Thread 24690425

Write a critique of this poem without sounding like a mad incel.

More like Kalinka Weimar lul.

>>24690425 (OP)
Actual mentally ill parasocial worship on par with a cult or extreme paraphilia. This person's feeling of self worth is entirely dependent on a mass market product (this is all it actually perceives).

>>24690425 (OP)
*points and laughs*

I dont get the last four lines

>>24690425 (OP)
Aw, you mean after watching all those high school jocks choose the cheerleader instead of you, you finally feel validated seeing the national jock choose the gorgeous billionaire superstar?
That's tearjerker material for sure. I haven't cried this hard since Justin released "Lonely."

>>24690444
See >>24690433

They have transposed their childhood dreams (which are implied to be totally unfulfilled) and sense of worthiness as a human being onto her. It's incredibly sick.

>>24690444
It's a reference to Blood Meridian's opening line.

>>24690425 (OP)
>Write a critique of this poem without sounding like a mad incel.
Legalise post-natal abortion up until the age of 153 trimesters.

>>24690444
When she was young and awkward and developing that self awareness a song she heard made her feel less awkward and she realized she could write poems that make autists seethe.

>>24690485
is she saying swifties all secretly yearn to play football?

Any poem that follows a set emotional formula; in this case taking something big and making it small, has to fight an uphill battle against seeming either trivial or mawkish.
John Ashbery once wrote a magical poem about Daffy Duck, managing to keep the hole thing in perspective.

Here we have a failure, perhaps a limit, of the imagination. Taylor Swift raised to the level of a mythical goddess, from whom the author assumes her readers find a sense of being and belonging.

Miss Swift however is neither goddess nor arbiter for anyone over the age of 17. And the emotion, which is singularly hinged on the invocation of her name fails to carry the poem forward. One can sympathize with a hypothetic child to whom the poem may be addressed. But one cannot then take those emotions for themselves.

The poems overall effect is pity. Pity for a imagined naive reader , aged 16 and unbearably lonely, weeping into their sticker encrusted phone, mumbling the lines to music I have never heard and never intend to.

>>24690425 (OP)
I fucking
Cannot
Stand

how so many of these people
have to add new lines

for no fucking reason
all the damn time.

>>24690521
Blame autocorrect for any spelling mistakes.
Voice dictation is getting worse and worse.

>>24690522
yikes, found the guy who's not excited about the tiger leaving its cage.

>>24690524
no, it's better if I can think the poem was about an animated cloaca

>>24690425 (OP)
I don't know enough about swifties to even begin to understand this and I hope anyone who does know does not frequent this board.

>>24690521
Gpt is getting unironically good, fuck everything

>>24690425 (OP)
It's funny
how people think
they can add line breaks
to regular prose
with neither meter
nor rhyme
and make it poetry.

>>24690664
Woah

>muh line breaks
Topkek. Can your six year old paint like Mark Rothko too?

>>24690425 (OP)
This isnt a poem. I can do the same thing:

A sentence
is like a sandwich
in construction,

if you divide
and isolate

it looks more profound
because your pace slows

and actually
read all the words.


No peroid at the end. Pleading statement. Surface level insight, minimal technique. This is like dollar store chocolate icecream: generally palatable but an ambomination compared to the real deal.

>>24690521
Lol no, she has tons of rabid fans in their 30s. It's so bad.

>>24690425 (OP)
>doesn't rhyme
>all the lines have a different amount of syllabes
Not a poem.

>>24690425 (OP)
There's just nothing here. Formally, stylistically, thematically. I get the idea: petulant pop reference treated with self-help gravitas. Typical arty thot pseudo-wit. You at least need a more erudite reference in there to offset the banality of Taylor Swift. And the register irks me, the girly mag/Jezebel.com sass. The poem just smells like cigarette smoke and skincare creams and dirty dishes in the sink and mediocrity.

>>24691048
He said without sounding like a mad incel

>>24691054
I don't care what I sound like. You also have the insidious "ironic poptimism" phenomenon going on in the poem. Where you pretend to worship the dumb pop thing (knowing full well you should know better) and next thing you know you are actually worshipping it. Which is something DFW was already talking about decades ago, I know.

>>24690425 (OP)
Why

>>24691054
Why would I want to sound like a gelded redditor?

>>24690444
>I dont get the last four lines
I didn't at first, but then I remembered that Swift has somehow managed to cultivate the image of the awkward girl that guys ignore (and her fans have managed to self-lobotomize in a way that makes them accept this image). It goes all the way back to "You Belong with Me," come to think of it.

>>24690425 (OP)
>It only uses a single poetic technique, that of enjambment.
>It fails to capture the universal. It takes for granted that posterity will know who Taylor Swift is, and fails to account for her attributes (does not even mention music).
>Amateur writing: "little" and "grown" are redundant, should have been edited out. Since there's no meter at play, more interesting vocabulary ought to have been utilized, like for example "nervous girls/hard women", which creates more depth and texture.

>>24690425 (OP)
So insecure girls, or at least the part of their subconscious that carries burden from when they were awkward, gravitate towards Taylor Swift because she represents the archetypical Stacey but, for lack of better descriptors, in a safe-coded way?
I genuinely never knew this

>>24690425 (OP)
Kaylin Weir
That motherfucker
What a tool

>>24690425 (OP)
Taylor Swift's music is painfully bland.

>>24690425 (OP)
It's poetically vacant. There is no imagistic substance, no novelty or depth or sense of play...just empty form and banal sentiment.

>>24691090
>I don't care what I sound like.
yeah but that's like dude the whole point of the thread. if you want to play handball you don't go on the football field

>>24690433
The entire modern system of social organization is to blame.
>>24690433
Could provide some context to Taylor Swift, what she means and put the middle parts as one lines, the pseudo-profound line breaks lack naivety and come off as false

The day Taylor Swift, our living queen
Who speaks from her heart and makes us all feel seen
Became engaged to Travis Kelce
A tight end on the football team
A happy man, handsome and kind
Who loved our queen with yearning eyes
And despising not her virginal charms
Took her hand in marriage,
Little girls screamed and grown women cried
And the awkward child we all carry inside
Knowing now that all was right
Finally felt chosen.
>>24690664
You’re not that clever

>>24690940
The verse in OP actually expresses a heartfelt sentiment. No you are right that it’s not a real poem, but its far more meaningful then your weak attempt at satire. These women feel disappointed in life and see their life reflected in Taylor, who is a living symbol of bourgeois American womanhood, who finally was chosen for marriage. Every (or at least almost every) female child dreams of their marriage since the day they know what marriage is. They don’t dream of a succession of situationships and failed relationships and flings, though perhaps that’s what most of them deserve. The correct attitude to this kind of thing is pity.

>>24690444
chkd

>>24690528
that poem is actually goud thoughbeit

>>24690425 (OP)
It clearly resonates with a lot of people, it’s extremely corny but it taps into something real: it functions as a vessel for collective fantasy. Its just about validation.

it’s engineered for share ability rather than depth. It’s a screenshot kind of poem. It works because it’s relatable, not because it’s revealing.

>>24690425 (OP)

What’s the title?

It neither is universal nor does it create the sensation it seems to seek to describe, but that’s not a problem if it’s going to subvert what it seems to seek, but instead of a volta we have an empty claim of what it does for all of us, which is ALSO not a problem and in fact very effective if the goal is to reflect to the reader that reader’s own feelings about Taylor Swift getting married. All of this can be contextualized by a sufficiently similar title (and perhaps further by the title of the collection and placement within it).


I’d call this poem one perfect title away from being brilliant, but without the rest of that context it’s not much different from saying “all the world’s truth is in a tree’s touch” or “and down the stairs came a furry” — people who are moved by the controversial thing will be moved by it.

>>24690485
The Judge fled across the desert, and the Creature followed?

>>24692003
No it isn't

>>24692083
elaborate?

>>24690425 (OP)
Someone get this woman a book deal, stat! With a forward from Amanda Gorman!

>>24690425 (OP)
>The day Taylor Swift got engaged, little girls screamed, grown women cried, and the awkward child we all carry inside, finally felt chosen.
It is structurally extremely simple. It lacks complexity, rhyme (aside from one accidental), meter, and even any sort of meaningful message. The "poem' is just a woman saying how awesome it was that her idol got married. Great. It could have been written as something more universal, about watching people you idolize going about their own lives and moving on, and the way it affects their followers, but it ended up being little more than
>WOOOOW! MARRIED! COOL!
It's nice that you identift with Swift and feel like validation of her is in some sense validation of yourself. Again, great.
It's a sentimental piece about a specific, contemporary event. It lacks any substance or meaning outside of that. It should, at least, have some kind of artistic merit, yet it ends up being a poorly written block of text that reads worse than YA tripe. I don't have much else to say beyond that, because the "poem" itself is too simple to have anything to critique.

>>24690425 (OP)
How many eggs does she have left?

>>24691979
I mean it's mostly women's fault. They're responsible for most breakups. They basically think they can keep doing better with every guy then when they look back and see the 20 men they've fucked and dumped they cry victim.

>>24692992
>Write a critique of this poem without sounding like a mad incel
>Doesn’t write a critique of this poem
>sounds like a mad incel

>>24690425 (OP)
The day Taylor Swift got engaged,
Little girls screamed, grown women cried,
And th' awkward child within us all felt chos'n.

>>24692083
retard

>>24690425 (OP)
Just line breaks.
Not poetry.

>>24690425 (OP)
>write a random thought
>express it the exact same way you would talk about what you ate for dinner yesterday
>add random line breaks
>it's a poem now

I hate
this "style" of
poetry.

It's like
you're not even
trying.

There's no rhythm
no rhyme
no beauty
or artistry
to any of it.

How do you even
critique
something like this?
"Uh yeah...
I liked the part
about Taylor Swift?"

I'm glad
AI can blow these "poets"
away
so effortlessly.

>>24691613
A lot of female artists are unless they're Lori Bravo or Diamanda Galas

>>24690522
It's because of
poetic effect.
I for one love
it's rhyming depth.

>>24690425 (OP)
>My only critique isn't a critique.
>Obviously Taylor chose Travis...
>In some way all women choose a man, not vice versa.
>Thus Taylor was not chosen.