
Spoiler alert: everything is inundated

>>24515031
>writes
whatcha gonna do now crabboi

>>24515029
I have people sending me money for doing a solo RPG on DriveThruRPG. If you want money and to be read, make a solo game. No one is paying for fiction when you can get it elsewhere

>>24515028
i don't care about this, i want to right different things because i think it is fun
go be a whore somewhere else

>>24515034
>crab
I have five stories traditionally published and countless poems in journals
I'm taking a break by talking to the local loons who think they can do what I do

>>24515028
Great job but, as usual, someone else is doing it better than you:
https://publishedtodeath.blogspot.com/p/calls-for-submissions.html?m=1

>>24515044
>literal who 'magazines'
Well, you got my hopes up. No. My post is better.

>>24515043
What are your pronouns?

>>24515043
This fag writes about homosex and trannies and nigs and that's why he gets published, yet he thinks he's better than anon for it.
Kek, what a bitch.

>>24515043
why you care?

>>24515042
as much as profiteers are subhuman, I don't think it's bad to provide resources for those who want that
the annoying shit is when they offer their opinions

>>24515043
>No proof
Yeah mate, and I wrote the next moby dick but I guess you're not in the right circles ;)

>>24515044
Did you even look at the slop in the calls for submissions?
>Nonbinary Review. Genre: Speculative fiction, poetry, art. Theme: Solarpunk. Length: Up to 3,000 words for prose; up to 3 pages for poetry. Payment: $0.01/word for prose, $10 for poetry. $25 flat fee for visual art, or $50 for pieces chosen as cover art. Deadline: July 31, 2025. Accepts reprints.
>Lonely Cryptid: Trans/Port: Trans Speculative Fiction for a Queer Future. Genre: Speculative fiction. "The title of this anthology is intentionally open to interpretation. Give us trans like transporting, transforming, translating, transmitting, transcendental, transistor (radio? Sure!), and of course transgender! Give us port like any port in a storm, jacking in, porting software, and like we’ve opened a portal to another (better?) world!" Payment: 1 cent/word. Deadline: August 1 - August 15, 2025 priority window for folks historically marginalized or excluded from the publishing world due to race, gender, sexual orientation, country of origin, class, or other structural inequity.
>Foglifter. Genre: Foglifter is a biannual compendium of queer and trans writing. It’s a space where LGBTQ+ writers celebrate, mourn, rage, and embrace. "Foglifter welcomes daring and thoughtful work by queer and trans writers in all forms, and we are especially interested in cross-genre, intersectional, marginal, and transgressive work. We want the pieces that challenged you as a writer, what you poured yourself into and risked the most to make. But we also want your tenderest, gentlest work, what you hold closest to your heart. Whatever you're working on now that's keeping you alive and writing, Foglifter wants to read it." Payment: $50. Deadline: November 1, 2025.
>Fearmoji: Queer Emoji Horror. Genre: Adult queer horror. Word Count: 4000–7500. See theme. Payment: $25. Deadline: August 1, 2025.
>Timber Ghost Press. Genre: Novels and novellas, including cosmic horror, weird horror, sci-fi/horror, gothic, and contemporary. Payment: Royalties. Deadline: July 15, 2025. Extended Period for authors who are BIPOC, members of the LGBTQIA+ community, and other marginalized communities
>khōréō. Restrictions: Open to writers who identify as an immigrant or member of a diaspora in the broadest definitions of the terms. "This includes, but is not limited to, first- and second-generation immigrants, refugees, asylum seekers, undocumented migrants, persons who identify with one or more diaspora communities, persons who have been displaced or whose heritage has been erased due to colonialism/imperialism, transnational/transracial adoptees, and anyone whose heritage and history includes ‘here and elsewhere’. We especially encourage BIPOC creators who identify as the above to submit their work." Genre: Stories, art: fantasy, sci-fi, horror, and any genre in between or around it, as long as there’s a speculative element. Payment: 10 cents/word for fiction, and $100- $400 for art. Deadline: July 31, 2025.

>>24515031
>>24515043
We get it anon, you're having trouble getting your mammoth 100k-word fiction published, no need to take it out on us

>>24515056
>>24515053
>>24515051
>>24515050
>>24515058
https://www.isfdb.org/cgi-bin/ea.cgi?358638
Pay for a copy.

>>24515047
lol. there are no non literal who literary magazines in the modern world.

>>24515061
New Yorker

>>24515060
>No awards found for Dmitri Akers
oof

>>24515060
Doesn't look much like "five stories traditionally published and countless poems" to me.

>>24515064
I was Highly Commended for the Undergraduate Award in 2020. Try again.
https://undergraduateawards.com/winners/highly-commended-2020

>>24515062
did I stutter

>>24515065
I didn't catalogue all my stuff there; other people did.
>Skull & Laurel
>So It Goes
>Penumbra (and another forthcoming)
>Spawn II
That's five.

I love the juxtaposition of anons here who will go as far as to censor their characters' names in a bid not to be recognized once their imaginary fame comes to them, versus other anons who'll dump their whole publication and award history just as a dick-mesuring contest.

>>24515071
All dollar store slop journals comparable to what the anon above posts? Do you want us to be impressed?

>>24515077
Maybe it's because no one cares. If you write for fame, you'll never write.

>>24515066
>the Undergraduate Award
you sure showed me

>>24515079
he's going to be "remembered until humanity dies" bro

>>24515060
>>24515066
So what did this guy do to you that you're trying to get people to harass him?

>>24515079
I'm not trying to impress you lot. The hint was that you should stop self-publishing here. Maybe some of you will improve if you don't listen to the idiots here.

>>24515090
I'm him. I'm not harassing anyone. No one cares if you're posted on 4chan in 2025. Barely anyone knows how this website works.

>>24515092
Yes you are. If you weren't you wouldn't have de-anonymized.

>>24515090
Unfortunately, you never can truly know with how many mentally ill people there are wandering the streets. The best thing to do is ignore them and campaign for the reintroduction of asylums.

>>24515096
It's not an anonymous website, dullard.

I'm going to have to wait for the next thread to get further feedback for my writing sample, won't I? This thread is just garbage.

>>24515095
"Okay, I believe you!", lied Anon.

>>24515108
Do you think Hemingway waited for feedback on a Mongolian basket weaving forum?

>>24515108
Link your sample and I'll show you why you should never pick up a pen again.

>>24515108
If nobody responds, that means they didn't find it bad enough to trash, but also didn't find it good enough to praise.

>>24515116
I've posted my own poetry here numerous times and nothing bad happened. You need to stop pretending you'll get cancelled or fired over 4chan. It's about as tame, moderated, and normie as Facebook at this point.

>>24515104
Now I'm with the other anon who thinks you're trying to get us to pester that writer. Nobody's this dumb.

>>24515128
4chan isn't anonymous; there's just no login. Everything you've posted is archived somewhere and the IP addresses are collected.

>>24515124
"Okay, I believe you!"
Anonymous did not believe him.

Have you guys never come across the adage "Don't feed the troll"? Is that a boomerism these days or something?

>>24515134
We were anonymous to each other before anon outed himself as Dmitri Akers.

>>24515143
>outed himself
It's not anonymous anyway, especially if you're posting your own material. All your manuscripts and drafts are now in Warosu and will never be taken by a publisher. It's self-published.
https://warosu.org/lit/?task=search2&ghost=false&search_text=&search_subject=%2Fwg%2F&search_username=&search_tripcode=&search_email=&search_filename=&search_datefrom=&search_dateto=&search_media_hash=&search_op=all&search_del=dontcare&search_int=dontcare&search_ord=new&search_capcode=all&search_res=post

>>24515137
>multiple thread bums who look for opportunities to rage reply for hours on end
pretty sure they're replying to each other and the odd bystander is pitching in an opinion here and there
it's as important to initiate on topic discussion as it is to ignore derails

>>24515137
A rule that only took its place in our lore because it's so much fun to break

>>24515118
Here
>>24514709
I actually really like the honest criticism. Hug box feedback is nice but it doesn't push me to improve my craft or learn 'why' the writing feels weak.

>>24515137
This only matters if a troll is trolling to bait reactions from others, the goal of the modern 4chan troll is to threadshit and you can do that with zero responses either via spam or replying to yourself

>>24514709
It's much better now. Grabs you right away and easy to get into, unlike before. Good work.

>>24515122
Honestly I'll take that as a sign of improvement.

>>24515144
Literally nobody would've dug through the archive to identify Dmitri Akers as Dmitri Akers. Either Dmitri Akers did it to Dmitri Akers or some cheeky bastard who thinks any of the writers here care enough to hound Dmitri Akers.

>>24515150
Thank you, Anon. Here, a gift of esnupi as a token of my appreciation.

>>24514969
Don't worry they said the same thing to Kafka

>>24514739
It's hard to say since this seems like a excerpt that's in the middle of a story.
Pacing wise it feels like an entire season's worth of events is going to go by in a couple of sentences which is probably not a good thing.
The list establishes the character as a sort of methodical pioneer type but there's probably a more engaging way of achieving this even if you goal is to simply list a bunch of tasks.
It feels like the entire thing was written from the author's own thoughts which is avoidable. A first person perspective doesn't mean that you have to literally write like you think. Mishaps like talking about your house twice and disorganized/repetitive thought patterns are normal for thinking but are not great writing.
>but that makes it more authentic
And annoying to read.
I'm also left with the impression that the wives are minor characters that don't even have names.
The semicolon and comma usage seems to be incorrect. For the former both sentences need to be independent clause. For the latter they aren't purely reading pauses and there are some rules about where they go or don't.
This segment:
>Adorable. My wives, all of them.
Should not be written like this for the reasons which I've previously stated. Something like:
>My wives are adorable down to the very last one.
Is at the very least a sentence that you can alter at your leisure whilst not making something fragmented that sounds good when spoken in your head.
Overall it might be a bit rigid due to how methodical sounding the narration is but it would actually be better if your writing approach was methodical itself. Expand this excerpt to like 1.5x its current word count and try to fill in some of this dead time between "I'm literally thinking on my ass" and "I'm gonna chop some wood" with descriptions or narration other than the character's thoughts. Having scenes play out is much more rewarding than summarizing events.
>>24514756
Sentence 2long5me and that's not how you should be doing long sentences. There's plenty of full stops that you missed and the commas are being used to the brink of frivolousness.
As an opener, assuming these are excerpts from the same story, your character should be more involved in it. And besides, is the story really about the door or are these unrelated excerpts? If it's just some ominous thing that doesn't play into the story immediately you can just slowly build up to it by showing all of the things that you wanted people to think about it rather than mentioning it once and then forgetting about it. Certainly extra work but it's more fruitful for a plot centerpiece. Does it captivate me to keep reading? Probably not, it's just a big ass door that's being hyped up, setting up the right environment first might make it more effective.

>>24515156
>cheeky bastard prick
No, I'm fairly open about posting myself here. I've been doing it since 2016. Nothing has happened.

>>24515057
You have to let go of this and move on. The world has never been fair. You just have to deal with it as it is.

>>24515174
I've sent to Khoreo but you really didn't check all those listings.

>>24515134
Same with google, fb, twatter and everyone else. They have too much shit on you for it to even matter at this point.

>>24515161
>Adorable. My wives, all of them.
>Should not be written like this
not the writer but I disagree. it's prose, not an academic paper. this particular phrase is awkward but sentence fragments are fine

>>24515182
I wonder who brought in the archives for 4chan anyway; I feel like the hacker 4chan trope only happened because of the Sarah Palin affair and 4chan was quickly defanged for any political upheaval potential.
Here, a poem from before the 4chan outage from Sharty. I was scared I'd never be able to post again.
https://warosu.org/lit/thread/24266623#p24322169

>>24515167
>No
No what? Are you drunk?

I like /wg/ but I don't like the posters who are functionally illiterate and struggle to parse the language
can we get a gated community /wg/ that you have to pass a 9th grade reading test to join?

>>24515147
It's perfectly serviceable. The tone is a touch smutty, which isn't my thing personally, but I'm sure a lot of people do like it.

You've gone a bit too hard on taking every opportunity to describe things. I realise this might sound silly, but sometimes a jacket can just be a jacket. If you really must give the reader the play-by-play on every aspect of their anatomy and outfit, you can do it slightly more artfully by referencing other senses outside of sight, such as touch -- you don't need to do this everywhere, but it does give the reader some relief from the boilerplate description of an article of clothing or piece of their anatomy every time they say something. I hope this makes sense.

Additionally, I'm not sure if an accent itself can be unapologetic. It can certainly be thick, and her tone or the words could be unapologetic. She said it unapologetically.

Some points of grammar/spelling you may have missed:
>he peaked out from under the bus stop
I assume you mean "peek" unless I totally misunderstood the context
>highrise
Either "high rise" or "high-rise" are correct
>the Old Man
No capitalisation needed here. It's either "The Old Man" (proper noun) or "the old man".

>>24515197
I just meant "no", as if to negate everything you say.
You think it's outrageous that people post "sensitive material" on 4chan in 2025. I find this ironic when you're already outing yourselves by posting your drafts and manuscripts for time eternal in Warosu and other archives.
If you want to be a writer, learn to think in solitude.

>>24515206
>No capitalisation needed here. It's either "The Old Man" (proper noun) or "the old man".
I should add that it might be correct if you've named him "Old Man" like some kind of Kojima character. I hope you haven't done that.

I can't stop accidentally writing in alliteration
is this a bad thing or would you not care if you were reading a seussian story

>>24515201
Surely we just need to split the thread again and that will solve all our problems

>>24515189
Fair enough. I'd probably avoid it unless it's in dialogue.

>>24515225
I got many complaints about my story regarding Roland receiving responsibility for a rightful rollicking rape

>>24514774
That's probably what I'll have to do, yeah. Maybe show her with another guy or something.

>>24514614
>don't use language or story structure which confers a moral?
Easier said than done! I'm saying things keep ending up in that direction, at least from my perspective. Maybe I'm overthinking it, maybe more art is 'technically' didactic when viewed from a certain lens.

>>24515233
"We" didn't split the thread, the web novel people wanted their own space. It works perfectly well, /wg/ hardly died. There was barely any interaction between the people who wanted to write "I Got Kidnapped In Another World By A Toaster And Gained Three Harems?!?" and everyone else to begin with, it was just noise.

>>24515225
I would not post on 4chan
Because Anonymous I am
I wouldn't shitpost in the car
I wouldn't shitpost on the can
I wouldn't shitpost on a house
I wouldn't shitpost on a star
I wouldn't shitpost on a mouse
I wouldn't shitpost on a burning cross
I wouldn't shitpost on an albatross
The normies think it's the Ku Klux Klan
That's why I don't post my face on 4chan

>>24515238
It didn't hurt Viet Thanh Nguyen

>>24515247
it's hard for me to suggest a course of correction when I don't know what's causing the issue
you can only assume so much responsibility for how the reader interprets your work. so long as you write coherently under the guiding direction of your intent, and correct errors as you find them, I think you're good. no reason to doubt that you've done enough
you can pick and poke and second guess all you like, but there's no guarantee you'll have a breakthrough moment on your own. if what you're worried about is how other people see it, you should another person's perspective

>>24515269
I guess the issue is too much of my writing is about characters doing something wrong and then coming to a moment of self-reflection and self-realization about it, which necessitates taking, at its most fundamental, an opposition to something, even if it's as something as broad as materialism and philistinism or specific as parasocial relationships or wasting one's life doing X.

But maybe this isn't as much of a problem as I thought. Maybe more great literature takes positions like this than I had imagined. idk, my mind is too influenced by Nabokov, the grandmaster anti-didactic writer.

>>24515028
>write a story
>get 20 bucks
Reminder that authors used to make livings off of magazine submissions

>>24515303
Clarkesworld pays $630 for a standard short story.

>>24515206
Thank you! I appreciate the feedback. To your points at the end, fixed, excellent. You make the point about too much detail, I find it difficult to filter all the micro details in what I picture to what serves and strengthens the prose. Good suggestions on leaning into other senses. It does make sense.

To an unapologetic accent, maybe there's a clearer way of stating it. I have European relatives, and they're oddly self conscious about their accent. I want her to have a sense of "my English is better than everyone else's French, so try listening" kind of attitude. Maybe that detail is totally superfluous and can be cut.

Funny you say smutty. I was wondering if I went "too heavy." These two aren't falling in love, they're multiple years in and they might be stalling out. So I wanted to establish these two as firmly together, almost idyllic, as a backdrop for the unfolding character drama.

I hope paring back is easier than bulking up. Because you're not the only one to say my writing is a bit too fatty.

>>24515211
You are drunk.

>>24515313
I don't drink.

>>24515295
>Maybe more great literature takes positions like this than I had imagined
only the entirety of the literary realism movement of the last 200 years
from the way you present it as a journey of realization and growing past a flaw, it sounds like the issue you're having is rooted in your conceptualization
a story which features a character which the author views as flawed, and who changes to become a better person by the author's metrics, is liable to come across as holding a lesson. my suggestion is to dispel the notion that your protagonist is in some way lesser for his behaviors and characteristics
I suspect your focus on didactics is distorting your perspective. this would make sense to me because I don't think anyone gives it much mind, including people who write literary realism. I write that sort of thing and I've never given mind to it
in fact, people tell me my writing seems pointless all the time

>>24515371
Thank you for the reply.

I'm halfway through Chapter 9 of my story (which is like 58k words deep) and I know for a fact that many events in the story so far will have little consequence in the climax of Act 1 & the subsequent second half of the novel. There's two chapters dedicated to a quest that ends up with the death of a minor character and the protagonists' faction quarrelling with each other. The escalations that occur 2-3 chapters down the road are not really related to that incident and so it just fills like filler/padding.

Do I worry about making plot ramifications right now or do I wait until the first draft's over before I do so?

>>24515450
it's hard to perfectly implement intercoherence until you've completed a draft
it's hard to communicate with parts of the story which don't exist yet. sure, you can plan, but everyone's had moments of coming up with something on the fly, or writing something and realizing you can write it into an earlier part of the story
trust the drafting process. leave a note detailing your concerns and move on

>>24515468
honestly I'm just cared that by the end my story will be an incoherent mess of a plot and all my effort into it will have been for nothing lol

>>24513165
Two tabs only.
Google docs and YouTube for ambient music to write to. Simple as.

Is is worth switching from writing on Microsoft Word to anything else (Scrivener, Google Docs etc)

>>24515303
Yeah, when people actually bought magazines

>>24515028
>Apex Magazine
>Submissions are currently closed
Cool.

>woman writes first book for FUN
>gets published immediately
How did she do it!?

What is a term for the class of words that have to do with measuring something that can be quantitative or qualitative, such as temperature, volume, humidity, brightness. "Metric" is not quite right because they are more abstract than a system of measurement.

>>24515829
variables

>>24514645
If you want to be successful as an author, you need to. Do you think people actually read entire books? No? Then start sloppin' it up, chuddie.

I've never written anything, should I just use wordpad? it's all i got on here

>>24515905
you can write with anything. should use a real word processor if you can
libre if you're broke. gdocs if you're lazy

Anyone else only use this and the other writing thread and just never interact with or browse the rest of /lit/?

How do i make friends in this hobby? Everyone is either a woman or really pretentious. Or worse, both.

>>24515989
I also use the poetry thread
most of /lit/ is pure garbage. it's a treasure when a well read anon feels like contributing to discussion but 90% of posters are dumb as all hell
>>24515998
either learn to discern friend worthy women or just read a lot of people's writing until you find someone with shared creative values. I met someone who really understood my writing and we hit off well
creative's tend to wear it on their sleeve when they have a bad personality. makes it easier to dismiss annoying people

Some of you cowards like to disguise your self-inserts, but how many of you are brave enough to introduce yourself, the writer, as a character in your narrative?

>>24516013
>it's a treasure when a well read anon feels like contributing to discussion but 90% of posters are dumb as all hell
/his/ is even worse holy shit its so bad, i genuinely think the people posting there all have some kind of rape or breeding fetish and projecting their own mental filth onto real history. It's so sad to see.

>>24516033
I only do that in stories actually about myself, even if the stories are made up.

I don't do so in stories that are blatantly fictional, in which case I avoid self inserts in general.

>>24516113
>I avoid self inserts in general
Poltroon!

>>24516128
I'm no yellow bellied coward!

Honest question. I have a story about a guy who is hired by an arthurian knight to write a book. He writes the book, and the knight gets upset because he says that the book has been written a bunch of times, and pulls out a collection of the same manuscript spanning back to a big tablet from the sumerians. The plot is resolved when he goes to the warehouse and sees a bunch of the copies, and comes to the conclusion to just take the money from the previous shit he's written and gets out of town.
Is this too much of an asspull?

>>24515468
Speaking of this, how complete should I have a story before it's 'done'. I have a 'first book' "finished" but it took me forever as I typically will go through, write ahead, then go back and change stuff in the first book as I'm like 'oh, this could be better'. I'm finalizing it now to self publish as I get ready to start sending some short stories to publications, but it's such a small part of such a bigger story that I'm not sure how to handle this.

>>24515044
most of those sites are dead

https://danereport.substack.com/p/orthodox-1
forgive me for linking my substack but the only alternative rn is linking the doc for the entire project which is 14000 words

The woman casts a spell. Feather hipped, quivering, chittering. My head rests in Deek’s lap, Johnny at my feet, I’m supine on the sticky club couch, jelly in its cushion. She turns her magic on us. Johnny transfixed. Deek’s neck curls backward, mouth agape, unmoving. Purple strobing hue, a brew of mushroom and stolen spirits, the thumping drum and bass: alchemy of a deep blue fentanyl ocean. She’s calling after us. Johnny transfixed. I slap Deek’s lower jaw. He shutters awake. Check her out, man. Johnny breaks. He’s flying to the dance floor.

Aw shit goes Deek.

I sit upright. I shake free the icy bliss, jabbering my jaw from left to right. Then it opens wide and I twist toward Deek. My glowing bright smile bounces from his shirt and strikes back at me.

Aw shit goes Deek.

Will our legs work?

Johnny’s did.

Johnny ain’t like us.

The witch and Johnny meet. A new poetry is formed. His greedy hands cover her. She opens to him. Her autumn skin his lush bounty. She beckons us, her craft amplified through Johnny, now her familiar.

Aw shit goes Deek.

We stumble upon the floor. Our legs are funhouse mirrors.

I said he ain’t like us, I say.

I watch her eyes in the purple fog. They are lighthouse beacons. They are the footnotes of constellations. They are thunderheads rolling upon the mountains. They are the doomed torches of men from far away lands. She blinks and snuffs out their hordes: raiders, colonizers, capitalists. She blinks. She blinks.

Upon her my hands are greedy to. Moved by an unseen mover. I blow a hot covetous breath. She drags upturned nail beds against my arms, shooting lightning through my arteries and into my heart.

How do I make my short stories feel less rushed?

>>24516514
make them long stories

>AI suggests me to use the phrase "fresh out of the temples" to describe a monk
>think its brilliant
>go to add to the story
>already wrote that
anyone else here a genius?

>>24516514
why do they feel rushed?

>>24516514
Did you outline at all? As other anon asked, why do you feel it's rushed?

Is it possible to have a secret quasi-government facility where people/differently powered individuals are tortured/experimented on, but then go on to live normal, happy lives afterward?

>>24516033
I can't write self-interests, because I'm entirely free of worldly desires and have no passions, goals or purpose, so a story with me as the MC goes nowhere. I have to use somebody else.

>try to come bak to my novel after having to quit for months due to mental health issues that never got better
>all I can do is cringe at my writing and worry if my characters are unlikable

>>24511801 (OP)
When I was a kid, there was a neighbor two houses to the left named Art. He was an old man, who lived on a hill with a low roof behind shrubs and wild grass that were never trimmed so that you had absolutely no view of the place. I never knew Art, but in my money making days I went door to door selling a hand-drawn comic to whoever'd buy it, and Art did for $20. When he died, we went into his house and helped clean out the place. It was absolutely full of dusty junk as you'd expect, antiques and cables everywhere, but the main haul was something the adults wouldn't show us -- dirty magazines. It was really baffling back then, Art and his life.

The past week, I've been on Instagram nonstop. I wake up, brush my teeth, then just lie in bed and scroll through reels for hours. After some time an odd feeling emerges from nowhere in particular. It's like a boot, or a 1,000 ton weight is slowly descending from the sky, gracing our skin, compressing our guts, and squeezing the humanity and soul out of each and every one of us. Some of us are only touched a little, whereas others are completely flattened. With horror, I realized I was one of the ones crushed very badly, and no matter where I turn I see only the cold unfeeling underside of the weight. I thought perhaps that's the real work of this life, to remove that crushing weight and see it all again. Even back when I sold that comic to Art, I didn't go much outside anymore. As kids we used to play in the creek, hop from rock to rock and slip on the moss, feed the turtles. By age 12 or so I still did it, but I felt nothing. It was purely habit. It's really incredible just how much we've lost.

Started writing my novel felt like something was missing, feel like I need to read more books before I take a crack at it again. Just been putting things in my ideas dumpster and organizing the plot.

also working on other creative products, and working on developing a video game.

>>24516702
MK Ultra

>>24516702
Monarch programming
And if you believe it, targeted individuals.

How do you find your audience? I'm looking for readers who treasure both Gene Wolfe and Cormac McCarthy. Literary Science Fantasy. I realize this is very niche, but do they even exist?

>>24517052
Young men with those tastes make up basically the more high brow /sfg/ denizens. Whether or not there are many of them is a different question entirely, considering they're a niche part of a mid-sized general on a slow board of 4chan.

A part of me wants to just cut off at her reading the sign above the door.

>>24517142
can you translate the german word for me

>>24517254
"Airlock."

>>24515989
I'll browse occasionally, but this thread is my main go to. My hobby is writing, reading is more a chore for entertainment and growing the craft of writing through exposure.

>>24517142
bretty gud writing
I say that as someone who doesnt comment usually because I hate how overly descriptive most writing is

>>24517142
An interesting premise. Concise. I usually prefer overly descriptive writing, so it feels a little blank, but I can tell this is your natural writing voice.

One suggestion, your sentence structure is very "She xxx. She yyy. She zzz." Not necessarily bad, it keeps things flowing and easy to read. Just be aware.

>>24512982
>run on sentences with "and"
It worked for the Bible.

>>24513041
Yes. Some very arrogant, shortsighted litfic anons bullied them until they left. This thread is now a barren wasteland, while theirs is thriving. And still no one reads litfic.

>>24517296
>>24517316
I go back and forth on levels of description, this is a chapter in which several characters basically get assassinated very suddenly, almost like the Godfather where the Corleones whack all the Dons of the other families, so I'm trying not to get too overwrought about it. It's supposed to be fast, jarring. When I'm describing alien planets and stuff, and events are not happening rapid fire, I sometimes lapse into a little bit of florid description if the POV character is the sort who would appreciate the beauty.

>>24513433
Why? Authors don't make real money until they sell the TV/movie rights.

>>24517344
Fantasy authors can do pretty well. Like obviously Sanderson prints money and has never had a TV deal, but even Terry Goodkind was set for life before they made the (awful) Sword of Truth TV series.

>>24515028
but i'm not a disabled gay tranny of color

>>24515058
>thinks 100k is mammoth

>>24515134
so what if my posts are associated with a pool IP address from my ISP that changes every day

>>24515159
Kafka had a day job

>>24515251
>I Got Kidnapped In Another World By A Toaster And Gained Three Harems
kek

>>24517142
I don't get it, why ask her about her blood sugar if they're just going to kill her?

Im the Kafka of our generation
when I die everyone will find the true value in my work
also theyll blame 4chan for unfairly critiquing my work

>>24517372
Presumably so that she wouldn't question why two guys in uniforms were frogmarching her into an airlock.

>>24517374
Which was your extract? I'll reappraise it through a Hegelian lens.

>>24515004
done again

>>24517374
same t-b-h
>tfw hoards of literary losers are going to comb through these threads in the archives debating whose posts are whose

>>24517358
see>>24515027

>>24516702
>secret quasi-
Take this part out and you've got Guantanamo Bay.

>>24516724
Sounds like this would give you trouble writing anything at all.

AIdiot

enjoying a silly little laugh while writing the opening to a short story
I understand why hans andersen was such a whimsical, sensitive soul. writing fairy tales is absolutely delightful. I could see doing this regularly making a person more joyous
I love wordplay. writing is so fun

What do we think of our webnovel 4chan sisters?

>>24517556
We don't think about webnovels here anymore at all. There's a different general for those now.

>>24517575
>censored all but one
he's looking for engagement
ignore him. I saw him making dumb posts in /wng/ as well

>>24517578
>>censored all but one
What's funny is the only cover that popped out at me was the one mimicking Penguin Books because I thought it did so to stand out against the genreslop. But nope, reading the description, it's just more genreslop, and one that looks particularly devoid of creativity.

Once I've got my draft how long do you think it'll take me to cave and dump the whole thing on webnovel platforms?

>>24517340
>And still no one reads litfic.
i think only women do

What do you guys do to get the most eyes on your finished story?
Im trying to make some money off of this, just wanna know what you guys do specifically like changing the plot, adding stuff in, cover art, sexy characters, etc.

>>24517696
you realize that there are cross posters between the two threads right
behave in a less embarrassing manner

>>24517556
We don't. Post in your own general and leave us alone.

>>24517344
not only is this wrong, unless you have some retarded view of what 'real money' is, but implying novelists should care about writing with movie adaptations in mind because that's what makes money is soulless and you should kys

>>24517749
he's baiting in both threads and both threads are falling for it

>>24517766
It's probably just some retard who recieved some mild criticism from /wg/ and took it personally. Another example of a great argument for mandatory IQ tests before allowing someone access to the internet.

I've become obsessed with using duo, coupled adjectives separated by a comma, because I like the thrill of the risk I'm committing a comma splice :D

>>24517547
Yeah it's a lot of fun until they tell you you have to cut the wordcount down by 50% or more in order to get it published.

>>24517362
Did the big 4chan hack reveal that the mods and jannies have access to all your posts? Across the site? Going back how far? ANybody know?

>>24517631
no, women read self-insert fiction about plain-jane blank slates being courted by two tall, handsome billionaire werewolf/vampires

>>24517766
He may be a master debater, but I'm a cunning linguist.

>>24518032
no, 4chan itself doesn't store long term archives or post IPs. the archives that do exist are all external and have no IP data attached to them

>>24517756
not all of us can be supported by our mommies when we're well into our 40s like you. nor do we possess the lack of self-respect it takes to settle for such a disgraceful fate

>>24518232
>>24518232
>>24518232