>>24786512 (OP)
There is no reason for your end to not be living *as a Human* and be happy with that. You are a beast and whatever ideal you hold of happiness is a concept stemming from your beastly happiness, your beastly end, there is no 'Higher realm' from which you pulled it from. If you can't achieve it it's because you haven't achieved what it takes, or you've failed to define it properly.
The desire to have "Free Will" in the "I am a literal god above reality" sense is a corruption of a real desire.
Humans, their ego, their will, do desire to be independent from as many things as possible but if you're depressed for not
being able to becoming a god you're taking it too far.
Humans are happy when they're independent :
From nature, through technologies of abundance
From other individuals, through strength and weapons and friends who also value individual freedom
From emotions and pleasure holding a complete hold over your actions
From your mind wrongfully telling you to negate all emotions, all worldly pleasure and telling you only it, the spirit, matters.
And when they concretize all this independence through creative achievements that capture their individuality.
You must desire things for yourself, tame you laziness and hedonism, understand the world, develop skills and create and enjoy your creations that you've made on your own ( not *completely* on your own, just with enough individual thought put into it, you can build on top of others )
In reality, your conscience, what you view as "you", your ego, your self, only subsists through awareness and control, when you let another decide for you or succumb completely to your sensations, or succumb completely to your spirit, or to an ideology your *self* will die. I like to think that animals die when their heart stop beating but humans, their self (the thing that achieves happiness), die when their forget themselves, in slavery.