Thread 24655682

"Caught In The Act" edition

Previous: >>24644541

/wg/ AUTHORS & FLASH FICTION: https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ
RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS: https://pastebin.com/nFxdiQvC

Please limit excerpts to one post.
Give advice as much as you receive it to the best of your ability.
Follow prompts made below and discuss written works for practice; contribute and you shall receive.
If you have not performed a cursory proofread, do not expect to be treated kindly. Edit your work for spelling and grammar before posting.
Violent shills, relentless shill-spammers, and grounds keeping prose, should be ignored and reported.
(And maybe double-space your WIPs to allow edits if you want 'em.)

Simple guides on writing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHdzv1NfZRM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whPnobbck9s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAKcbvioxFk

Thread theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIAsCFDHsn0

>>24648802
Stephen King already proved he could do it again. He released a novel under the name Richard Bachman and it sold.

>>24655695
A very impressive feat when you've already got the publishing connections and budget to spend on marketing!

>>24655699
Don't forget being a Jew, very important detail!

>>24655699
Do you actually look into subjects before expounding on them?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Bachman
"He deliberately released the Bachman novels with as little marketing presence as possible and did his best to 'load the dice against' Bachman."

>>24655709
They still came from a reputable publisher and his novel sold 10x as much when people found out the author was Stephen King.

>>24655709
Except if he were serious he'd be going down in the trenches with the rest of us instead of going straight to publishing. That yid couldn't hack it.

>>24655699
People get published and buy ads and fail catastrophically literally all (most) of the time, retard

Lads, I might enjoy writing dialogue. I sat down for some dinner and wrote like 800 words of dialogue (3 separate scenes). They're not edited or even have proper dialogue tags, but I enjoyed writing it so much I didn't even realize what happened. It felt a bit like I was reading a story rather than writing one.

all my characters are autistic like me

>>24655808
what's that thing in her mouth

>>24655822
thats a boy and i think its an eye but it could be his goofy big tongue

On Earth, the skies shattered with light. Fractal auroras unfurled across the planet, their vast designs crawling from horizon to horizon. They pulsed in impossible geometries, stained-glass living fire rippling with holy rhythm.

From their flowing arcs came strands of radiant energy. They touched land, sea, and forest. At once, every living thing responded.

Beasts long extinct walked again. Mammoths trumpeted against skyscrapers. Quetzalcoatlus and Argentavis magnificens wheeled overhead, wings like living shadows over ruined cities. In the depths of the ocean, a Megalodon surfaced, jaws parted in a grotesque grin, while atop its snout lounged a Smilodon fatalis, sprawled with feline laziness. Its face was split by a Cheshire smile, golden eyes fixed mockingly on a yogi surrounded by women, their hands clasped to his shoulders. Their wedding rings gleamed like mirrors, catching auroral fire—yet his own hand was bare.

Trilobites scuttled along cracked pavement. Forests of impossible age erupted upward in moments. Even early hominids appeared, their eyes full of wonder, standing beside modern men.

And then all were lifted.

The auroras pulled them upward like streams of song. Leaves, birds, beasts, and fungi rose into the heavens, their silence a hymn.

Humans too rose. But their voices were venom.

“Behold the Deliverer!” one cried in mockery.
“The Beast is damned! The President reigns forever!” spat another.

Others scrambled to capture the moment:
Selfies taken against the writhing sky, faces posed in mock tragedy or false awe.
Last-minute status updates, hashtags begging for likes in what they thought would be eternity.
One man howled, clutching his phone: “I gotta record this—I’ll sell the IP rights to the Divine Corporations! Eternity’s gonna need content!”
Still others frantically adjusted clothes and makeup, fussing over hair and angles: “I want to look good for forever.”

And amidst the spectacle, nature itself began to mock them. A ripple of low, uncanny laughter passed through the beasts, the trees, even the stones themselves—an almost audible snicker. Wolves’ eyes gleamed knowingly. The forests shivered with suppressed laughter.

A chicken drifted upward, calm as a saint, one wing resting on the head of a chuckling Tyrannosaurus. Together they cackled at a sloppy drunkard chugging from one bottle while clutching a second, the dinosaur’s tiny arms raised to point at him in mocking delight.

The Megalodon’s grin seemed wider now, mirrored by the Smilodon’s eternal smile.

A Homo floresiensis drifted upward. At first, sorrow darkened his face, a mourning for the fate of mankind. Then came the jeers:
“Manlets! When will they learn?!” shouted one rising human.
The little ancestor’s eyes hardened. His lips curled in a smug grin. Now he understood. Judgment was not cruelty—it was justice.

Through it all, a whisper lingered within the light:
“Holy, holy, holy…”

>>24655922
>On Earth, the skies shattered with light. Fractal auroras unfurled across the planet, their vast designs crawling from horizon to horizon. They pulsed in impossible geometries, stained-glass living fire rippling with holy rhythm.
The fuck are you trying to say?

>>24655709
>as little marketing presence as possible
Still more than most of us can afford

>>24655931
"The sky looked really pretty"

>>24655752
Indeed, non-celebrities without massive corporate backing often fail to find an audience for their work

>>24655931
A world wide Aurora that looks like "fractals" , you can do an image search to get more of an idea but here if a gif

>>24655963
i see a space vagina

Let's create short story compilation about aidsmatress from previous thread. I'll start:
I don’t remember who first told me about it. Someone said there was a mattress near the trees, not too wet, not too rotten. But as they said "cursed and scary". I laughed when I heard it, like I was supposed to be afraid of an old mattress. I’d been sleeping on cardboard for months. My back was killing me.
That night I found it. Half-buried in leaves, smelling of damp fabric, but soft enough. I sat down, then stretched out. The cold didn’t bite the same way. For the first time in a long time, I slept without shivering.
I should’ve known better.
The next morning, the others looked at me funny. One guy muttered, “He slept on the mattress.” I asked what he meant, but nobody answered. They just avoided me, like I was carrying something. By evening, I couldn’t even get a cigarette off anyone.
The boycott continued, someone saw me and whispered, “AIDS.” That was it. No one shared food anymore. I wanted to know more, what the fuck was happening to me, why they are treating me like I'm ill. I'm not you pieces of shit

First, when I tried to find food in dumps, five medical needles penetrated my skin. Never ever before I have seen needles in dumbs.
Then the bad luck came, one thing after another.A fight I didn’t start. The cops chasing me off like I was diseased. It was like the mattress had painted a target on me.
Also after the needle incident I started to feel ill, I had a feeling like my immune system stoped to work. My injuries didn't heal as before, I started to cough with blood. I tried to find that mattress again.

I found this place, it was kinda off. This mattress was closer to area where I came from. I started to live near that place to think about possible connection to my bad luck and condition.
Then I noticed... I swear it moves closer. Not by much, just enough that when I wake up, it’s leaning nearer, like it’s following me. I can't sleep, I just watch at this matress. I have a feeling it laughs at me. I can even hear it... Or not? Am I going insane because of this fabric. Hahaha I'm so funny.
I think about burning it, but I fear to do that. I have an impression that it will endure. And even if I did… it will certainly be angrier. I don't know how, but don't want to check
I stay awake. I keep my distance. But my condition is getting worse, I feel like powers are about to go away. I can't even stand up. I should... Whatever... I should have avoided it, but it's too late.

>>24655963
He could have just wrote "the sun".

>>24655995
I did not write "the sun" because it is something different and I use the sun for something else.


Above them, the Sun loomed, larger and more crimson than the day before, it pulsed with unnatural rhythm. Night would never come again.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F49FYHWM

My first novel.
It's been redone a few times, but I'm finally (relatively) happy with it.
I think the other day I was griping about it on X, but hey, nobody likes having to fix punctuation.
I already know that my biggest mistake wasn't self-publishing, but rather mentioning it in this Crab Bucket General (hereafter /cbg/), but since we all pretend to be writers here, I thought I'd at least share the product with /wg/ (/cbg/).
This is probably one of the oldest writings I ever had, and I just spent all this time polishing something that was always very crude.
Currently, I'm querying agents for a totally different work.
Anyone else here currently querying?
Anyone here ever actually get so far as to get representation

>>24655682 (OP)
STRONGEST THINKER: HOLY BANAN! Cristobal! Mercy! Caught in the act jajajja! Is that you? God! How did they get this bideo of you? Looking good thoughbeit!

I haven't written since July 30 but I banged out 6,100 words on my lewd story tonight. I'd have done more, but I have to keep taking breaks because I get too turned on.

>>24655807
Don't add them. Instead figure out how to eliminate dialogue tags from your writing.

>>24655993
GOLO: Ah, yes. The "AIDs mattress", that 2-by-1 metre mass of mystery and dysentery. More bacterium than polyurethane these days, of course. Having endured countless rain storms, the ministrations of crack addicts, and witnessed (and yes, aided in) the transmission of more STDs than there are leaves upon the autumn forest floor. Yet few know the truth: the mattress is alive. Totally sentient, totally conscious, having been brought to lucidity by the miracle conjunction of a delving sperm, a broken pigeon's egg, and the writhing, boiling mass of bacteria its recesses are host to. It is widely believed to be the most rich and fertile mass of chemicals since the Archean Eon, and perhaps even in the the AIDs mattress shall be looked back at with a sense of matrimonial love, much as we do Mother Earth.

>>24656158
Damn. I've been putting my lewd stories off.

>>24655993
/r/nosleep

save the horror stories for the kids xD

>>24656085
>sells his soul through Amazon with some shitty pulp fiction

how does it feel to have us all duped??

>>24656159
I do need to add action into the scenes though. Just talking gets boring.

>>24656085
Fix your blurb.
>When his fiancé becomes the latest victim a horrific undead serial killer
latest victim OF a horrific
>stalked by the yandare specter
yandere
>of his dead-ex
"dead ex" or "dead ex-girlfriend"
>stalked by the yandare specter of his dead-ex, a cruel and sadistic ghoul and an ambitious faery queen.
Maybe add an Oxford comma in front of the and. Depends on your style.
Did you mean to respell "fairy" as "faery"? Faery does sound better, especially if you're trying to form more of a connection with fae.

I read the Sample as well:
stop
pressing
enter
after
every
damn
sentence.
You have almost as many paragraphs as sentences.

>>24656085

I read the sample. This is garbage.

>>24656159
Extremely shitty, retard-tier advice. No good author has ever been afraid of the words "said" or "says."

if i dont use said i cant add schizophrenic commas and explain actions during dialogue

>>24656198
You think that the story about hecking aidsmatress could be even remotely intended to be horror?

I'm going fucking crazy with search engines feeding me results only based on location and businesses instead of the ACTUAL FUCKING MEANING OF THE SEARCH TERMS I'm trying to fucking learn something here and not looking to buy anything jesus fuck

>>24656342
It looks extremely autistic and amateurish to format your story into detached, sterile blocks of
>Paragraph.
>Paragraph.
>"Dialogue."
>"Dialogue."
>Paragraph.

>>24656371
i mostly save new lining between speakers for when its like a rapid back and forth exchange about one focused topic but dk if thats good practice

>>24656345
Yea sounds like some scary story in the dark xD

>>24656376
More new lines is good. We're in the digital age now. Just don't do it on every sentence in prose. For dialogue it's expected that every new speaker is a new line.

>>24656371
I think this is how a lot of new books are formatted, isn't it? I sort of learned it because I thought it was the norm now. Feel like Game of Thrones formats this way.

>>24656565
I have no idea what you're talking about, but my copy at least is formatted like a real book.

>>24656579
Oh, weird, I remember someone telling me to format stuff this way, perhaps I've been sabotaged, or maybe it was for editing purposes. Good spot, anon.

>>24656114
Absolute garbage

Does anybody have anything interesting that they'd like to be read

>>24656650
https://files.catbox.moe/xmja3x.pdf

With condolences.

>>24656666
Send it to a reputable journal, I'm not a scientist

>>24656678
I'm not a scientist either. It's a parody of pretentious academic writing. It's supposed to be a little funny, a little cruel.

>>24656205
I assure you, my soul is not in a story that was impossible to sell because the graphic content was too off putting to agents.
>>24656264
Finally, someone decides to be helpful.
>>24656277
“Click clack” goes the crab.

Does anybody have any actual literary fiction that they'd like to be read and something that isn't their masturbatory wizard or mental coping fantasy

Me again, read if you like. Word count is 1,063, so it's a short vignette(as seems to be my voice).

https://rentry.co/ixe6sooe

>>24656756
Yes I have a short story I wrote. I sent it to an editor I know from school, she said it was excellent. I'll post it, but first you must post your own work. Critique must go both ways, we must know who it comes from, and their own tastes, otherwise it is void.

>>24656767
Heya, are you looking for feedback?

>>24656666
Diabolical digits.

>>24656767
Abysmal, at least edit what you write

>>24656778
If you like, although I just caught up on some spelling mistakes that I missed. I was beside myself to post.

>>24656769
Clearly it doesn't need posting here then

>>24656787
>>24656784
You're fucking irritating man. How old are you?

>>24656785
Yeah I was gonna say it needs an editing pass. But I do the same thing. I hate editing. Feels so torturous compared to the rush of writing.

>>24656788
Write something decent and I'll tell you

>>24656264

>Fix your blurb.
>>When his fiancé becomes the latest victim a horrific undead serial killer
>latest victim OF a horrific
Holy shit! This will teach me not to write on ambien.

>>stalked by the yandare specter
>yandere
My bad. Autocorrect wanted her to be a "yard stick", so at least I stopped THAT.
>>of his dead-ex
>"dead ex" or "dead ex-girlfriend"
>>stalked by the yandare specter of his dead-ex, a cruel and sadistic ghoul and an ambitious faery queen.
>Maybe add an Oxford comma in front of the and. Depends on your style.
The Oxford comma is not my bag. I overuse punctuation as it is and then find myself with hundreds of notes from Grammarly.
>Did you mean to respell "fairy" as "faery"? Faery does sound better, especially if you're trying to form more of a connection with fae.
Yes, that was deliberate
>I read the Sample as well:
My condolences.
>stop
>pressing
>enter
>after
>every
>damn
>sentence.
>You have almost as many paragraphs as sentences.

>>24656867
>"Alex didn't have the (amount of?) patience to deal with him
Leaving aside the bizarre construction of this sentence, and this goes for pretty much everyone in this thread, show don't tell.

Show me that they're losing their patience, specifically in a way that is unique to the character. The rest of that is drivel as the dialogue is robotic.

Actually try to enjoy the challenge of writing and don't simply vomit words onto the page in an attempt to depict the scene in your head.

>>24656867
It's not a good day to post excerpts. The crabs have been tiled up this morning

>>24656877
It's all the same sad fucker. Not even a writer. Not even a real crab. Just some kind of parasitical worm. When our Janny arrives, he will be eviscerated.

>>24656884
>>24656877
Yes your writing is hideous isn't it

>>24656886
Please can I read something of yours .. we could be peers .. we could be something special ..

anon who said he would finish my screenplay, let me know if you do.

>>24656792
Did you like it aside from that? Not too overwritten? I was worried about the Venus part

>>24656927
I liked it. The Venus section is, yes, perhaps rather indulgent given the mundane circumstances and comparatively withheld prose elsewhere, but, as you said, it's a vignette: different rules apply.

To contradict myself a little, I would have appreciate a stronger opening sentence. Something to cause me arrest. But I enjoyed it. I hope you will continue its polishing.

>>24656941
I've noticed this as well. My scenes often open with characters just sitting around, not doing much. I need ot work on that

>>24656950
to* Enough work for me today, I think...

>>24656867
>>24656869
The "two men" are a bit confusing, and the exchange is repetitive and essentially stays the same, even if plausibly that scenario might involve repetition.

>>24656767
enjoyable again. does need chipping, with certain clauses (some starting with "if") being their own sentence. i like the greek motif. don't prune the "indulgences", although there might be a more original way of conveying beauty than a venus comparison. maybe a specification of how she differs from venus.

>if you’ve ever been in a shopping trolley while your friend has pushed you down a slope, and you kind of wish they’d hit the breaks just a little, but they don’t and yet it all turns out alright anyway, then you know the feeling of being near Kat.
10 dollar sentence.
>then this Cory
"this" for some reason suggested the boy who stood her up was a different boy and she hadnt met cory yet, tho ive read the previous vignette.
>and that was okay.
>all night long
consider dropping.

>>24656867
>>24656869
What do you want me to say? It's just a chat log without any context. I don't know who these people are or where they are or what they're doing or why. Their conversation makes flat 0 sense to me. Thanks for wasting my time.

>>24656965
>10 dollar sentence.
Is that bad? Or good?
>consider dropping.
You aren't the first to suggest this. I think I will, since it seems to be a thing. What I was thinking about with the Venus thing is trying to show how a woman can be beautiful in two ways, Minerva/Venus, but idk it is pretty obvious. Thank you for the read.

Dear crabs, I'm loveposting today. Send me your work and I will tell you what I love about it.

>>24657167
https://belabocek.wixsite.com/home/post/to-dearestest-avaril

>>24657185
So easy to love. The conviction in its depth of history, propelled by the archaic english and turn of phrase. The melancholy and the depth of the world. So impressive. You offer a brief yet ocean deep insight into another world.

>>24657055
>Is that bad? Or good?
good. it'll stay with me

>>24657217
I loved the character's names, the simple yet strong prose, the line "I don't like this town. It's too cozy", the cool casual malice.

>>24657167
Hilarious that you've constructed a hugbox to protect your fragile little egos

Do try actually writing sometime

>>24657247
I love your sense of humour.

Daily reminder that success is entirely random and you have no control over your future whatsoever.

Rewrote my first page. Would you continue reading it?

>>24657337
i hope women are your target audience lmao

i find the writing pretty clunky in places
>Although Priscilla never possessed any traits to irritate or annoy her...
Is just an awkward way to phrase that, don't you think? Like some YouTube video insisted "Avoid 'was' or you're an amateur!' and you took it to heart.
Even if you want to avoid 'was':
>Although Priscilla's presence didn't irritate her,
Just flows so much better.

>but haughty mockery lacked the graceful dignity expected of her
I don't like doubled adjective-noun pairs like this, dunno if that's a me thing

among other prose complaints.
you seem to be going for a more floral style than modern audiences prefer, but you don't quite pull it off, and clumsy floral prose (compared to clumsy utilitarian, I mean) is awfully unpleasant to read

Victoria comes off very conceited and arrogant, as I'm sure is your intention, but making your MC unlikeable right off the bat is a very, very daring choice for a first novel...good luck getting published, or readers if you self-pub. The only way an unlikeable MC works is if they are downright fascinating. Victoria seems unpleasant in a mundane, all too familiar way, which makes this book a very hard sell

>>24657373
>>24657337
Also, if that really is your opening paragraph, I give it a 1/10. Why are you opening with a long, boring paragraph of clothes? You almost couldn't pick a worse way to open a novel.
You should restructure this scene so that it opens with
>"I hate how the men parade us around like we're spectacles to be gawked at," Priscilla complained. "I want to dance already."
That sets the tone of this scene much better, and dialogue grabs attention

>>24657373
Thanks anon. I'll rewrite it and try for a more modern style prose.

>>24657394
>I'll rewrite it and try for a more modern style prose.
Oh. That's surprising. You don't write that way because you want to? I wasn't suggesting that you change your style, just letting you know that you really need to have excellent writing if you want to have floral prose in this day and age.
But yes, direct, punchier language is the preference these days. If it's not something you'll die on a hill about, and you want to be published, then avoid floral language

>>24657210
>it was not a new desk but a very old one
>my ideas and its ideas
>the desk will birth me soon
>populate a desk
Lmfao

>>24657402
My goal is for this to be traditionally published. I can try editing more to make it more floral and not give up, but if I have to change the prose to something akin to bridgerton then so be it. I'll see. It's still a first draft.

>>24657411
>I can try editing more to make it more floral and not give up
You'll need to spend several years refining your prose if this is the path you go. I'm not being mean, just giving you a straight appraisal. The writing is clunky, and if you insist on a floral style, your publisher is really going to want you to be a phenomenal writer for them to consider picking you up. If that's what you love, though, go for it.

>>24657420
this nigga has never heard of a compliment sandwich. old men really can't cook.

do you guys think making a blog and uploading chapter by chapter is a good way to do writing in this day and age or should you write the whole thing and then upload it novel by novel?
i kinda want to share it as it's being written but im worried about not being able to circle back for editorial mistakes. its like an omega autistic and complicated fantasy spy drama so i dont have any shadow of a hope of monetizing my autistic dreams

>>24657424
The one reason you come to 4chan for opinions is that you'll get them unfiltered. "Compliment sandwiches" are tedious to write up

>>24657435
shill it on every major platform. email writers that you like to give to feedback. start a hoax. if you're pretty then do readings on tiktok and instagram and twitter. make a youtube channel and do dumb shit for marketing. do everything you can to be famous.

>>24657437
I agree, but I believe I speak for everyone when I say that before dispensing such grating critique you should post your own work. You are an anon. We know nothing about you. Might as well ask the crack-addict who lives in the sewer to read my work. It's only valuable if we know what you like, what your biases are, etc.

>>24657390
Another anon.
I disagree with starting at the quote. Today's modern audiences want to know characters by before anything else. Starting with a vain stacy bitch is pretty intriguing considering all the Mary Sue girlboss FeMCs dominating the bookshelves.

That said, the MC better not turn into a Mary Sue with a heart of gold. Keep her as a vain unlikable nasty woman.

>>24657445
If he doesn't want critique from anonymous users why is he asking for critique on an anonymous forum?
If you want critique from people with established identities and who have posted their work, get into a writing circle or even a forum.
>>24657451
Sure, start with her being vain and bitchy; that would also be an improvement. Don't start with a paragraph of boring description detailing all of her clothes. That's genuinely one of the worst ways imaginable to open a novel.

>>24657443
i tried doing this for my autistic ttrpg rulebook and it didnt gain any traction whatsoever. being a sales rep just to have nobody even give what you wrote a chance is sorta just too crushing and id rather just not do it for money (the grapes were sour anyways).

>>24657445
>I believe I speak for everyone
You don’t. And you don’t have to be a chef to know if something tastes like shit. And there’s a lotta turds in this slop trough.

>>24657445
you're right except for
>pyw if you give critique
4chan fundamentally is a shitty place to come for writing advice, and shouldn't be used for such a thing. /wg/ is for shitposting only.

>>24657455
The clothing description shows she's vain. If her concerns are looking perfect for men, it works. I would probably move the second paragraph into the first where she loves the male gaze then move onto what she wore to the ball. Or something like
>It didn't matter what the other men thought, her green dress was for one man. The prince always said he loved her shade of green.

>>24657455
Worked for gone with the wind

>tfw your excerpts don't cause this much discussion
I'm a failure

>>24657469
>>4chan fundamentally is a shitty place to come for writing advice,
speak for yourself

I woke up in a chair. Have i been transmigrated to another world? An anime girl pushed her boobies into my face bouncingly,

>>24657472
>>24657475
No amount of workshopping will save that passage, or the story itself. Boring and bland. No insightful inner voice to accompany the mundanity, just hoity-toity bitching and preening. No one will read this except to make fun of it.

>>24657475
If you can't tell the difference between anon's opening and gone with the wind's opening, you are beyond saving.

>>24656756

If anybody wants to give me feedback on my first chapter, that would be dope.

It’s about a witch hunter in the 15th century uncovering a plot that threatens to plunge the world into a second Dark Age. It’s mostly grounded, with some grim horror elements, my weird humor, and lots of historical references.

https://sys.4chan.org/derefer?url=https%3A%2F%2Fdocs.google.com%2Fdocument%2Fd%2F1ag8RSXHvJ191WBlMJRxqtEllwsZf6yA80dm4WJkEqsQ

>>24657337
>But it was her eyes that captured the souls of men, but more importantly
Please just rewrite garbage like this, and then post It

>>24657495
>Felix DeWinter rode slowly through the crumbling outskirts of the city, a grim figure beneath the stretching shadows of a sinking September sun

Begin with the characters perspective and portray Rome through a description of their passage, don't simply inform the reader as a fact - readers wish to experience the decay as a source of enjoyment, and it adds a flavour to the character's persona which you can then flesh out in their relation to the world around them.

Again, show don't tell

>>24657494
Scarlett was not beautiful.

That's a terrible first sentence

>>24657521
That's not the first sentence, moron.
>SCARLETT O’HARA was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm as the Tarleton twins were.

>>24657495
This is pretty damn good. I'm impressed.

>>24657495
the dialogue is stilted in places but i'd keep reading.

>>24657525
Omg two proper nouns in the first sentence. Wow it's not from Scarletts own perspective, absolute shit.

Everyone is a critic. Just keep rewriting until you're happy with it. Anon, you're not going to write a masterpiece even after you edit it a dozen times. After 3000 years of writing, we have what? 200 books that are masterpieces and everything else is considered sloppy shit.

>>24657539
And don't compare your shit to a literal masterpiece. It's going to make you incredibly discouraged. None of us here aren't even close to Sarah J. mass much less Tolstoy.

could i get some advice for my action sequences

>>24657633
Just draw a comic book at this point

>>24657642
i would if most of the book is like this but this is the only part. its mostly just to show the reader how ridiculously powerful magic is in the world

>>24657460
are you still here anon? the fa/tg/uys in our midst are curious about this

>>24657786
https://files.catbox.moe/3qysz4.pdf
here it is. it's short.

>>24657633
Break up the paragraphs a little more. Read a bunch of Chinese webnovels to get some inspiration for action scenes.
>>24657642
Bad advice
>>24657685
>this is the only part
Add more action scenes

>>24657839
>Add more action scenes
okay. they're definitely fun to write, it's just taking a lot of time to establish the world and characters. i'll make a point of having a fight once in a while, thanks.
can you annotate the pic with a line where you would break so i get an understanding for how it should be done?

>>24656873
>show don't tell
>show me they're losing their patience
I don't think this would work for my bit because if I'd cut that part about Alex not having the patience to deal with Andrew she would simply turn around and go back inside, leaving the reason to the reader's imagination.
She could have been offended by Andrew's comment about her full name, or she could have been flustered, or what have you.
So don't you think a show don't tell approach here would make things vague in a bad way?
>>24656877
My vanity is greatly fueled by (You)'s alone, plus there might be something to learn even from bitter and offensive comments.
If not I can just ignore them, it's not like I'm here forever, right?
>>24656965
Right, thanks for the input.
>>24656997
I'd certainly like a comment on how it's written.

>>24657210
i like it. has promise. keep working on it.

A novel starring a young Greek man living in poverty. The first half of the novel would be about how he and his family is poor due to the generational trauma of Greek being colonized by Turks 200 years ago. There would be flashbacks to those times, depicting Muslim Turks raping Greek women, forcing Greeks to convert to Islam, etc. Then the protagonist gets a lucky break - he saves a tourist from drowning, and the tourist turns out to be a wealthy Russian businessman who rewards him with enough money to fulfil his dream - move to America and enroll in college.

In the second half of the film, he struggles to adapt to life in America. His Jewish history professor assigns his class to write an essay about colonialism. He writes a paper about the Ottoman colonization of Greece, and his professor fails him and tells him that only whites can be colonizers. Later, while walking alone, a Jewish Antifa student attempt to assault him for the paper. The assailant is portrayed as short, ugly, and scrawny, and he kicks the shit out of them. He swallows his pride and writes some paper he doesn't care about and passes his history class, along with all others. While walking alone again, he is ambushed, sucker punched and killed by a black man who was paid off by Antifa. At the black mans trial for murder, his Jewish lawyer attempts to get a lenient sentence by claiming that his client was suffering from generational trauma caused by slavery. The prosecution then brings in some surprise testimony from the murdered Greeks father, who was paid to be flown to the trail by the Russian businessman from earlier. The father tells of his sons life in detail, including his family's history of oppression. The jury is moved and convicts the black man of first degree murder and life in prison. The black man then snitches on the Jewish Antifa kid who paid him. The novel ends with the execution of the two men, found guilty of murder.

>>24658087
ideas are cheap

>>24658087
Sounds good — get writing chum.

>>24655682 (OP)
Would you keep reading, anon? Please let me know if the prose is shit.

>>24658623
Yep. It's good. One of the better excerpts posted. (I didn't check the dark age one because it's linked to a google doc, No need to give out my account). Much better than the princess one and sleeping at a desk one.

"Sleeping Outside" ~ 8/21/2025

-Having my ditty; my dilly-dally in Philly: -- I can't relate... -- To speak of the business that goes on in those pages, in these "book"-stores in the city; -- 'I know thy works, women;' 'and I have somewhat against thee, -- against she, -- no matter.' The used bookstores are to me, the place where I dive-in and swim about -- for they are so hot, and muggy, and truly viscous in the summer. -- And I hold my breath, and though I stroke from the chest, no gems are abreast, -- at least not as my 'pocket-book' sees fit. But, to step into a *retailer* of literature on the other hand: new, crisp, and white of page; I should remark of the bombardment of air conditioning, -- I should. Might I dive-in the incredibly *cool* tank of A.C., expended upon for folks like me, even at these 2025 rates? -- This cool vat of retreat that the searing avenue is impregnated with? -- No, I'll have to remark of the estradiol monkey-beast of synthetic indolence and lies. The big-bad-man we know of as the industry has given us *women* to read. -- And 'by Jove,' it's not as though our medium weren't created by just these! -- Why, the novel -- is the romance novel -- in spirit, -- which we men pushed to contemporary heights, but its soul, its eroticism -- is feminine yearning, alright! -- That's *the novel:* -- the medium which any serious person regards as being the thing that is actually 'good' and actually 'matters.' So it's time to lavish in these great ladies who have written for us their porn!!!

In the tomes of Richardson, rape-smut: In the belly of Sade the same, and some. Thank goodness we held off a little in some seasons of modern life, because I think folks should actually get sleep at night. But alas our smut took root in-full mid-century and "From Here to Eternity" does it live on. The girls are getting published, the guys are locked out; -- so, 'move over little doggy,' Hank's moving in! -- And the trouble is I'm a 'big dog,' if I had opportunities to roll in this business, -- I still wouldn't get along! I live outside; I'm a 'big dog.' -- But unfortunately I'm not a dirty dog. No, I'm not dirty. -- And I don't want to feign any *erotic* sentiments directed at company like that of urban-proficient-young woman. I don't like you, your womb is like a chlorinated pickle, your birth control shrivels my dickle. I am either ejecting from, or driving out this den of synthetic queefs. A natural one is something, but it isn't noxious; so please read Keats, -- not empowered female Muslims, eat some cheese, and bequeath me something natural to breathe.

>>24658623
312 tungsten rods launched at ground level destroying a city seems unbelievable to me. maybe if launched from space.

>>24658717

You’re missing out.

How do I become a creative?

I've always wanted to be a creative ever since I was young. I've day dreamed about being one and tried working my ass off trying to write ever since I was around 12. My parents tried pushing me towards it for school assignments. I also wanted to draw but never got into it seriously.

I've been wanting to write again for nearly 2 years now and have barely made any progress towards that goal. I've only done one little drabble like 2 years ago and haven't done any exercises since then. I've been trying to get myself to write, but all of it looks too complicated and exhausting for me. I've tried multiple different strategies, but they never seem to work. I've tried forcing myself to write, but can only make myself write a couple of sentences for barely 30 seconds before stopping and looking at my phone again.

I've never been able to complete a single multichapter story in my entire life and actually coming up with stories isn't much better. I can't think anything through and everything about trying to make an entire story looks too hard for me. I want to be a creative really badly, but nothing I've done seems to have amounted to much of anything. I want to become one so badly, and I want to stop wasting my life doing nothing.

>>24658917
>asks how to become more creative
>actual concern is how to become more disciplined
Deny yourself privileges like 4chan usage until you write at least a certain number of words each day. For me it was 1000 and I wrapped up a full draft in a few months.

>>24657488
i don't understand this criticism. What are you talking about?

>>24658623
Yes, but your opening line containing "flew" twice made me stop for a moment.

How do you keep from getting so angry that you can’t pick the right words that you punch your monitor this is getting expensive

>>24658917

How do you get better at anything? Painting, playing an instrument, sports? You have to practice.

Write every day, read broadly, and you’ll get better.

>>24657633
This is good but I feel like it could be slimmed down. In my opinion some of the adverbs in the first paragraphs dialogue are kind of redundant.

I'd say just try to use 25 percent less words and you'd be getting places, you're already doing good

>>24657633
The magic system seems interesting but "middle class mage" sounds very... mundane. Next thing I would expect to hear is them talking about how small wizard towers are the bedrock of our economy. It's what I would expect a politician to say in a fantasy world "we need to help the middle class mages".

>>24659254
yeah, it does sound lame. its sort of a plot twist though but becoming a "high class mage" means magic destroys your soul and turns you into an undead wraith

>>24659143
thank you.

I've just written a pretty good 2000 characters intro in a bit more than an hour. First time seriously trying. It's got nice musicality and just enough imagery.

How fast do you people usually write?

>>24659514
I'm proud of you anon. Keep writing. My speeds are inconsistent. Sometimes huge bursts that make me shake and sweat and shiver, sometimes hours spent writing nothing that rings true. Post an except when you're ready. I think the evil crabs are sleeping.

>>24659523
Thanks for your answer and encouraging words. I won't post an excerpt just yet.

>>24655922
I think your descrption is nice, but it runs on and on too much. try to reduce repetition a lil

>>24655682 (OP)
I often have a list of scenes or scenarios I know I want in a story, but no idea how to order them or make have a satisfying cause and effect Are there any guides that take that approach?

>>24659697
I'm afraid you can't escape using your brain in this case

>>24658917
Back in middle school we used to write stories using the vocabulary words we learned that week. You've never done anything like that?

It's pretty simple to write more then a few sentences. Just write something silly, ridiculous. It doesn't have to be serious

>>24659697
In my view, there are far more important aggregates to writing than perfect plot. Rather begin with prose, with characterization, with rhythm. Write the scenes in isolation. Their connections may become more apparent as your skill increases, or perhaps they will become self-sovereign short stories. Of course, I'm not a plotfag. I'm biased.

>>24659716
I'm not the guy you're replying to, but I had never written a piece of fiction until relatively recently. School did not have any of that for us. The closest we got was writing a haiku once.

It was quite a challenge to start writing. My brain couldn't wrap itself around prose, despite having read hundreds of books containing prose. After deliberate practice I managed to get to a point where I could just write what I wanted.

Is illustrating my own short stories an easy way of breaking or overcoming the language barrier?:P

>>24659799
Your writing is incredibly dense, and twice as creative. Regarding the illustrations, which are excellent — I'm certain they will help your applications to certain literary journals. My guess is that it depends on the editor in question.

Would there be any interest in a "fictional non-fiction" writing challenge on /lit? No competition, just the submission of imaginary essays, accounts, letters, abstracts, lists, etc.

>>24659890
Even thought my Loveposting TM statue of limitations has officially expired, I have decided to make an exception for you.

I loved: the lo-fi quality of the scan, the opening recap (I love lists no cap), the sense of galloping, gathering rhythm, and the pandemonious horror of it all.

>>24659810
I think I might stick to English after all. Since publishing illustrated books is rather expensive in my country and since there's no incentive to buy an Esl's self published books, I'll do it for free. Whether I'll be read or not is the least of my concerns. But at the very least I'll be happy.
I don't like comics but I enjoy reading literary fiction. One day I'll become a weird fiction writer.

>>24659799
Original version.

>>24658087
>Greek
>Living in poverty
Try to cut out redundancies

>>24659027
>>24658968
>>24659027
How do I get myself to sit down and do it? My ADHD makes it really hard for me to do it without just getting up and pacing around.

>>24659027
>>24658968
>>24659027
How do I make myself without stopping once it gets difficult? I feel so overwhelmed by the idea of making a full story and I don't even do microfiction either. I'm only able to role-play smut stuff that gets me off. I can't do it with something that's not inherently stimulating. I also do this for every single creative hobby.

>>24660803
Howie? Is that you?

>>24660812
"Howie" or as he's known in other circles as #pussy is a complete failure when it comes to ERP. Side note, ERP is a total black hole of creativity sucking when it comes to writing.

the start of something i've decided to abandon

>>24660803
>I can't do it with something that's not inherently stimulating
good writing should indeed be about pursuing what you find inherently stimulating. (commercial slop is written by people who write what they think the Average Reader will find stimulating.) but to write well, you first need to diligently trudge through other writers' work, which you might not always find stimulating, and be on the alert for new interesting sensations and ideas that hadn't occurred to you before. you need to sensitise yourself to new stimuli. hope that makes some kind of sense.

>>24661002
a revised version, i couldn't help myself. now i abandon it for good.

Would a maiden having an exceptionally strong Cooper's Ligament be a valid reason for her to have gigantic breasts large enough for her to use as pillows without much sag?

>>24661172
i see no reason why not.

How to come up with a good climax? I just don't know where to start.

>>24661188
First, grip the head lightly and make a pumping motion.

>>24661188
if you want an example of an exquisitely executed climax, and can stomach the musty style of henry james, i recommend his short story 'the altar of the dead'.

>>24661179
Awoooo

>In between writing my book, I am also working on a text-based sword-fighting game (Pic semi-related, a low effort sketch I drew for inspiration)
>Had no one to play it with, so I could never test it
>ChatGPT can kind of understand how to play
>Now able to run through combat to see how it works, and potential weaknesses
Maybe I was wrong to judge, Chat-sama. It's funny because it doesn't really know how to help, but it can play the game in character, and so I can see how it goes wrong anyway. Kind of kino desu.

>>24661214
Sounds like retarded christcuck shit

>>24661402
Seems like he really just needs to play a MUD.
I recommend Shattered Kingdoms.

>>24659898
Thank you, anon. I appreciate that.

if it was 10 degrees cooler i could write twice as much. the dog days of summer suck

>>24661713
My strongest bursts of creativity come from pushing through the heat. I have a love/hate relationship with summer.

>>24661777
reminds you of hell?

>>24661821
I don't think the concept of eternal damnation is compatible with Catholic theology, if that's what you're implying.

>>24661827
no i was just saying liking the heat makes you some sort of hellish creature

>>24661827
I suggest re-reading the Catechism.

capricious, vagaries, mercurial, vicissitudes

>>24661843
I happen to disagree with it and think if there was anything Vatican II needed to address, that was one of the real issues.

>>24661846
>mercurial
i made your mom feel jovial but i think she had something venerial. that shit made me saturnine so i whipped out my martial arts and beat her into the terrain.

>>24661858
perverse, vulgar, lecherous, depraved

>>24661879
righteous, upstanding, chaste, BORING!

>1250 words in 4 hours
writing dialogue as a socially awkward person feels like assembling a ship in a bottle.

anodyne, soporific, sedative, somniferous

>>24661685
It's exactly like MUD. I've actually been replaying copious amounts of ZORK to figure it out. However, the combat has an element of complexity which I don't see in most text-based games. If I can just get it right, then it could be super neat and immersive for the five people who actually play it. I'll release it on Steam for free or something.

>>24662230
Writing dialogue is the easiest thing to write. Editing it later is harder though.

61k into my story now. I aimed for a 80-90k word oneshot to test the waters, but more happened than expected and what happened took longer to tell than imagined, and I'm not even halfway through the story yet.

Somebody wiser might cut out some of the subplots and save them for a potential sequel, but I want readers to share the protagonist's (and my own) experience of being overwhelmed and needed in many directions at the same time. I think it makes the world feel more organic and alive. Hopefully it'll all pay off in the end.

How much time do you guys spend on writing every day? How long are your writing sessions?
How fast do you type?

>>24662671
48 hours per session, gorillion billion words, what do you do with this vital information?

>>24662671
Why, I wrote the whole day! The trick to be constantly zooming between your word processor and /lit, and ensuring that whichever window you're in, no matter what, you're posting, art-posting, cataloguing ideas and responding to others, inspiring anons, shitting upon them, for this is our modern coffee house. One must make posting our practise anon. Otherwise we don't stand a chance against our idols.

>>24655752
because their literature is shit

>>24662910
Yeah, that's why terrible literature never finds success. Fucking retard

>>24662671
The International Standard Working Week lasts 40 (fourty) hours. In that view, I broadened my understanding of the word 'writing' and 'text' and am including more mediums and languages, so as to be able to meet (and surpass: to the beyónd we go!) the International Standard Work Week hour amount.

>>24663076
I like your stories alot man. I have mixed feelings about putting your images within the text itself though ever. My personal preference would be to keep the art until the end, so that it doesn't overwhelm the prose altogether.

What do I need to do to become a best selling author?

>>24662483
If you go on Facebook, Shattered Kingdoms has a page. Tom is the guy who built SK and is a great coder.
You might be able to talk to him to get some idea of how to get it up and running.

>>24663301
A good story and a good agent, with good marketing.

Fuck you, fucking fuckheads.

How can you be sure you’re not writing wrongly? Or is that evident if you need to revise? When does someone get good enough to not need to revise? How do you skip to that point so you don’t waste time writing shit?

>>24663076
Since you're having accompanying images, your prose should contain more descriptions of the senses we can't get from the image (ie less visual, and instead the smell or touch or sound).

Maybe more what's going on within the character's head, but you might have more of that in other scenes.

>>24659799
Do you use AI for the art, or did you do it the old-fashioned way?
Not judging either way, I use AI art, too.
I'm just genuinely curious.

what do you do when curing your writers block doesnt seem possible anymore? Ive been fighting it for 5 years and have tried everything in my power from forcing myself to wirite no matter how much it hurts, to taking months long breaks, lifestyle changes, therapy, medications, and experimental treatments. nothing has worked

at this point, i just have to accept that ill never be able to write again, but i dont really have anything else to live for

>>24664021
After five years, anon, I'd say your block now qualifies as a wall. Whether you are inside or outside these walls, I do not know. Did something happen, all those years ago?

>>24664043
I'd been running out of steam and slowing down for a while, but I think the breaking point was when i finished my first draft after 3 years of work, and realized that because of how badly id pantsed it, id need to rewite the second draft almost entirely from scratch

>>24664073
That sounds overwhelming. I hope you can forgive yourself and reign in your self-expectations back towards the piecemeal. Why not write small? 100 word stories. Flash fiction. Based on a prompt. I could even post a picture right now, if you'd like.

>>24664021

I would just get to work editing that first draft.

>>24655682 (OP)
Senzo lived in the same monastery his whole life with his brothers and uncle, spending day and night meditating on the nature of the world, studying the one true sect of the lotus sutra, and ever devoting himself to making further progress along the staircase towards Enlightenment and Nirvana. To him, this monastery was his heaven and earth. But one day, he was directed by his elders to venture into town to purchase bags of rice and flour for the temple, and that was the day he fell to Naraka: for there, in town, was Haruki. He had never seen anyone has beautiful as her. But what would the Elders think of this?

>>24657210
I wouldn't start with describing the desk. It's a desk, nothing all that important to know about a desk and the desk doesn't seem to push the plot forward.

>>24657217
Reads like a MUD text game from long ago. I'm not into that and the one sentence conversations isn't engaging.
>>24657337
Cute woman book. Unlike the other anons, I do like it a lot. The writing is solid. It tells us everything what we need to know about Victoria. A bitch without telling us she's a bitch. It's good. Don't think a bunch of misogynist virgins here can or would appreciate a female bitch protagonist. Despite their insistence on being "well read" they're not.
>>24657633
I personally hate modern speech in fantasy stories. Stuff like "okay" and "sounds good" doesn't give the world you made it's own world. It's just "THe United States but with Magic". There should be some strange speech patterns and idioms thrown in there to provide the world it's own life.
>>24658623
I personally hate onomatopoeias in passages. It's pointless fluff words. And what the hell does "railguns open mouth" mean? The barrel? The nozzle? Unless railgun means something special and it's a face with a mouth and blasting lasers, I think you can do better than "open mouth". I hate rhetorical questions so early in the story without context and it's a cheap way for engagement. Other than that there's a lot of exposition that can be intergrated into the actual action with the Hounds. Something like
>The Hounds blasted through the sandbags and barricades of the defenders. It was Ipsilon One again.
>>24659890
Too much nonsense with first person. We don't know whoo Henders or Jones is. Engage us with no medic, troops, deserters, etc. first. Maybe start with:
>We were in deep shit. No comms, no medic, a coward, a dead sargent, and a deep need for clean underwear. God help us.
>>24661002
Too much exposition again

>>24664533
>Too much nonsense with first person. We don't know whoo Henders or Jones is. Engage us with no medic, troops, deserters, etc. first. Maybe start with:
>>We were in deep shit. No comms, no medic, a coward, a dead sargent, and a deep need for clean underwear. God help us.

Anon...this isn't the intro to the book. That was a snippet from page 363.
All my writing is in 1st person; if that bothers you deeply, it may not be for you.

>>24664677
Post the first chapter then. Nonsense first person means you add in fluff phrases and mannerisms that could be told without a direct sentence.

Like
>Kyliegh said the word sex. I hate that word. Sex. It reminds me that I never get any.
Instead you write
>Kyliegh gave me a stare that pierced my soul the minute she said the word sex. I think she knows.
It's doesn't directly tell the reader the MC is a virgin but it becomes heavily implies while developing Kyliegh as well.

Why do I even bother outlining when I know I'll never do anything worth praising even when I only wanted to do a fantasy story?

>>24664714
you need to outline a fantasy story. To keep you on pace, reference old magic, places, people, etc.

>>24664730
idk. can't you just imagine it and draw from the world in your imagination?

Terry chewed quietly on his neighbour’s left hand.
Tonight was just one of those nights that was perfect for the consumption of human remains. The freshly slain body slumped languidly against the porcelain of his bathtub. Blood ran bright red like fresh pomegranate juice squeezed from the fruit. Organs lay plump like delicious fruit, receiving the shine from the LED lights above. The smell was scrumptious; Terry imagined he was a lion that feasted upon water buffalo.
A couple flies flew around Terry’s head, aiming for the juices that sprayed from his every bite. A couple buzzed onto his cheek, but he paid them no mind.

title: just because my little sister's a zombie doesnt mean she can't be cute!

>>24657337
>"But it was her eyes that captured the souls of men, but more importantly"
Not sure which part other anon was looking at but "eyes that captured the souls of men" can stay though weakish. construction is awkward and repetitive though, "but... but" and "soul... soul", for me "more importantly" can't really fit in with much before it. Squeeze the repetition out "captured the souls of men, including the prince himself, who always said he loved their shade of green." or adjust with more detail + hard stop. "captured the souls of men. Even the prince, the only one who mattered, would always linger a moment longer when they spoke, his eyes caught by hers.." etc etc it's romance for women so

>"lingering gazes (from)around the room"

>"be only"
only be

>submitted to...endeavor of formalities
endeavor doesn't fit

>if she could, she would
would what? introducing haughty mockery after doesn't work

>The older ladies were... tell her family so.
assurance -> assurances, she'll -> she'd. Second sentence is repetitive, introduce another detail + reorder the time / telling family and remove the comma. "Something they'd been (fruitlessly) telling her family for 16 years".

The pair is probably ill conceived, it suggests the older ladies are some authority and also experts on the development of female appearance and that the family is looking to them for a predictions that perhaps will have some material value in itself until it is proved wrong.

>"the girl beside her"
(that) the girl beside her

>"Although Priscilla never possessed any traits to irritate or annoy her"
I agree this is stilted but you can just say "She'd never found Priscilla irritating or annoying", "possessed any traits" is whats stilted. But this isn't accomplishing enough to link into "knew she was invited out of respect (courtesy), not sincerity(sincere interest)". More details and introduce/suggest the opinion of other people.
"Although Priscilla had never been an offensive girl, there wasn't much you could admire about her. Victoria placed her among the many hopefuls invited by the prince out of courtesy rather than sincere interest."

>"Hate how the men parade us (about)
Parade has motion and Priscilla is fidgeting and complaining about not moving about. Have to use something else like "on display". Add more flavor because this sort of phrase is borderline cliche.

>"She fidgeted about" "Her dress bounced about"
repetitive and boring descriptions, be more romantic.

>"She had to share"
Drop completely or add more about what she is sharing, this construction leading into whimsical speculation is confusing.

>"Hasn't the gumption nor gall"
"Has neither the..."
"Hasn't the gumption or the gall"
IN MY OPINION you really need to read more if you worked this and didn't just bang out drunk. Disagree that you cant open like this. The writing is weak for me unfortunately, too much to hit everything.

>>24664698
Sorry anon, only one excerpt per thread.
It's the first rule.

>>24664829
perfect!

>>24664757
sure. but eventually you're going to forget plot points, details, and themes.

How many books do you need to read to be good at reading and writing?

>>24664924
if your'e asking read and write more

>>24664924
There's a story passed around in Korean Film School, where professors advise to students that if they want to work as a professional screenwriter right out of college, in those 4 years of film school, they have to read 600 books of literature, history, and philosophy. This advice is known as "LHP 600". It only works if you read all 600 of these books within the span of 4 years though

>>24664947
nah, just play 600 JRPGs like modern writers today.

>>24664953
you gotta read slop to write slop

>>24664966
I concede.

>>24664841
my turn please
>>24655922

want to stay up late to write, but that means waking up late to write.
hmm

>>24657337
you are trying to stuff information into the dialogue and it sounds unnatural

>>24655922
I don't understand what you're going for so I'm not sure I can help. It's giving unserious, but it's too meandering and wordy for comedy. And for me, it's more corny than funny.

From the Nursery

>>24658087
What's the point? Leftists are the real racists? Political and banal.

>>24663837
What's a good resolution to set my slop at?

You know what word I really dislike? 'limpid'. It doesn't sound like any of its meanings (either transparent/pellucid or serene/placid). In fact it sounds like a negative thing. It sounds like it should mean stumbling/plodding or unhealthy/ailing.

>>24664082
thats one of the things I tried. I wasn't really able to stick with it. I'd be able to do it some nights, but I have trouble coming up with ideas these days and truth be told, I don't enjoy it.

I'm one of those people where I can't enjoy sucking at something I care about. It makes me hyper-aware of how inferior I am compared to the person I used to be, let alone the person I always wanted to be.

>>24665635
it sounds like a combination of flaccid and limp

Does anyone have an interesting writing challenge for me to try, on this ugly Sunday?

Started writing my novella.

It's a first person story told from the perspective of a man with paranoid and schizoid personality disorders. I have created a life for himself where I am deliberately isolated with a decently paid nightshift role, but on the surface I appear to be a functional human being, just not free to hang out tonight, sorry, some other time sure. There will be no other time. I'm always busy. Busy staying away from you.

But it all starts to fall apart when corporate restructuring causes me to be promoted, and my veneer of humanity is constantly tested to it's breaking point by obnoxious workplace bullies. I know that there is a conspiracy against me, my mask is slipping, It sets off alarm bells in some people who notice I am not what they think I am. Some of my co-workers are also less than human, and are some kind of predator masquerading as a human to look for victims. I know what they are. The fake smiles that never reach their eyes, I know what they are better than they do. How can they fool everyone else so easily? Does nobody else realize what is right in front of them?

Meanwhile, some of the women in the office have stopped turning up for work, fuck what if they knew what I was and left because of me? what If they have told someone? I need to know, I have access to some of their files. I need to see everything to know I'm safe

I am not a real person, I wear a human suit to hide what I really am. I am just a facsimile of a person, an occasionally uncanny one at that, my suit isn't used to this amount of exposure. If they work out what I am it's over.

But I'm really trying hard to make it work. It can't end like last time. Nobody can find out. I don't want to restart again if they realize what I am.

That man I saw last night on my nightly 10km walk, is that him waiting outside? who is he, why is he following me? does he know? did one of the women tell him? What if they see what's on my computer? Then they will know for sure. I need to get ready to leave before they work out what I am.

How do I improve my writing guys? No matter how much I read or write, my writing is still shit. It never improves. I'm a failure to the craft. Even Kylie Jenner has a traditionally published book out and I can't even get an agent to look at it

>>24666229

Stop comparing yourself to Kylie Jenner. She’s literally worth a billion dollars and will always be more successful and capable than you. Stop being a lazy piece of shit with absolutely no worth or value.

>>24663837
I drew them myself, but other anons are right, they don't fit the text at all.

>>24666267
R.F kuang debuted at 21... How do I write as well as she does?

Post a picture to write a one-shot on.

>>24666351
It began on a Sunday. The outside was so cold, and Jan's room was so warm, so she decided to stay in bed. Yet Monday was also cold. And so were the next three months. And the next three years.

Magda left food at the door. Jan crept out after the footfalls left and she ate it all. She ordered food online and got the delivery man to leave it on her window sill. Her friends asked her where she was. In the beginning she said "I am in my cocoon" and attached an emoji of a worm and a butterfly; later, she didn't reply to their messages at all. She showered every three days, then every three weeks. Her hair grew thin and tatty. She forgot how to walk; she forgot how to talk.

She watched three thousand movies and two hundred seasons of television. Some days she slept fourteen hours. In her dreams she was in a concrete mixer, slowly turning. The outside world lost all reality. Some days her rooms felt very big. Her parents and friends forgot about her and Jan forgot about herself. She no longer needed to shower. Her hair had wound and spun into thread. Her bones turned to feathers and her organs turned to stuffing. Her skin, once to fair, became a blue fabric. When Magda came in several years later, looking for an extension cord, she putted her hands on her hips, pursed her lips, and looked at the pretty blue pillow she had never noticed before.

>>24666351
Adara inherited my long eyelashes and ruddy skin. My eczema and IBS. She took the worst and best parts of me. When she died, she took the rest. I left the room as it was. The mess was something half-done. As if she was just hiding beneath a pile of laundry, playing a prank.

How do you write story twists? I just don't get it. What is the thought process of writing a silly joke for example?

I know it needs to surprise the reader. It needs to change the emotions of the characters. And there have to be subtle breadcrumps at the beginning where the reader can look back at and think "ah now it makes sense". The reader is a bit confused at the beginning, but at the twist/climax everything starts to make sense. How do you write something like this? Where to start?

if I write an NTR story would it be better from a male's perspective or a female's perspective?

>>24666518
no idea. everyone here is a shit writer anyways. faggots here write complete utter slop and can't even manage to write slop well.

There's a couple really good writers here, I think. And many promising ones. You should not give up. Expression justifies itself.

>>24666527
Based and crab-bucket pilled.

>>24666537
Wrong. Show one halfway decent piece.

>>24666544
Oh, it's you. I know who you are.

>>24666550
Who am I?

I cum and my writing looses all sense of conviction. Fascinating phenomena. To confirm the theory, additional tests must be run. Yes.. thousands of tests I'm thinking.. under various conditions.. a wide variety of locales.. yes.. much to do !!

He’d been in a cell before but not like this. The floor was covered in mounds of grey blankets the shape of men. The only available mat lay beside the black maw of the bathroom. He could not describe the smell. When he lay down and began to drift an evil white light would strike him and he would spasm and wake.

“Go-od morning, Africa. He-llo.”
His eyes were shut. He hadn't slept. He recognised the Malawian accent. He opened his eyes and saw a smile looking down on him. Then it moved away.
He managed to sit up. In the middle of the floor the Malawians were stretching and singing and praying towards Mecca. Around them the other prisoners were yawning or looking around in disbelief. Folding up blankets and coughing and rolling cigarettes out of toilet paper. Against the roof a pale slice of winter sun.
“Moyo wabwino. It’s gonna be a beautiful day-ee,” sung the Malawian.
“—Eish.” His voice was a broken nail in his throat. There was some laughter.

He was given the bottom of a two litre bottle that had been ripped in half and shown the hole in the wall from which water dribbled constantly. He drank a little. He was shaking bad and the jagged plastic cut him. Even his eyes shook. He tried to steady them upon the walls. They had been yellow once but were now covered over in phrases and illustrations written in what looked like blood and shit. Certain parts appeared esoteric instruction. There was a gifted depiction of intercourse from an uncommon perspective. Curses placed upon the police in various languages. A freight truck driving beneath a wheeling sun. He couldn’t speak nor had anything to say and couldn’t look anyone in the eye so he just shut his eyes and put his back against the wall and tried to let time destroy him.

>>24666624
Something I wrote about my first day in prison. Some aspects are invention.

>>24666537
>Waited 2 hours
>Still hasn't pointed out even one excerpt that's decent
This containment thread is for shit writers

>>24666761
Oh, I'm sorry. I was waiting for you to Post Your Work. Go ahead, when you're ready. I'll be kind and constructive. In every way.

>>24666776
STFU you filthy Jew.

>>24666776
>Claims there's good excerpts here
>Can't even link one
Fucking jew

Hey everyone. Just a reminder that if you write sci-fi and/or fantasy you should probably KYS.

>>24657495
Start with Felix—saw the other guy said the same. “Shit” and “piss” any ANY OTHER VULGARITY IS MEANINGLESS from an omniscient viewpoint. From Felix the vulgarity MIGHT work on page 1, but if I see the F word on page 1 I am generally OUT, because the “author” has already shoot their shot, so to speak.

I love to draft, yes, so much so that I break out in sweats and boils and generate tremendous steam and need not sleep nor sustenance. But I am completely allergic to editing: should I even attempt to rearrange a word or a phrase, my hair falls out, my throat swells up, pus leaks from my ears, and my toenails turn around and grow back into my shins, severing them. Thusly, hobbling horribly upon my stumps, my only savior to to begin another first draft, which heals all my ailments, and starts the cycle anew. Any books for this feel?

>show don't tell
I love how you faggots constantly say this shit and then nobody has any work they can show where they showed instead of told

Modern audiences want to be told a story, you have to remember most people don't have internal monologues or don't think in concepts and abstracts at all, they have nothing going on up there - your book isn't going to reach people like this if they have to be able to visualize the apple. Yeah your shit will be great for your english professor who beat you over the fucking head about show not tell but lmao good job i'm sure he loves it

>>24664730
I know that, but what's the point when I'm a turboweeb and I only want to write anime and nobody cares?

>>24664730
LOL outlining is how you end up with boring crap you need the excitement of pantsing to realize the potential of fantasy.

>>24666902
I tell not show. Because I need my readers to know exactly what I wrote. There is no room for interpretation. My writing is concise, clear, brief, and direct, the hallmarks of great prose and writing.

When I write the woman is poor. It does not mean she has poor judgement or poor in character, I literally mean she has no money.

Should you have numbers in dialogue? Like can a character say “4” or would it have to be “four?” Yesterday someone at my writing group got real bitchy at someone because “you can’t talk in numbers.”

>>24666947
Well then why say “poor” rather than “she had no money?” Remove all doubt about what you mean.

>>24666955
It's in bad taste if it's a short number. If it's some shit like, eight million, forty six thousand, fifty nine hundred, thirty one, and seventy two cents, then write the number out..

I think the other rule is time. 12:45 pm is better than twelve forty five prime meridian.

>>24666959
Brevity.

Poor is four letters, she had no money is thirteen letters, the latter is inferior to the former

>>24666902
I used to post my chapters before but they didn't get much feedback beside that one guy who wrote funny like in wacky poem verses. He was cool. Shame he didn't go over to wng.

in the sentence,
>X, and his Y, is/are Z
do I use is or are?

>>24666544

This one is pretty good.
>>24657495

>>24667001
You don't need to toot your own horn

rainy day = writing day
hit 50k words yesterday which is kind of exciting. :)
14k a week drafting isnt special for writers but its a personal best
>>24665635
truth
>>24665834
write 3 different poems that go word by word in alphabetic procession. you just need to sound, not the letter. it's sorta fun
>>24665892
schizo rambles are some of my favorite books. good luck anon.
writing internal emotional states is a hard thing to do. What are your character's traits besides being beign paranoid?
>>24666624
That's an interesting experience. Prison in Malawi seems like a rough spot to be in

>>24667004

Reading other people’s work online is literally torture. I think it’s because of ego. Writers are lazy, don’t care what they subject strangers to, and are delusional enough to think people are lucky that they get to read their lazy, unedited, awful garbage.

So, I want people to know I think this one’s good. There’s real effort here, and I think it comes though.

>>24667051
Edited slop is hard because 99% of people can't even finish their first draft much less begin editing. So most people post their first draft, get shat on, become discouraged and never post again

>>24667064

What I see most is that people are too precious of their own writing. Once something is written, they don’t want to rewrite it, edit it, or delete it.

You have to learn to love the backspace, or you’ll never improve.

And just have respect for people reading your work. Edit it, polish it, and share something worth reading.

>>24666947
What does it mean to have no money

>>24667121

Have a creative writing degree.

>>24667113
That's why actual feedback is important. I'll be coming back in 2 weeks to see if any of these excerpts posted will get posted again with an edit and we can shit on it all over again l, but it's good to keep going.

>>24666624
It's pretty good but unless the character is a white person the voice (even if it's not first person) doesn't sound like a right fit for an imprisoned African in an African prison.

>>24666336
Our own KK Wing is a much better writer than RF Kuang will ever be

>>24667113
>love the backspace
do any of you guys cut and paste your shit somewhere else instead of deleting? i think that's psychologically easier to do than hitting the delete button

>>24667382
Every day I work on my piece or do editing I make a copy with the current date, and add it to the list. That way there's always a record of each old version if I want to go back to see what I cut.

>>24667382
I save all my revisions in git. That way, I lose nothing, and it all stays organized.

>>24656666
This is a known, but somewhat under-publicized, fact.

>>24667549
Cumming in a man's ass isn't going to transfer the parasite, though. If it's an intestinal worm it would mean the victim has to be eaten and transferred to the new host's digestive system, like the cats eating the mice.

>>24656666
I don't know how scientific this is, but it's a fucking great idea for a book. I would read the living shit out of it (pun intended)

>>24667113
>>24667051
This is true about 80% of the time but I've seen some really bad feedback here and in poetry generals where the encouragement is to make something more conventional and banal when the author should have leaned more on his quirks instead, or when the reader really isn't putting in the effort because of bias. There is ego on both sides and it's not that hard to write something that will go over the heads of /lit/izens.

>inb4 butthurt
I lurk very occasionally to collect stuff I like from around here and only got some very on point and mostly positive feedback on /mu/. My experience is more on the reading side. I've found some of my favorite writing here, although a larger portion of it was in the zines than the threads.

>>24667581
Not that I expect anyone on 4chan to do even the simplest of due diligence, but >>24656666 linked to an article about "eating ass".

>>24667475
Use version control like git. (Git, not github.) Get yourself some GUI tool like TortoiseGit.
Every day that you're done writing you commit your changes. Later you can go over a list of changes that you've made.

I'm not really sure what resources to link to you, because it is a programming tool, but programming is all about editing text documents, so it fits perfectly for writing. Writers just don't need all the features git has.

>>24667761
That sounds like a lot of work. I just use LibreOffice and have a new copy of my file for each day I've worked on it.

>>24667782

I just write it perfect the first time.

Publishers won’t leave me alone.

>>24667782
You can't compare revisions together with separate LibreOffice documents. I write in Markdown and use pandoc to convert those files to paperback/e-book format.
>>24667836
Stupid troll LARP.

>>24667782
Well, once you figure out how to use the tool is:
You finish writing. You right click on the file -> commit. Type in what you wrote or changed today.
You can right click -> push it as well, but that's it.

Then next time you can go back and look at the changes you made every day. You can even diff them - it'll show you exactly what words were changed.

>>24667912
Only if you save your files in a stable text format. LibreOffice's .fodt format is not stable; it'll make lots of meaningless changes all over the place. I write in Markdown format, store that in git, and use pandoc to convert to paperback and e-book formats.

>>24667940
That's a good point. I forgot about that.

writing is so dang fun

Have you guys heard the term "run to earth?" Wondering what part of the world uses this idiom. It appears in the dictionary but I personally haven't encountered it in the wild.

its a 4000 words kinda day frick yeah

>>24668327
Disagree. It is stressful and hard.

>>24668393
I have never heard it.

>>24668754
>>24668754
>>24668754

>>24668393
It refers to grounding an electrical connection.

>>24664947
But how do I download everything to read it?