Continued from >>24520262, >>24534899

Theme Requirement: Wrestling with the tension of opposites.
Character Requirement: Must include a religious fanatic

THE COMPETITORS:
>YAKUB2025 !21skGtio1A
https://rentry.co/YAKUB2025
>NMNKLT !RvZQcIWOLk
https://rentry.co/7grnz3wz
>torus !uE8I5FETHI
https://rentry.co/whoholyfools
>ineptia !!/7cMliSCHvi
https://rentry.co/QED_by_ineptia
>subtractingthethree !Tegn1XdAno
https://rentry.co/subtractingthethree
>meteor !9HyhcY5dDQ
https://rentry.co/ruvas6sv
>Momus Momus!W4fdl.SaKQ
https://rentry.co/imr7crqw

VOTE HERE:
https://strawpoll.com/GJn446rL3nz
(Closes Friday midday, UTC)

If you submit you should leave meaningful feedback for at least two other stories. Try to put in what you want back. There aren’t many places on this planet to get raw, no filter feedback, and it’s the best way to keep sharp and improve.

If you submit you MUST vote. If you don’t vote you will be taken off the ballot.

Once you have voted PLEASE reply ‘voted’ in the thread.

You CANNOT vote for yourself.

Submitters: When you vote on the strawpoll, use your trip when it asks for your ‘name’.
Anons: you can still vote, just make sure to reply ITT first, then use your comment no.# as your ‘name’ in the strawpoll.

When you vote, remember, it’s ranked polling. We are going to go back to 1st 2nd 3rd place voting.

The strawpoll will be released when submissions close. You will then have until next Friday 11th Midday GMT to read, vote and most importantly CRITIQUE

thanks for getting back this up for me, ineptia!

>>24536760
One of those months, lol.

Ineptia

These are my notes as I read:

>Infinities below the raspily tolling Gemowe Lines, the centrifuged point of the Anularis began to roil ordinates and abscissae into a single bleeding ring.
The rotation being described by the fury-swung point was neither clockwise, nor anticlockwise, but a new direction entirely: Instant

This is very bold opening, introducing dense mathematical language that is likely to alienate readers who are not familiar with your terms. I, however, enjoying learning as i read, e.g. abscissae being the relationship of lines and points. I will caution though, if I am not given a helping hand soon, I too will be alienated.

Ok so the more I read, the more i’m thinking - did ineptia really write a story about maths? Has ineptia really dramatised lines and points and equals signs? If so, this really is impressive. However, Anularis? A yearly occurrence? This is what throws me off because i assume maths to be outside of time.

I am quite big into sacred geometry and the dramatisation of lines and numbers so I do sort of have a hang on what is going on. Why does it feel true that parallel lines are arrogant?

I think you do have to throw the reader a bone though. Too much jargon and you close off the story. You have to allow an entrance into your imagination for it to blossom.

For example this paragraph:
>The Gemowe Lines shuddered in fluxes looking down on this latest stunt of verboten convergence; indeed, the Anularis had fashioned the most affronting of anathemas out of their envy for the pair’s unattainable alignment.

Here it feels as if you are attempting to actively alienate the reader. The question becomes, what is your aim with this piece? To impress? To confuse? To tell a story? To demonstrate your mathematical knowledge? I challenge you to ask this question to yourself. Once you have answered it, see if this piece is achieving that aim.

>Just then, resistance was born into this frictionless plane as mass started to burn into the Anularis’s fist.

Here, the abrupt embodiment of the story offers only confusion. Now there is mass and a fist.

I feel you need to at least give us some clue as to what Anularis actually is amongst the confusion of mathematical language. I am very interested in an idea of a story of mass emerging out of maths, almost like the how physicists concieve of the world without consciousness to percieve it, and to then have a consciousness emerge to make sense of the maths and experience it as mass and energy and the rules of physics.

>>24536915

fyi: latin without translation is a pet peeve of mine.

>had it always been uniformly quasi-imaginary?

This seems to confirm my suspicion that this story is about the abstraction of quantum maths (?) trying to find itself in reality?

>new power over both abstraction and matter.

Okay, I think I am on the right track! I have just finished the piece. It’s not secret you are a great writer with a complex style. The problem here is much like the problem of your story. This feels like pure abstraction, to the reader. It feels very insular. It’s like a dream you are a having and whenever someone asks you what it’s about you snap, and say It’s My Dream! I Shouldn’t Have To Explain! If You Don’t Get It, It’s Not For You! Which is fine, if you are content in living in the pure procedure of writing, if the act of putting into words these abstractions you experience in your mind is enough for you, then go for it.
A big question: are you able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes? Writing can be a terrific act of empathy. This seems to be a terrific act of verbiage. I just dont get a sense of you reaching out to the reader, there is no hospitality here, no ‘the reader and I’ just ‘Me and Mine’.

Please let me know if I was on the right track in understanding what you were trying to achieve. I do feel like you are this great force, but you need to direct and focus that force.

Thanks for sharing!

Meteor
>meteor !9HyhcY5dDQ

>counterfeit shillings

you could have shown this instead of telling us.

>their black wings folded like judicial robes

Amazing line

at the end of the first paragraph, i am both impressed and left wanting. You have this easy style that makes reading your writing so smooth, it’s a real pleasure to have my eyes run across the page. I do wish there was a little more cohesion though - the ‘narrative camera’ of my minds eye as it went across here was a little choppy and mismatched, like a badly edited movie. I know that you asked for forgiveness for your inaccuracies in the history and location, but as someone who lives in London, a few things do stick out as annoyingly untrue. e.g newton operated amongst many plagues and lockdowns. The inclusion of this fact that most likely defined life in London at this time would elevate this story for sure.

>, she moved like water finding its level, adapting to the space without surrendering to it.

another fantastic line

The paragraph where you personify his memory is also fantastic.

>She turned it between her fingers. "The luster," she said. "Too bright."
>”You confess, then."
>”I observe." She returned the coin. "As do you."

This dialogue is great.

>Ripley

Omg. someone else who knows ripley…this story is a dream for me!!!!

> false perfection mocking crude reality.
You don’t need this line. as the kids say, it’s giving chatgpt.

>"Reading is not a crime."
>”No. But it explains much." He studied her face.

i think in this time reading could actually be a crime. his retort to reflect, ‘the act of reading no, but the crime lay in what is read’

>"Then comes the washing," she continued. "Seven times, like Naaman in the Jordan.

this is truly spectacular, your attention to the process. I would mention however, that many alchemists performed their experiments on specific days, aligning their work with the position of the stars.

okay so you do mention the plague. Damn meteor, i would buy this book!!!!!

>"Knowledge obtained through sin is poisoned at its source," replied Newton. They were words ready-made. "That is the first and most important lesson of Genesis. The temptation of the serpent."

you could add here an interesting illusion to the gnostic notion that the serpent was in fact christ, because it offered awareness to humanity.

So, as i reach the end the this my jaw is to the floor. I am utterly smitten. Please tell me the sources you used to write this? I have been reading about alchemy through Marie-Louis Von Franz and a few other scattered texts (such as ripleys famous work) but the synthesis you have achieved here is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing. You nailed the tone, the atmosphere of secrecy and potential. The cadence was affected just enough to place it properly in time. Your knowledge of the alchemical process and the language used is, I can safely say, thorough. Voting 1st on this story for sure.

Just stop it, tripfag. Do a discord group for your circlejerk

Reported!

>>24537054
>reported
>Daddy! Daddy! There are writers discussing writing on a literature forum!

>>24537180
yo wtf? I didn't know you could delete comments on 4chan? .... have we attracted the eyes of the jannies?

>>24530482
>>24532033
>>24536915
>>24536920
My story is about the origin of light—“the point” is the first (and only?) photon—it takes place before Judeo-Christian Creation.
Light is half-wave (half-“theory”), and, oppositely, half-particle (half-“solid”).
At the end, the photon meets God (AΩ, “Alpha and Omega”) and becomes the electromagnetic spectrum in our universe—“Fiat lux” means “Let there be light” in the Vulgate.
Each line is seperated/spaced to emulate such Bible verses, particularly in the way this website presents them (sans the translation):
https://www.sacredbible.org/studybible/NT-27_Revelation.htm
I was reading it the past month as a source for easy/reliable Latin-to-English, but the esoteric imagery stayed with me, I guess.
I wanted to create a piece whose knack for appreception (its readability) was hindered by abstruse content/terminology, rather than just its symbolism.
This sounds dumb, but the story is kinda designed to filter people, much like how you need to be “in the know” to understand what means what in Biblical Revelation.
I raided online geometry glossaries and went down some Wiki rabbit holes to get some of the terms—though “monkey saddle” I did get from a physical book’s index.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_saddle
I already knew abscissa and ordinate from Sanborn’s Kryptos statue, but applicate (the Z coordinate) I only found out about in my quick research here.
“Gemowe Lines” were the proto equals-sign.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equals_sign
I doh’t think “Anularis” is a math term, but neither is AΩ—I wanted a bit of an exotic, truly un-understandable presence/character.
(Btw, “Anularis”/ring-shaped was meant to be “Anularius”/ring-maker, but I still suck at Latin and forgot the “u” after visiting Wiktionary, but same difference, lol.)
I also said “tensor product” (which looks like ⊗), but maybe the Anularis in that moment should have looked more upright, like a direct sum symbol (⊕)?
The character is basically doing an around-the-world yo-yo trick with the point to make (the first?) circle, which has infinite points crashing into themselves all along the curve—it’s this theory-density that created mass in their dimension.
>Why does it feel true that parallel lines are arrogant?
This exact sentiment of “arrogance” at impossible, unattainable perfection is something I got from Cixin Liu’s “Dark Forest” in his describing an absolutely smooth surface.
Thanks for reading, everyone.
It may take some time, but everyone will get a critique from me. Will vote tonight.

>>24537416
wow so yeah i wasn't far off with my estimation. Definitely impressive and what a feat of imagination. I think i still stand with my critique even though you said 'it's meant to filter people' ..i get that...but still, even the old obscure alchemical texts have a sense of decipherability with its undecipherability haha.

I would love to see this fleshed out more grounded a little more and potentially make some of your terminology cohesive. e.g drawing on such a disparate pool of source material makes the cipher un crackable.

bump, this one stays up.

bumping it for the lads

I'm surprised given the hundred(?) of daily posters on this board there's usually about 6 submitters a month who actually write anything to show others.

First want to reply some comments:

>>24530380
Yes, I do believe this, at least to an extent. I myself am driven by vanity. I'm not proud of it, but would I even be writing if not for these contests, if not for their stakes of praise and censure? There are the daily confessions of my journal and the letters that I'm writing to my infant son (apologetics I can't articulate otherwise), but fiction? Probably not. Of course, what I wrote here is a gross oversimplification. Newton was a far more complicated man than what can be captured in a mere 3000 words, but I can't believe that he came away unaffected by his father dying before he was even born (the same man whose name he bore all his life) and his mother abandoning him for another man (a reverend at that). We are all more than a single wound, of course, but maybe not more than the sum of our wounds.

As for how I came to the idea: serendipity mostly. I did my usual clustering method and remembered a lecture on Newton I had seen recently, about his obsession with the occult. Seemed perfect for the theme. Did some more research, found out he was warden of the mint and actually did interrogations of counterfeiters himself. The form of a dialogue/interrogation immediately sprung to mind. His famous celibacy suggested a sexual component (which played well with the usual associations of alchemy), more research revealed that there were actual female counterfeiters operating around this time period (e.g Barbara Spencer who was the primary inspiration), and the rest basically just wrote itself. Sometimes you just get lucky.

>>24536978
The Compound of Alchymy or The Twelve Gates by Ripley was the primary inspiration here, plus Theatrum Chemicum and Musaeum Hermeticum (both which I skimmed). Supported by Psychology and Alchemy by Jung (also skimmed).

Now to the critique:

>YAKUB2025 !21skGtio1A
The kind of work that could only be written on this website, kudos for that at least. Puerile and unpleasant. An impoverished imitation. Reads like AI slop. Reads like you haven't cultivated enough hatred to write satire that is actually funny. Recommend writing from a deeper place than detached, smirking irony.

>NMNKLT !RvZQcIWOLk
An absolute marvel of precision. Felt more like the beginning of something that was rudely truncated. I just wanted to keep reading, keep absorbing the clear visions. I didn't want to wake up. It reminded me a lot of Calm at Sunset, Calm at Dawn by Paul Watkins and, of course, Jack London. Only critique I can think of is about the dialogue at the end, a bit too spelled out, too philosophized, in some places clumsy (maybe because of how quickly it was written?). I think all the philosophy should come first and then the blood, then referenced by synecdoche (which gives the reader the pleasure of coherence). Nabokov said artistic delight lies between the shoulder blades and certainly this a work which delights the spine. Please write again.

1/2

>>24538547
>torus !uE8I5FETHI
Already commented how much I liked this. The voice/style in particular perfectly captures the exhausting enumerations of the Middle Discourses (which is my primary point of reference). It also possesses their same hypnotic cadence without all the tedious repetition. The details are wonderful and grounding and thematic. In terms of requirements, I think it met all of them beautifully. There's probably no sect as fanatical as the Burmese (except maybe the Thai Forest) and there's no better tension of opposites than that of modern war, modern life, and the ancient path of peace. I don't know what critique I can give that wouldn't be mere subjugation to my own tastes. There's nothing I can think of that would improve it objectively. As others have already expressed, I would have liked to see a more meaningful closure, more tension, more of a classic narrative--but again, those are just the demands my own appetites. All in all, great work. Hoping to see future work from you.

>ineptia !!/7cMliSCHvi
Exhausting. I was undoubtedly filtered. I'd like for you to just once write a completely conventional story, without the slightest trace of your poetic indulgences. I don't mean that as an admonition but as a sincere wish to read such a story. The fault of my writing is that it frequently submits to the trappings of genre, gives answers that can fit inside an envelope or a Christmas card. The fault of yours is that it refuses to be contained at all. As it is, I read and write fiction to escape from math (which monopolizes my daily life), not to transform it into something even less penetrable.

>subtractingthethree !Tegn1XdAno
Brutal and crude and in parts ungraceful yet I think this was the most honest piece of the bunch, a barbaric yawp, the one I felt the most emotion for. But obviously, only a draft. Once it's beaten into shape and polished, it should be formidable. Recommend with playing around with point of view, particularly third person omniscient (which is the farthest you can get from the current pov).

>Momus Momus!W4fdl.SaKQ
Short, stupid, and pointless. A pastiche of dull references. Should have just saved yourself the five minutes.

bump while my European brothers slumber.

>>24538564
>>24538547
thank you for your critique, I think you are basically right. Thank you for the thoughtful reply to my questions too

>>24538242
you shouldn't be surprised at all. the ratio of people who pontificate about work to people who actually produce work is 100:1

I voted.
I’ll be done with my critiques no later than Monday. Sorry for the wait.

voted!

I have voted. Will give sweet and humble critique in an hour or two. The worst days are when I remember that horrible thing I can't remember in true but I feel its presence and the feeling it provokes is indescribably malevolent.

>NMNKLT !RvZQcIWOLk
https://rentry.co/7grnz3wz

This story was fighting in my mind for third place but ultimately it didn’t reach the podium in my vote because of a few reasons. I think you may have locked yourself in with your perspective. This first person present tense POV is a very difficult one to pull off and the best version of it is when it recreates consciousness at the textual level. The problem is the positioning of the narrator. Who is the narrator talking to? To himself?
>Everyone else shook it off and walked to breakfast, some, 10? 15? minutes ago.
This has the flavour os internal narrative.
But then…
>I place two fingers on the back of my head then to my eyes, it feels like my skull is bleeding, but I’m fine.
Why, if the narrator is talking themself, say ‘I put two fingers..’ When someone does this, they just do it.
This could be
‘It feels like my skull is bleeding, but no, it’s cold to the touch, clammy even, but no blood stains my fingertips, just the oil of work half-done.’

Another symptom of being locked into this the vocabulary. Cooks see the world differently to sailors, who see the world differently to waiters, and so on.
>Instead of brotherhood, I’m greeted by a large pile of leftover dishes in a sink filled with swirling grey water. A stovetop, and oven that swings with the boat and large counter space with hanging pots and pans.

These are purely generic words that anyone would use. How would a cook speak about a kitchen? Very specifically, I would imagine. This requires a little research on your end, to get into the mind of the cook.

As I reach the end, my main critique stands. Everything feels too general. Africa for example is a huge place with different characteristics - North Africans are different to west African different to East Africans.

re: the story itself, it does feel a little too much like a excerpt or a fragment as opposed to the short story, but maybe thats just me. The main gripes I have with this are the prose though, and theres no use in rearranging the deck chairs on the titanic (forgive the nautical analogy)

Thanks so much for sharing !

> It is not done to discuss what this purpose may be.
I love the position your narrator is taking here. One of mystery, enigma. Im hooked.

>moult from my dream
great line

>smile is pure and his being is radiant, haloed in mosquitoes.

another great line

>But we, the Burmese, are at peace with paradox

love it

>Translucent plastic bags and cigarettes packets and razor blade packets.
I'm really enjoying your unpacking of this theme of opposites. you're exploring it at all levels which really gives this piece some depth. I am however, itching for something to 'happen' or, at least, itching for the suggestion of a story to emerge.

you used 'simulacrum' twice which i would say is a big no-no. big words get one chance on the stage, anything more than once reduces their power.

Just finished. I like the ending with the narrator assuming the role of holy fool, but i am definitely left wanting. this is a good thing, i would say, and at once a bad thing. i was compelled to keep reading but there was a sense of opacity that i wished would subside if even just for a second. I could see this being a longer piece. I hope to read more of your work. thanks so much for sharing.

>YAKUB2025 !21skGtio1A

regardless of its masturbatory subject matter, it's just old news, not relevant (this is a 2019 news story...) maybe this is edgy, if youre 13. i just lament the sad life that surrounds the creation of this story.

>Momus Momus!W4fdl.SaKQ

well, at least you probably got a little giggle when you posted it. because that's about the only affect this will ever have on the universe.

https://rentry.co/QED_by_ineptia

Big fan of light and I enjoyed the photonic point and counterpoint, spin and counterspin. I enjoy mathematical prose for sound and feel, even (or especially) when I don't understand their concept, and your story functions as both myth and filter at once. Too plebian for true critique so I will only say that at times I felt adjectives were redundant given the strength of mathematical language. Certain sentences could clobber just with good noun and good verb. Inspired by your thinking and ambition of tracing such a thing.

https://rentry.co/7grnz3wz

Enjoyed the sense of place and sense of person and certain turns of phrase. Wondering if you spent time on boats or if this is drawn from research and imagination. Although I knew in concept I was on a boat I could not smell the diesel and fish. The violence caused my heart to beat yet also felt mildly contrived.

https://rentry.co/subtractingthethree

First story I've read that charted from insincerity into something heartfelt and precious. Take it sign of your power that this wasn't met with the venomous and bigotry typical in this place.

//
Thank you for organising brodi. Impressed by the esoteric bent of the contributing anon's minds and general breadth of thought.
Any thoughts of running another within the month of July?

TIME'S UP!

The Winner:

Meteor>>24538564

2nd place

Torus >>24539988

3rd

substracting the three (yodo) >>24539998

ineptia >>24539787

NMNKLT

Thanks everyone for contributing. It's been a slow month, so special thank you to all.

>>24539988
I'm glad you enjoyed it and thanks for your story, i really enjoyed it. Yes, the writing here without fail impresses me, even there are always the couple of stinkers.

re: another comp. This comp happens EVERY FIRST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH. i post one on the friday before, priming people until I release the prompt saturday morning. If you'd like you can keep this thread alive and share stories and more feedback, by all means, and if you want to do your own comp in the meantime there's nothing stopping you!

question for those who might know:

>>24537180
this comment was in response to a comment (now deleted [somehow]) that said 'tripfags, just stop it. Stop reposting this thread. Reported!' or something along those lines. Now, I'm wondering how did that comment get deleted?

>>24540273
>Now, I'm wondering how did that comment get deleted?
Either the poster did indeed make a bogus report, and, in addition to getting a ban, they also got their post deleted by a mod.
Or, they had a change of heart and checkmarked their post before hitting the 'Delete post' button (something only actionable for a short time after posting).
It's probably the former.

Also, congrats to the winners!

>>24540273
>Now, I'm wondering how did that comment get deleted?
Announcing a report is against the rules, and you can report someone for it. It was deleted later than the poster could done it himself.

Also keep in mind someone can bump your thread off the catalog pretty easily if it's low in the bump order. Just reply to the threads under it and then make a new one when the target thread is in last place. I'd bet that's what happened to the thread before this one, considering it died in about four hours, whereas the threads at the bottom now had their last replies more than 11 hours ago.

Would more people submit if there was one extra day given for writing?

>>24541656
Better would be a full week to work on it. Saturday to Saturday would give us loads of time to think, plan, write and revise. I'm impressed with what anons grind out in a day or two, so imagine

>>24540273
Congrats to the other winners. Thanks as usual to yodo for continuing to organize these.

>>24541656
>>24541686
I don't think it would make that much of a difference. Although I will say I think it makes more sense to do Friday-Sunday rather than Saturday-Monday.

July’s illustration contest thread is up >>>/ic/7642931

And June’s ended in ties, so cast votes now to break them:
Front cover—
https://strawpoll.com/3RnYXvEGDye
Back cover—
https://strawpoll.com/Qrgew2jXLyp

Bump

bumping for ineptia feedback

>>24542699
also, holy fuck. these are seriously cool. I love Little man #3 the most. I already voted on this, should I vote again or is that not what youre asking for?

>>24543823
>I already voted on this, should I vote again or is that not what youre asking for?
Both of the original polls resulted in ties, so the ones linked here >>24542699 are the tie-breakers.

Reposting “Motoris #2” because the compilation array doesn’t do justice to its exquisite detail.

>>24543903
This style is awesome are some of these from the same artist? Seems to be.

Bump

Hopefully this is acceptable:

https://files.catbox.moe/h6ych0.pdf
>“/lwc/+/icic/ June 2025”
>17.9 MB
>72 pages

Now I have the whole weekend to do feedback for this month’s stories.

>>24545766
Are you posting this for general edification of anon, or for thoughts feedback and critique?

>>24545995
>Are you posting this for general edification of anon, or for thoughts feedback and critique?
Both, I guess.
I want to present all the works in a somewhat professional package, in order to honor the authors here who have freely shared their unique voices, and your telling me if it’s any good or not will help me do a better job in the future.

>Please give your thoughts anons
I wake every day at 06:00, whenceforth I immediately brew a fresh cup of hot coffee using an instant coffee mix mixed with tapwater. Then whilst drinking my brewed beans intermittently I study for about 1 hour exactly, at which point I wash my face, shave if necessary and go for a walk in the park. Such the verdant park with real non-veneered trees is. I see the people walking. Their masks do not deflect my thought, but attract and bind it to that which is concealed. I am filled with a sense of repugnance whenever the thought is processed, not by the perception however, this only inoculates a minor form of antipathy of the loathsome kind. I return then after about 4000 marks on the grounded trail. I continue with work after I decide whether to sit at the dining table, or my desk. The decision I make, but I never realise it at the time, is prophylactic in that the one will lead me to take a break earlier in which I consume some sort of dairy product. I realise I am still wearing my shoes and place them from my feet into my hand then into cupboard which I refurbished into a shoe-board. I work. The stint this time lasts thrice as long as the previous one in which I worked only 1 hour -- this is done by me in anticipation of regular lunchtime: 12:00. By the time I am finished with the work it is thus around 11:00. Somehow sometimes it is earlier, somehow it is later. One time whilst I opened the windows of my apartment, a large insect flew inside, I open the windows whilst waiting for the boiler to heat my tapwater for the instant coffee, I had to remove the insect by removing it through one of my two windows; the insect left through the same window it had entered. One more hour for lunchtime. I immediately start preparing lunch after finishing the morning session of work. The preparation of lunch typically only takes me but a quarter hour. So around 11:30 I have my lunch ready. I am 30 minutes short to the hour of necessity almost every day but for the exceptional case mentioned above. In these 30 minutes I have accumulated a certain unwonted skillset.

Who Holy Fools
by torus
>>24523232
>mosquito nets hang from hooks like wedding dresses.
>In the silence coughs and sighs ring like gunshots
The best metaphors are those which upon second read-through emerge as their teller’s tacet disclosures.
Offhand as they are specific, such comparisons subconsciously tee up the topics of derailed-relationship(s) and organized-religion as military—you’re laying it all out without our even realizing it.
To me, this is the clearest indication of an author’s total immersion in creating their world, their being so “into it” that every analogy bends toward its most fundamental arguments.
If the nets looked like “frozen waterfalls,” or the coughs and sighs sounded like “slow-cooking popcorn,” yeah, those would be more creative references, but they would exist within a truly empty context.
Given the subject matter, it’s appropriate/ironic just how self-disciplined you were in this regard. Great job.

>But we, the Burmese,
With your story taking place between April 7th, 2020—April 12th, 2021 (Buddhist Era 2563), technically/officially the MC is “Myanmarese.”
This is not a “gotcha” observation—of course some of the most isolated, modernity-eshewing people in the world would cling to their old 1989 demonym—but an “opportunity” observation:
Yours is a two-layer story (concerning the MC and their internal struggles), but it could be have been a three-layer story (also concerning Myanmar during this particularly tumultous moment in time).
I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that that span of dates I listed above includes the government’s coup d'état and the start of their still ongoing civil war—you chose that on purpose, no?
But the “military-as-a-mirror-to-religion” aspect of your story was incredibly half-baked, even glib at times, compared to the richness of your MC’s dilemmas.
I’m saying that all corners of your story should be nuanced and variagated, even if the point of view we’re seeing them from (your MC) is unequipped to understand their complexity at all.
The MC does not have the the bandwith, interest, or ability to contemplate the status quo outside of the monastery, but their simply mentioning a few offhand-offhand aberations would do.
Extremely subtle clues—like there being more military helicopters overheard, or how a protestor was running through the temple grounds—can prompt the reader to think critically, even when the MC couldn’t care less.
There’s an argument that the thrid layer IS there—just from the date alone, and how cloistered/ignorant/apathetic your MC by not even commenting on the news—but I felt it as a missed opportunity.

>like Hesiod’s men
The MC sits in the back with “other novices and foreigners”—I think they could be either one.
People in Myanmar read Hesiod, but name-dropping this famous Greek in such an ancient Eastern place lends plausability to all interpretations.

>flesh eating disease
flesh-eating

bump

>>24545766
This is amazing. To see this all out together is so impressive. Thank you so much. Do you still have the artwork and stuff from all the previous ones?

>>24547872
>Do you still have the artwork and stuff from all the previous ones?
The only months we got illustrations for were March and June, and I only posted PDFs so far for those months plus February.
This should be everything so far:

>/lwc/ February 2025
https://files.catbox.moe/847oya.pdf

>/lwc/+/icic/ March 2025
https://files.catbox.moe/hhcojy.pdf
Raw art: https://warosu.org/ic/thread/7505920

>/lwc/ April 2025
(I’ll do it one day)
(No illustrations, except my Mahjong/Hexagram image-filter art for Heng https://warosu.org/ic/thread/7546433)

>/lwc/ May 2025
(Basically complete; will share one day)
(No illustrations)

>/lwc/+/icic/ June 2025
https://files.catbox.moe/h6ych0.pdf
Raw art: https://warosu.org/ic/thread/7609763

>/lwc/+/icic/ July 2025
(Being made)
Raw art (hopefully being made): https://warosu.org/ic/thread/7642931

The Fanatic
by meteor
>>24523950
Right away, I want to declare that this is my favorite work of yours yet (though I still have to read >>24524220).
It was like you spent the whole story keenly tugging on two Chinese linking rings—the rigid Venn diagram of Newton’s “whole deal”—until silently and effortlessly seperating them with one sharp, enigmatic pull.
Unlike a typical magic trick though, your Newton is anything but ostentatious and show-offy; he’s subdued, focused, and economical, and you provided ample motivation for why he is these things:
The cosmic truths that Newton stumbled upon merely laid in the shadow of his much grander pretentions—ones which we know now were truly beyond his purview…?
It really is impressive what you’ve done here: Sketching the most successful scientific figure in history as cowed by his own inadequacy—past, present.

Perhaps my least favorite part of the piece is the title, which detracts from and conflicts with the central image of “deepest-cellar” Newton whom you so well sustained throughout.
While “Fanatic” may telegraph a fulfillment of the assigned character, a more appropriate, ambiguous, and absorbing title would be “The Relinquished,” which could describe Newton, Eleonora, or knowledge itself, while still picking up the fanatical strain, but on a much deeper (and more aesthetically pleasing) level.
I’m saying that naming a work this multifaceted after such a plain-faced character requirement only does it a disservice.

>[crows’] black wings folded like judicial robes.
>When they brought her in, she moved like water finding its level, adapting to the space without surrendering to it.
These are top-shelf metaphors, primarily because their subject matters are extremely pertinent to Newton himself, serving as windows into his unique life and how he conceptualizes the world.
Words like “geometry,” “crystalline,” “dissolve,” and “dissecting light” are other examples.
But I wanted them to shift at a certain point, lapsing from scientific and official down to…well, something “opposite;” something that embodies his sad, dirty, “deepest-cellar” self.
Newton did say
>that would be to trumpet Jericho’s horns indeed
which is an allusion to scripture, and religion could work as a means to supplant his impirical perception, but simply having Newton make more and more “common” observations would do—things like connecting aspects of Eleonora to his time spent as a farm-worker, or to his mother.
I’m saying that his confident, science-referencing paradigm should break-down the deeper his pathos journey goes—instead of re-revisiting the “cellar” image.

>I do not know all the thoughts that moved through his mind, but I suspect they were singularly focused.
A jut in an otherwise smooth piece of pottery—when I read “I,” it just makes me needlessly ask: “Who’s writing here?”
And somehow they know everything but this fact?

Untitled
by Momus
>>24527051
Okay, “Momus,” Mr. Shortest-Ever /lwc/ Submission, let’s riddle you out…
>Momus — (Greek mythology) The personification of satire and mockery.
>https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Momus#English

There are two characters; one gives the other a colonoscopy with a telescope, a lyrical religious vision ensues, and then the story ends.

Let’s meet our characters:
First character is “Pope Clement the 8th”
>Pope Clement VIII; 24 February 1536 – 3 March 1605
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Clement_VIII
Second character is “William Kemp”
>William Kempe; c. 1560 – c. 1603; English actor and dancer who specialised in comic roles; Shakespeare’s Falstaff
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Kempe
These historical figures were contemporaries, and their occupations were opposite to one another—C8 was serious, somber, and religious; Willy K was comical, crowd-pleasing, and secular.
Basically, your story is the Elvis-meets-Nixon of the Early Modern Period.
>Theme Requirement: Wrestling with the tension of opposites.
Yay, theme requirement fulfilled! (And character requirement, since you kinda have to be some flavor of religiously-fanatical to be pope.)

Now, the story opens with Willy K peering through the fateful telescope, declaring
>“Can’t see him.”
But who is “him?” Well, we can eliminate God from the list of possibilities, as He is picky about His capitalized pronouns, after all, but, then again, maybe this is a diminution of “Him” to “him,” done out of Willy K’s irreverence towards Christianity, and—
Wow, so I just found out that the Bible Willy K would have been reading would have been the Bishops’ Bible, and the text does not include “Reverential Capitalization” (see top left of picrel).
So maybe they are looking for God!

I would like to point out an anachronism…
The inciting incident of your piece—the telescope sodomy—would have been impossible to perform, since at this duo’s latest possible date together—around 1603, right before Kempe dies—telescopes had not been invented yet:
>the earliest known telescope, which appeared in 1608
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_telescope
But, hey, maybe one night on the farther right-hand side of “c. 1603,” there was a prototype that only really famous folks could access, or something.
And, as emergent technologies go, it was pretty great how you painted the telescope as an opaque, unintuitive contraption in their hands:
>“Are you pointing it in the right direction?”

Then the ’scope gets shoved and the revelation takes place—I guess WK does see God?—and then says to the pope
>“No cap”
And all the “papabile” “defrock.”
Willy is so cool that I’m assuming he’s already talking Zoomer-speak in c. 1603—proclaiming the authenticity of “Ultimate reality in its totality”—but the painfully literal Catholic crowd takes him literally and bathetically disrobes.

Till August!