Thread 24698679

Can you write better poetry than this? Give it a try.

Chongfen Ling-Harvey has. Poetic genius, that slanted star.

>>24698679 (OP)
How the fuck is this poetry?

Here's my extremely ignorant attempt:

Gnawing worms of self obsession
Puncture deeply into firmament
And the flesh thereof
And the eyes turn. inside in
And the heart grows black as a cinder
And the mind in an orgy of congratulatory rape
Turns aside

^shitted out of my ass in about 45 seconds, IDK if I made it melodramatic enough

Why does death sound so
Appealing to me?
I am drawn to it
Like a moth to flame

>>24698679 (OP)
idk local literary mag just rejected this one today

>>24698783
Yeah that sucks, just get AC

As I was reading the mantra
My head spun like a thousand planets
I was thinking of my mama
And the times by the river, the internet

I was glad this too shall pass
Like a laxative in my stomach
Like the hill hiding the sun
What's the use of pondering so much?

There is no need for rhymes
When you have California clout
Alas, I have none
And neither talent

So I shall shitpost till the end
My only purpose is to go out with a bang
Like a wet card box turning into a bomb
Like a sad nerd with a chip on his shoulder

>>24698786
the poem, living in florida or both?

>>24698801
Yes

pls rember that
wen u feel scare
or frighten
never forget ttimes
wen u
feeled happy

wen day is dark
alway remember
happy day

>>24698804
Based

tilt my skull like a glass
pour your troubles in
this dreary scene
a darkless daydream
and we are wasting away

To suffice unto oneself,
Like very God,
Three-in-one,
Self-enjoying,
Indeed a love triangle,
From Eternity
(A solemn word,
And indeed the Word).

And yet to be a creature,
Contingent, a thing,
And yet a being,
Mirroring him,
Aware as him,
I too divine,
In a way,
And yet contingent,
And yet
But a creature.

"I am enough."
To utter this
Is it not
To refuse
The very possibility
Of love
(A sentimental word)?

God is not sufficient
Unto himself;
Even God
Who is love
Is a love
For each other;
The Three Persons
And all that;
And this
From Eternity
(Again the word
Rings solemn).

For God is solemn,
And God is light
As a feather;
God is light,
A blinding flash,
A light lethal;
A light upon which
One may not gaze;
And yet
A light
(Very much
Like the Sun)
Life-giving.

These my solemn words;
And to be solemn
Is to err;
And yet I wrote them
And (God help me)
Shall now post them.

>>24698773
If you removed the rape, I could easily see this in the kind of airport poetry books Rupi Kaur falls into.

>>24698827
Awesome hahaha time to quit my dayjob and grift off low iq bpd women

if kissing the homies
gently
with a tenderness
i never showed you
is gay
then i guess
i'm gay

-- b. f. t.

>>24698679 (OP)
sparks coat my tongue
smoke rises from memories
eyes bleed salt over fire

soot gives way to stale air
my lungs burn in the cinders
blood boils to sanguine steam

charred, stinging air on raw skin
emergent over a burnt husk
an offering, my wicker self

>>24698848
Dude, I live near one of the biggest malls in the country, and the "bookstore" in it, is just monster-fucking romance novels, self-help books, and this level of poetry. It's not impossible, lol

>>24698848
The problem is that the market's unbelievably saturated at the moment. People started this grift ten years ago, and the style is basically the same across all of the abortive collections in the subgenre. (Trust me -- I've read about fifty of them as a part of my research.) I know a girl who does her own art for her terrible poetry, posts every single day, and has amassed something like 100k followers. Her books don't even sell.

>>24698679 (OP)
cum my pants
she smirks
I hate HR meetings

>>24698679 (OP)
This seems more like an aphorism or perhaps an epigram than a poem.

when you feeling sad
slap yourself on head
that your brain may whirr
and your heart may stir

and you may remember
on this bleak december
bleak and black and woe
said blind nigger joe

that it could get badder
like a diseased bladder
woe piles up on woe
said old hunchbacked joe

with his eye of glass
and his half-bared ass
good ole hobo joe
with his purple toe

>>24698679 (OP)
>shit
>shit, a poem

>>24699071
Don’t speak of me. You don’t know my story.

>>24698783
Not a good poem but I picked up ont the Lovecraft themes before reading the last paragraph so good job I guess

rinky winkle
pop a pimple
pricky pickle
pickle pimp

winky winky
stinky pinky
belly button
stinky linty

kiss my nipple
lick it clean
for i am
the pickle king

>>24698783
Florida Man Swamppunk. Keep at it. Do something on El Dorado.

rinky winkle
pop a pimple
prickly pickle
pickle pimp

winky winky
stinky pinky
belly button
stinky linty

kiss my nipple
lick it clean
for i am
the pickle king

>>24699141
Harrowing. Bone chilling. Transcendental. Orgasmic.

The maidens are holding umbrellas,
The dogs are attending the dames.
They are very guapas and süßchen and bellas,
And will never tell you their names.

The moon burning red in the sky,
For silver's been long out of favor,
And yellow the hue of the pie,
And sugar and lemon the flavor.

How gay to write lines such as these,
How fröhlich to frolic like this,
To honk like a gaggle of geese
And plunge into yonder abyss.

>>24698783
Not really a poem, but if that were the opening paragraph to a short story or novel, I would keep reading.

roses are red
violets are blue
op is a faggot
and so are you

-anonymost

>>24698679 (OP)
>2010 era emo Facebook status updates are considered poetry now

>>24698679 (OP)
I wrote myself a droll ol' poem
I've written more but none'll know 'em
I writ a little gay poem

how come
modern "poetry"
is just a sentence
split up
over 10 tens
what happened to
iambic pentameter

ASSPISSING
DICKSHITTING
C O C K
C O C K
C O C K
C O C K

rupi kaur is very easy to understand- women want to be seen consuming poetry because thats in fashion, but theyre ultimately the same people as their live-laugh-love mothers, they just changed the format of how they get their slop
you just read tweets but you get to pretend youre being cultured, its honestly a pretty smart grift. its like how twitter greek statue avatars get to read 60 pages of marcus aurelius and then talk about how theyre into literature the rest of their life

Roses are red
Niggers are blue
Hanged and dead
All for you

>rupi kaur is very easy to understand- women want to be seen consuming poetry because thats in fashion, but theyre ultimately the same people as their live-laugh-love mothers, they just changed the format of how they get their slop
>you just read tweets but you get to pretend youre being cultured, its honestly a pretty smart grift. its like how twitter greek statue avatars get to read 60 pages of marcus aurelius and then talk about how theyre into literature the rest of their life

>>24698679 (OP)
Can you write better
poetry than this
give
it a try

Can someone find those two faggots from the other poetry thread yesterday? They had that really long argument about contemporary poetry. One of them got so angry he was basically frothing at the mouth kek

My modest Balkan honest friend
Has never wanted better life
I wonder why the case with him was
That his preference really was to die

>>24698804
wise words

Cunt, cunt, cunt
You're mother was a cunt once
And probably still is

>>24698679 (OP)
>my fertile, brown field
>fertilized by white seed
>i hate the bulb that grows inside of me
>writhing
>twisting
>from formlessness springs being
>fermenting
>and parasitic
>i've already made
>an appointment
>at the
>abortion clinic
> -rupi kaur

>>24698810
Unironically good

>>24698679 (OP)
Trodden pathways of a tall mountain trail,
A river flows beside, it carries words,
For the poets' flourished lapping tongues,
None could babble with such right eloquence
Further still beneath, adrift incess
A pit a yawning maw, their foul stream's source,
Paraded masqueraded platitudes,
Emperil to drown out the little stream.
Let me climb so, to find its source and drink,
Drink deep of origin, of truth composed
And see the world abound without myself,
Look upon and know the form of beauty
which self-important poets do oppose.

>>24698878
>monster-fucking romance novels
Unfathomably based

>>24698804
I keep rembering. Thx anon.

>>24698679 (OP)
"I can't but the can't, I can" ~Me 2026

>>24698679 (OP)
I shit my pants.
I don't even drink.

>>24698679 (OP)
I think I read that on a Hallmark card

>>24698679 (OP)
there was a man named anon.
one day he left the caps on.
after the post had been sent
he felt quite intelligent.
before seeing what was done.

>>24698679 (OP)
just a rehash of Hillel's quote

>>24698679 (OP)
I hear the whistle in the wind
I see the curve of the stars
I know the tempest, I know the dreaming
Of sunlight leeches inside the park.

There there in the water
I saw it sunk deep in the dark.
I saw it sinking, drinking, brinking
Deep in the dark

>>24698804
always good advice

Early summer sun
Blades of grass steam in its light
Feces in your mouth

Aberrant, misanthropic, deficient, talentless, boring, retentive, inane, insipid, banal, bland, stupid, moronic, fake, performative, gross, backward, stumbling,

There's no hope for any of you retarded bitches

>>24702580
jeez

>>24702977
give us a good one then, dazzle us with your talent

>>24703014
I'm here with you rotten imbeciles so do you really think I'm any better than any of you? C'mon anon, think. I'm pointing the finger at myself, too

i have a bomb
strapped to my chest
i like to eat raw chicken breast

>>24702485

>If I am not for myself, then will be for me?

The Lord, did he not read the prophets?

A Talmudist as well! Lord have mercy.

No poem to write here for you.

Just a bone to pick here.

With Hillel the Elder.

>>24704923
sir, this is a KFC.

>>24704931

>If I am not for myself, then who will be for me?

The Lord, if you believe. That is who we should be for.

That is why He made us. To worship Him.

This Hillel is a very selfish man.

The Talmud is cursed.

A wicked book.

Many have been misled into error.

>>24698679 (OP)
Instead of just harping on about NOT POETRY can we discuss why aphorisms and wisdom literature are so dead as concepts even a /lit/ forum can’t place these things in the right buckets?

1) After bookkeeping and proclamations it’s the oldest form of writing.
2) People are clearly interested in the topics since they buy “poetry” like this or self help books that basically take a pithy sentence and turn it into 200 extra pages of fluff.
3) People are always interested in /giving/ advice. They can’t wait to opine about their life wisdom in every other whining internet thread.

Revive it.

>>24702977
If this is in order then "aberrant" was the point, I was trying to convey the perversion of woman coded narcissistic positive feedback loops (social media and dogshit like the OP). Not that that makes it "good" of course.

>>24705158
We exhausted the novelty of goodness and wisdom in the 18th-19th centuries and, especially since the holocaust that was WW1, have gradually abandoned the latter two in pursuit of the former.

>>24704941
Is that Isaiah passage confusing to you since you don't know which right hand it's referring to?

A poet and a healthy medic
Compete for the love of their lives
Who knows where the medic is
The poet writes

>>24698827
May suggest
>an orgy of congratulatory grape

??

if you
are

- nicolai less

i
do
doo
doo
when
i
am
due

- percival schmidtt

that that
should be
the thing
the which
i'd like
to lick?

that it
and not
some other
thing?

do i
dare
to lick
the
pic
kle?

pic
k
le?

plie?
k? c

ckplieckli ?

?????? ? ??

??

?

- gunther gurke

Roses are red,
And violets blue.
You lay on your bed
And I lay on you.

Roses: red.
Violets? Blue.
Your legs they were spread,
And pearl-hued my goo.

Rosie is red,
Violetta is blue.
The nectar you fed
Me's translucent in hue.

Infernally red,
Celestially blue.
Infernally Fred.
My words ever true.

- Fred Sex