Thread 24671440

What's your favorite bible story?

Melville's rendition of Jonah and the Whale in Moby Dick always stuck with me for some reason, wish I could have seen his interpretation of the second half of it

>>24671440 (OP)
Samson Da Barbarian.

>>24671440 (OP)
As a kid I always loved how ancient heroes were depicted barefoot in picture book illustrations, I would derive a mysterious joy from gazing at them...

Judith :^}

The Jacob arc is pretty good too: guy becomes an exile after swindling his brother, then exiled back to his brother after our-swindling the swindler he’s working for. Then, wouldn’t you know it, his sons are swindlers and sell one of their own into slavery, who teaches the pharaoh how to swindle all of Egypt except the priests out of their land, then frames his brother

The entire storyline of Genesis is actually about lying and deception and wandering, it’s like Odysseus but generational. Even Abraham prefers to lie all and deceive all the time despite his extreme prowess in warfare, displayed only once, and his unrelenting sense of empathy and fairness toward others

>>24671516
Based.

>>24671541
"Swindle", ye. Call it by it's name: they out-jew and betray others. Like telling a whole city to convert and slaughter everyone after getting their wieners circumcised. Well jewed

>>24671440 (OP)
the one where they all die, get punished by god, lose hope and get enslaved (again)

I like the Prodigal Son, the message of forgiveness and redemption.

Admittedly I also sympathize with the older son. Something about doing everything right, not even making merry with your friends, and not being rewarded for it.

>>24671716
Tbf that incident is not portrayed positively, and Jacob harshly condemns it.

Noah getting drunk and his gay-curious son seeing him naked and then they kicked him out of the family or something like that

Jesus driving the merchants from the temple (predictable reply)

>>24671504
>The story of a Lion, a Bitch, and 30 Wardrobes
Definitely of my favorites too

>>24671440 (OP)
>Jacob, however, took fresh-cut branches from poplar, almond and plane trees and made white stripes on them by peeling the bark and exposing the white inner wood of the branches. Then he placed the peeled branches in all the watering troughs, so that they would be directly in front of the flocks when they came to drink. When the flocks were in heat and came to drink, they mated in front of the branches. And they bore young that were streaked or speckled or spotted.

>>24671440 (OP)
>esther
whew lad that is a spicey tale

>>24671440 (OP)
elisha killing 42 children because they called him bald

>>24671440 (OP)
I don’t read fiction

>>24673017

The Scripture is no fiction.

You can't even understand fiction, like Shakespeare, without understanding Biblical allegory and allusion.

You are a pretentious liar and a pseudointellectual, which is what most atheists are like.

>>24673026
Prove it.

Job: "Why would God do this to me?"
Job's Friends: "Probably because you sinned."
Job: "No, I didn't, there must be some other reason. God, why?"
God: "You're all wrong, btw."

What did He mean by this? It really makes you think.

Everything with Saul and David. The king chosen by God falls out of favor. God chooses a youth to replace him. The old king knows this and simmers in paranoia and jealousy, especially as his favorite son and new rival become close as brothers. Finally the old king loses in battle and kills himself in ultimate despair.

But that's not all. The new king gradually grows old and becomes corrupted himself. He sends a man to die just so he can steal the man's wife, and God punishes him by killing their firstborn son. Later his favorite child rebels against him. He dies still enthroned in glory but he's lost his family and the grace of God, and his only hope is that his surviving children will somehow escape the sins of past kings.

Timeless story right there.

>>24671440 (OP)
>And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.
>And they straightway left their nets, and followed him.
That's it. That's the whole story of how Jesus gained his first disciples Peter and Andrew. Never forgotten it. Left quite an impression on me

I've always thought the story of Joseph was a heartwarming tale of redemption and forgiveness, in addition to its interesting cross-cultural aspect.

>>24671440 (OP)
The David arc
Balaam and the Ass (Numbers)

>>24671440 (OP)

The Binding of Isaac (Genesis 22)
Jephtath and his daughter (Judges 11)
Elijah in the Wilderness (1 Kings 19)

>>24671440 (OP)
Tobit is very beautiful.

>>24671440 (OP)
the people of sodom wanting to rape the angels
lot's daughters seducing lot

>>24671440 (OP)
Probably Daniel. The dream reading and the fiery furnace are absolute kino

the Prodigal Son

>>24676086
Love the fifth chapter and its surreal image of a hand writing a message on the palace wall.
>Mene: God has numbered the days of your reign and brought it to an end. Tekel: You have been weighed on the scales and found wanting.

>>24676115
Susanna and the Elders appears in Daniel as well. One of the more recurring subjects in the bawdy history of Western Art

>>24671957
>they kicked him out of the family or something like that
worse, Ham and his descendants were cursed with servitude to his brothers Shem and Japheth

>>24673026
imagine being so gullible as to take the lowest of low-hanging bait replies seriously

>>24674504
The Balaam arc is awesome desu

>>24671440 (OP)
I really like Isaiah’s vision of the throne of God and the Seraphim in the temple

>>24673031
>God casually makes a bet with satan
But if I did it I'd be condemned to eternity
This is not fair

>>24671541
hey he didn't dick down potiphar's wife it's not like he was a man without principles

>>24671440 (OP)
That one about the talking donkey, or maybe when Moses' wife threw his son's foreskin on his feet to appease God's wrath.

>>24676937
Probably time for you to see Goltzius and the Pelican Company so just how much principle that takes.

>tfw no perverted milf asking you to look at her nude body and making fun of you for being a Jew

>>24671957
What about the ham x noah's wife theory?

I can't say I actively like it but I've thought about the story of genesis 19 with the destruction of sodom and gomorah and lot drunk with his daughters quite a bit

I think I have some of it decoded at least as far as sodom and gomorah defecting to a rival elohim (which probably wasn't yhwh given the age of the story) before destroying the cities in an aerial bombardment.

I still have to work through the whole incest angle and the identities of the angels though

I loved the part where the spaceship lands on the mountain and tells the people to take a bath and threatens to zap any filthy peasant and goat who comes too close

>>24671440 (OP)
Just for the language, God's promises to Abraham. "I will bless those who bless you and curse the one who curses you; and all the families of the earth shall bless themselves by you."
Jacob's dream at Bethel. Everything to do with Jacob.
The Waters of Meribah.
Achan's theft from Jericho.
Yael and Sisera.
Everything to do with Samson. Especially the part where he kills 30 guys to steal their shirts.
Ezekiel and the valley of dry bones.

If you're including apocryphal texts:
Everything to do with the Maccabees.
The Purim story, obviously.

>>24671440 (OP) (OP)
Just for the language, God's promises to Abraham. "I will bless those who bless you and curse the one who curses you; and all the families of the earth shall bless themselves by you."
Jacob's dream at Bethel. Everything to do with Jacob.
The Waters of Meribah.
Achan's theft from Jericho.
Yael and Sisera.
Everything to do with Samson. Especially the part where he kills 30 guys to steal their shirts.
Ezekiel and the valley of dry bones.
The Purim story, obviously.

If you're including apocryphal texts:
Everything to do with the Maccabees.