Thread 24668754

"Poo In The Loo" edition

Previous: >>24655682

/wg/ AUTHORS & FLASH FICTION: https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ
RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS: https://pastebin.com/nFxdiQvC

Please limit excerpts to one post.
Give advice as much as you receive it to the best of your ability.
Follow prompts made below and discuss written works for practice; contribute and you shall receive.
If you have not performed a cursory proofread, do not expect to be treated kindly. Edit your work for spelling and grammar before posting.
Violent shills, relentless shill-spammers, and grounds keeping prose, should be ignored and reported.
(And maybe double-space your WIPs to allow edits if you want 'em.)

Simple guides on writing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHdzv1NfZRM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whPnobbck9s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAKcbvioxFk

Thread theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-BvOoss1z0

>>24668754 (OP)
What is "grounds keeping prose"?

>>24668846
Don't ask. You'll summon the demon.

>>24668846
It sweeps the dead leaves and discarded mcdonald's wrappings

would a novel that’s really a 300-page vore story sell well in this day and age?

What makes something "overwritten"?

>>24669106
Use of ''big'' words and long sentences where a shorter and clearer sentence could transmit the same meaning and be equally nice to read. Overwritten sentences usually feel tiresome and dense.

If I want to start writing fiction but I've never done it would it be better to do handwriting or digital?

On one hand when I write on paper I am more careful and thoughtful about what I want to write because it's harder to erase but I also write much less because of it.

On digital I can write more and faster but I get distracted because I am a zoomer and I can't stop checking everything else that's going on my computer.

Also, as training should I focus on short stories or longer form writings? I like both

>I'm a cowboy. On a steel horse I ride.
>I'm a cowboy. I ride on a steel horse.
Passive voice detractors will tell you the second line sounds better.

>>24668754 (OP)
india has an anus on its national flag
>also
http://www.google.com/search?q=toilet+witches+india

>>24669138
I think it depends.

>>24669138
First one feels jumbled

>>24669130
I usually brainstorm on paper and do the actual writing on computer

Claude says I'm good.

>>24669151
can you elaborate?

>>24669168
Basically what I mean is coming up with plots and outlines, hashing out what's going to happen next. I bring a notebook and go outside or to a diner or something and just focus on that for an hour or two, it's crazy how much you get done. Then I bring it back into "the office" and write the actual prose

>>24669166
What prompt did you use?

>>24669272
>I have a short story synopsis and I want to check if my subtext and themes are readable enough at structure level before I get to writing the prose. To that end, I would like you to act as a professor of English literature, read the synopsis, and write me an essay about the story as if it has already been finished.
+ snacker.txt

>>24668894
basē

>>24669166
I have yet to read something a.i. didn't like

>>24669138
But neither is passive

Tips for writing lewd? I find myself keep drawing attention to the fact the girl is naked, like the reader has forgotten it, so I keep bringing it up over and over and that stands out as being "pushy" with it. But in porn it's something you're constantly aware of since you're seeing every subtle movement and it seems to get lost in writing.

I'm trying to write a scene now where the girl's a nude model for the first time for an art class and all she does is have to stand in one place for 40 minutes and figuratively and literally do nothing while strangers draw her. Other than focus on her inner thoughts about how nervous she is, I'm not sure what to do, because even that falls into the same trap of repeating the same thing thirty times (she's naked and nervous, yeah we get it).

>>24669315
What's the change? A story is about change, so what change are you trying to portray?

>>24669330
She is trying to overcome her shyness and gain confidence, but that takes longer than a single night, but I have her end the class feeling bold and enthusiastic it seems unrealistic.

>>24669315
What's the nature of her problem? She is nervous. What she wants? To be calm. What does she do to reach her goal? Tries different things to calm herself down. If she succeeds, the scene ends, because she has nothing to do in it. So, for as long as we want to keep the scene going, each of her attempts fails. What keeps this cycle from getting repetitive? Not only does she fail herself down, but at each fail the situation escalates, externally or internally, making her even more nervous and complicating the task of calming herself down.

Behold, the gimmicky ramblings of a mad man.
Jesus is Back, and He is PISSED!
https://youtu.be/Djrl6fu8myo?si=oMcj1j2WL0iEXw4q

>>24669346
That's kind of the problem, so I have her drinking water, doing deep breaths, trying to imagine herself being somewhere else, but I don't want her having panic attacks on stage, but I want it to be a humorous kind of story too, so a little crazy is fine, but also realistic. Hard to find a good balance. I know what I want in my mind, but hard to explain it. Kind of like that Mr. Bean episode where he gets locked out of his hotel room naked after a shower, I guess.

>>24669350
https://youtu.be/x7ES7ueI7p0?si=5KcDcx3ZVjx4mxM9

>>24669315
>Other than focus on her inner thoughts about how nervous she is, I'm not sure what to do, because even that falls into the same trap of repeating the same thing thirty times (she's naked and nervous, yeah we get it)
What's the point of the scene? Isn't nothing happening but her sitting there thinking? Then why are you looking for something else to write about then her inner thoughts and impressions? They can loop and repeat somewhat if that's what happens but should have changes and different details or you can just describe particular thoughts as looping. Is the problem just skill issue that you can't think of anything to write but "she was nervous"? Read more.

Time for another day of self-doubt where I hate myself too much to write while lambasting my plot being worthless slop that nobody would like despite having a history of people liking what I write!

>>24669359
>drinking water, doing deep breaths, trying to imagine herself being somewhere else
Yeah, but all of those are obvious things. That's the first beat: MC tries an obvious solution, but it doesn't work, and things get worse. What are the non-obvious solutions that reveal her unique personality? And how can things get worse for MC, given that she starts off naked in room with of a group of clothed strangers, which is already nerve-racking? I'd try to brainstorm a long list of potential answers, then see if any of them fit the scene. One student is late to class, and, unexpectedly, this is someone MC knows and does not want to show her naked body to. MC poses on all fours, facing the audience, and realizes there is a mirror right behind her, showing her anus and vulva to the whole class. MC tries to think about something nice, gets carried away, ends up daydreaming about senpai, gets visibly aroused, with hard nipples and dripping wet pussy. Something of this sort, perhaps.

Should I send my story directly to publishers raw, no agents?

My first attempt at sci fi poetry:

e^(pi(i))+1=0

I have no idea what it means

Yet it is the most profound thing that I have ever seen in my life

>>24669453
What's the worse they can do? Say "no"?

>>24669478
Holy fuck.. my entire body had a palpable reaction.. like waking up from a dark dream..

>>24669315
>Tips for writing lewd?
Write in a way that gets you horny, instead of writing when you're already horny.

>>24669496
Steal it for their own AI AND say no.

>>24669379
The problem is it's supposed to be somewhat erotic but without visuals it's hard to get that feeling across other than mentioning fifty times that she's naked.

>>24669434
I'll try. There will definitely be some arousal on her part by the end.

>>24669507
So maybe post-fap? Afterward I lose all motivation to write it, but I'll try to force myself.

>>24669560
>So maybe post-fap?
No, you fool, pre! Way before! I literally explained the process and you got the opposite understanding, how did I fuck up an explanation this much?

From the perspective of kids, because that is what you lot are, what does this say to you as a person (an excerpt):

"Who follows you"
"Grief, in sleepless hours disturbs waking dreams that walk shade like, slipping from wall to wall, masked in that guise in which the other is like the all. Recourse of the mind I have none, save acknowledgements that evaporate as thoughtlike forms are summoned as wisps of air, and gone. Poor judgement perhaps that led me to this sorrow"

>>24669453
>>24669496

It's just about wasting your own time.

>>24669138
It doesn't make sense when you use song lyrics because the primary intent before anything else is to have it rhyme with the next phrase

It's starting to feel like if I keep working hard, the story will have some value outside of my own vanity. I really hope so anyways. People's time is the most valuable thing in the world, so it's asking a lot of them to read my work.
>>24669606
Im not sure. Inconsolable sadness and guilt? I might have missed something you conveyed.
:(

>tfw a common observation about my prose is that it’s really dense and sometimes overwritten
>I feel my prose is exhausting when I proof read and then immediately trim it down
>as a result, I’m extremely paranoid about the readability of everything I write because I subconsciously gravitate towards flowery prose


Is flowery prose really that much of a big deal? I remember as a teen getting chewed out for flowery prose, but even though I feel I’ve come a long way since then, I keep wondering if people will find it too much.

>>24669979
The thing is, flowery prose is alright, but not everywhere. Not every sentence needs autistic spluging of flower cum. Too much icing spoils the cake, too many flowers shit up a garden. Everyone loves boobies, but if they're dragging on the fucking ground, we've got a problem. When the situation calls for elegance, be that way, but in the meantime, just be effective. White elephants make far better hills than a million intricate orchids.

>>24670013
I get that, though the question becomes where you draw the line. Obviously I’m not trying to make every single word stand out, but I do this thing quite often where I make poetic observations about mundane things and actions and then explore what that says about the characters psychologically, which makes it hard to cut, because it’s not like it’s saying NOTHING.

>>24670026
sounds like someone trying to make a witty quip every five seconds

gets old real quick, go read some mark twain nonfiction for a better idea here

Can I make dogfucking a thing in my novel or would that be too weird?

>>24670136
You would get a lot of money from femoids and furries

>>24669979
yes, it's a big problem. any writing teacher will tell you that you have to keep cutting your prose down. that means using fewer words to tell the story. the first stuff that goes is obviously going to be the flowery stuff. if you write it chances are you are wasting time on stuff you will have to delete anyway.

>>24670140
Does it still count if it's guy on bitch?

>>24670161
Most dogfuckers on xitter are men so yeah

>>24669979
The thing is, more detail does not equate to better prose. Any idiot can describe an empty hallway for four pages straight. The architecture, the light, the smells, the sounds, the cockroaches in the walls, the stains on the wallpaper, the atmosphere, the humidity, the stairs, the doors, the overdue notices, the dust mites, the tenants, the history of the empty hallway, etc, etc. Anyone can go on and on with a shitton of detail. It isnt impressive to anyone.

I like detail a lot. The best prose is often descriptions of things. But they're descriptions of things that matter told in a unique way. Think of the difference between an HD photograph and an impressionist oil painting. The HD photograph of prose is flat and boring and literal. Endless sentences of detail. Yeah, an HD photograph you can count the exact number of eyelashes someone has, but you dont need that to tell a story. Impressionism takes the subject and turns it into a ghost of its essence. No eyelashes. Maybe not even any eyes. Just a shadow of where his eyes should be, and the emotion you're striving for. That's the prose you should strive for.

I hope my shitty analogy helps.

Why is writing so hard? I can easily write down what should happen in every scene, what the dialogue should be, and what the world is like. I can easily do all that, but I can't seem to take all of that information and make it into an actual story with prose.
Does everyone else feel the same way?

>>24670243
It doesn't. Why is an ESL babbling in an English writing thread?

>>24670243
I frequently loathe prose. I don't think it's even the case of whether the prose is "good" or not. Reading multiple pages of prose by a revered author about wheat growing has broken me. I swear, prose exists to inflate word count.

>>24670250
thats how i feel a lot. im trying to describe them walking from one place to another place and i literally cant do it without being painfully boring or confusing rn

I've come to love writing a parenthetical as its own complete sentence.

>>24670567
Just remember to place periods properly (like so if it's part of a longer sentence). (And this is the way you do it if the parenthetical is its own sentence.)

Give it to me straight, anons.
Should I pursue this, or destroy my laptop with a battleaxe?

>>24670250
Consider writing screenplays, at least for a little while. You may find that easier.

>>24670604
If you have to ask you already know the answer

>>24669359
If you're writing ero-fiction then the readers are just reading it to get off. They're not going to care about her inner turmoil. They just want to jerk it and need some basic story as a framework.

>>24669979
imo any writing that is not flowery is not worth ready. Anyone can just write a dry description, but it's the poetic flourish that turns it into art.

>>24670136
You can, but it will get you banned on Amazon.

I don't like this racism against Indian people. It's against my religion. I'm going to hide this thread. Not because it has an obscene image, but because it pollutes the soul.

>>24670742
That's an actual photo from India, of an actual Indian government program.

>>24670661
Is this true? I see people say they make tons of money writing smut, but if it's that easy why doesn't everyone just do it?

>>24670608
While they're not screenplays, I do have a few years of experience writing scripts for youtube. Screenplays might be a cool idea! Thanks, man.
>>24670310
I have been stuck on that same problem! My solution was to tie in an "information plot" into the scene. Eg the characters are walking and a part of their discussion is about how the magic works or some factoids about the world, particularly the place they're going to (or will in the future).
The difficulty here is that it's hard to weave multiple different plot threads into the scene as you're writing the scene for the first time. It's much easier to do it in revision (unless you're a really good planner I guess).

Anon awoke directly from forgotten dreams with unpleasant aftertastes despite all he pulls his cheap and creaky laptop from beneath the orange pillow tucked beneath his bed. These days he found his mornings lost as soon as he awoke. It was all he could do to hold on while his life was lived for him. All agency had been ripped from his paws long ago. In his secret word processor he promised himself "I will walk today", and "I will sit today" and twice "I will write today" and this troika of insincere promises immediately rung flat as soon as they were struck. Like pissing in the wind. Six in the morning, and already the day was lost. Of course, this was completely familiar to him. There are far worse lives, we reminded himself. One could be a prison rape puppet. One could be a slave. There is a kind of liberty, he told himself, in such apathy. It's just not my liberty.

>>24670604
It's alright. Writing like this would not stop me if the story is interesting.

Something to keep in mind is that blow-by-blow isn't all that interesting by itself. You still want the scene to have something interesting happen that isn't just combat. Spreading your attention over so many characters makes it seem like it's all blow-by-blow, at least based on the excerpt. But if all these characters are important to the plot and liked by readers, then it's fine.

Also, don't make every sentence a new paragraph.

Hello, Nicu Stefan Cristian here, the Esl writer. I've got an old story I've been meaning to rewrite. I'll try doing it when I get to work.

>>24668754 (OP)
I was on the precipice of greatness and wonder, about to pen a story that would alter the trajectory of human consciousness. Then I saw this thread's picture, and everything died.

>>24670887
https://files.catbox.moe/mxkp6a.pdf

This is the first draft.

My keyboard is failing me. Bought this mechanical roccat crap when it was recommended for writers on some dumbfuck list years ago and I've never had the displeasure to type on a clunkier piece of crap. The best typing experience I've ever had was on a basic apple keyboard at school. It's ideal that you need to move your fingers and hands as little as possible while writing. But I'm not paying $200 for a fucking keyboard that'll be broken in under 5 years anyway. Any recs?

>>24671079
One anon recommended this to me because I got frequent finger pain while typing. Bought it a few months ago. Best purchase of my whole life. If you have longer fingers like I do, then you'll never go back to a regular straight 'board ever again. Microsoft ergonomic 4000x something something.

>>24670150
What do I do if my prose is horrifically beige?

Well the fantasy book is done.
….now what?

>>24671765
now you write a new book

>>24671210
Saw those at my previous job. The design just seems really awkward to me.

>changing the color of the LI's hair to fit with design elements
Pointless timewasting or brilliant futureproofing?

How many blondes can you have in a story before people think you're a roicist?

Which is worse: writing genreslop or being a straight white male?

>>24670661
Your readers. My inner reader needs the heart-dick satisfied as well. Most ero-fiction does nothing for me.

>>24671894
being a straight white male

>>24671890
people won't think you're a racist they'll think you're a pervert

>>24671894
Define worse first. As in what other people think of you?

>>24671890
Many.

Now, if you said blonds, then you're on a strict quota. You may not even be able to use them in whatever role you desire. Depending on the work's intended audience you could be limited to portraying them in an antagonistic or pathetic comic relief role only.

>made a title name as a funpost
>want to use it for a real story now
Did I fuck up?

im trying to write but i cant concentrate because im hallucinating this is so fucking annoying

>>24670887
>Rabbi looking in a different direction
False, he'd be the one doing it while the camp guard clenched his fist in rage that he wasn't allowed to save the kids.

Hello, I'm back with another 1000-ish word vignette if anyone wants to read and give feedback. The only thing you need to know going in is that the new girl is trans. I'm aware that this is going to put some people off, however.

Anyway, read it or don't. Thanks as always.

https://rentry.co/w2i5u8ai

>>24672168
That kind of stuff I think is dealt with better via narrative summary rather than dialogue lines.

copilot called my story "rich" and it made me smile

>>24672082
that's good. its probably doing what you want a title to do if thats the case.
>>24672168
>Jessica of all people cut her off, rather curtly, actually, although Julia herself was so used to it by now that she hardly noticed. It was Octavia who mentioned it after the fact, and Jessica who found her later to apologise. In the moment, however, the conversation went thusly:
dont do this.
regarding the content, it isnt my thing so i won't address it. i feel like its a bit confusing to switch from what one person is thinking to what another is thinking in the middle of a conversation

absurdism

>>24672626
>dont do this.
Hmm, but I like it when books do this, so I will keep it. However, the perspective issue is a good point. I'll get right on it!
>>24672179
disagree

Thank you guys for reading

>>24672599
AI always gasses you up

>>24672813
god i wish.
talk is cheap, gas is expensive

>>24669106
>>24669114
In ancient times there was state a in Greece called Lacedaemon. The capital was a city called Sparta, and for this reason the people came to be called Spartans, or Lacedaemonians.
The state had been founded by a great and wise man called Lycurgus and for many centuries after his death his influence was still to be seen amongst the Lacedaemonians. They lived very simple, frugal lives and they were famed for their prowess in battle. One of their most remarkable characteristics was their pithy style of speech. They liked to express themselves in as few words as possible, and often grew impatient with those who made long, rambling speeches, or who were slow in coming to the point.
Once a group of men from the island of Samos landed on the shores of Lacedaemon. They had been banished by their king, and hoped to receive aid from the Lacedaemonians. They gained admission to the magistrates, or chief judges, and made a long speech, describing how they had been sent away from their home and families and they entreated the Spartans to give them food and shelter and help them win back the island of Samos.
When they had finished, the Spartans replied that they had forgotten the first half of the speech and could not understand the second. Rather dismayed, the banished men retired. The next day they returned, and, learning from their past mistakes, simply held up an empty flour sack.
"The bag wants flour," they said. This time the Spartans understood that the men needed food and aid, and they replied more favourably.
"Very well, we will help you," they said. "Still you need not have said 'bag'; 'wants flour' would have been quite sufficient."

Do you guys like my death scene?

ogre....

>>24673015
that metaphor makes me imagine a child holding a candybar sideways in their mouth hands free and that makes me lol

>>24672941
>When Atreus' son harangued the listening train,
>Just was his sense, and his expression plain,
>His words succinct, yet full, without a fault;
>He spoke no more than just the thing he ought.
>But when Ulysses rose, in thought profound,
>His modest eyes he fixed upon the ground;
>As one unskilled or dumb, he seemed to stand,
>Nor raised his head, nor stretched his sceptred hand;
>But when he speaks, what elocution flows!
>Soft as the fleeces of descending snows,
>The copious accents fall, with easy art;
>Melting they fall, and sink into the heart:
>Wondering we hear, and, fixed in deep surprise,
>Our ears refute the censure of our eyes.

>some people are such great writers they get traditionally published at 21
>I'm 40
>Endless rejections
>Don't even have a career anymore
How should I kill myself?

>>24673063
you can always self-publish...

>>24673015
Sounds like something a kid would write.

“AND THEN, THE BIG SCARY MONSTER CHEWS UP TYLER. LIKE A RAW STEAK. THEN HE HOOLDS UP THE BODY….LIKE A KID…WITH A CANDY BAR…..and no this is not Tyler from school, coincidentally they share the same name. But yeah TYLER DIES.”

>>24673058
>makes me lol
That's good was kind of the goal lol

>>24673070
Not the worst point, but its kind of the subject matter. Not sure how to write this in a "mature" fashon considering its a script and I wanted to incorporate specific visuals.

roast me pls (>_<)
>>24673066
>>24672637

>>24671210
I started using one of those after noticing that my fingers were starting to bend outward. I checked around the office for a correlation between touch typists and fingers that bowed outward, and switched to one of these keyboards immediately. My fingers very slowly straightened out.

>>24671719
Do what Philip K. Dick did... make up for your beige prose with wild, creative, fantastic ideas.

And what, exactly, was wrong with the OP image?

>>24673066
NTA but that's what I did.

>>24673542
No one wants to see shit

>>24672002
Women typically need to be emotionally invested in the characters to get aroused. Which is why just visual porn does little for them.

Is blasphemy just insubordination against god? Does it have to be god? What would it be against a king? Or a king of kings?

>>24673542
jannies will arbitrarily ban op imgs if off topic (i.e. REEEEEEEEEEEE) but leave up retard threads.

>>24674124
Jannies are retarded fucking niggers and we’re even more retardeder for staying here I say burn in down!!

I'm writing a smut story about a lesbian woman with a scat fetish living with a colostomy bag. Thoughts? I wonder if it would sell well on amazon.

>>24674420
Please post an except, it sounds divine and I'm very kind.

>>24674424
It is my first time ever writing, so I am a bit shy about it. I also had the idea of writing a story about a double above knee amputee woman with a scat fetish.

>>24674431
I strongly believe your supremely brazen subject matter will deter the typical prose pedantry.

hahahaha the retard containment thread got its OP image deleted. well done!
/wng/ would never

>>24674647
N-no. /wng/ is the retard containment thread! You’re the ones who write dumb stupid genreslop for idiots. This is a place for serious intellectuals who write meaningful prose.

>had progress yesterday
>today a fly is buzzing in front of me

>>24674214
I'm amazed how you can say whatever you want about blacks, gays, trannies, etc, here but god almighty if you disrespect the overlords, it's instant bullet

>>24673653
I'm a red blooded male. You do not understand the level of ascension it takes to simultaneously enjoy narrative and visual.

I just farted, it smells like I sharted. But alas I am concarted.

I broke my no 4chan/social media streak and have reverted to wasting my time on the internet instead of writing. But I will overcome this… I will finish my story, I’m already at the halfway point.

>build world
>think about which project should be introductory work
> actual chronologically first "prequel"
>main series first book
>Shorter side story that has an erotic story
yes, I am retarded thank you.

>>24675689
i heard erotic and tuned out the rest

>>24675706
the main heroine comes "of age" and gets her dead mothers sword as a birthday present for becoming "an adult". She also gets told her mother is not dead but simply missing since she went to fight a powerful demon that threatened their lives. Part of the demon nestled inside that sword and is now corrupting our "adult" main heroine to act on impulses that she probably should not act upon. The demon of lust accompanies our heroine trying to turn her into a sex addicted slut while she tries to trick him into revealing her mothers whereabouts.

>>24674214
From the Lore Book I made for my "Blood-Dimmed Stars" series.

>Jannies: From the world of Janus, the Jannies are widely hated micromanagers who are loathed by the rest of the galaxy. They are short, with a slight snout and a coat of light-brown fur, and would remind one of an anthropomorphic dog. They also suffer from notoriously poor vision but have excellent hearing.
The Jannies believe that they have the right to control the galaxy and will use whatever advantage they can gain to do so.

Canonically, they tend to get smacked around, despite their belief in their superiority. One underdeveloped world drove them off by fielding an army of mostly pikemen and arquebusiers.

Imt so hight iis this ggo d

>head hurts from brainstorming all day
>still feel the urge to get back to it

>>24669166
AIs are confirmation bias machines. Believe them at your own peril.

>>24676061
He says you’re full of shit. And a nigger.

>>24669560
>it's supposed to be somewhat erotic but without visuals it's hard to get that feeling across other than mentioning fifty times that she's naked
Eroticism is more than nudity - it's about the actions that make someone feel aroused and the way someone feels when they are aroused.

The meme about hand-holding being more sexual than actual sex is something you'll want to keep in mind here: When your female character is touched, what is it about that touch that makes her excited - is it where she was touched, how she was touched, the broader context of the touching, or some combination of the three? Would she be more aroused if she's touched on her hip instead of her breast, and would that arousal depend on her being naked and/or being touched by a lover?

Figuring out your character's sexual philosophy would also help. Does she want to have sex because she finds sex enjoyable, or because she wants to procreate, or whatever other reason? What kinks does she have and what kinks turn her off? All this information is valuable, and you don't really need to put any of it in the story unless it's directly relevant - and even then, you don't have to do a whole shitload of exposition to get those points across.

>>24675689
Do the erotic story first. Once you get people hooked with that you can do whatever you want.

>>24676067
I see the delusion has already hit you.

AIs don't have genders.

>>24676078
You can assign male or female voices to it.

>>24675840
So, the Vogons from the "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy" series?

>>24676075
just play otome vns and figure out what makes the guys feel sexy to you

Speaking of erotica, is it preferred to use scientific/proper names for parts or slang? The latter seems uncouth and childish.

>>24676187
if you're horny, you know
do semen retention and just start gooning before you write

>>24673015
Its written exactly like something out of a MLP fanfiction. Do yourself a favor and read some of the A tier creepy pastas of the 2010's. "Left Right Game" has an action scene similar in essence to this one but its superbly written, you can easily fin it online and read it for free.

>>24669138
"On a steel horse I ride" is not passive, it's inversion. Passive would be something like "A steel horse is/was rode by me."

>>24676770
>A steel horse is/was rode

>Trying to write
>Neighbours playing music so loud my table is vibrating
It's like mental torture. No wonder nothing good has been written in years when this is what you're listening to if you live in a city. If I ever make it big, I'm moving to the quietest corner of the most silent state and staying there.

>>24677000
When overwhelmed by the calamity of modern sound rape and torture, I reread Kafka's Blumfield, an Elderly Bachelor, which is always helpful.

>>24676187
Slang is always preferred. Using the scientific/proper names makes things sound...well, scientific and rote, and you're not going to turn people on by constantly referring to a penis as a penis and a vagina as a vagina. Use cock/dick/whatever and pussy/slit/whatever, but don't use penis and vagina.

Also:

>uncouth and childish

If you're saying this about using cock and pussy instead of penis and vagina, you're not really ready to write erotica. Go read a bunch of erotica on AO3 and disabuse yourself of any notions of "propriety" when it comes to writing two (or more) people having sex.

I have so many 70,000-100,000-ish word books on the backlog, but none of them are really what I "want" my debut to be. Does that make sense?

I love writing :D

When do I use 'constant' versus 'consistent"? ex.
>The artist constantly/consistently uses these techniques throughout their works.

>>24677329
Constantly is all the time, without fail. You're constantly breathing.
Consistently means it forms a pattern. You consistently end your sentences with a period (but you don't necessary have to).

dictionary motherfucker, do you use it?

>>24677048
I want it to be classy erotica. Using slang sounds like a horny 13 year old wrote it. I've read some in the past, but on some websites and Kindle. None of it exactly sounded very professional. I'm using these stories to work on writing scenarios outside my normal comfort zone, so the goal is to up my level of writing a tier, so I want it to sound more sophisticated than just random fanfics.

>>24677548
NTA but
>classy erotica
It's porn. You're writing porn. The sooner you just accept that you're remaking InkBrazzers, the better.

>>24677548
>>24677580
As his penis glans entered my vaginal opening, my anus muscles contracted. My adrenal gland produced adrenaline, and my vocal chords produced a sound not unlike the Equus asinus. His penis, which was uncommonly diminutive, did not contact my clitoris, which caused me disappointment. My mammary glands moved in a pendulous fashion. He enquired into the quality of my experience. I answered in the affirmative, and dishonestly expressed that I was having an enjoyable experience. Yet the truth was plain: my vaginal walls were dryer than the Sahara desert in the months August to December 1983, which was the driest year on record.

>>24677604
>dryer than the Sahara desert in the months August to December 1983, which was the driest year on record.
I do appreciate this level of detail. It's nice to learn something new as I fap.

>>24677548
>I want it to be classy erotica.
When classy erotica uses terms for the sexual bits, it rarely uses penis and vagina. And that's assuming it even mentions the sexual bits.

>None of it exactly sounded very professional.
It's porn. Class it up all you want, but the glamor can't hide the fact that it's porn. Get comfortable with sounding "unprofessional".

>I'm using these stories to work on writing scenarios outside my normal comfort zone, so the goal is to up my level of writing a tier, so I want it to sound more sophisticated than just random fanfics.
You can get as literary as you want with your smut, but it's still smut. Using "penis" and "vagina" EVERY TIME you want to talk about those bits ain't gonna get you the pussy (i.e., critical praise).

The problem here is that you seem practically embarassed to use any other word for penis or vagina than penis or vagina, and that attitude won't get you anywhere in writing erotica. If you're embarassed of what you're writing, people are going to be embarassed when they're reading it. Nut up and get comfortable with your discomfort of cock, dick, pussy, slit, and any other slang words for those bits. You're writing porn, whether it's classy and sophisticated or crude and vulgar.

>>24677604
>Yet the truth was plain: my vaginal walls were dryer than the Sahara desert in the months August to December 1983, which was the driest year on record.
This was genuinely funny, lmao.

>>24677688
So far I've been avoiding using any words, leaving it up to the reader's imagination. Saying like "he gripped himself" or "A close-up from between her thighs filled the screen. She had pulled herself apart with her fingers." I feel like less is more.

>>24677719
>She had pulled herself apart with her fingers
Hosanna in the highest

>>24677719
It's not a terrible approach, but you'd better be ready to actually say what's going on using "naughty" words at some point. You can only take that approach so far before people start to wonder what the fuck is going on.

>>24677466
Hmm, makes sense, thanks.

1,300 words down today. Currently, 76,000 out of 400,000 ish. Slower than my usual pace, but I think this chapter was a major win. THE EPIC MUST GO ON.

How do I go learn original ideas for writing. I want write popular works.

>>24677852
You steal all the time and from everwhere. Steal from the barflys. Steal from wikipedia. There is no such thing as originality. Only reconstruction.

>>24677719
>She had pulled herself apart with her fingers.
Are you writing porn or gore?

>>24677548
>classy erotica
There is definitely a time and place for that kind of tone.
But what you're talking about would rarely, if ever, use clinical words anyway except for emphasis.