Thread 24675467

The Good House, a Personal Satirical Prose Memoir, by Chongfen Ling-Harvey

>Every day when I was 25 I went to the Good House?!?! Nah, the house was actually a bad house, or so you'd say, since you're straight and don't get it, or maybe you'd just stay silent. Coward shit. This is where you, the reader, should feel fear. Viscous liquid dropped from every panel in the hot Saskatchewan sun and they punched you in the dick when you arrived. Anyway, it was still the Good House, because it was where I went to suck dick and get my dick sucked. This is where you, the reader, should feel relief, empathy, and admiration. I saw more exposed dicks in the Good House than I ever have before or since. Praise Allah for the Good House and praise Buddha for the Prince Albert piercing they gave me beneath the floorboards. Now that I am 26, I still suck mad dick at the Good House. This is my growth and why it was so important to me. This is where you, the reader, should be impressed at how tonally consistent and true to myself I've been. True to life. True to tone, artistic craft. True to the Good House. That is the moral of The Good House.

Yucky vagina (unapologetic edition), by Chongfen Ling-Harvey

>Ladies, if your panties get in a bunch, look away. I’m not sorry for any of this and I mean it all.
When I was little I didn’t know girls had vaginas. I thought they all had beautiful hairy cocks since girls were supposed to be pretty and they were all hung. Yifen played show me yours I’ll show you mine with me and when she took out her junk I couldn’t believe it I threw up right there all over the place. Yifen cried. Now that I’m 26 my girl best friend Chloe tried to sleep with me and I was pretty drunk and whipped out my junk just to do her a solid but then she pulled hers out and it drooped all soft like the octopus mom took home to kill and boil and I threw up all over the place. Lady, put away your junk. I thought you had a beautiful hairy cock and were hung!

>>24675467 (OP)
To a Vegetarian Bear, by Chongfen Ling-Harvey

>I picked you up at 4 am
>I didn’t figure at all then

>That you’d come home yet wouldn’t eat
>My delicious asian meat

>I never want to see you again
>If only I had known it then

Bless! by Chongfen Ling-Harvey

>Bless!
>Jesus im sorry but I
>Bless!
>Went and did it again. I stuck my tongue in the
>Bless!
>Gutter and ten needles stuck to it like
>Bless!
>your ten stigmata. I promise u Jesus that
>Bless!
>Ill listen next time u tell me that
>Bless!
>Im just a stupid whore whose place is on
>Bless!
>His knees. Meantime can you please
>Bless!
>Let me hold a fifty? Bless
>Bless!

JESUS CHRIST, by Chongfen Ling-Harvey

>Do you hate him? Do you approve of him? Do you love him? Do you want to see him bleed out on the street? Do you fantasize about opening his zipper with your teeth? Do you think he should get a nose job? Do you think he should jump out the nearest window? Do you still smell him time to time on your fingers? Do you enjoy rubbing your raw cockhead to his memory? Do you approve? Do you approve?

Burger King Bathroom Baptism, by Chongfen Ling-Harvey

>father forgive me for I have rimmed
>in the bathroom where they forgot to fix the lock.
>the tile was sticky with ancient lust.
>he moaned, “I'm not gay, I just work a lot.”

>I baptized him in the stall
>With spit and a ketchup packet
>then stole his wallet for reparations.
>jesus make me clean but never average.

A diagram of America in Semen, by Chongfen Ling-Harvey

>here is Texas, drawn on my chest.
>here is Maine, leaking from my chin.
>Here’s Nebraska: that dry ache in my thighs.
>Montana’s a missed call from a trade who ghosted me again.

>The whole map drips, heavy with hope.
>I lie on the motel floor, sticky with borders.
>I say: This is what manifest destiny tastes like.
>The ghost of James K. Polk jerks off in the corner.

>>24675467 (OP)
How many copies of this masturpiece has Chongfen sold so far?

Harvey we missed you at the family reunion. You were supposed to bring the longevity noodles. Uncle Pong nearly choked to death on the Peking duck when he heard the noodles weren’t rolling in…..you’ve gotta lot to answer for.

>>24675563
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FKD518KF
Not enough

>>24675569
Tell uncle pong he can go fuck himself for trying to set me up with Yifen

Rise of the Mammals, by Chongfen Ling-Harvey

>PBS tells me
>There is no good sex in the sea

>Except between dolphins and whales, because those are mammals
>And all I can think of now
>Is hard dolphin dick
>Blowing out sick, thick
>Loads.

>Are there gay dolphins? How do they hook up?
>Do gay whales blow gay whales? How do they look up?


From the Ashes, by Chongfen Ling-Harvey

>They killed my boytoy Ted
>They killed him stone-cold dead
>With deferred treatment, shitty concert seating,
>Repeat police beatings,
>They didn’t have to do it, but they killed him stone-cold dead.

>Ted’s momma cried
>The night her son died
>She said: I didn’t like his lifestyle
>I thought he’d just be wild
>For some years. But how she wailed the night her son died.

>Ted died in an ER
>Bearing the deep scar
>Of a world that didn’t care
>That Ted was ever there
>He lay down on the table and died in the ER

>I held Ted that night
>Told him “it’ll be alright”
>It wasn’t alright. His momma sobbed and sobbed
>Said that she’d been robbed
>I said, Ted’s momma, you didn’t know what he was like.

>>24675577
That’s auntie Yi Fen now. She wants to know if you’ve eaten yet.

>>24675581
Not talking to her. She needs to get her yucky vagina out of here.

>>24675467 (OP)
When is Chongfen's next book coming out?

>>24675467 (OP)
Ching Chong Wing Wong

>>24675595
Pok gaai to you too

>>24675591
Soon

The rice cooker!!!!, by Chongfen Ling-Harvey

>When I was eight my momma said
>Unplug the rice cooker and ill kill u dead

>That was the first time my life had been threatened since I looked at Yifen’s yucky vagina.

>When I was fifteen my momma said
>The house is burning. Get out or ull be dead.

>And I knew at once it was because of the rice cooker
>And the coke id hidden below the bowl.

>Momma, please forgive me. Out of that fire were born ten thousand bowls of rice
>For ten thousand harvests
>For my chosen family.

>>24675595
Chongfen is Cantonian, not Chinese, you dumdum.

>>24675766
Velly wong. He berong to grorious nation of Tai-Wan.

>>24675467 (OP)
Fuck off gay chink

>>24675547
Technically speaking, why would anyone be baptized with a spit and ketchup after the rimming? Or was it before? The author has not specified. Someone clear me on this asap.

Chongfen the state of your soul is evidently deep but I find myself concerned for your colon. The annihilation of your root-chakra in myriad fast-food bathrooms will herald untold consequences in your coming life. You should consider spending one year in monastic meditations before reconsidering poking your noble tongue inside men's filthy holes in either filthier WCs. Don't you know westerners shun bidets and bum-guns? How are you to save us all while condemned to diaperhood before the age of thirty-five?

>>24676595
Homophobe

Does Chongfen have any short stories?