Celestia invites you on a walk through the royal Canterlot gardens one day. After seeing beautiful displays of flowers and hedges she says you’re going to see her favorite part of the garden. Inside a hidden portion are numerous statues of people. You notice a statue of a prehistoric man, a Roman centurion, a samurai, a Viking, a babylonian all people from different nations and periods in time. You even notice a man dressed in a suit from the 1930s. She says you aren’t the first human to visit Equestria, all these men found portals or were plucked from Earth at some point in their life under the promise of peace and friendship. But eventually they all did something mean, cruel, selfish or downright evil to her little ponies. As punishment they were turned into statues and placed in the garden. She states one day sooner or later you’ll follow in their footsteps and join them as a statue in her collection.

What do you say to that?

>petrified because you took two pieces of candy from a bowl instead of one like the sign asked

>>42295459 (OP)
drop my pants, bend over, and goatse her right then and there so she's obligated to place a statue of my hairy asshole for all to see in her beautiful gardens

I'd ask her what's considered a stone-worthy event and try to understand what lines I must never cross. I'd hope to be treated with the same understanding as ponies, and if it turns out I'm expected to be absolutely perfect I'd be a little hurt.

>inb4 pranked

>>42295495
Yeah. Would I be fucked, or is it attainable to live without being one of her amusements?

>>42295558
That would be devilish, delightfully devilish, Celestia.

Ask her to tell me about the horrible things each man did. Afterwards I drop my pants, spread her fat, cake-enhanced rump wide open and fuck her ponut raw.

>>42295459 (OP)
>rape

>>42295886
>she turns you to stone you mid-thrust
>then she pulls away, practically panting as her body tries to recover
>"Well, Anon... that's very kind of you. The others never thought to make themselves useful like you did."
>she uses her magic to clean herself up, then lifts you
>"Looks like you won't be in the garden after all."

>>42295886
>I…ahhh…hope it was…oh my…worth it. Enjoy your…eeep… l-life as statue for all…ahhhhh…eternity.

>>42295910

>>42295459 (OP)
make a mental note to end my game in such a way that there's nothing left to stone

>>42295910
Worth it.

>>42295459 (OP)
>rape

>>42295895
>You unstone yourself the next time she uses you because of the raw sexual energy that radiates from her.
>It becomes a game now to for you two to see how long it takes until she stones you again.

>>42296005
Friendship really is magic.

>>42295495
Use the show as a frame of reference. NMM nearly doomed Equestria, was allowed to return as Luna and frolick and torment ponies in her Canterlot voice for a whole day. Twilight mind-controlled an entire town, caused chaos, was rewarded. Fluttershy contributed to the parasprites population boom, Dash crashes into everything 24/7, Pinkie is a public menace etc.

>>42296063
Luna's her sister, Twilight's the successor she's been preparing for years, Fluttershy is Discord's pet, and she Dash & Pinkie are all crucial components of the magical, friendly, love & tolerance powered plot device.

You, on the other hand, are some weird hairless ape-thing from another dimension whom nopony would even miss if you suddenly disappeared.

>>42295486
I had a giggle.

>>42296163
I need a more original comment than
>"ponies are sociopaths they would kill you for any minor triviality like jaywalking or forgetting to wear a clean shirt hahahahaha aren't i witty"

>>42295459 (OP)
Other humans in Equestria, that I can believe with ease. All of them were assholes, improbable but maybe Celestia is just that unlucky. But Celestia thinking about this place as her favorite part of the garden, and not as of some kinda tragic necessity? That's where I call bullshit, fold my cards, pull my suspenders, do a 360* double barrel roll flip with extra topping and moonwalk home to my mare wife.

>>42295459 (OP)
Then just turn me into a stallion?
I can't promise that I'll always be naked. But I can promise I'll blend in as much as possible.

>>42295459 (OP)
"Damn, I wasn't the first."
>Smashes the statues with a sledgehammer, hiding the truth from everyone and myself.

>>42295459 (OP)
>Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
What gay ass Aesop's fables-tier point are you trying to make, nigger
Pretty judgemental of this fat white bitch to be telling me she assumes I'll one day be like the other humans, too, I thought these horses were all about tolerance.
This is stupid, go fuck yourself.

>>42296391
>he bought into the corpo love and tolerance indoctrination for little kids
>he thinks Celestia is a helpless jobber
Anons are going to be in for a big surprise when they go to Equestria. Monkeyfags aren't going to fare that well.

>>42296583
t. bluehaired fugly mutant

>>42296243
But anon, your mare wife doesn’t know you!
How do ((you)) get your soon to be mare wife’s interest as a friend without coming out as creepy or trying to manipulate her?
What happens if she friendzones you?

>>42295459 (OP)
>this prison of stone cannot hold columbo forever

>>42296243
When you're 1000 years old and have seen it all eventually your mind overwrites itself and her brain becomes a constantly shifting gestalt of fear, turmoil and despair.

>>42295558
>prank Anon by showing him that you do know about humans, their culture and attire their used to wear
I'm pretty sure this is scarier than the OP situation

>>42296902
I mean, them observing Earth would be concerning but not terrifying. Her joking about ending you seems more concerning.

>>42296910
if she has access to information from Earth then
>She knows that your bullshit about human culture is a lie
>She may find out that she's a cartoon for little girls
>She knowingly restricts you from contacting your friends & family members about your current situation
"all humans in Equestria were horrible & got petrified" is understandable
her toying with (You) is terrific

>>42296910
>Her joking about ending you seems more concerning
She does that alot. Remember when Twilight messed up and she projected her entire voice, flew above Twilight and sternly told her to "meet her in the library." She wants to glean your reaction and put the fear of her into you for her own amusement. As for the observing Earth bit well its obviously to see how humans are.

>>42296927
>she knows you're a liar
Perhaps you shouldn't lie.
>she finds out about the cartoon
I doubt that would change her actions in any large way.
>she doesn't let you talk to your friends and family
That part is understandably upsetting. I wouldn't read that as her toying with you though, there's several reasonable explanations like only observation being possible for now.
>>42296936
That is true, though there's a difference between enjoying seeing ponies squirm in relatively low-stakes scenarios as compared to threatening essentially death.

>>42296941
>Perhaps you shouldn't lie.
anon, would (You) tell ponies about existence of genocide, nuclear weaponry and India?
>I doubt that would change her actions in any large way
her knowledge about the forth wall might change her entire plan about Princess Twilight
(not that this is bad, but it's still a major change of actions)

>>42296946
>anon, would (You) tell ponies about existence of genocide, nuclear weaponry and India?
If it came up and I was talking to somepony I trust, yes I would. Ponies would likely be very upset knowing those facts about humanity but I also think they wouldn't declare humans to be inherently evil or anything like that.
>her knowledge about the forth wall might change her entire plan about Princess Twilight
I'd be surprised. Assuming G4 is canon and G5 isn't (something Celestia would be able to instantly know for herself without any research) everything works out for her and for the world. If G5 is canon then yes things probably go a lot differently.

>>42296955
>I also think they wouldn't declare humans to be inherently evil or anything like that.
Anon, we find ourselves to be evil by default (Original sin and similar religious ideas)

>>42296961
Sure, and ponies aren't humans so they don't have human standards for morality. If you've shown yourself capable of understanding and caring for others in pony society then I don't think they'd assume you to be a threat, though some wariness could still exist.

>>42296967
Except the very fact that we are not immortal means we are less than perfect. Our mortalities can drive us to perform acts that are dangerous to others in the name of protecting our own lives and exercise arbitrary fears. And even if we lived fearless lives completely lacking in evil, there is still that chance we never did enough good.

>>42296941
>a difference between enjoying seeing ponies squirm in relatively low-stakes scenarios as compared to threatening essentially death
Ponies can barely handle low stakes situations like a cake being undercooked or a friend not talking to them for an entire day. Twilight thought a late assignment was some world ending situation. Rarity thinks 1 bad dress will kill her reputation for all eternity when the silly horses will forget about it in a week. She knows people can take the kind of jokes she makes to you.

>>42296987
That's an interesting perspective, I could see that.

>>42296593
Oh no, you're getting it all wrong. We won't even understand what's going on until it's too late. Shared wacky adventures that providence would throw at us would bring us together. And if they won't, it's not worth it anyway. Fate or bust.

>Muh all humans are inherently evil and horrible beings who deserve to suffer for not being perfect paragons
Nietzsche was right, christian morality is a plague on the west. Ponies would probably look at you in confusion on why you have such a guilt complex for things you were never even personally had any part in.
>"Anon, why would we hate you for something some other completely different human did decades ago? You didn't think we thought THAT little of you, right? Oh no, you're self-esteem problems are even worse than I thought!"
This is probably the more realistic reaction ponies would have to seeing the shit in this thread. Stop beating yourself up so much for your species, holy shit. I know HFY gets a bad rap, but I find it infinitely more tolerable than this self-flagellation shit.

>>42297113
>providence
I thought you was talking about Hitman the game series I didn’t know providence was a real word. It’s so over.

>>42295459 (OP)
https://vocaroo.com/1iCGcXhXhHEg

>>42297433
>Anon, why would we hate you
Why would they need a reason to hate me? Or anyone else for that matter?

>>42297676
Well, it's pretty unusual to hate someone for no reason. People don't typically look at someone else and immediately despise their existence for no reason.

>>42297482
And I wasn't aware there were more Hitman games after SA. My providence-related pop culture reference is the inscription on Lovecraft's gravestone.

>>42297726
Really? Have you ever heard of someone called "OP"?

>>42298095
Even that's not true though. People don't despise OP for no reason, they despise him because he's the biggest fag there is.