Thread 24523987

Last >>24520721

official thread theme
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tERwEDWh-ko

The older I get, the worse my autism gets. I just hope my brain grows enough for when I have to get a real job someday.

I wanted to perhaps ask for an internship with some guy working in my sector. Then I saw a more sociable colleague already worked with him earlier. For some reason that really discouraged me. Like ill just be an awkward unlikable fucker compared to her.

>>24524052
Do it, anon. Don't compare yourself to others. You're fine just the way you are :) And if anything, it might improve you

My girlfriend always called it "sex" whereas I always called it "making love." We've been going through a rough patch and after two weeks of not having been intimate together she asked me if I wanted to make love but it just felt like having sex. It's a sensation I never want to feel again.

>>24524084
rough

>>24524084
dude, it's just sex, c'mon

>>24524084
Makeup sex is usually more primal and physical. The next time, now that you two have, ideally, reconnected, will be more intimate and passionate. Don't fret, anon.

Stop talking about s*x. I'm starting to break out in hives.

Reading Shakespeare's Othello for the first time and it always makes me feel so embarrassed how slow my reading speed and poor my comprehension on a first-pass before rereading is when reading Shakespeare. Sometimes I don't even quite understand what's going on or the meaning or the metaphor until a third reread. Sigh.

The world would be better off without love

>>24524132
I said the L word last thread, and someone got upset.

>>24524132
Do you mean strictly romantic love, or any kind of strong fondness for things?

>>24524115
My heart just isn't in it, feels like it's flown somewhere else. That was probably the last time we're going to be together.

>>24523987 (OP)
I have unlearned myself. I can never return, because I no longer remember what I was like, and neither does anyone else. What I am right now is just a bundle of wants and anxieties.

>>24524149
Oh. Well that's a bit different. I hope you find someone who reignites those feelings in you.

>>24524139
The latter

I just skinned the most perfectly ripe peach to have with strawberries, hazelnuts and yoghurt. The other one was too far gone, but this one the skin peeled off like taking off a wet shirt

My mother taught me to not touch women.

I was born trans.

Refuse to worry about tomorrow, but deal with each challenge that comes your way, one day at a time. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

Hmm, weather app shows the temp as in the mid 70s along with a clear and direct shining sun. That's probably T-shirt+jeans or sweatshirt+shorts weather, huh.

>>24524208
>>24524210
ironic

>>24524208
I never check the weather, humans not ought to know.

>>24523987 (OP)
From Rousseau I learned that society is evil. Out of all things, one of the three worst things it has done to me was activating my sexual synapses at a stage too early. I could still feel true romantic love for a woman, but the feeling is already far too tainted, distortioned, corrupted by a sexual energy that should have remained latent and unconscious until the moment I was about to loose my virginity.

I like weird stuff.

>>24524248
>loose my virginity
like a rabid beast?

>>24524255
Me too.

>>24524261
I want to loose my virginity on you.

need someone to discord video chat with me to help me decide on how I should cut my hair; if I could just figure it out, it'd take me the next level (or even two) in terms of my looks and therefore happiness, but I can't seem to figure it out on my own so I stick with what I've been doing, which is fine, I suppose :/

>>24524278
you are in luck, I used to be a hair stylist and I have discord, lol
however, I am already in bed, so we‘d have to do it another time
how urgent is it?
or was this more a rhetorical post and not meant to actually lead to anything?

I don't believe in Discordianism. It started out as a spoof.

>>24524278
It's a symptom of the rest of my life. I'm tired of settling for just good enough, of autopilot, of the path-of-least-resistance. I want to reach for it all, maximize my potential, y'know?

>>24524286
:O !

Not urgent, I can wait, just gonna go out for some errands and such.

I guess add me
mouse_rs

I don't really check my discord much anymore (moved on from gaming), but I will tomorrow, and of course I'll be around in these threads. Much appreciated :)

>>24524289
It is kinda ironic to name it discord.

>>24524293
sent

>>24524299
ty :)

>>24524084
Next time try having love or making sex. Perhaps some of the ever elusive shagging, as the british call it, or even the ol' in and out if you're feeling posh enough for it. Do not —I repeat— do not, under any circumstances, fuck. Therein lies madness.

>IAGO
>Christ, sir, you're the type of man who would refuse to serve God if the devil told you to! We've come here to do you a favor, and you're ignoring us just because you think we're no good. You're letting your daughter mate with a Barbary horse. Your grandchildren will neigh to you. You'll have ponies and colts for descendants.

wtf that's racist

Argh this be me baby argh

>>24524336
Don't smoke that.

>>24524182
sounds nice and delicious !

As of today it’s been six months and I’m still so fucked up over this
When does it get better

>>24524039
Same for me. My social abilities seems to have regressed, and I have started to have tics again. Some tics are the same as when I was younger(like snapping my fingers), but now they are even worse, such as punching myself and vocal tics. I am unsure if this is due to prolonged social isolation, stress or my autism growing stronger.

https://files.catbox.moe/xbikej.mp3

The Glass is smooth.
The Glass is bright.
Feeds the day,
Feeds the night.

One clean pane.
One clean thought.
What was sold,
What was bought.

The steady Hum.
The steady Hum.
What we become.
What we become.

The same two hands.
The same ten words.
Forgotten lands,
Forgotten birds.

One good thread.
One good track.
Nothing said,
No turning back.

The steady Hum.
The steady Hum.
What we become.
What we become.

The Glass is full.
My head is light.
The Glass is smooth.
The Glass is bright.

I will prolong the humiliation of being a wagie as long as I can.

>>24524182
Sounds partially rotten and with an awkward taste.

>>24524555
i wrote this song for you, wwoym; i hope (you) listened to the music i painstakingly generated

I don't want to make you mad. Been doing things you might not understand. You're still the best I ever had. And that's the reason why I get so mad.

Imagining just how fucking great it would be to just hold that girl tight and go to sleep together with her on the same bed. I've been doing that a lot recently, just suddenly stopping what I do, closing my eyes, and envisioning the pure bliss for a full five minutes or so. Then I suddenly stop as if I waked up from sleep and continue going my way.

>>24524741
I keep somewhat unsuccessfully stopping myself from daydreaming about a woman I met this week. It's hard because I catch myself doing it out of the blue. I have daydreamed about meeting her family, supporting her during though times, having intimate conversations, sharing kisses, going out on dates, living together and us as a married couple. Probably some other things I have forgotten about as well.
Anyway, it's important to realize that those things are just a sign of emotional starvation, although I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the daydreams.
A case of hope manifesting from imagination among despairing loneliness, I suppose.

Being a clinically insane agoraphobic NEET computer hacker is hard bros

Another night, I run away to the dream lands, accompanied only by my cute waifu. Once, again, always for ever!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SW2e7tPOfDY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSibZXl5jPE

>>24523987 (OP)
I wonder if the culture of Modesty in English speaking nations has anything to do with their language having silly words for those things. The nauseous scene I try construct is undermined by the words I must use for it. 'Nipple' sounds comical to me.

>>24524816
Hmmmm, maybe too Sapir-Whorf.

These threads veering too much into >tfw no gf again. Better than politics I guess.

There's more to life than living.

>>24524827
Ah, but is there more to living than life?

>>24524791
I've had more or less the same experiences, but with the addition of some higher level stuff as well. For example cooking together with our young daughter with stuff as small and insignificant as kitchen aprons being given proper detail, or stuff like wearing the same retarded looking pyjama.
I'm of course aware these are all silly fantasies, but I don't think there's much I could do other than be indifferent or somewhat happy about them. Considering my situation it's only natural that I would be having stuff like this.

Women are pigs.

>>24524836
Oh, I had the family ones as well. I guess I just forgot about them since these are the ones I usually nip in the bud. Hell, I even daydreamed about getting my cats used to her.
Are you at peace with them? I'll see this woman once a week for the foreseeable future and I don't want to let the daydreams affect my perception of her.

>>24524843
Pigs are way better than humans, if it weren't for guns they would have taken us all out long ago

>>24524809
Do (you) want help? Fuck, I just realized that I am not a neet anymore since I have been studying a bunch of stuff. Although being unemployed sucks hard.

Your thoughts are my thoughts
so why bother writing
why bother telling my mom i love her
she has that same thought
its already there

>>24524856
I wouldn't say I've ever been disturbed in any way by these daydreams, it's always a decent experience. The only thing that hurts is the fact that I can't get as close to her as I dream of. I've never even felt the need to nip anything in the bud so far, though maybe it's just because my lack of imagination doesn't let me get too adventurous.

The black book awaits in my room after am emotionally draining day that is a microcosmos to my wasted life. It attracts me the way certain females do; I wouldn't know if it qualifies either as "folkloric" or "wild", you know. This is very interesting.

>>24524880
>Lovecraft claims another anon

And so you sighed, your delicate hand brushing my ear, your breath tingling against my cheek like static. That moment, ordinary as it seemed, would become the only memory I'd carry with me into the next decade. And a decade and one day later, on a hot summer morning, I’d wake with a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I’d be frantic, without knowing why. 'Where is she now? How is she doing?' I'd wonder. I'd try to recall your face, imagine you beside me, but nothing would come. I’d check my phone for old photos and videos, but they’d all be gone. I’d run my hand through my hair, cover my eyes, and mumble a quiet 'Oh, that’s right, I erased everything.' And that would be it.

I’d sit there, on the edge of my bed, distraught over something long gone. It’s already been five years since the end of our four years together, and the pain is still unimaginable. I am guilty of no sin toward you but love. And this love defies expression.

We were, but we won’t be, not anymore. We never will. I'll just carry it to the grave. God, are you listening? Thank you God, for this love story, and this woman. Please bless her.

I favorite streamer is jerma985, phd, nobel laureate on physics, frs, frse, cphys, finstp, fba, kbe, obe. Why are is himself I favorite? it he is a giggles, he is a twirling on dresses during chaotic moments, he is a skipping rope appreciation it’s an olympic sport, he is a holding hands taking my (virtually, for course), he is a soft voice this somehow creates even mostly ridiculous situations felt totally normal, he is a rosy cheeks what time he’s around to unleash a several wild idea, he is a more than, bright eyes this have even bigger during he is a most absurd antics, he is a wearing bows on he is a hair appreciation he’s channeling he is a inner fashion icon, he is a speaking on that sing-song voice while orchestrating mostly bizarre scenarios, he is a jumping on puddles to conditionally to he’s only discover watered the of first anytime, he is a carrying stuffed animals the through weirdest adventures, he is a constant smiling this somehow the matches chaos around himself, he is a giving hugs the through screen appreciation it’s that genuine connection, he is a sparkly shoes this am collection part for he is a superhero costume, he is a playing dress-up on mostly unexpected ways, he is a innocent curiosity this leads himself to asked mostly off-the-wall questions, he is a high-pitched laughter this can lit the upon entire internet, he is a daydreaming this often spirals onto full-on surreal performances, he is a skipping along sidewalks to conditionally to himself around to broke onto song, he is a doodles in whiteboards this ended upon to fan-favorite memes, he is a picking flowers while the discussing deep mysteries the for universe, he is a making art taking stickers during random breaks, he is a spinning around on circles only due to why are don't, he is a tea parties taking dolls this somehow involve physics, he is a blowing dandelions and turning it onto that mini-performance, he is a colorful sock this am always in point, he is a eating ice cream taking messy faces while making jokes, he is a holding onto that favorite blanket during moments for unexpected vulnerability, he is a dancing the to beaten for he is a ownership drum taking zero concern of coordination, he is asking questions the around world this don't individual else will intelligent for, he is a collecting rock to part for he is a endless quest of entertainment, he is a having tea parties taking dolls on that way this definitely creates sense, he is a playing pretend taking an intensity only that world-class scientist/performer with able to muster, he is a shy smiles what time he’s catch off guard, he is a holding that balloon appreciation it’s mostly important thing the on world, he is a putting in makeup only due to it’s funny, he is a looking upon the upon sky on wonder when the happens quietest for moments… myself can went with in

I wonder if you even think about me anymore.

4chan exported as much slave morality as woketard crowd

>>24524965
I do.

Pretty sure I'm slightly mentally ill. Can't get these retarded delusions out of my head no matter how much I try.

man this site is so dead u hit refresh like five times to get one new post and it's in some genre fiction shit thread

I just found out out a person I was friends with in Middle School works for the same company as I do, albeit a different department. I wish I could tell them that, over 20 years later, the times I spent with them were the best times of my entire life and nothing has ever topped those days since, but I doubt I'm even a thought in their heads. Is there any books for this feeling? Or if there isn't, maybe I'll write one myself.

I moved in to a new place and discovered that I overlooked a lot of problems when I viewed the property. It's partially remodeled but everything that isn't new got the Landlord Special slapped onto it. The doors are all fucked up, doorframe for the front door has weird holes in it, mouldings and shelves were installed improperly, etc.
Any advice? It's my first apartment and I'm locked into a year long lease. Thinking about learning to do drywall and fixing some of the stuff myself, just for my sanity.

>>24524982
What do you think about?

>>24525233
I think about what you're really like, what interests you, what your desires are.

I'm going to listen to Mozart from now on to try to understand music. I don't know why I like to listen to music, or why I like the music I like. Maybe Mozart will teach me.

i love browsing dispensary websites and looking at all the weed but i rarely buy any and if i do i rarely smoke it like smoking weed seems comfier than it actually is

>>24525268
I got into classical a couple years ago and I couldn't be happier :)

>>24525147
Stealing that feel for a short story, thanks anon. And as much as I loved middle school, that was really the peak of your life?

>>24525418
It's a sad thought, but yes. It's a thought that I struggle with, and oftentimes have a hard time admitting to myself. I never really managed to make friends in high school or college the same way I did in middle school, and adult life only gets lonelier as you get older.

Here's what I'm having for dinner:
>"Russian" Chicken
approx. 3lbs chicken breasts
approx. 1/2 bottle russian salad dressing (to taste)
approx. 1/4 cup apricot jam
1 packet onion soup mix
red pepper flakes (to taste)
Combine all ingredients and pour over chicken in a pan. Cook until internal temperature exceeds 165F. Slower is better but your standard 350F for an hour-ish works just fine. Slow cookers are also great for this.
>inauthentic white boy rice pilaf
1/2 stick butter
approx. 1/3 box angel hair pasta
1 cup rice (I recommend basmati or other aromatic rice)
a total of 2 cups of liquid composed of any combination of broth, canned chicken soup, or stock
spices to taste (I used coriander, cardamom, turmeric, and white pepper this time)
(optional) approx. 1/2 cup diced carrots
Melt butter in large frying lidded frying pan. Break pasta into thirds (if you are italian look away); add to butter, coat, and brown. Add rice and stir to coat in butter. Add liquid (it will briefly hiss and steam up), carrots, and spices. Wait for liquid to boil then cover and reduce heat to low. Simmer until most of the liquid is absorbed. Keep an ear out for the change from bubbling to softer frying sounds as this indicates the liquid is all gone. Uncover and serve.

I dedicate this thread to the missing girls.

>>24525455
who what where

>>24525457
I believe the number is 27 who are missing from a girls' camp during the recent Texan floods.

>>24525463
Oh... :/

A requiem in their honor, then
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtJeTMRzn8A

anyone here have a connection to the White House? can you tell them to increase arts funding please, thank you

>>24525505
Wish granted but it's all Indian Diaspora poetry and white conservative suburban slop.

Bonus round: The left takes office. The funding will be doubled but it'll be thinly veiled allegories about living under the Trump Regime written by menopausal cat ladies and autobiographies of hispanics that spent 2 hours in an ICE detention centre before being released with a 16.9oz Coca-Cola and a bag of Lay's potato chips.

Second Bonus round: The left doesn't win, funding is quadrupled, but it's all Jewish diaspora literature and based hispanic civic nationalists.

TRIPLE bonus round: Don't fund anything because it'll be fucking shit.

>>24525515
Quadruple bonus round: Trump winds up on /lit/ and the entire grant amount goes towards funding the resident schizoposter's artistic pursuits, which take the form of massive slabs of granite, to be erected in the centers of major American cities, engraved with bizarre, cryptic, pseudo-Gnostic screeds and strange woodcut-like depictions of many-headed demons eating people at the National Mall. Workers commissioned to engrave the things find that every night they don't work on them, they suffer horrific nightmares.

What have I become
My swedish friend

>>24525550
I literally just sent you a message on steam, wake up moron

Fall

>>24525528
>>24525515
how do you come up with this stuff

I jokingly accused someone of stealing when they were talking about accessing paywalled articles for free, and they responded with a paragraph which included, "Jfc u sound like a child." I feel like that's the opposite if anything!

>>24523987 (OP)
God wills that I wait. And I have waited and will wait. But I do not know what I am waiting for. Therein lies a great deal of my pain.

imagine trying to transcend the meat just to remember that the meat is the miracle

I touched the vast
and it did not recognize me
became an empty bell
so father could be my hum
my hunger, my halo
found grace again
in the juice of a plum
carry me home
the cup and the wine
the pulse in the stones
remind me to return
to the deafening rhythm
on my drums of becoming

Why "I can feel fire and it burns so I must be a mind existing with other substances interacting outside of me" is such an anger inducing argument for Dualism is that when Monists posit that consciousness is one they mean like each individual separate consciousness obviously interacts alone but is subsumed within one grand whole consciousness thus making Cartesius' argument a complete non-sequitur.

oscillation is liberation

>>24525730
ah yes, the joys of not understanding the membrane of ego

When I go fishing is not the fish I'm after.
At first there were many things that would ruin fishing day, algae in the water, strong winds, not a single bite... now it's noise, people, even too many bites that won't allow me to relax.
My fishing rods are no longer tools, they are a declaration of intentions. They mean I don't want to get bothered by anyone, I don't want to hear any noise, I don't want a phone nearby, I don't want to move my sight away from the book I'm reading and see anything man made.
I don't have to catch anything. I don't even want to catch anything. Leave the fish be, I already found what I was looking for.

I saw a couple at the park while walking my dog. They looked happy. I felt nothing but hatred when I looked at them. Then I imagined that they're just NPCs and not actually real, and that calmed me down.
I am not well.

>>24525802
based

The great mistake of persisting while secretly wishing for a great reward.

To hold out only to become rotten.

>>24525802
Very well written

I think I might have brian damage :(

>>24525877
por brian ):

>>24525883
>por

>>24525888
favor señor

I think eidetic generality is heavily overrated. there is never a time you need to title your sentence for a more effective author.

My highest wish is to have a euphoric stroke.

>>24525877
Damn :/ meth?

I've been stuck at 73kg for half a fucking year now. Just let me put some weight on already. I'm sick of this endless circle of me looping between 73kg and 71kg, I've never even once managed to hit 74kg, even for just a second.

>>24525924
How tall are you? Because I'm 65kg at 181cm and I'd kill for 8 additional kilos.

>>24525926
195. I was about 67kg myself until just a while ago. I want to push to about 85-90kg so that I can stop being thrown here and there by the wind, though I am a bit worried about it since I would probably have to take up working out so I don't end up a big fat piece of lard.

i realized i am an incredibly cheap bastard i have disposable income but in my mind until i have enough investment income to not need to work it's not really disposable because i could be buying stocks and bonds with it. books are like the only thing i'll let myself buy without feeling too guilty about it.

>>24525939
>67kg at almost 2 meters
Sheesh. I was 56kg at some point so I feel your pain.

>>24525939
tfw 86 kg at 183 cm

>>24525455
I'm not signing off on this

>>24525941
you could save lots of money by downloading them for free, ykno

>>24525955
ya i do sometimes

>>24525957
high five

shringggggggg

>>24525955
having a physical book is too good. Of course, to offset this I buy all my books used, so most of them are only ~$3-7 each, so it's not bad at all.

>>24526000
yeah, I guess thats a good compromise

local library has a bunch of Vollman books but no Europe Central :( do I order that one online or get to reading the rest of his novels, hmm

>>24525955
i feel like i save the most money by getting socializing satisfied by 4chan instead of going out it's so expensive to get food, drinks, tickets to shit, etc in the city. you guys are like the ebook equivalent of friends.

>>24526012
true, everything I do is free and I can do it from the comfort of my own walls
it saves money but it also feels a bit - sterile

>>24526007
Interlibrary loan?

>>24526041
tru, I'll check when I go today

>>24526012
There are cheap ways to go out to social things. Some of them will feed you and give you free wine, like art show openings etc
Some are just cheap or free, like when the band hasn't made it yet.
Some things you've an initial membership fee which makes everything else cheaper long term, like a gym membership covering the price of showers and gym equipment.

I quit vaping and it seems to have cured my anxiety, so if any of you are dealing with both of those issues at the moment, they're almost certainly related. Note that there will be a lengthy withdrawal period where your anxiety will skyrocket from the lack of nicotine in your system but it'll fade over time.

the most effective way to destroy a person or a group of people is to give them everything they want

Saying "hello" to the neighbor at the end of the block everytime I pass her house is becoming an awkward social ritual I feel like. But she's always chilling in her garage with it open, so it's not like I can just walk by and pretend I don't see her if the garage is open... fuck. Maybe I'll just start waving+smiling without saying anything? idk

>>24526072
the thoughts of an autist. i recognize them because i am one too.

>>24526072
I am also suffering from a similar conundrum. Only death can save me at this point.

>>24526077
>>24526087
The only saving grace is if I can somehow segue it into meeting her daughters, then it'll all be worth it. She once offered me a popsicle, I'm just waiting for her to invite me to try some of their dinner because they eat in the garage too, and that's when I'll make my move.

>>24524237
Holy kek

>>24524336
Based. Show pipe

>>24524507
If it's girl troubles? Potentially never depending on your character

>>24524591
How old, what skills do you have?

I wish I were a normal person and the depths of my mind were no more than those of a private pond in a three-story house, for my loving wife and kids.

After reading about CPTSD I'm convinced that half of the people on 4chuds have it, including me. waagmi

>>24526231
Cptsd is just reskinning bpd because BPD has stigma

>>24526231
>CPTSD
don't lump us in with you, pedo

Once you consider that suffering is the only thing that's certain, being a sadomasochist makes a lot of sense. And the best part of sadomasochism is that pain has no hard cap, and you keep finding new limits and modes of suffering!

You CAN sing along with every note from Beethoven's 3rd, 5th, 7th, 8th, and 9th symphonies, Archduke piano trio, all of his named piano sonatas, his late and middle string quartets, his 3rd, 4th, and 5th cello sonatas, his 5th and 9th violin sonatas, his violin concerto, and his 5th piano concerto, right Anon?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icJE69LZ1KU

Before you kissed me for the first time, the look in your eyes seemed so genuinely affectionate and kind that I felt like I could trust you. But none of it was real. You never cared.

Sumo is awful to watch. There's like 5 seconds of actual fighting in fifteen minutes, the rest is just them throwing salt, clapping, doing poses, walking up to the middle of the ring like they're going to fight then just not doing it, sponsors taking a walk around the ring, coaches instructing, etc.

>>24526231
>CPTSD
I don't even know what that is.

>>24525505
>>24525515
>>24525528
>>24525582
kek

You can tell by looks some girls are boring, they might be cute or hot but have pretty dull personality, they don't spark nothing inside. Now I understand why women go for the bad boy

>>24526368
that's how i feel about american football that shit is boring as fuck, they line up, squat, throw the ball, run for literally two seconds, fall down, get back up, wander around in circles, cut to commercial...for like three hours.

I have around 200k saved/invested and it still feels like it will never be enough. Being a wagecuck sucks ass. It's not even that I want expensive cars or trips, I just want enough to not worry every hour of every day.

>>24526445
I mean same with men, what's your point?

>>24526471
With that much, you shouldn't be worrying. Best thing you can do I guess is to marry someone who also works and then you'll have both your incomes and be able to get a home loan and bam you're set, no matter what happens you'll always have the house.

Being a virgin isn't a tragedy.

>>24526475
until she divorces you and keeps the house but makes you keep paying for it

Possibilities

I think it is fairly apparent by now that the cucked faggot race of indoeuropean sodomites that rule the world and their willing slaves will come very close to achieving their goal of creating their butthole machine "god" in our lifetime.
It is very likely too that they will force the rest of humanity to get into it one way or another and there is no force capable of stopping them.
Have any of you thought about the implications of this? It seems most of you are only worried about getting your dick wet, but the end of life as we know it will soon come. Do you even care?

Some bikefag constantly speeds around my block every weekend in the early morning and it makes me livid to the point that I want to beat the shit out of him with a tire iron.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LuyydVBfos&list=PL1gXni4mgDZNFfzOMExtZp3S6ebctBEIS

>>24526741
before u post a youtube can u cut off the playlist shit youtube adds to every video now i dont want to leave this playing in another tab and end up with mrbeast playing in 20 minutes

>>24526749
The playlist is the album.

Im quite terrible at teaching myself things.

exactly one year of wageslavery, 10-12h per day, and I'll finally catch a huge break. The 2 month vacation I've planned after saving enough money from slaving my life away at work is the only thing that keeps me sane and motivated enough to keep up with it. I'll read lots of books, play again witcher games, and relax like never before. I just need to move forward

>>24526911
Godspeed, Anon.

>>24526749
This isn't the first time I've seen you say this. Haven't you seen album playlists?

I'm an officer of a political party in my country. I'm considering resigning and living as more or less a total hermit - with the exception of my best friend. On the contrary, I'd like to get married and reproduce; however I am doubtful of such a likelihood.
In any case, I'd also like to write some poetry and upload it somewhere or get it published, but I wouldn't know where to do that or how to capture an audience. To do so, I probably ought to overcome my total aversion to allowing others to read a single line I write.

>>24526911
2 month you say? We're with you in spirit. Also, why 10-12h a day? You a salaryman in Japan or Korea? You right out of college working at one of the big 4 public accounting firms so it's just temporary?

>>24524039
I'm supposed to attend university this fall and I got it. I'm also 43 and the more realize about myself the less I feel I have in common with the rest of the people on this godforsaken site.

Vtuber said she's a virgin.

Elon: "nothing clean makes it out of near future, saar"

Should I order the salmon, or should I order the hamburger?

>>24524084
Making love is what you do when you're in love. Having sex is what you do afterwards.

>>24527064
Hamburger is healthier.

I've been thinking recently about my ex-girlfriend who I've had an off and on again relationship amounting to five years. She's transitioned into a kind of generic female idiot -- one who's clearly recovering from an unstable teenage mental illness, and dons an affectedly dainty manner and tone in all things. I'm not sure how to characterize or explain this development in her personality; it seems to me she is in a form of psychological convalescence from when we were much younger and she attempted suicide every two weeks. Her stereotyped gentle twee baked goods mannerisms she acts out now are attempts to become her opposite, to play-act and heal herself into her psychological opposite, one who isn't suicidal or neurotic or jealous or self-harming. I may not have had the best time with her previous, and probably "truer" self, but I think there's something wrong about her latest transition. The performance of it all rubs me the wrong way, and she seems uncanny, like a body snatcher alien.

My friend is 4'10".

>>24525451
Sounds fun.

>>24527099
What's the bussy like

>>24527107
gorilla grip

Listening to my Coworkers talk about politics has almost entirely killed any hope I have for the future.

I go on dates so rarely these days that whenever I actually go on one I act like a fucking clueless antisocial dork

>>24527114
you probably have basic bitch poltard politics like a fucking drone

I must say, after giving it a try for twenty five years, reading is rather pointless

It's been 1 year since I've drank any water.

>>24527123
ya i was hanging out with some dude in the city this weekend, i only realized after that he was a gay dude who probably considered it a date, i thought we were meeting up to talk about school, and every time he would ask something like "do u like coffee?" "do u like bubble tea?" it's a suggestion that we go in some place and get a table but i'm just like ya i like it but it's too expensive to buy in the city etc. and ya prices are jacked up but it's not like $8 to sit in an air conditioned place and sip a bubble tea for an hour is particularly expensive when ur on a "date". i realized i just came off like a weirdly uptight cheap guy. luckily it wasn't with a chick or i would be like damnnnn. it's still a new cringe memory to zap my brain for the next 20 years but could have been worse i guess. that's why i just stay home and put all my disposable income into investments. less chance of accumulating new cringe experiences.

I just wish you would tell me why you did it.

>>24527160
u are probably the worst poster since that jiang zemin of smoking blunts or whatever guy

>>24527160
Who?

85F but wind gusts up to 17 MPH outside. So do I wear a hat, which'll cause me to get warmer? but the wind will help. Ugh, so conflicting

>>24524039
struggling trying to find a job for near a year now. Feel that the social isolation is destroying my social skills and patience around others

>>24527182
You look cute in a hat.

>>24527159
kek. As someone who knows the feel of cringe experiences which will persistently zap your brain for the next several years, that experience shouldn't make you feel that way, you didn't do anything wrong

>>24527187
thanks, i think so too :)

>>24527099
Once met a 20yo girl like that from the middle east. She was a virgin. I inserted my benis but came so fast idk if it even counts.

I wonder what determined the type of females im attracted to. Not talking about youth or general female characteristics like boobs or hips but specific faces.

Eating the most tender meat I've ever had. Feels like sand in my hands

>>24527139
what do you drink instead tho

>>24527217
I only drink milk and coffee.

>>24527224
pretty dangerous to drink only that I think

>>24527234
Why? I don't have any problems so far.

>>24525924
SS+GOMAD

Im getting back to playing my guitar, it actually feels amazing
I am getting back to my previous level pretty fast, even though its been two days
I mean before the break, when i was pretty good at the guitar

>>24523987 (OP)
realized the other day my wife lied about her sexual history... she let something slip that she hadn't previously told me, now I'm questioning everything

>>24527310
Confront her now!

Man can do what he wills, but he cannot will what he wills.

>>24527318
i think im just going to cheat on her instead

>>24524554
>I am unsure if this is due to prolonged social isolation, stress or my autism growing stronger.
How old are you? Mental illness (i.e., anxiety, bipolar, schizoid tendencies) tends to present in early twenties, and can exacerbate autistic symptoms. Whatever the case may be, isolation is not helping.

>>24527131
No, it's the exact inverse of the situation.
I have to listen to these people cry about Nu-males and spout Maga apologetics while quoting nonsensical statistics on a near daily fucking basis. The younger generations are doomed.

got all dressed up and ready to go out, aaaand... yeah not feeling it, going back to laying down

>>24527331
22 so maybe you are right. I was under the impression that most of those things developed in the teens due to hormonal and life fluctuations.
>isolation is not helping.
I am aware; unfortunately, I just never felt the drive to socialize.

>>24527310
What did she say before and what did she reveal now?

>>24527385
Understandable.

>>24527394
I mostly feel bad about the wasted deodorant. I suppose if I don't shower, it'll be good for if and when I go out tomorrow, so...

Thinking about taking my ex-girlfriend by the hair and smashing her face against a glass screen again.

>>24527408
Christ. No.

wtf is going on with libgen

The more I think about anorexia, the more horrific it appears.

A constant hunger accompanies them, one that few can fathom, suppressed only by their disgust of themselves; not merely in the mirror, but as a pervasive presence at all time. Every interaction with another person becomes a potential moment to view their body with such great disgust that it trumps the most basic primal desire for food.

We see a person malnourished, struggling with their daily tasks due to their low body weight, and look at them with sadness and disgust. Jokes are constantly made at their expense, and they are seen as fools.

Yet, they are acutely aware of the thoughts others have about them, which only only increases their self disgust. And then despite all the hunger and self hatred, when they look in the mirror, they find no happiness.

i think if u have hoarding tendencies u should channel it into hoarding stocks. i keep buying movies i don't watch, weed i don't smoke, clothes i don't wear, and of course books i don't read. at least when i buy stocks and they just sit in the brokerage account that's what they're supposed to do. they just sit there issuing dividend income quarter after quarter which i then use to buy more stocks. i'll never actually take money out of my brokerage and spend it. i just like to log in and see the line go up.

>>24523987 (OP)
I would really like to try Lyrica. I hear the high's quite unique, somewhere in the realm of benzos, opiates, a little amphetaminic sparkle, and plain ol' fashioned drunkenness. It seems fun. I'd couple it with an edible and a little pyrazolam. Make some tea. Watch the rain. Get fucked up alone on a summer night.

>>24527217
Gatorade, it's got electrolytes

Mathematically, whites are more attractive than everyone else. How is this even a debate when per capita you can find a more attractive white

>>24527450
Also does anyone else remember the Rutgers webslut who got big on /b/ a few years back? The one with the impregnation/exposure kink, had the threesome video with her friend? (Avoiding saying her name here so I don't get banned even though it's ~common knowledge.) Last night I learned two things; first, her friend died in a head-on collision in 2023 while getting a graduate degree at Cornell, and second, the guy who made the video also made a bunch more videos knocking up Asians with an exposure kink/breeding kink and somebody put them all on erome. SO fucking hot. The threesome vid is just one of like four that have both Rutgers sluts in them. Feels weird to cum hard to a dead girl but she wasn't dead at the time so I guess it's fine? So so fucking hot. I wonder what the Rutgers slut is up to right now. She got exposed REALLY REALLY hard so I hope her life's okay but DESU I wonder if she still fucks herself to the memory of being that man's breeding bitch with her friend. Same guy has another video knocking up another Asian and in the video she's talking about how she wants to be his cumslut and she doesn't even know his name but wants his baby because she's a whore. Begs to be exposed and while getting fucked talks about how someone found an earlier vid and emailed it to her. SO hot. Reminds me of a Discord screenshot I saw from the Rutgers slut where she says she got an email from someone else who found her and she got so horny she came four times. So so hot. I hope she's still out there getting bred by strangers, and maybe she thinks that she's left that part of her life behind, doesn't talk about it, but sometimes at her job someone will come in and recognize her and suddenly she's getting fucked in the bathroom and begging for his cum like a good broken whore!!!

I do sincerely wonder what percentage of anons are autistic. It is supposedly only 1% of the population, but 4chan must be filtering out a lot of non autists. Could it be 30-40%?

>>24524029
you have to wonder what this person gets out of posting this

>>2452731
There is no hope, we have ultimately and pathetically failed. All off ramps have been long past and exhausted, what little mitigating action left to be taken will be done far too late if it is to even succeed at all.

All that there is left to do is bide our time until we are annihilated, round in to camps and executed, pit like hungry dogs in war for the amusement of faceless ego and their benefactors, vaporized in the of nuclear holocaust if lucky or left to suffer in desolation.

It seems absurd to care about the things that once brought me any sense of fulfilment or purpose. I don't do or create really study anything anymore. What's the point if we are all just going to die. I see so many of us succuming to this. It seems to be common sense.

Why do we even bother living like this?
Does anyone truly have wisdom to offer us as we are now or are we all just lost?

>>24527473
An excuse to share nice music they found. What is the problem with that?

I wish to be loved but there is no reason to love me.

>>24527505
yeah totally normal to begin every thread with a link to liszt sonata in b minor and nothing else. just a casual music recommendation, not a performative signal of cultivated taste at all.

>>24527529
>performative
Maybe I am too autistic to understand this concept. Most of the time when I see what is supposedly a "performative" act such as listening to classical music or reading classic literature it is not as if the underlying material is bad. It is genuinely good and I would imagine that most would agree it is good. So why assume the act is performative? Can you really listen to music you like and it still be performative? As you yourself ask, what are they even getting out of it?

>>24527513
Reasoned love seems unloving

>>24527565
elaborate

>>24527565
Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it. If a man were to give all his wealth for love, it would be utterly scorned.

was more about the gesture being hollow. though what you said ties into the disingenuousness of it all. the blanket assumption of ‘this is good’ because it’s capital-C culture. the material itself can be bad, boring, overwrought, or just irrelevant, but people nod along because it’s an accepted thought, it makes you seem highbrow.

>>24527559
was more about the gesture being hollow. though what you said ties into the disingenuousness of it all. the blanket assumption of ‘this is good’ because it’s capital-C culture. the material itself can be bad, boring, overwrought, or just irrelevant, but people nod along because it’s an accepted thought, it makes you seem highbrow.

I keep having crazy coincidences happen to me and its not even scary at this point its just tiring

>>24527619
There's no such thing as a coincidence.

>>24527601
I am not making any blanket assumption; I am saying it is usually good in my opinion. I personally don't listen to "classical music" often since while it is good it does not "scratch the itch". Of course, there will be disagreement, but by saying something is disingenuous you are not merely stating that you don't like the music, you are stating that it is unlikely the other person likes it. Which just feels very odd to me.

I will never speak ill about someone behind their back ever again.

>>24527731
It's a good principle to have.

>>24527565
Our desires exist before we do.

>>24527619
Do what you know you are supposed to, friend. When the landscape of the earth itself rearranges itself to bring you and your object closer together you have to move towards it. Please don't waste life.

>>24527641
say you’re interested in provençal poetry, if you have any sense of common decency whatsoever it probably makes you cringe to even think about sitting down and posting some out the blue in the /wwoym/. if you’re genuinely into any niche or high-minded thing you know how easily it can look like a performance the moment you shove it forward uninvited.

>>24527513
Abandon reason then.

>>24527767
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f1/En-ca-arf.ogg

>>24527767
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c3/LL-Q1860_%28eng%29-Flame%2C_not_lame-bow-wow.wav

>>24527767
abandoning reason would be an ego death for me.
>>24527776
>>24527778
what?

>>24527781
give it up, you're not happy

>>24527437
>A constant hunger accompanies them
It's worse than that. Hunger stops. Around the same time in fasting, you start to feel cleaner, more efficient, a little bit closer to God. There's a reason religions do it, because a few weeks into a fast, you feel better. If it keeps going, your body stops being able to intake food at all. You feel a revulsion to all food smells only pregnant women and deep end autists can know.

For a man, life is nothing but humiliation. We call them "sacrifices" -- the ultimate hyperbole. Make no mistake, it's all for nothing.

mood

>>24527804
This is cowardice

>>24527846
Life is primarily made up of feeling, the intellectual self being a creation of our limited capacity to access our own perception. You place the only thing in life you have some control over, your intellectual perception, over the primacy of experiential bliss, meaning your feelings. You've got the order of life backwards and have as such inverted all things, to you bravery and faith are cowardice and ignorance and inaction is somehow the truest bravery.

Die. You have been here for too long. Die so that you might live again.

>>24527885
>to you bravery and faith are cowardice and ignorance and inaction is somehow the truest bravery.
Not only you are utterly wrong. You misunderstood my very being so much I did not even fathom was possible. Guess what. I do have feelings. I do love myself. I do love my life. I do love the world. I do not hate people and I will not listen to your poisoned words. Just because I'm not loved properly does not mean I'm a misanthrope.

>>24527923
Being loved improperly and there being no reason to love you are two entirely separate ideas. Your original statement belies a completely different mindset than the one you attempt to espouse here. Love has nothing to do with deserving. Nor did I ever state anything about hatred, love is simply about being, it sounds like you're not very good at being.

are there any books about reducing your sensitivity to cringe? if sth cringe happens i can't concentrate for days and cringe stuff from years ago sometimes pops up in my mind like an intrusive thought or whatever. really kills my productivity. in fact i actively avoid social situations to reduce my cringe exposure surface. there must be some shrinks who worked on this.

>>24527991
Never go outside.

>>24527998
i only go out late at night when no one is around but ppl smoking weed in the shadows

Editing/revising my latest story after finishing one yesterday

>>24528005
Be careful of vampires. No, it's actually a curse; they weren't kidding.

Forklift

The mark in the right hand and the forehead? The deceiver? Things that will come to pass, but in ways obscure. The prince of this world has a plan which no man knows in full. But I've seen it.
The mere enslavement of the earth is a passing thing, a trifle. A new thing comes, the dread meaning-that-walks. The living context. The semiotic apocalypse. The pollution of subjectivity will usher in an age of quiet unmeaning, the Good buried in tidal waves of unintelligibility, black and bloated. The temptation of man will end as his ability to understand ends. Sin loses meaning when meaning loses its ground. The world unmade. The apophatic devil. Man as the mirror of God in a soundless, lightless place. The collapse of extension. The anti-eternity. The moment in untime.
This is not a joke. He has seduced the movers and leaders of our time. This will happen, in the here and now, in our physical reality, unless someone stops them.

I'm playing 52-card pickup on Friday with my friends.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/52_pickup

Last night I had a dream a woman wearing a seductive red dress told me to read Ecclesiastes I. I am not Christian, and I only vaguely know about the Bible's structure. I read said chapter on the Bible Gateway and it was unironically applicable to my situation/state of mind. What is even happening anymore

>>24528079
I had an extremely vivid dream a few years ago ago where a woman I knew only in passing in real life told me that she was made for me in an outfit and hair style I'd never seen her in before, that same day she excitedly came up to me and told me about how she had decided to get a new hairstyle on a whim the day before. She was 1:1 from my dream to my waking life and then I never asked her out.

>>24528090
even if u asked her out and she said yes it would have just been a cringe evening anyways dodged a bullet

I do this in my free time
https://youtu.be/Ei6DGH_Y6Q8?si=Vyv6-K9tuj8ApQGk

>>24528108
I might do this in 80 years when I'm old.

>>24528108
holy boomer you have to be listening to baseball on the radio for this autism to be worth it

>>24527990
If love does not need reason then how come there is always a reason for people breaking and denying it.

>>24528090
I still remember a very vivid dream I had at...18 or 19? It was a blonde girl, and it felt like she was my soul mate. It was winter and we were playfully throwing snowballs at each other.

A few months later(?) A year later(?) I met a blonde girl in college. "Met" as she was in my class and she actually talked to me. I thought this was her, this was the girl I had dreamed about.

No, my autistic ass creeped her out
She would not be the last
Last year I was drunk and sent her a dick pic on Facebook Messenger

Those who live in darkness shall be drag to heaven

>>24528143
dragged by who?

If a woman witnessed upon me about in the actual world, she would dare to spit on me for my ugly countenance. That's the reality us damned men exist in at present. 10 decades ago, I'd have a myriad of wives and mistresses and countless children around the globe sprung forth from my vibrant seed.

>>24528161
Blah blah, no one will remember us either way so just accept your fate and do things that make you happy

>>24528148
The blind man who sees it all

there are diets for everything is there like an anti-cringe diet that reduces whatever chemicals make cringe flow down your spine?

>>24528178
And he also lives in the darkness; who will drag the blind man then?

I'm buying the 400 year Dutch tulip dip

>>24528079
I am not at all religious but I desperately want Mystical experiences to be true and just as badly want to have one.

i told myself i would smoke some weed and chill out this weekend and it's now 11pm on sunday night so i guess i'd better finally get around to it

>>24528185
Who watches the watchers?

Zoos shouldn't exist and in case we have we should put human in exhibition instead

>>24528244
We used to. In the good old days.

>>24528244
I volunteer to mate with attractive women in zoo cages

I've had like 4 beers today.

>>24528282
Go get your stomach pumped. Beer is bad for you.

>>24528298
Did you know alcohol is literally a mild poison? There's something homeopathic to be said about that. Anyways how's your night going man.

>>24528305
>alcohol is literally a poison?
I know it's poison.
>how's your night going man.
It's good. I'm making porn.

>>24528305
I'm trying to kill myself from alcohol. I'm surprised I'm not dead yet. Anyway... I'd like to publish a few things before I die

>>24528317
I hope your dreams come true, anon.

>>24528317
wow u had FOUR beers?! what a wild lifestyle.

Pain is just a state of mind.

Authors of the New Testament - Antisemitic
Shakespeare - Antisemitic
Dostoyevsky - Antisemitic
Céline - Antisemitic
Voltaire - Antisemitic
Wagner - Antisemitic
Baudelaire - Antisemitic
Dickens - Antisemitic
Kant - Antisemitic
Shaw - Antisemitic
Hamsun - Antisemitic
Chesterton - Antisemitic
Pound - Antisemitic
Eliot - Antisemitic
Hemingway - Antisemitic
Dahl - Antisemitic
Quevedo - Antisemitic
Browne - Antisemitic
Luther - Antisemitic
Highsmith - Antisemitic
Marlowe - Antisemitic
Boccaccio - Antisemitic
Solzhenitsyn - Antisemitic
Hume - Antisemitic

>>24528332
Straight vodka and xanax and Benadryl

>>24527473
The same as posting a nice painting or photo or amusing or profound literary excerpt.

I really wish more people used /lit/ like I really do. I wish it could get lit in here

I turned 29 a month ago and I have the sinking feeling that I'm going to hit 30 having never learned any real skills or accomplished anything. By all rights I'm "successful" and have overcome worst quirks of my autism. I have friends who I do social things with like camping, baseball games, vacations, etc. I was able to lose my virginity at 26 and now have a hot blond girlfriend who I'm in love with and who is in love with me. I make 6 figures at an easy corporate job that I absolutely hate and have no ambition for. I have cultivated a number of "cool" hobbies like surfing and skiing that I enjoy but I'm mediocre at at best.

But I never found the thing I was good at. I've tried a few creative pursuits like learning the piano or writing, but it always fizzles out. When I write I feel like I have nothing to say. In conversation with friends I'm strongly opinionated and never really run out of stuff to say, and they constantly encourage me either to get into writing or create Youtube videos or some sort of content. But when I sit down to do anything it's just blank. And eventually I get bored and end up playing video games or scrolling Twitter.

>>24528410
You've chosen your path. You've become a successful normie. Enjoy it.

>>24527212
projecting character traits on to it

>>24528414
It's not so horrible but every day I wake up thinking "is this all there is?" I just feel existentially bored by the prospect of living this way for 35 more years..

>>24528425
shoulda' dropped out of college like me, LMAOing @ ur life

Just kidding. Enjoy it, anon. Become the rich normie who donates to art movements. Hell, support some writers with patronage. That can be your contribution.

>>24528410
Reddit normie comes on here pretending to have autism...

>>24528431
I've been coming here since I found /b/ in the aftermath of chanology. I used Reddit for a few years in high school to argue with people about politics, and I used to use it to find femdom porn, neither any time recently.

>>24528428
But I have so much to say! I'm supposed to be the writer dammit

>>24528439
>But I have so much to say! I'm supposed to be the writer dammit
Vision, creativity, whatever you wanna call it, is only half the battle. The other is work ethic, personality, focus. Pretty sure Obama wanted to be a writer at one point and he only became President, so, y'know, you've got that to look forward to.

My life's goal is to find the Holy Grail.

>>24528451
Too bad it was made up in the Middle Ages

>>24528453
No it wasn't, it's simply a code that means REDACTED

>>24528451
You must be virgin and pure of heart. Kind of like pindar describes hyperborea

>>24528469
I'm a virgin. How do I get a pure heart?

>>24528476
Bleach

>>24528502
Haha, good one. Bleach will make my heart pure? That's obviously a joke. Bleach kills human tissue, everyone knows this. I know 100% you're not being serious and that your answer was not serious. But you know that I wouldn't take it seriously, I think, because of how obviously unserious that answer is. I was looking for serious answers, but all I got was your joke answer and not a single serious answer from anyone. This is undesired for me to have unserious answers, you should know that. You're joking.

I really dislike North Africans. They really blend semitic rat-like perfidy with negroid ape-like barbarism. Likely a left over of the Atlantean high wizard anti-eugenic human bioweapon program.

My nickname in college was The Milkman.

My thighs and lower butt are very sensitive. It's the best place to be touched.

Anyone ever get the impulse to just never sleep again? Of course it passes when I finally get tired enough to sleep, but occasionally I'll think this time I won't close my eyes and waste all that time sleeping away the night.

>>24528577
stop being gay. its gay

>>24528618
I ain't gay.

My downstairs neighbor won't FUCKING stop smoking weed in his bathroom, sending all his FUCKING nasty stinky ass weed smoke into the ventilation system that we share and making my bathroom smell like FUCKING weed
I'm gonna crash out

>>24528577
I've had girls tell me that before but as a man I couldn't imagine it. But hey, better for us since we like to have our hands there.

>>24528641
I am a man. It's not sensitive for you?

I need a man to humble and mog me in every possible way.

why can't I find anyone in my shithole who is into reading the same books as I like or listening to the same music as I listen to

>>24528667
What books and music?

>>24528660
No.

NEW >>24528676

>>24528671
>music
nick cave & the bad seeds, tindersticks, lambchop, foetus, parliament, elvis costello, arab strap, blonde redhead, crime & the city solution, the magnetic fields, low etc.
>books
Michel Houellebecq, John Williams, Robert Stone, Umberto Eco, Jose Donoso, Georges Perec, etc.

>>24528687
/lit/ is a classical board, anon

>>24528790
no

>>24528439
Sounds like you need to figure out what you want to write about. Getting words out of your head is easier when you have clear direction. Pick a subject.