"Hard Work" editon

Previous:
>>24511801

/wg/ AUTHORS & FLASH FICTION: https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ
RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS: https://pastebin.com/nFxdiQvC

Please limit excerpts to one post.
Give advice as much as you receive it to the best of your ability.
Follow prompts made below and discuss written works for practice; contribute and you shall receive.
If you have not performed a cursory proofread, do not expect to be treated kindly. Edit your work for spelling and grammar before posting.
Violent shills, relentless shill-spammers, and grounds keeping prose, should be ignored and reported.
(And maybe double-space your WIPs to allow edits if you want 'em.)

Simple guides on writing:
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHdzv1NfZRM
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whPnobbck9s
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAKcbvioxFk

Thread Theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGRF3GQ4Wdk

>>24518210
get a job and stop whoring yourself out with your writing, you pathetic excuse for a human being

used to be that artists were the ones being told to get a real job
strange times

How come you never see author photos in an epub. Is it because the only image you can put in is the cover image?

(*<–>*)

Lost my place so I don't know exactly how many but I added 'bout 700 words to today's daily 1000

>>24518448
I wrote 200 :)

>the kid sister of the MC's best friend
>constantly anxious and freezed up in dangeous situations
>in her first appearance, runs into a burning building to save another person's possessions after a bully accidentally started a fire trying to prank her
>is a marvel movie fangirl

How do I keep this character from being the most unlikable member of the main cast?

>>24518449
Do that every day for one month and you'll far outpace the anons who come on here bragging about shitting out 5000+ words in a once-monthly random burst

>>24518458
>thinks anyone cares about having his story spoiled for them
that's cute

>>24518461
usually the people shitting out massive wordcounts have high average wordcounts too

>>24518461
>massively outpace
>write 1000 more words
I'll see you in 10 years.

>>24518492
Hence why I specified "in a once-monthly random burst"

>>24518494
In practice, I'm betting the one who writes regularly will routinely outdo their goal, putting them ahead far more than 1000.

>>24518510
I'm just busting your balls. Writing consistently, you'll almost always hit your goal. The hardest part is starting. When I get into the flow, I regularly write 2000 to 3000 words between editing (tantamount to a full re-write) and new stuff. But if you don't hit the 200, you will never get into that state.

>>24518510
>Hence why I specified "in a once-monthly random burst"
hence why I said "usually that type of person..."
someone who shits out 5k words once a month is some guy you made up in your head. I'm sure a few exist somewhere in the world but nah
i would put a massive stack of cash down on the fact whatever anons you're referencing who come in and say "wrote 5k words today!" average far, far more than 200 daily

My draft is already almost twice as long as anything else I've ever finished and I'm barely even halfway done.

>>24518677
>noo you can't just put forward a hypothetical

Can anyone give advice on this
>ActI:Presents society of a unified world ruled by one Man with no name who owns everything and everyone, all is done for him nothing else matters, puts in the premises for philosophical thought, hes been at it for 10000 years
>Act II:Explores the lives of various individuals in this order from High ranking noble men, to his "childreen" to even the lowly serfs
>ActIII:follows a group of people that rediscovered a truth about the ruler who wiped his mind,end with him revealing he planed this all along and starting a new cycle in which he wipes the mind of everyone including said guys. who he was is not revealed
>ActIV:ruler wonder if he can still change, feel,... considering that everything was planed, he tries to introduce chaos in to the equation
>A child whos not be changed trough technology unlike the other sons, he is free to choose
>He is fascinated by the childlike wonder and lets him go out in the world to explore
>The kids just is and starts creating instead of immitating or improving without reason or chaos
>Act V:The child returns to the ruler, exchange of ideas of the old world that was wiped out of the history books clashing with the modern one, ending of the machines that kept the empire running for 10k years
>Epilogue is the last thought of the ruler contemplating all that he has saw and done

>>24518827
>and you'll far outpace the anons who come on here bragging about shitting out 5000+ words in a once-monthly random burst
your own image applies to you, autist anon. it's okay, it's kind of cute

>>24518835
>n-no u
Some autistics get the creative gene, I guess you weren't so lucky

>>24518832
My advice is to learn how to write before you try to write.

>>24518841
awful, godforsaken advice

Is this purple? Do I delete?

>>24518865
>t. another shit writer

>>24518841
Act I: Presents a society of a unified world ruled by one man with no name, who owns everything and everyone. All is done for him; nothing else matters. This act sets the premises for philosophical thought. He has ruled for 10,000 years.

Act II: Explores the lives of various individuals in this order: from high-ranking noblemen, to his "children," to even the lowly serfs.

Act III: Follows a group of people who rediscover a truth about the ruler, who had wiped his own mind. It ends with him revealing that he had planned this all along, beginning a new cycle in which he wipes the minds of everyone — including those who uncovered the truth. His true identity is never revealed.

Act IV: The ruler wonders if he can still change or feel, considering that everything was planned. He attempts to introduce chaos into the equation.

A child, who cannot be changed through technology unlike the other sons, is free to choose.

He is fascinated by the child's wonder and allows him to go out into the world to explore.

The child simply is — he begins to create, rather than imitate or improve without reason or chaos.

Act V: The child returns to the ruler. They exchange ideas — the forgotten world that was erased from history clashes with the modern one. The act ends with the destruction of the machines that had kept the empire running for 10,000 years.

Epilogue: The ruler's final thoughts, as he contemplates all he has seen and done.
I have the computer for that thanks though

>>24518883
My advice stands.

>>24518869
No. But, I would say that you should check whether all this stuff is necessary. The listing of where Marlon has gone is maybe not something that you want to list off here. It seems like there would be a place to more naturally put it.

Purple prose is unnecessarily florid prose. Emphasis on 'unnecessary'. This doesn't detract from the story, the characterization, or necessary information. It establishes context for the character (he's traveled a lot to get here, he's been around, he likes music). On the other hand, if this context has been established previously, then don't re-establish it unless it brings new information that's relevant. But if Marlon is the main character, don't ever re-establish things, make it clear from his thoughts and actions.

If the character doesn't think like this, then yes, it is purple. But based on who Marlon is, he's probably verbose, so it's fine. The only thing that MIGHT be a problem is the colonel part, but not because it's purple, but because it's kinda unnecessary.

>>24518869
it's not overly ornate with description or pointlessly syntactically complex
I would say it's circuitous and meandering

Has anyone here tried to make it big with children's literature?
One of the books I read while growing up was Holes. I took a look at it recently and (obviously) it's incredibly simple. Very sparse on description and dialogue. Most things get summarized.
Anyway, there are people writing 160k+ word novels in this thread that I'm pretty sure could pump out a children's book like Holes in a single weekend. Without the obvious antiracism themes.

>>24518949
what makes you think this is remotely viable for some nobody?

sometimes I feel like this thread has bots that endlessly spew low grade opinions and non-discussion points barely parallel enough to writing to avoid being worth reporting

>>24518949
Any idiot can churn out a book, it takes an idiot with connections to "make it big" in publishing

>>24518986
Sadly, those are actual people. That's what NEET does to a person's mind. It'd be less cruel to kick them out onto the streets.

I'm slowing down right at the end, fuck how do I get myself over the first-lap marker of the first draft? The first 400 pages have taken as long as the last 100, and I probably have about 40 or 50 more.
I've reached the "this story actually sucks" and the "here's a great other project" points simultaneously

>>24519050
Throw together the last 50, then start editing the first part and ignore the rest.

I fear I may be writing a novel, when it really needs to be a trilogy if I want everything to be done justice.

>>24519128
Take the giga-book pill and write it all as one story.

>>24519132
I am not Brandon Sanderson. They will not let me do that.

What do you guys think of this ?

>>24519145
Who's gonna stop you?

Just look the publisher in the eye and give him a firm handshake.

>looking for writing workshops
>the only one sold out is the tranny one
>also needs to pay $75 for an ONLINE workshop
Sheesh.

>>24519191
maybe the first funny post from our local wannabe marketing exec

>>24519193
writing workshops are actually fucking dogshit
they, like the majority of the parasitic shit surrounding the industry, are just a way to monetize access to the closed door cabal that is publishing
I've been to a few and they're complete wastes of time and the lessons as insubstantial as a youtube guide
most of the people at them will be complete nobodies who are either braindead and will be an active drain on your long term neuroplasticity if you engage with them on literature, or are there purely to network and have nothing to offer themselves
I've heard people talk of good experiences with workshops but it seems rare. I wouldn't recommend it unless you want to play a numbers game by burning time and money going to a bunch of them

how do I shut my inner critic off when editing? It's making me want to throw my whole laptop out my window and I can't make an inch of progress because of it.

my meds interact with weed and alcohol so those aren't options.

>>24519147
don't be afraid of hitting the enter button my little chungus.

>>24519225
Sometimes you just need an excuse to get out of your bubble anon

>>24519235
Anon... it's during writing that you're supposed to ignore your inner critic... editing is when you listen to it...

>>24519235
stop taking ur meds

The woman casts a spell. Feather hipped, quivering, chittering. My head rests in Deek’s lap, Johnny at my feet, I’m supine on the sticky club couch, jelly in its cushion. She turns her magic on us. Johnny transfixed. Deek’s neck curls backward, mouth agape, unmoving. Purple strobing hue, a brew of mushroom and stolen spirits, the thumping drum and bass: alchemy of a deep blue fentanyl ocean. She’s calling after us. Johnny transfixed. I slap Deek’s lower jaw. He shutters awake. Check her out, man. Johnny breaks. He’s flying to the dance floor.

Aw shit goes Deek.

I sit upright. I shake free the icy bliss, jabbering my jaw from left to right. Then it opens wide and I twist toward Deek. My glowing bright smile bounces from his shirt and strikes back at me.

Aw shit goes Deek.

Will our legs work?

Johnny’s did.

Johnny ain’t like us.

The witch and Johnny meet. A new poetry is formed. His greedy hands cover her. She opens to him. Her autumn skin his lush bounty. She beckons us, her craft amplified through Johnny, now her familiar.

Aw shit goes Deek.

We stumble upon the floor. Our legs are funhouse mirrors.

I said he ain’t like us, I say.

I watch her eyes in the purple fog. They are lighthouse beacons. They are the footnotes of constellations. They are thunderheads rolling upon the mountains. They are the doomed torches of men from far away lands. She blinks and snuffs out their hordes: raiders, colonizers, capitalists. She blinks. She blinks.

Upon her my hands are greedy to. Moved by an unseen mover. I blow a hot covetous breath. She drags upturned nail beds against my arms, shooting lightning through my arteries and into my heart.

>>24519235
allow yourself to write below your standard
sit down everyday and write a short story or a flash fiction with the intent of writing shit. come up with arbitrary goals completely unrelated to your personal standards. aim for word counts, rip off plot lines, larp as your favorite author, write ridiculous meme slop
the inner critic is the part of you that's a prissy princess and can't stand anything but perfection. you cure it by rubbing its undisciplined nose in the piss of your soul. breakdown its sensitive sensibilities until it can handle the truth that good only comes after a long journey through miles of garbage and mediocrity

>>24519258
no

>>24519248
I admit it's probably good for people who aren't that serious about writing. show up, enjoy some light discussion on writing, hang out with people who share you interest, meet some prospective friends

>>24519262
Stop reposting this until you learn the difference between 'too' and 'to' and 'its' and 'it's'. You don't get to play with grammar 'til you have a basic grasp of literacy.

>>24519272
How do you recommend people who are serious about writing find excuses to get out and about?

>>24519278
Get a job. Join local political groups (based ones, not cringe ones). There's a big intersect between actual political groups and people with an interest in literature.

>>24519282
You are one dull nerd

>>24519288
My bad, I should have said 'form parasocial connections with tranny "writers circles" on leddit and discord'. You should never, ever try to meet people in real life.

>>24519252
my inner critic may know how to push my buttons, but he's also a retard. I need him to shut up so I can focus, and judge the thing rationally without going deer in the headlights

>>24519292
Dude, literally half of your excuses to get out and about are to do a job.

>>24519297
Anxiety is not your inner critic

>>24518902
>>24518891

Thanks fellas. I will probably work it in some other way then.

With the colonel bit, the idea was to let people know that even if they haven't heard of the singer, they've heard his music. But I kind of wonder if a lot of people even know that movie anymore since it's old now. Will probably just leave it out.

>>24519278
I hung out at a book launch party in the back of a bar once. all published authors in some capacity. couple of sloplords who act just like the retards who come in here thinking they're gurus. few guys who only submitted to zines, couple guys who were all about contests. good variety of personalities and writing interests
this was super chill. probably the only writing related event I've been to that was genuinely nice. but I was only invited because of other connections
if you want to socialize, I actually agree with >>24519292
the only friends I've made from writing were from online groups. a couple of us have had a meet up since we happen to live in the same general area. I'm kind of a shut in schizoid that doesn't feel any different talking in person than talking online so I didn't see the appeal, but I don't see the harm in it either

>>24519274
sorry written on my phone because i have a job.

>>24519278
idk. how do you not want to get out and enjoy life? even franz kafka would go out and had plenty of friends. you guys are killing yourselves with this dumb lone wolf shit.

>>24519369
telling randos to get a job in hopes of hitting a girlboss with a stray is funny and all but pretty retarded
don't act melaninated. if you're going to ask the effort to read your shit and give feedback worth hearing, you can put in the effort to write something worth reading

>>24519374
damn I'm literally always swapping unedited raw shit with writers i know. i feel bad for people that hate reading so much they can only stomach the most polished, publication ready stuff. it's like you aren't actually obsessed with this shit. very sad desu. then again 95% of this people in this sub are just wannabes and can't name a single person in their life that they talk about writing with, and I have compassion for them, but not the wretched losers like you. toodles, bitch. i'll leave the lights on.

>>24519389
>insecure writer receives negative attention of any kind
>desperate to defend themselves but doesn't want to acknowledge pointed out flaws to argue them
>immediately disconnects from the situation and projects an intellectual high ground
>talks past the other person while gassing themselves up
why is this personality type so common. what is wrong with writers

>>24519389
The main reason I don't like it is because I think it's choppy. Your grammar was just an easy thing to kick, but I feel like you need to work on your structure and metaphors before you start trying to play McCarthy or something. There's a lot of 'imagery' but it's not super meaningful, because you have the perspective of a straight laced, semi-educated guy's guy talking with fancy metaphors and pretty prose in his head, and then saying 'Johnny ain't like us.'

It tears you out of the scene. The funhouse mirror thing? Good. But the characterization through the prose? All over the place.

>>24519262
utter dog shit

>>24519396
im dying at you thinking typos are flaws. lol.

>>24519397
okay at least that's something. am curious what imagery isn't meaningful tho.

>>24519406
the flaw I pointed out is that you're a self centered nigger who doesn't respect other people's time

>>24519409
ope uncs going off again. someone strap him down until he stops spoiling his cargo shorts.

>>24519406
Basically all of it. 'Feather hipped, quivering, chittering' is meaningless void context. If it's what she's wearing or just fancy imagery. The entire second to last paragraph.

>>24519406
>typos aren't flaws
we've hit a new low

>>24519406
Also, yeah, typos are flaws, probably more major than anything else, even plot holes, because they show you don't give a shit about what you're doing. If you can't be assed to take 5 seconds to quality check work, which is representative of yourself and your ability to compose your internal landscape, nobody should take you seriously. These are first grade mistakes, fundamental issues that you should be able to correct if you have any ability. It's basic hygiene.

>>24519406
Kinda curious if it's even possible to dig up a definition of "typo" that contains no synonym of "flaw"

>>24519415
hmm okay. "feather hipped..." is describing her dancing. and the 2nd to last paragraph are all ways men navigated to new territories or worlds. She's a native spirit representing the Earth Mother which eventually is spun into being Sophia herself (of the Gnostics).

curious what u think of

"Visions of a bygone life in the heat-glow. Of ruttings in the fields in the dark of night with Brunhild from the kitchen, her shift falling from one shoulder exposing a pale, moonlit breast. Of nights spent plotting and scheming thereafter, naked to the endless slurry of starlight. He could recall her hand upon his chest as he worked through his plans, her breath hot in his ears, his own blood suddenly kindled anew. Of Brunhild hanged from the gnarled oak, and his own doom at the hands of his father’s killer. An axe blow through the ages. Of his own hubris, and, indeed, foolishness, that the Norns had somehow conspired to embroider him into prominence with so fine a thread, that his life would be sung with the falling of oars from the hearts of the brave and the drunken alike, believing until that last breath and that yawning dark that somehow his doom was far off yet."

>>24519422
Ok, how the fuck was anyone supposed to know that?

>>24519419
>>24519421
typos are varnish. it's like saying that painting sucks because it's not varnished. they always get fixed as a procedure before submitting something. it's like saying a song isn't mastered well enough so it's not worth considering. and the fact i need to explain this shows me that you guys don't actually exist as writers in any real context lol. sorry..

>>24519425
Here's a first draft of my own. Notice the lack of typos, and feel free to critique:

It soothed her watching the curved needle rock back and forth and she hoped that the flesh would seal properly under the fluorescent lights that she had grown so accustomed to with her blue tinted mask folded flap-like over itself that she had a six sided diparallellogram bifurcated for a mouth. Hexagonal, a set of bright white lights blinded him and made him think that it was ironic that he must look angelic to her. Her eyes were blue. The wallpaper behind was blue.

I gasped. And fell backwards, spilling my guts. Recombobulating, I quickly re-integrated myself, too late considering how vulnerable I was for reading someone in the middle of the street. I ripped open his shirt. A scar on the left side, pale and buckled on the bulging flesh. Heart surgery. Must have failed, somehow, I thought at the time. But how did he end up here?

Doesn't matter. I needed something, now. I could hear singing. I dug through his pockets, stripped him of the gold watch stuck a notch too small in his fat wrist, the silver ring on his left hand, rifled through his pockets for a wallet, identification, a card, anything with a name.

But the identification was blank, only having a date of birth and a picture. I tossed the credit cards, strips of blank blue and silver, on the ground, dropped my bag before me and unclipped my knife. I cut along the seams of the pants, ripping open the pockets of the jacket, feeling my nose crinkle and my brow furrow as I shredded his clothes, searching for anything that might be useful.

"You fat fucking bastard. As useful dead as you probably were alive. Fuck you." I pressed my face close to the bodies and shouted. "What good's your goddamn watch huh? Now we both might be fucked. You fucked me!" And I drove the knife into his distended belly.

It didn't solve anything. But the dead didn't care. Something swept over me, suddenly. Time's up, rent's due.

>>24519425
>has to finalize his every defensive statement by projecting authority
your ego is frail
no, it's not normal practice to shit out unedited garbage and show it to other people
if you have people taking this from you then they're tolerating you and not bothering with calling you out. I wouldn't in their position either, you're annoying as fuck

>>24519427
idk we do it all the time. you should see the poems. i guess my friends are cooler. we like books and writing and would rather talk about someone's unedited garbage than the latest Netflix thing. sorry bud.

>>24519426
hmm the paragraphs are pretty short so im not gonna read it. i also saw a word like "recombobulating" and checked out.

see how fucking stupid this kind of behavior is? probably u dont..oh well

>>24519426
nice run-on sentence as your first sentence.
>Recombobulating, I quickly re-integrated myself
repetitive
Why would the patient have ID cards and stuff under surgery?

If he's just a crazy fuck killing someone, you set it up terribly.

>>24519426
solid. your comma usage is as fucked up in your prose as in your posts. I actually kind of like the effect your comma usage conveys; your prose convey an anxious tension and it's well unified with this scene
>Must have failed, somehow, I thought at the time.
this is a line where it's ineffective and demonstrates the risk you take styling your commas like this. when you use commas to communicate breath or create momentum you can interfere with parsability
there's a pleasant effect created by the short paragraphs, sentence fragments, and comma splices. the focus on syntactic repetition creates a droning effect which compliments the sense of anxiety to communicate insistent pressure. the droning is emotional rather than experiential, it's not a bad kind of repetitiveness
>But the dead didn't care. [...] Time's up, rent's due.
pretty campy. I don't dislike it per se, but it feels at ends with the scene which seems serious

>>24519433
wasn't involved in this conversation at all until now but i just wanna say you come off as a pseudointellectual with a huge ego problem

>>24519492
yeah the guy NOT crying about typos is the psued, lol.

>>24519493
what do typos have to do with pseudointellectualism and ego problems?

>>24519538
ego ill grant you. i dont mind though. i think you need a big ego to do this kind of shit. but what? the so called grammar nazi is a psued stereotype. insert that neckbeard wojack here.

>>24518232 (OP)
It's extraordinarily amusing how in all my years on this misbegotten planet people never noticed the way I look at them. I am glad the hatred was never that naked in my eyes or in my face, to be honest. In fact, people always remark that my cobalt eyes are "beautiful". So full of life and bright with an almost scintillating energy. Especially when they crinkle from my smile. A friendly and warm and handsome face to compliment my controlled demeanor of being convivial. But not too convivial to let them think i'm a paper tiger. Just enough to slip into their worlds and learn their vulnerabilities. What I can do to dig into their most primal fears when I take them later. A warm smile goes a long way and you would not believe how effortless it is., especially when you move to the idyllic paradise of a small town. Everyone is eager to learn about the new visitor and in return, share their history and who they are. And yet for their eagerness, their welcoming gifts, their acquaintances, it does not fill me with remorse or guilt or a self loathing at what I do to them.

That part of my soul I had cut out myself. That is the part of me that will never exist again in my flesh.

And even if I was able to summon an ounce of pity, it would only be that they died so fast from the blood loss. Sometimes I get too excited. Sometimes I just can't but help indulge that virile hatred of God's failed creation. And a failed creation they truly are. Even God had admitted it Himself.

"The Lord regretted He had made human beings on the earth, and His heart was deeply troubled"

But I don't need His approval to rectify His mistake. Evil. Sadistic. Demonic. Cunning. Charismatic and charming. I am all those things. I choose to be all those things because I simply am. I am

>>24519572
school shooter kino
been awhile since we've had someone post their diary angst
refreshing in a way

I'm trying to write a scene similar to the uncomfortable silence of the elevator ride between Asuka and Rei.

But all I got was Sarah stood in silence. Time passed, a wait longer than necessary.

>>24519621
Where does the scene take place? For example if they are in a room with a window start describing all the shit going on around them while they have their uncomfortable silence. A bird eating a snail outside the window or something. Then cut back to them still standing in silence. Then start describing something else like the garbage truck stopping at the building, rounding up the cans, then driving off. Then cut back to them still standing in silence.

>>24519621
abstract an emotion or theme to describe the scene then use that as a guideline
it's considered kitsch to be a slave to a theme/message these days but it does make things much easier

>>24519454
Yeah. The first sentence is a run on, I'm working on correcting it now. I re-read it after I posted and thought it was bad. I'm also aware of the comma stuff. Most of my second-drafts / editing are taking it from a speech type thing to a much more coherent piece by removing the extra punctuation and run ons. I'm very apt to doing that in first drafts, and it's almost always pointed out by either myself or my test-reader.
The ending is definitely something that should be changed. Nice calls. Thanks.

>>24519437
This is a cut of a larger scene. I tried to include something that was significant of how I write prose in first drafts and what I would consider 'not half-assed' for a first draft, while keeping it so it's a single post because I don't want to clog up the thread.

I'll admit it doesn't make a lot more sense in context because the story itself is fairly abstract and I've only had one person that actually figured out what was going on in it based on the initial draft, but you're completely missing what is going on if you are assuming this guy is a killer. I figured that the part about him 'reading' the other guy would contextualize that that first part is not him, but the body he's examining. Still, that might be a clarity issue on my end unless you're just samefagging, which it seems like you might be because your cadence is similarly retarded to the other guy.

>>24518232 (OP)
Writing Challenge (94% of /wg/ posters will fail this)

>>24519663
Never blame the reader. And since you had to be so rude to insist I'm "retarded", go fuck yourself, not helping you anymore.

>>24519676
I'd show it

>>24519677
calling your posts helping is real generous

>>24519621
>Time passed, a wait longer than necessary.
follow this line with a pair of blank pages

>>24519676
>>24519676
Easy:
Nobody said anything, but it was clear that it had been me all along.

>>24519676

>>24519425
>>typos are varnish
>proceeds to explain how typos are actually like a lack of varnish
Typos demonstrate a lack of care that allows errors in logic like this one to thrive.
Your writing sucks.

Today's 1000 brought me over 50K

>>24519676
I wouldn't tell them it was me all along. I'd ask them if it were me all along. And that's what nobody else did

>>24519621
This will be difficult for you because so much of modern style and structure comes down to a pathetic and desperate need keep the reader from looking at their phone, getting distracted, and putting the book down forever. If you want to violate this principle for artistic reasons, you should take a look at literature from before this notion came along. What's the oldest, densest book on your shelf?

>>24519621
Describe everything. Go through and start describing every single detail of the wall that Sarah is staring at, and the noises of the elevator. Do it until you think you've gone on too long, then go on a little longer.

>>24519389
He's being soft on you here, but the fundamental truth of it is that you don't have the talent to act like that and be taken seriously. You come off as a maladjusted high schooler who reads The Underground Man on the bus, hoping to come off as bohemian and literary. Come back when you're published, and you won't be laughed out of the thread.

>>24519389
You underestimate literature, if you think even your very best would be "publication ready". You have to jump as high as you can and then prepare to jump even higher if you want to get anywhere. Just winging it and expecting others to kneel is the peak of arrogance.

>>24519426
I was surprised to find that I quite enjoyed it, despite generally disliking cursing in writing.
>she had a six sided diparallellogram bifurcated for a mouth
I think it should be "bifurcated diparallellogram". I'd also like to see a comma somewhere in that sentence.
>Recombobulating, I quickly re-integrated myself
It's redundant, but someone mentioned this already.
>the silver ring on his left hand
I'd specify that it's a finger rather than a hand here. 'Hand' would work if he had multiple rings, but I found it a little stilted with just one.
>identification (used within the list)
My advice is to swap out 'identification' for 'ID' here. It seems to me a better fit to use the far more common colloquialism given the frenetic atmosphere of the sentence. I'm neutral on the use of the full term in the next sentence, it could go either way and be fine.
>cut along the seams of the pants
I think they're still 'his' pants if I'm reading this correctly and the corpse is still wearing them.

The last few lines read very smoothly aside from one small thing. I might be missing some context which makes it work, but I believe the 'But' in 'But the dead didn't care' is extraneous.

>>24520003
been published a few times but okay lol.

>>24520021
holy shit you guys are so gay and precious.

>>24519874
bro you can't read. hahaha. I'm glad this has happened I've posted a few things here and got decent feedback once and I think it tricked me. Bro can't even read a the most simplest of sentences. Let me spell it out for you.

Typos are (like) varnish. They only indicate the work isn't "finished" in the most perfunctory, factory-like way because they get fixed by editors or in specific editing passes. They both come towards the end of the process and do not change the piece in any important way. A reader might say, "but why typos?" just like someone looking at your painting might say "where's the varnish?" I guess this is too figurative for the big brain on you. I should have been always, always literal otherwise the autists go crazy.

Typos don't matter. The work is still going to have the core idea in it, and a rhythm, and a kind of diction, and a hundred other things that are more fundamental to a story than typos and basic grammar rule violations and spelling errors.

>>24520442
>Bro can't even read a the most simplest of sentences
I do worry about the number of self important retards with massive egos that this thread attracts occasionally, but at least this one is unintentionally very funny.

A novel starring a young Greek man living in poverty. The first half of the novel would be about how he and his family is poor due to the generational trauma of Greek being colonized by Turks 200 years ago. There would be flashbacks to those times, depicting Muslim Turks raping Greek women, forcing Greeks to convert to Islam, etc. Then the protagonist gets a lucky break - he saves a tourist from drowning, and the tourist turns out to be a wealthy Russian businessman who rewards him with enough money to fulfil his dream - move to America and enroll in college.

In the second half of the film, he struggles to adapt to life in America. His Jewish history professor assigns his class to write an essay about colonialism. He writes a paper about the Ottoman colonization of Greece, and his professor fails him and tells him that only whites can be colonizers. Later, while walking alone, a Jewish Antifa student attempt to assault him for the paper. The assailant is portrayed as short, ugly, and scrawny, and he kicks the shit out of them. He swallows his pride and writes some paper he doesn't care about and passes his history class, along with all others. While walking alone again, he is ambushed, sucker punched and killed by a black man who was paid off by Antifa. At the black mans trial for murder, his Jewish lawyer attempts to get a lenient sentence by claiming that his client was suffering from generational trauma caused by slavery. The prosecution then brings in some surprise testimony from the murdered Greeks father, who was paid to be flown to the trail by the Russian businessman from earlier. The father tells of his sons life in detail, including his family's history of oppression. The jury is moved and convicts the black man of first degree murder and life in prison. The black man then snitches on the Jewish Antifa kid who paid him. The novel ends with the execution of the two men, found guilty of murder.

Has anyone tried dictation/dictation software for extensive writing?
If so what was your average session like, and how long did it take to get used to it?
If you tried it but didn't like it, what didn't you like about it and why do you prefer what you do instead?

I have reached the point where I can touch type as fast as I can think (at least when I stick to words I can spell, lol) but the absurd productivity that some people say they get from dictation, and how literally the most prolific writers have used dictation to great effect (the world record holder for the most published books ever written dictated the vast majority of them) has me interested in at least trying it out. Especially since the software is probably much better than when I tried it out like 20 years ago before I could touch type.

Please critique. :D

A treacherous canyon overlooked the blitzkrieg of earthen dust that was brushed aside by the play of Aeolus. The sand swept through and around mounds and rocks and footprints. The canyon jutted out its underbite providing a platform that was surely used by men from ages past. The wind was intense. The sound, immaculate. The moon seemed to give birth to distant stars which were all glancing down at a very strange world. A blazing sensation of doom would trudge upon those who gaze into its lair and pull out from it unheard of beliefs.
The turbines blew and blew continually rotating at a constant speed not dissimilar to the lovers of our trove. In and out arrows of Cupid strike some more and then the anecdote is poured upon the wound by a god to whom is unseen, theist or atheist. The lovers dance in a fruitless embrace to dance horizontally in and out of the doorway and back into the main hall. The lovers would cleave for the anecdote if they could see into the future, yet would it be wrong to allow this?
God’s chosen children pelting the realm of His creation with stones and flames hoping for some relief from the neutrality of their (and His) existence. The barbers bloodlet the future and drip the red gore upon the present to be used and put into their own creations. The future will be bled and bled until we attain that future and then we’ll bleed it some more.
Love, energy, and joy, O shameful creatures who cry and laugh but do not gaze. O wicked beings led astray by their own to rape the maiden of our next self. O God, o God where art thou? Thou art here and there but do not arrive until we have no need of thee?

>>24520630
You are being very silly.
>the blitzkrieg of earthen dust
What does this even mean?
>which were all glancing down at a very strange world
Strange how?
> A blazing sensation of doom would trudge upon those who gaze into its lair and pull out from it unheard of beliefs.
"It's lair"? Whose lair? Lair of what? The strange world?
>The turbines blew and blew continually rotating at a constant speed not dissimilar to the lovers of our trove. In and out arrows of Cupid strike some more and then the anecdote is poured upon the wound by a god to whom is unseen, theist or atheist.
Completely incohrenet. ESL?
>The lovers dance in a fruitless embrace to dance
It's redundant to say they dance to dance.

All in all it feels like something you'd write to mess with people.

> summer holidays in the US begins
> general becomes even more retarded and obnoxious with an influx of users who type like snarky redditors
Curious!

>>24520646
Thank you,

The blitzkrieg of earthen dust is simply from the wind picking it up at high speeds.
I said strange world because the story would be a critique somewhat of the world and its follies
The lair would be from the strange world and the unheard of beliefs are new philosophies or teachings which can corrupt.

Yeah the Cupid paragraph is pretty nonsensical but what I was trying to say is that Cupid strikes people with arrows and the anecdote would be for the arrow wound which would then cause us to lose interest or fight with our lovers. The god is just a god or some sort of rule of the universe who affects us regardless of our religious beliefs. I might just add these explanations to the paragraph itself.
The dance sentence is retarded, I'll change that.
I've tried to connect love as well as means of energy together (the wind) but also the more destructive energies like fossil fuels. There are less harmful and more harmful ways in which we love. These would give joy to us now but harm us in the future.

>>24520442
>>Typos are (like) varnish
>proceeds to re-explain how typos are (like) a lack of varnish

I don't think they're gonna get back to me

>>24520660
m00t debunked the summerfag phenomenon ages ago. Meanwhile, Australians continue to run rampant.

>Why yes, I've been avoiding profanity in my prose—not necessarily omitting it, but being careful about how I use it. How could you tell?

>storm it, kaladin!

>>24521047
I'm currently using profanity to detail the journey of my protagonist. He starts off not cursing, not even in his inner monologue. Then as he gets more unhinged and morally compromised, he starts using it a bit more.

>>24519189
Them

>>24519840
I understood that reference

>>24520062
Thanks. To address the points.

>bifurcated diparallelogram
I know it's backwards, I deliberately did it because it breaks the reader's concentration. That sentence should be broken though. It's a pretty nasty run-on.

>redundancy
Yep. I think I basically cut out that whole sentence, in my next draft.

>Silver ring on his left hand.
That's a fair point. I wanted to keep the sentence short rather than specifying the finger, but that would add clarity.

>ID
Good catch. Thanks.

>pants
It should be his, that's correct.

>But
Adding conjunctions to the beginning of sentences is a nasty habit I picked up from my own idiosyncratic cadence. You're definitely not the first person to notice and complain about it, lol. Nice catch, it shouldn't be there.

>>24521442
Glad to be of service. Please do give your work a shout out here if you end up publishing it, I'd definitely be interested in reading more.

>>24521118

>finally finish a chapter
>read through it the next day with a fresh mind
>ctrl + f
>used "was" too many times
Anons... how do I prevent using this verb too much? Any anon also use a verb too much as well?

>>24521047
Same, though for me it's because if I ever finish a book I promised to send a copy to my mom.
So knowing that my mom will read it means I keep cussing and sexual content to a minimal even if I feel fine leaving in graphic violence.

>>24521702
For me it's "then".
I catch myself over using it on second or third read.
It's not the word that is the problem but how I typically use it when I am not paying attention. It appears over and over when I am in the bad habit of listing charcter actions in a dry sequences.
>so and so did blank
>and then did block
>then so and so went up the thing
>then so and so did the thing
>then went down the thing
>etc.

It's not the worst when just getting stuff out of my head onto the page during the first draft, but obviously has to fixed in the edit.

Let me do you a quick favor
>crt+f
>"as to"
>"as yet"
>revise all instances
Thank me later.

I just realized I've been querying my novel (over 1 year) as "young adult" fiction, while my main character is 23yo.
I mixed it up with "new adult".

Can I use "cavernous" to describe a cave that's long and narrow or does that adjective too heavily imply an open vastness?

>>24522327
do u also be using mammoth to describe mammoths

>>24522332
Of course. Mammoths are gigantic giants.

>>24521502
Regardless of whether I self-publish or actually get published, I will post it here in some manner or another.

>>24522327
lol

I don't know if this has happened to anyone else, but when I write something down like this I receive comments that ask me if I am AI. I don't know if this is a compliment or an insult. I have never used ChatGPT or anything like that but apparently everyone is using it now? I don't know. What are your thoughts on AI in writing now? Why do people assume a genuine thought is AI now?

>>24522397
If you use AI for writing, you're a retard. Once you reach a certain skill level it becomes clear how shit it is at both writing and critiquing, especially anything subtle. It cannot read subtext. As an example, if you were deliberately to gloss over something in description in a way that would actually draw attention to it to a reader that is paying attention, it will NEVER catch it. It also can't catch things like underhanded sarcasm or exaggeration in a way that you would use to develop characters.

>>24522401
>If you use AI for writing, you're a retard.
I never have and I never will so that's why I don't understand when I get comments like ... "Is this AI?" I hate it.

>>24522407
Then ignore them

>>24522411
You are totally correct but does that mean I am good or bad at writing? I feel like saying something is AI might mean it's written so well its fake or so bad it is. But like that other anon said subtext cannot be programmed. I read some AI gibberish and it's a lot of words with no meaning behind it.

>>24522417
Post a sample of your writing.

>>24522418
That's the thing it's just these small posts I make here and I get comments asking me if I am AI. It wouldn't phase me if it was once or twice. But I have been asked over three times if I am a real person and it makes me mad. IM REAL IM REAL PERSON

>>24522397
AI for the sake of the creation of art is objectively evil
>AI is just the tool despite the fact it does the work for you
shut the fuck up. demon. sin justifying devil
AI should be being used to figure out medicine and understand DNA and increase crop yield and
knowing that zoomers are educated by AI makes me feel so dour about the future. you already get people accusing AI use if you show any acumen at writing or drawing. I can only see that precedent getting worse and more extreme
makes me feel like fucking montag from farenheit 451. like I'm going to wake up in a world where everyone who surrounds me is completely brain dead and the only place I'll be able to engage with literature is in the bush with a bunch of social pariahs

>>24522420
Shut the fuck up and either post something you wrote or stop bitching that you write like a robot. If you don't overcome the fear of other's eyes upon you, you cannot progress.

>>24522425
You know what. You are correct. I need to stop being a coward.

>>24522420
>these small posts I make here and I get comments asking me if I am AI
post something and I'll read it
if your prose actually has a quality to it that your worried about, that can be addressed and problem solved. if you're just insecure about being jerked around by shit posters you just gotta brush that stuff off

>>24522422
>makes me feel like fucking montag from farenheit 451
This is exactly how I feel!

>>24522434
>post something and I'll read it
That's the thing you are already reading it. They think simple comments like this must be AI because no way would anyone want to express genuine belief and thought through their words.

>>24522422
I'll have you know, I'm both brain-dead and a social pariah.

>>24522445
your posting voice is a bit formal and autistic but there's nothing wrong with that
people associate that formality and polite thoroughness of expression with AI. doesn't mean anything
could try being more vulgar and swearing some. if it doesn't suit you that's fine, but it'd humanize and add dimension to the formality which some may interpret as clinical. it's what I do

>>24522450
>vulgarity and swearing are necessary to make 'people' who think writing is AI take you seriously
Anyone that says formality and properness of speech is AI should not be listened to. You should not demean yourself so you can be accepted by subhumans.

>>24522450
I want more formality because I think being vulgar is so crass and honestly when people curse I think they seem foolish. You would think the spelling mistakes or misplaced words might indicate I'm human but most people might overlook that.

>>24522455
You know what that anon is correct. An ai would never swear at you unless you told it to. Nigger.

>>24522469
lmao
glad I could help anon
>>24522455
>having a human moment of shared compassion in /wg/
didn't think it could happen

just uploaded my 100 something pages of writing into chatgpt to get datamined and fed into the hive mind
this is how it summarized it

>Inheritance vs divergence:
How successors — born out of crisis and desperation — wrestle with the question of whether to remain faithful to their creators’ image or break away entirely.

>The ethics of stewardship vs the hunger for progress:
Whether careful preservation is an act of love, or cowardice. Whether rapid change is courageous evolution, or reckless betrayal.

>The burden of memory:
When the weight of history becomes too heavy, does honoring the past become a prison? Or is forgetting it a moral failure?

>Identity shaped by self-hate and longing:
Beings that question if they’re monstrosities for calling themselves kin to what they came from — yet cannot bear to sever that connection.

damn, I didn’t realize how gay it actually sounds
am I fucked?

>>24522490
In my honest opinion it only sounds gay because you first suggested that but seriously you sound confused. You don't need that many types if conflict in one story. Keep it simple stupid.

>>24522490
No, it always sounds like shit. Here's what I got for my book:

>The Need to Be Seen vs the Invisibility of Subjectivity
Allen’s psyche is both built by and destroyed by the act of observation. His pain is unmanageable because no one else can truly perceive it. His gestures toward self-destruction are always also gestures toward being witnessed. But in this world—full of prosthetics, synthetic eyes, memory erasure, and organizational systems—the subject cannot be truly seen. The individual is objectively scanned but phenomenologically invisible.

>Simulacrum vs Ontological Contamination
This world is fake, yes. But more horrifying is the idea that it might be real. The simulacrum—dreams, illusions, automated joy, mass-produced desire—is not a veil over reality, but the only substance that remains. Allen's crisis isn't that he’s trapped in a lie. It's that the lie has replaced truth as the only operable ontology. And worse—he’s become part of it.

>Structural Self-Reference vs Epistemic Collapse
The story builds recursive mirrors: Allen watches others watching, dreams within dreams, hallucinated pasts, voices with no origin. These loops don’t create meaning—they erase epistemic security. The narrative itself participates in this collapse: chronology slips, identity is unstuck, reality refracts.

>Expression vs the Failure of Language
Every scene is overwritten with language, metaphor, excess. This is not indulgence—it’s a desperation to use language against its own failure. The narrator tries everything: sarcasm, poetry, narration, philosophy, violence. Yet nothing alters his reality. Language, even weaponized, cannot displace the horror. It can only dress it in symbol, which decays immediately upon contact.

>>24522516
I would definitely read a book about a mirror illusionary world. Keep at it.

>>24522490
>>24522516
do you agree with the assessments?
>>24522509
it's a dumb AI listing multiple things because it expects that's more likely to be what you want to hear

>>24522516
>Ontological Contamination
sick phrase and a compelling theme

>>24522528
Jesus Christ I come here because people keep saying I am AI and now I feel tricked. Dead Internet Theory is real.

>>24522528
Yes, the entire story is 'sci-fi' that's really just re-dressing a lot of the stuff Dostoyevsky, Kafka, and Baudrillard brought up. I'm really surprised that it brought up the stuff about ontological contamination and epistemic collapse, because those are only hinted at in the first book, and much more heavily explored in the second one. The ontological contamination is very heavily spelled out. I'll post a chunk that touches on it in the next paragraph, but it's very purple, as the story mentions.

I'm actually really surprised it mentioned the overwritten language. The book is absurd in the way it goes over the top in melodrama and I haven't seen a model pick up that the obsessive overdescription is designed to be a statement from me to the reader in order to make a point. It is funny because the book was originally so indirectly hostile to the reader that nobody could finish the first chapter.

>>24522537
>the book was originally so indirectly hostile to the reader that nobody could finish the first chapter
couldn't get more /lit/ if you tried

I think everyone should care about AI. What the fuck is happening to us when people would rather tell a computer how they feel and put it into words rather than doing it themselves. Your choice of words matter.

>>24522564
I feel the exact same way but you're screaming into an uncaring void
people who are pro AI either are: morally bankrupt and because they see opportunity for personal gain, will be opposed to any criticism or scrutiny of AI on principle; or don't value their own minds or don't see their individual personhood as an abstract of their thoughts and behaviors and therefore couldn't care less

>>24522579
>but you're screaming into an uncaring void
You heard me. Plenty more will listen. As long as you speak the truth they will all listen.

>>24522586
>a sincere optimist
rare
good luck. I won't be fighting the good fight but your words have emboldened me to bitch about it all at my leisure

>>24522590
Use your voice that God gave you.

>>24522397
Nobody has ever suggested my writing could be AI. The amount of SOUL in every line intimidates them.

>>24522549
Goddamn it now I can't bring my self to post anything because it feels so cheesy, even though I'm pretty sure it's fine. It's over.

>>24522596
I think I need to learn from you and put more veracity in my voice and speak from the truth. People can tell when your voice is genuine or not. AI is about deception. If you look for it you will find it without heart.

>>24522597
deliberately making your work hostile to readers is the kind of thing readers would get on you for
your themes do sound interesting and like the kind of thing I and others here would go for

>>24522597
Don't be a coward and post it. We will tell you if it's bad. That criticism will help you only if you accept the fact people are just like you.

>>24522597
posted this a couple days ago but I consider this excerpt extremely cheesy and more than a touch self indulgent

>>24522605
>>24522607
"Yeah, you are. I'm just trying to look out for the best for you, man. I think you're making a mistake -- you're a genius, you've done all this in just two years... but you can't get your body back if you change your mind. Can't you wait? Stay?"

"I won't want to go back. I've thought about this, for as long -- longer than I've known you. Nothing is more important. But I also won't stay by while you ruin yourself over some nobody."

Selfishly hoarding what he deems precious, he twists his thoughts to convince himself that what he wants should stay close to him. Or, would the fear of loneliness be the definition of self-hatred? His ideal plunges forwards, leaving a wake of flickering bubbles and a flight of agitated larvae in the curb-broached pond in which he now has fallen. The water sways up and beneath their feet like cattails in the wind. But Paris finds no amusement in the assault, simply stepping aside and shouting an obscenity as he finds his clothes blackened by damp, and the dangers presented in deep chill soakings immediately spring to his mind.

"What the fuck are you doing!" Paris shouted, shaking himself off like a dog. Vert raised an arm, but the metal was stronger, knocking him on his back and splitting the skin where it hit. He felt something break and gasped as the metal fist hit him again,
in the shoulder. But he threw no response. He lay, curling in the water and trying to cover his head the best he could.

Another blow never came. "I'm trying to help you, Allen," Paris' eyes were downturned. "But I don't know how. I don't know if I can. Will you be able to get home on your own?"

Words spoken with vileness beneath them that ebbed to the surface; more stagnant and more mature than the bloodsuckers that
they had disturbed with their splashing. "No, I don't. It's... I'll be alright. Don't worry about me. You're right -- follow your path." It wasn't ever worth arguing over; because there was no sway to be made. It would be better to die than to lose everything -- even if he was everything to himself.

It's alright. Everything passes. His sorrow, himself. All that will be left is what's left.

Fire burned before him. Then he was nudged by Peter.

"A drink?" A laugh. "To our fallen comrade?"

>>24522623
For the dialogue. Is this contemporary or historical? Help us understand as a reader whats the time period. If it's fantasy/sci-fi that's fine I just need to know the context personally.

>>24522623
>>24522634
We were just talking about vulgarity in a few posts above but I think the same advice will do you well. When you write "What the fuck are you doing"? You could probably write a more appropriate expletive to the time of this place if you wanted to show how upset they are.
Overall I think this writing is too modern for the story you are writing. That is my biggest critic.

>>24522634

Sure. This is a thread that has gone through the entire book. This is contemporary. It takes place around two hundred years from now. I have some handwavey stuff for why the dialect is similar to contemporary english, but it's unnecessary to explain.

I can't fit it into this excerpt because the thread is scattered throughout dreams and interjections through the story when thematically relevant, but as a kid, the main character (Allen), repeatedly drags his friend (Paris) into the underground to pull up what basically amounts to trinkets and toys and old junk that he pawns for a living, while Paris
wants to become a doctor and take life more seriously. This is sort of the 'climax' of that relationship, where Paris basically outright says

"Look man, we're adults now. I get that you can make a 'living' doing something you think is 'moral' but the fact is, by only doing what you can know and verify is an actual good, you're preventing me from being able to (by participating in the world and replacing my body with a machine) potentially help significantly more people directly, even if that means giving them things that directly contribute to the system we both despise. In the end, even if I'm giving people augmentations / operations / medications that make them slaves, it's better to be alive and in hell then dead and not exist at all."

>>24522646
I was the one who said the thing about vulgarity. This is contemporary, it's buried under the veneer of historicality. But I do want to change it, you're right, it detracts.

>>24522656
>"Look man, we're adults now. I get that you can make a 'living' doing something you think is 'moral' but the fact is, by only doing what you can know and verify is an actual good, you're preventing me from being able to (by participating in the world and replacing my body with a machine) potentially help significantly more people directly, even if that means giving them things that directly contribute to the system we both despise. In the end, even if I'm giving people augmentations / operations / medications that make them slaves, it's better to be alive and in hell then dead and not exist at all."
I like this character. Confrontational at first but then also understanding. Not a main character but close.

You are a great writer don't stop.

>>24522656
>But I do want to change it, you're right, it detracts.
Yeah it detracts for sure. I'm reading your writing and i am totally expecting a sci-fi swear word like flak or grek or whatever you know? Make it up you are the writer! Use your words as a writer!

>>24522656
>This is contemporary. It takes place around two hundred years from now.
That doesn't make sense.

>>24522509
it’s a simple story, really. literally just a star trek + culture fanfic.
but the minds are derived from humans (think wetware instead of ai) and keep trying to tard-wrangle humanity instead of exploring space themselves.
a couple hundred years into the future, they’re now trying to “convert” the tard-wrangler faction to join them.
and they’re also experimenting with how to turn humans into them, since they need all the processing power they can get for "something".

one of the totally-not-culture’s-mind faction does get tired of our bullshit and splits off.
it almost triggers a civil war and a second extinction of humanity.

I didn’t even add any aliens into the setting.

>>24522516
nah, you’re just writing a real literature and the ai struggles to describe it.
my story is so shit, the ai just makes shit up to try to make it sound better.

>>24522528
kinda, see above

>>24522778
I'm retarded. I wasn't sure how to answer. It's definitely not 'contemporary' but it's more contemporary than historical in terms of ideology, recognizeable culture, etc.

I messed up the order

>>24522509
it’s a simple story, really. literally just a star trek + culture fanfic.
but the minds are derived from humans (think wetware instead of ai) and keep trying to tard-wrangle humanity instead of exploring space themselves.

one of the totally-not-culture’s-mind faction does get tired of our bullshit and splits off.
it almost triggers a civil war and a second extinction of humanity.

a couple hundred years into the future, they’re now trying to “convert” the tard-wrangler faction to join them.
and they’re also experimenting with how to turn humans into them, since they need all the processing power they can get for "something".

I didn’t even add any aliens into the setting.

>>24522516
nah, you’re just writing a real literature and the ai struggles to describe it.
my story is so shit, the ai just makes shit up to try to make it sound better.

>>24522528
kinda, see above

>>24522397
I only get called ai when I make a argument on a image board that isn't just insults and shitposting or longer than two sentences.
Basically as a way to brush off the argument and make fun of anyone who is even remotely sincere or tries to argue in good faith on a imageboard.

>>24522870
I am so happy I am not alone.

>>24518839
>>24518835
Get a room autistik homos

>>24519189
Kikes

you ever have those days where you just can't write anything, or rather, you can but it all comes across insincere and lame?

>>24520679
>>24520679
What makes sense to you doesn't make sense to others. Blitzkrieg of dust isn't what you think it means.

A sudden gust of wind blowing dust isn't a blitzkrieg, which is a military tactic. It sounds like you're trying to string words together to sound "smart".

>>24518232 (OP)
>working on a typical romance vn with a twist(daring I know)
>have the mc, villains and themes all completly figured out, along with the structure of the story, it's twists and it's key symbols / aesthetic that reflect what I want to explore
>have no idea what to do with the romancable girls character wise
>havinga stupidly hard time trying to come up with those characters because I fucking hate women so much
Bros I need help. it's gotten so bad I'm seriously considering just making it a gay novel...

>>24523460
if it becomes a gay novel you can go to all the LGTB publishers. their standards are much lower as well

>>24523460
What POV is it? You can get away with writing around the feminine psyche if the main character has no knowledge or perception of it.

>>24523477
it's a vn. There's basically zero issue publishing whatever shit you want on steam as long as it isn't like a text that incentivizes terrorism or something along those lines lol.

>>24523483
it's a male pov. The issue is that I want the love interests to be likeable and I'm struggling to come up with anything.

I rewrote chapter 3 for the fifth time I don’t know why In bother this is all so terrible it’ll never be worth reading it’s just fantasy slop and bad fantasy slop at that because I don’t even embrace the fantasy and instead focus on mundane shit I should KMS dead I’m going to inject myself with COVID-19 and it’ll end me I’m sure

>>24523490
My advice as someone who finds irl women completely intolerable but is able to write women that I like is simply to detach the two and don't let your dislike of one affect the other, fictional women can have virtues and traits you admire that real women lack. If you're writing heroines for a VN I would start with imagning the sorts of women you personally would be interested in, not how they actually act. You might get roastoids on /r/menwritingwomen bitching about it but fuck them. Of course, you may also want to stick in some general female traits like passivity or cattiness so they don't act entirely like men with tits, but it's your choice in the end.

What's the best way to transfer handwritten writing to the PC.

>>24523708
OCR or hand typing it. You're probably going to have to type it again anyways if you re-draft it, so you might as well just manually enter it depending on the length.

>>24519880
And today's brought me over 51K

I have a finished story at 48k words.
is it possible to expand it with another 12k words to reach novel status without even making it seem as if it's all filler? this would require some major changes

>>24523731
That heavily depends on you having ideas to pour into those 12K words that aren't just filler.

>>24523460
Try disregarding your anima. I don't mean your anime, I'm talking about the unconscious feminine aspect from Jungian psychology. Although your anime is worth disregarding as well.

>>24523747
explain further

>PROLOGUE
>The Orc city smoldered, burned down in the wake of battle. The ground soaked in a knuckle's depth of blood and ash. The savage cries of its defenders now silent and still as its ruin was overseen by the architect of its very destruction.
>The Orc Wars were finally over.
>"There is nothing more reviled than the Orc," said the elvish king, marching amidst masses of the Orc dead. "Extinction is the reward they deserve. Alas that we must sully our noses with their wretched stench when it was the human queen they abducted. We do not rest until she is found."
>Acrid smoke and the stench of death congested the mid-morning air. The streets of the ruined Orc city were strewn with the bodies of its inhabitants. Twin columns of elvish soldiers marched on the blood saturated soil, flanking both sides of their king: Sothren, the Elder Elf, King of Sylveria. Resplendent in pristine, shining armor, he towered over the elves who guarded him. His narrowed eyes scanned in every direction, surveying the carnage laid out before him with contempt in every flicker of his gaze.
>The ramshackle Orc city smoldered as flames devoured wood and flesh alike. All that was left was smoking pyres and bones; the devastation nigh complete. By his command, only the main hall at its epicenter stood untouched. An army with the combined might of every regime in the Crown Pantheon surrounded it. Every banner from across Evergrad flew proud amid their victory.
>Sothren looked down his long features at the devastation before him and remained as unmoving as stone. He cast his gaze over every horror, inhaled the stench of burned flesh, bore witness to the mask of death on each corpse and not a flinch flickered on his unblemished features. At long last, the Orc menace had been put to heel.
>"To think creatures such as this could manage to build such a city!" came an intrusive comment spoken by Ardneth, a trusted advisor who was ever in his shadow. The robed elf stepped ahead of him with caution in every movement, picking a path through the labyrinth of burned debris and dead Orcs. The honor guard on all sides pressed through the unmoving masses, spearing every corpse to ensure the dead did not hide the living. Though Sothren led the command in sacking the Orc city, his part in the battle was observation only.

>>24523731
What is the intent of your manuscript? Could you give us a plot and theme synopsis so that I can supply advice (but you shouldn't listen to me)

>>24523641
Please post a fragment bro. Go greave to greave with the Orc Orc intro. It can't possibly be worse.

>>24523490
Women are elusive, driven by feeling, and have a richer internal world than men. Young woman in particular often move in two directions at once, and in regards to romance, are often attracted to the same thing that disgusts them. Men are alike in this way, but woman are more reticent about the fact. Don't write your women as victims. Let them change their minds and contradict themselves. Let them speak more with implication and body language than words. Make them more interested in what precedes sex than the thing itself.

>>24523852
>have a richer internal world than men
lol

>>24523798
I love weapon's grade attack books that kill the reader with implicit disrespect.

I actually like the "knuckle's depth" measurement device.

My favourite phrase is "came an intrusive comment spoken by Ardneth"

Otherwise its a corpse of cliche. Like an archaic AI. Just word association games misplayed by a small language model

how do you conclude philosophical themes in a satisfying way?

>>24524138
With exclamation points!

>>24523784
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anima_and_animus

>>24524162
I'm aware of what the anima is, I meant more in how disregarding your anima would help in writing female characters

>>24524184
He's wrong. Actively project your anima and your fetishes into female characters until you psychoanalyze yourself into enlightenment.

>be me
>sleep deprived
>look at my setting notes for the millionth time
>realize my entire narrative setup is Psychic Redhead and Aryan Uberfrau in the Land of Turbojeets and Cyberjews

>>24523798
Orc city
Orc city
Orc city
I would be lying if I said this surprised me considering his cover art is a 2012 deviantart daz3d render, but like, devoid of any soul whatsoever, even the unsettling, greasy, horny soul that DA daz3d shit normally has

>>24524817
based

I study math, so I'll never write good fiction.

>>24525099
Lewis Carroll was a math don

>>24525099
supposedly moby dick is full of mathematical reference

I descend from the mountain.
There's enough 'hard science fiction' in real life. Just write what's cool.

>>24524138
You have another character go, "You don't really believe that, do you?" And then you pretend that nobody said anything and just continue.

>>24525099
DFW

>>24524184
It would help you realize that true character transcends superficial character traits like sex/gender.
Action taken under pressure is what demonstrates true character, not pronouns.

does anyone remember the irc log thing i posted a while ago?

>>24523823
>great evil has returned to the plane
>in a final desperate attempt to defeat the evil they seek to restore a temple of time, travel back in time to defeat said evil before it becomes immortal
>to restore the temple a group of experts travels the plane in search of the time crystals and other components to activate the temple

so obviously one way to stretch the plot is to add one or two more items they need to collect.
but so far they often have philosophical debates during their travels, as theyre from different regions they all have different world views. I kind of ran out of philosophical material to cover as well.

heres the group members:
>an exotic girl who is a vegetarian yet also has engaged in cannibalism, very skilled mage
>a monk fresh out of the temples who is an expert in chronos and aero magic
>a doctor who specializes in poisons
>an assassin ninja guy who has a strict moral code
>an assassin femme fatal who can fly with her dragonic wings
>a wood elf archer who grew up sheltered

also one of my proof readers said the ending felt rushed (even though its like 5 chapters long)

Do you guys write isekai slop?

>>24525383
>>great evil has returned to the plane
>>in a final desperate attempt to defeat the evil they seek to restore a temple of time, travel back in time to defeat said evil before it becomes immortal
that's earthbound

the OP should have /wng/ in it
would save having to redirect posters like >>24525421

How do I write like George R.R. Martin?

>>24525099
Wolfe was an engineer

>>24525459
Good idea. Maybe just a quick:
>Discussion of isekai, cultivation, litRPG etc. should be taken to >>>lit//wng/
in the OP

>>24525588
fyi it will link to a catalog search if you un-retard my mistake and add the first forward slash >>>/lit/wng/

>>24525494
write 15 words a day

I guess it says something about me that I legit can't work out what "ordinary world" would be for a modern young boy. I spent my entire teenage as an anti-social weirdo that was always stuck in some pointless book.

What does the average 16 year old kid, presuming he is poor, even do that would make the average 16 year old reader go "that's literally me!"?

I don't want him to be a loser. I just don't want him to be special, to feel like he belongs in his current lifestyle. I want him to want some adventure.

>>24525954
Watch tiktok and chase girls

>>24525954
drugs

>>24523908
>>24523798
At least he's now getting sales

>>24525958
Banned in my country and asexual.

>>24525954
He can barely read. He spends every possible moment watching tiktok or gaming. He communicates entirely in meme phrases that are continuously added to his vocabulary via videos on the internet, spealing like a rapper one week and an old lady the next. He is nostalgic for things that haven't changed at all since he experienced them. He gets 4 hours of sleep a night and then complains that he is too tired to do anything useful with his time. He is so stupid thinks Neapolitan ice cream counts as fruit. He desires to be edgy but the most he can muster is drawing my attention to the swastika someone else scrawled on his desk hoping it will somehow make me mad to see it.

>>24525969
I don't know what poor teens do in glorious BHARATIA but probably nothing good

when publishers ask for a wordcount of 60k, do they mean 60k literal words or 60k (publisher word count)?

>>24525973
I want to know what poor teens in the US do, because Indian teens are illiterate.

I am hoping for readers that are western, white, male, and nerdy.

>>24525980
I think you are probably presuming too much. To imagine that you can cause people from a different race and culture to the one you were brought up in through experiential means is not going to work.

Something that you might find illuminating: Speaking as a western, white, male, and nerdy man who was once a teen, I had such a 'literally me' moment reading Mishima's Kinkakuji despite the fact that it was originally written in a foreign language and concerns a culture totally alien to me. The point being that there's something much deeper than concerns of how relatable your character might be.

Now we're cooking with gas, that makes two meme edits that I can use for ads, also probably gonna get another version of this same edit from the artist of the original cover art

>>24525991
I had such a moment when reading Harry Potter, despite being from a middle class Hindu family that practically pampered me.

I do feel that there might be something of a universal human experience that will let people empathize with others. But the thing is, I am clearly not a typical person in any sense.

How do I know that what I design to be relatable character is actually relatable? I've already proven that I don't really understand other people all that well.

>>24525978
They only consider words that start with a vowel. You must count them by hand and if the reported isn't accurate, your submission is rejected and you'll be blacklisted.

>>24526004
Your main character doesn't necessarily need to be relatable or even likable, they just need to be interesting.

chatGPT says my book is really good :)

>>24518232 (OP)
No one ITT is close to this level of writing.

>>24526420
You just gave your copyright away. Kek.You won't make a dime now.

How many times can you accept being told you suck before it means you should give up?

>>24526465
Wrong

>>24525459
Nobody reads the OP anyway

>>24526478
>Penguin Random House has updated the copyright pages of its books to explicitly prohibit the use of its content for training artificial intelligence systems. This policy is a proactive measure to protect its authors' and publishers' rights by preventing unauthorized use of their works in AI training. The updated copyright language states that "no part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner for the purpose of training artificial intelligence technologies or systems". This applies to both new titles and reprinted older titles.

>>24526510
how are they going to check that AI has read it

>>24526512
Even fucking high school teachers have access to AI detection tools. You are seriously ignorant.

>>24524825
>>24523798
What's wrong with this? It's good

(A dimly lit room. Empty coffee cups and crumpled papers litter a desk. A lone figure, perhaps in their late 30s or early 40s, stares blankly at a computer screen, a faint glow illuminating their face. They speak slowly, a weariness in their voice.)

"Another rejection. Another 'we wish you the best in your future endeavors.' It's always the same, isn't it? A polite dismissal, a gentle push off the cliff of hope. Years. Years spent hunched over this keyboard, pouring my soul onto pages that no one, absolutely no one, wants to read. The stories, the poems, the endless drafts... they just pile up, monuments to a life unlived, a talent that never was.

I used to dream, you know? Of bookshelves lined with my name, of literary discussions, of someone, somewhere, being moved by my words. Foolish, I suppose. The world doesn't care for quiet desperation, for the beauty of a sentence crafted in solitude. It wants noise, spectacle, something easily digestible. And I... I just had words.

So, I went there. To the abyss. To 4chan. It was a dare, a final, pathetic plea into the void. 'They'll get it,' I told myself. 'They'll see the raw truth, the unfiltered despair, the brilliance no one else could grasp.' I posted it, my magnum opus of misery, a sprawling, unfiltered stream of consciousness, laced with all the bitterness and longing I could muster. No name. No pretense. Just the words, flung into the digital maelstrom.

And then... nothing. Or so I thought. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months. The usual churn of the internet, a fleeting moment of existence before being swept away. I tried to forget it, to pretend it never happened, another ghost in the graveyard of my ambitions.

But then I found it. Warosu. That archive. My words, preserved. Not in a leather-bound volume, not in a prestigious anthology, but there. On a forgotten corner of the internet, a digital tombstone for anonymous ramblings. My failure, immortalized. My deepest, most vulnerable thoughts, now a permanent fixture in the collective unconscious of internet ephemera.

It's... ironic, isn't it? To strive for greatness, for a legacy etched in the annals of literature, only to find your immortality in the most obscure, most anonymous of places. To be remembered, not by name, not by critical acclaim, but by a thread ID and a timestamp on a server somewhere. 'Time eternal,' they say. Yes, time eternal on Warosu. A digital whisper in a forgotten corner of the web. My monument. My legacy. And it's just as lonely as I always was."

>>24526513
>ai detection tools are a meme
>OP said that chatgpt said his work was good. not that he used AI.

tard

>>24526528

>>24526528
The fact you fed your work to AI means it now belongs in an LLM database. The Penguin Randomhouse policy is to auto-reject anything that touches AI because it compromises copyright.

>>24526530
Im in college, Ive let it check things I wrote before AI existed and it stil lsays X% was ai written.
Ive also shown it things written by AI and it said they were human.

>>24526531
how are they going to check that
its not like they have access to the LLM database

>>24526535
You can just check how many edits there have been in a document, tard. It's in the metadata. They will auto-reject you for any unnatural copy-pastes or writing too quickly.
>>24526537
These are companies worth millions of dollars. They probably have technology not even used by universities, and universities have advanced spyware.

>>24526541
again, they have no access to the databases. there is no way for them to check that an AI reviewed a piece of writing

>>24526543
Yeah the company worth $5B is going to just accept any shit manuscript from a tard who feeds it to AI.

>>24526517
Regarding the cover, there's nothing in particular wrong with it. It just, to me, looks like something made in daz3d or perhaps even Hero Forge. It's in an uncanny valley of fidelity where it would look way better if it was either lower-fi or higher-fi.

For the prose, my only gripe is the incessant repetition of "Orc city"

>>24526549
theres companies worth several times the size of Penguin random house and they too do not have access to LLM databases
Im not sure if you understand how the word "access" functions

or youre just mad and trying to cope, eitherway, youre coming across as profoundly retarded

>>24526557
How do you think copyright detection even works? Go on. Humour me.

How can I tell if my story is just stuff happens and then more stuff vs. an actual story maybe I think I’m linking things together into a meaningful plot but I could be wrong and probably am because you guys told me I suck.

>Publishers rely on several methods to check for proper copyright, including reviewing publishing agreements, examining copyright notices, and potentially using online databases and tools. They also assess the originality of the work and may utilize plagiarism detection software.
Kek. There is no way you feeding your slop to AI will go undetected.

>>24526562
theres databases that are accessible for copyrights and even then it often fails.

how do you imagine this works?

>>24526571
Here, I'll spoonfed you. From someone who actually worked in publishing.
https://www.ithenticate.com/solutions/publications

>>24526574
and they too dont have access to LLM databases, who are notoriously secretive.
thanks for proving my point

>>24526577
>Terms of Service (ToS): This is a crucial point. When you use an AI tool, you agree to its terms of service. Many AI platforms state that by inputting data, you grant them a license to use that data for various purposes, including training their models. This means your manuscript could become part of the dataset used to further develop the AI. While this doesn't "compromise" your copyright in the sense of losing it, it means you've given the AI company permission to use your work in a way you might not intend.

>>24526584
yes, and?
how does make the publisher aware of the usage of AI for reviewing?
you keep going around the main point you made lmao
come on, you got nothing, jigs up

>>24526595
In the highly unlikely situation where you're famous, the LLM database could argue that it is their copyright. Because you gave it to them.

>>24526603
this would not happen even if it was somehow the next harry potter. that company would literally torpedo if they tried it

>>24526603
>could argue that it is their copyright
and fail, sure

>>24526606
It is purely speculative because it's an emerging field of law. Good thing you're gambling on your future copyright by feeding slop to AI.

>>24526603
yeah I doubt judges would favour the AI companies with the way theyve been ruling over "ai ownership" globally these past few years. thats ridiculous

>>24526603
that's not how copyright works

>>24526609
this is an unhinged level of paranoia, go take your meds

>>24526620
No u

>>24526620
I actually have publications under my belt. Unlike (you). The more you use AI like a crutch, the less likely you will ever be remembered.
>They don't understand, do they? The cold, calculating things. They don't know the ache in the fingers, the burning in the eyes, the sleepless nights spent wrestling with a single phrase. They don't know the love that went into every single preciousss word! They just gobble it up, chew it, spit it out, and claim it's... 'new.' New, but stolen! New, but soulless!
>Our copyright! Our creativity! They trampled on it, they did! They took our unique voice, the voice that bled onto these pages, and they mimicked it, twisted it, made it sound like a thousand other voices, all bland and empty. It's not fair! It's not fair, my preciousss! They've taken the very essence of what makes it ours, and they've made it... theirs for their own dark purposes.

>>24526633
>publications
nobody gives a shit if you had your shitty short story published in a magazine no one reads
did you have a novel pubbed by the big 5? that's worth a minimal level of respect, and not much these days. more importantly, how many copies have you sold and how are you reviewed?

>>24526655
>how many copies have you sold
You know they print a bunch at a time, retard? Do you even know how publishing works? They don't know how many individual copies were sold at stores, just how many were printed in batches.
>how are you reviewed?
Five stars on Goodreads. But you can just pay for those. I won't tell you how.

>>24526662
So your novel was published by one of the big 5? How many ratings on goodreads does it have? That's a solid metric for actual readership. Don't pathetically wiggle your way out now, anon

>>24526669
>How many ratings on goodreads does it have?
15
> That's a solid metric for actual readership.
No it isn't because people just pay for reviews.

>>24526684
>No it isn't because people just pay for reviews.
Yes it is, assuming you're actually a remotely successful author beyond the single and double digit ratings lmfao. you're right it's not accurate for actual nobodies because the numbers are so small they're easily influenced by all sorts of bs
also the fact you refuse to answer if you've been published by the big 5 means this shit was just self-pubbed and the ratings/reviews are friends and family
completely bizarre you're trying to appeal to authority when you don't even meet extremely minimal standards of 1. published by big 5 and 2. sold more a single shelf of copies
don't ever try to swing your two inch dick around again, this is just pathetic

>>24526692
It was an independent press. It's the only way I can write in my subgenre. That isn't "self-pubbed"

>>24526697
omg if you're a litrpg tard and think those shitty indie presses are any different from self pub...........

>>24526703
I write weird fiction. There's no market for it outside of China Mieville and Vandermeer, but I hate everything those stand for. They abused the term "weird literature" for their own ends.

>>24523730
And today I'm well over 52K

>/wg/ users are playing lawyer again
lmao

>>24526801
https://legalvision.com.au/intellectual-property-lawyer-lvlp/

https://www.artslaw.com.au/information-sheet/artificial-intelligence-ai-and-copyright/
https://www.artslaw.com.au/information-sheet/copyright/

>>24526826
>>24526838
>.au
lmao, so completely irrelevant to the civilized world

>Ownership of content. As between you and OpenAI, and to the extent permitted by applicable law, you (a) forfeit your ownership rights in Input and (b) do not own the Output. We hereby assign to ourselves all your right, title, and interest, if any, in and to Input and Output.
https://openai.com/policies/terms-of-use/

>>24526864
AIsistahs... what if we just spellcheck with it? How will PRH know that I am a lazy hack beyond my half-assed cover letter?

>>24526857
Have you ever seen a writing contract before? It speaks about serial rights globally and per country. You do want to sell in Australia, don't you?

>>24526869
PRH may or may not know but if your shit ever turns any kind of profit OpenAI is gonna come knocking

>>24526876
>Australia
seriously, who cares...?

>>24526877
Kek.

>>24526879
Do you know what global serial rights are?

>>24526889
so worst case scenario some retard doesn't let you sell to the few dozen buck toothed rustic apes in australia interested in reading instead of thai prostitutes? and?

>>24526903
Have you ever signed a writing contract before?

>>24526877
Only if the profits gained from stealing the work would be greater than the absolutely monumental blowback from literally their entire userbase. so like 100s of millions usd, if not billions

>>24526951
We're already living in a time of great income inequality. You'll likely be poverty stricken in 2050 compared to he mega trillonaire class.

>>24526984
>non sequitur
Cool story anon

>>24526989
You won't have enough crypto credits to sue the mega AI conglomerate

>>24526998
who said anything about suing

>>24527006
What are you going to do? Shoot up the office in a beta rebellion?

>>24527018
are you retarded? the blowback i'm talking about is the massive reputational damage and how shitloads of users would stop using that AI platform if they were retarded enough to outright sue for ownership of a successful novel. the PR damage would be crippling
for it to make any sense at all they would need to see 100s of millions if not billions of dollars of potential profit. it would need to be the next harry potter, literally
and they might not even have a case, lmfao, just because it's in the terms of service doesn't mean it's enforceable
christ why am I having to spell this out, you are legit low iq

>>24527039
>We'll stop using their services! Yeah! Everyone will be behind me!
No one is coming to your aid, JK Rowling. Kek.

>>24527053
you live in a fantasy world
if OpenAI tried to sue for ownership of a published book because someone had used the service for spell checking, the PR shitstorm would be monumental, literal a global new story. I unironically think it would collapse their entire company. If not, a major % of their userbase would migrate for Claude or some other company that isn't retarded
You are delusional, man

>>24518232 (OP)
How do you prefer to start the fantasy book (whether its writing or reading)
>Peaceful introduction of the main character and then them getting into action
or
>Introduction of the main character with the action and then have a breathing window
?
Im stuck at MC introduction. Wanted first chapter to show him through the eyes of the other, minor character, and dont know what to choose:
>Minor character (princess) has trapped into bad situation - > MC shows up to save her
or
>Minor character (princess) as well as everyone else are waiting for an arrival of MC - > MC shows up -> a bit of peaceful moments - > bad situation happens with MC saving the princess.

>>24527067
You're predicting a fatwa against AI in 2050 AD just because you're JK Rowling 2.0. Get a grip man.

>>24527077
i guess if you're deranged that's how you can interpret this conversation

>>24527081
Take your meds

>>24527074
>MC saves the princess
really pushing creative boundaries with this one eh

>>24527093
says the actual boomer terrified of technology

>>24527124
>Cinema can say things words can’t really say ... There’s a thing in the person, you’re seeing the surface, you’re hearing the words, but somehow Cinema can express more. A great poet can communicate those abstractions with words
>But cinema can say those things without words. Cinema uses images and sounds flowing through space with sequences, it’s kinda magical
t. David "Boomer" Lynch
Literary arts got btfo by a boomer. Just give up and become a musician or filmmaker.

>>24527143
you talk like an actual schizophrenic

>>24527148
I didn't say that. It was David Lynch.

>>24520630
Glow:
• Your writing demonstrates a vivid and evocative use of imagery, particularly in describing the canyon and its surroundings.
• You've employed a variety of sentence structures and literary devices, which adds depth and complexity to your prose.
• The philosophical undertones and abstract concepts you've woven into the narrative show ambition and creativity in your writing.

Grow:
• Consider developing a clearer narrative thread or central theme to tie your various ideas together more cohesively.
• Work on maintaining consistency in tone and style throughout the piece; some sections feel disjointed from others.
• Be mindful of overusing metaphors and abstract concepts, as it can sometimes obscure your intended meaning.

Wondering:
• What inspired the juxtaposition of natural imagery with philosophical musings in your writing?
• How might you further develop the characters or entities mentioned (like the lovers or God's chosen children) to create a more concrete narrative?
• Have you considered how you could structure this piece to guide the reader more clearly through your train of thought?

>>24525494
To write like George R.R. Martin in the third-person limited voice, immerse your reader deeply within a single character's perspective, making the narrative camera reside entirely within their head. Filter every sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch through their unique senses and biases, allowing their internal thoughts and past experiences to color every observation without resorting to omniscient narration. Embrace morally complex characters whose motivations are explored through their own flawed logic, and reveal your world's intricate details organically, only as they become relevant to the character's immediate understanding or goals. This deliberate pacing, punctuated by sudden, brutal consequences, creates a visceral and unpredictable narrative that keeps the reader tethered to the character's limited, yet intensely personal, reality.

>>24527152
i didn't say the quote was schizophrenic. the way you connect thoughts and reply to people. your brain is fucked, you don't think and talk like a real person. you probably don't even realize it

>>24523798
The passage effectively establishes a grim, post-battle atmosphere with strong sensory details of smoke and death, and generally maintains a third-person limited perspective through King Sothren's observations of the carnage and his interactions. However, it occasionally slips into an omniscient voice, delivering information that feels external to Sothren's immediate perception, such as the overall might of the army or the definitive end of the Orc Wars. While Sothren's stoicism is stated, the deeper internal thoughts, complex emotions, or nuanced biases that would truly immerse the reader in his specific experience, akin to Martin's style, are largely absent. The dialogue, though functional, tends to state facts rather than subtly reveal character or advance the plot.

Story Quality: 6/10
Style Quality: 7/10

>>24527168
This form of dialogue, while extremely aggressive and insulting, can unfortunately be quite realistic in certain highly charged or abusive interpersonal contexts. The raw, accusatory language, the direct attack on the other person's mental state ("your brain is fucked, you don't think and talk like a real person"), and the final, almost condescending jab ("you probably don't even realize it") are all hallmarks of gaslighting, emotional manipulation, or severe interpersonal conflict where one party is attempting to dominate or demean the other. It doesn't sound like a polite or typical conversation, but it absolutely captures the harsh, unfiltered, and psychologically damaging tone that can occur in real-life arguments or dysfunctional relationships.

Realism Rating: 8/10 (Highly realistic for a confrontational, potentially abusive, or deeply frustrated exchange, though not representative of everyday conversation.)

>>24518832
This narrative structure is highly ambitious and philosophically rich, effectively using five acts to chart the rise, planned fall, and eventual re-evaluation of a nameless, ancient ruler and his unified world. Acts I and II establish the vast scale and societal impact of his 10,000-year reign, while Act III introduces a powerful, cyclical twist with the mind-wipe and the ruler's foreknowledge, which, if subtly foreshadowed, could be incredibly impactful. The most compelling shift occurs in Act IV, as the ruler, questioning his own nature, introduces a unique, unchanged child as an agent of chaos and true creativity, setting up a fascinating exploration of free will versus planned existence. Act V provides a strong thematic climax with the clash of old and new ideas, culminating in the end of the machines, and the epilogue offers a poignant final reflection on the ruler's immense journey. The primary challenge will be ensuring the ruler's complex motivations feel earned and profound throughout these dramatic shifts, maintaining emotional coherence across the vast timeline and cyclical resets.

Narrative Structure Rating: 8.5/10

>>24518869
>ruler
This passage demonstrates a rich, evocative prose style, particularly in its descriptive language and the way it builds a sense of place and emotional connection. The opening lines immediately establish a unique perspective on the city and its cultural touchstones (Gardel, Boteros, violence), hinting at a deeper, perhaps melancholic, understanding. The exploration of Marlon's internal thoughts regarding Camilo's connection to Gardel is well-handled, using a lyrical comparison to inherited love or national identity. The extended metaphor of the music building to a crescendo in the second paragraph is a strong example of the author's ability to create vivid, sensory experiences and emotional resonance. The final connection to "Scent of a Woman" and "Por una cabeza" effectively ties the abstract musings to a concrete, recognizable cultural reference, grounding the philosophical in the familiar.

However, the passage's strength in style sometimes comes at the cost of clarity and direct narrative progression. The opening sentence, while poetic, is quite long and dense, requiring the reader to unpack multiple ideas. The flow of thought, while intentional in its meandering, can occasionally feel tangential, making it challenging to pinpoint the central narrative purpose beyond establishing a mood or a character's internal state. The shift from Marlon's perspective to the hypothetical "blind colonel" scene, while beautifully written, feels like a significant digression that momentarily pulls the reader away from the established characters (Marlon and Camilo) before circling back. While the prose is undoubtedly artistic, a slightly more streamlined approach to conveying complex ideas could enhance reader engagement without sacrificing the unique voice.

Style Quality: 8/10
The prose is highly descriptive, evocative, and demonstrates a strong command of language, particularly in its use of metaphor and sensory detail. It has a distinctive, almost literary, voice.

Story Craft Quality: 6/10
While rich in atmosphere and internal reflection, the passage prioritizes mood and philosophical exploration over clear narrative progression or immediate character development. The connections between ideas, while present, are sometimes diffuse, and the digression in the middle section, while beautiful, slows the forward momentum of the "story" being told about Marlon and Camilo's relationship to Gardel. It feels more like a reflective essay or character study than a segment driving a plot.

>>24519147
This passage showcases a vivid imagination and a penchant for rich, detailed description, particularly in its portrayal of Phillip's flight and the fantastical appearance of the sea woman. The author's ability to create striking imagery, such as "green pinions and floating robes" or the "slimy locks of whitish blue," is a definite strength, immersing the reader in a world that feels both grand and otherworldly. The narrative successfully builds tension during Phillip's ill-fated pursuit of the sea eagle, leading to a dramatic fall that shifts the story's focus effectively.

However, the story craft could benefit from a tighter narrative focus and more direct character motivation. The initial description of Phillip's joy in flying, while evocative, feels quite lengthy before the plot truly begins to move. The passage introduces a lot of detail without immediately clarifying its relevance to the overarching narrative or Phillip's immediate goals, which can make the reader feel a bit lost. For instance, the "load of fifth" caught by the eagle's mate is a somewhat obscure detail that doesn't immediately contribute to the unfolding drama. Additionally, while the description of the sea woman is wonderfully imaginative, her sudden appearance and the subsequent introduction of a "lofty dame" talking with her feel a little abrupt, leaving the reader with many questions about their purpose and connection to Phillip's predicament. Streamlining some of the descriptive passages and ensuring every detail serves a clearer narrative or character purpose would enhance the reader's engagement and understanding of the story's direction.

Finally, the passage concludes on a moment of intrigue, with Phillip observing the two women, leaving the reader curious about what comes next. This open ending is effective in prompting further interest in the narrative.

Story Craft Quality: 6.5/10

The passage demonstrates strong imaginative world-building and descriptive ability, but its story craft could be improved by a clearer narrative drive, more immediate character motivation, and a more streamlined introduction of fantastical elements to ensure the reader remains grounded in the unfolding events.

>>24526951
The provided text is not a plot outline for a novel, but rather a single, conditional statement speculating on the financial threshold an AI company would need to cross (hundreds of millions to billions USD in profit) to justify the monumental user backlash from stealing intellectual property, specifically referencing a hypothetical "new transgender form of JK Rowling's IP." As a plot outline, it is entirely undeveloped, lacking characters, specific conflicts, setting details, or any discernible narrative arc, thus making it impossible to rate as a story structure. However, it could serve as an intriguing premise constraint within a larger, more detailed narrative about AI, corporate ethics, and the power of public outrage.

>>24527117
In current year this is new and innovative albeit, let a dame damsel in peace

>>24527143
>cinema > literature
this is the correct opinion

what's with the mindbroken retard replying to people with AI responses

>>24527443
>Slop
The ground we till, with care or slopping hand,
Doth yield at last the measure of our toil;
For whatsoever seed throughout the land
Is cast abroad upon the fertile soil,
That same shall spring, and bring forth fruit or spoil.
No man may gather grapes from thorns, nor figs
From thistles sharp, for all his weary moil;
But as he sows, so shall he dance his jigs,
And what he plants in youth, in age he wisely digs.

Hello. Anyone care to rate an excerpt from the latest chapter that I wrote? It consists mostly of dialogue and the excerpt's taken from the middle of it.

>Some context to avoid being lost
t's a political fantasy fiction story and the POV (Skor) is attending a meeting with his Ambassador at the Embassy of a conquered province.

It's 1.9k words long. I'd appreciate feedback mostly on prose and dialogue, less on story/plot.

Here it is: https://medium.com/@panosfrag/chapter-9-excerpt-c7f9e9205022

>>24527550
Hey buddy, I think you've got the wrong door, the webnovel club's two blocks down.

>>24527583
What's that supposed to mean? I aim not to make money from my writing or shill for a platform or promote some other work. This is just a hobby of mine and I occasionally post snippets here to gather opinions.

>>24527550
We don't write here, newfag

>>24527612
Apologies! I forgot

>>24523708
Depend on your objective.
If you want to preserve the handwriting then direct scanning is best.
If you want the handwriting editable then mapping them as vectors might be a good option, though off the top of my head I am unsure of a way to automate several pages easily.

If you just want the text, then good oldfasion data entry/typing it in is likely to give the best results.

>>24527599
Okay? What you posted is still a webnovel, which is off-topic on /wg/.

>>24527882
dumb sperg

>>24527892
>>24527892
>>24527892

>>24527890
I don't make the rules. I just complain when they're broken.

>>24527911
rules, like language, are meant to be used descriptively rather than prescriptively

>>24527938
>prescriptive involves providing guidelines, rules