Thread 42628850

Previous thread:>>42618473

Welcome to the Thread! Kinderquestria/Anon in pone prison focuses on the world and adventures of naive child like ponies and the misadventures and shenanigans of Anon that results in him going to prison! To get a good handle on how things are done around here I implore you to check out our new and improved one stop shop of kinder greens and prompts here >> https://ponepaste.org/7630

>>42628850 (OP)
F

>>42629020
I'd drink straight lemon juice in front of her. Absolute domination.

>>42629881
DERP ALERP

>>42630451
>"Yeah whatever, humans can go weeks without dessert"
>Horror intensifies
>"In fact, sugar is actually really bad for us"
>This filly was definitely abused
>"I had diabetes as a human, had to be real careful with anything that wasn't crummy fake sugar-"
>The guardpony was frantically searching for the emergency string on a cup line
>"-and had to take shots in my gut every day. Needle was like THIS BIG"
"HELLO TWILIGHT? WE HAVE A POSSIBLE NIGHTMARE PONY ON OUR HOOVES"

>>42630487
KEK, I could imagine this being horrifying to them if they actually needed refined sugar or even merely high sugar content food to live in the same way we need a bit of fat in our diet to live healthily. I think though with some explanation and study to satiate the nerd horses lust for knowledge they would eventually relent.

>>42628850 (OP)
>anon finger banging Fluttershy until she collapses

>>42630544
you magnificent bastard I never though of it this way until you posted this.

>>42630566
A bed with Dogs of Learning engraved upon it is a powerful kinderartifact. Even Luna could not penetrate a dream protected by such a bed.

twiggy

>>42630683
The way she looks at a cart of books

>>42630487
>>42630519
I want more.

>>42630752
It's 3:30am but I'll try tom- in the mor- whenever I wake up.

Boop

>Clippity clop
>Clippity clop
>Pant pant heave
>The air around Nurse Redheart was moist and hot
>Most likely because she was sprinting through the horsepital
>It even briefly became a doctor
>Oh wait, no
>That's the doctor she rammed into hard enough to flip over her back in a perfect 10 point quadruple backflip
>Common mistake, really
>"Nurse Redheart to the ER, Nurse Redheart stop holding your horses and get in here-"
"I'M COMING, DANG IT!"
>"No need to yell :("
>How did-
>Oh. Pinkie is subbing for the intercom mare. Of course.
>A few more overturned lunch trays, destroyed scanning equipment and at least one jacknifed granny later, Nurse Redheart burst into the ER.
>The pressure plate tripped and activated Emergency Mare Wash Nozzles, removing the stank and the evidence of felony running in the halls
>They should really apply for an exemption, but then the doctors might get complacent about cleaning.
"Ok, what's the situat-"
>"HER LETTUCE LEVELS ARE OFF THE CHART! SHE'S LOSING WHIMSY, GET THE CONCENTRATED JAM, STAT!"
>The orders were met with panicked flailing from the small, green patient
>>"No, that's gonna make it worse, I need my shots! Why does everything have sugar in it!?"
>"PATIENT IS DELERIOUS! SHE NEEDS A JUICE BOX IV BEFORE SHE BECOMES A LAWYER OR AN INSURANCE ADJUSTER!"
>Redheart gulped as everypony looked at her
>The only pony qualified to stick needles
>To hurt ponies for their own good

>>42632164
Yes! More! LMAO!

>>42632164
>Well, that didn't go well
>It went the opposite of well
>Like if going well were an actual well, this would be a cylindrical mound of dirt
>The filly had to be held down, which wasn't too hard after the orderlies fainted on top of her
>Needles, mare
>The juicebox got drained in a matter of seconds, the patient's leg slurping the juice despite its owner's protests
>For a moment, it seemed like it had worked, only for her to complain of extreme thirst
>All they'd done is buy her time, it seems, and there might not be enough juice in Ponyville after yesterday's food fight

>"Get me some water and insulin, dang it!"
>Deep breath
>Don't scrunch, don't tattle on the patient, she's just hurting
"Sweetheart, you're delirious from starving yourself. I don't even know what insulin is and it's my job to know about medicine!"
>Horseapples
>You might've broken her right there, judging by what you can only describe as a Hyper Lemon Scrunch
>Heh, Lemon Scrunch. Reminds you of when your cousin Lemon Hearts would carry an emergency scrunchie for you- waitaminute
"Ok, uh, do you have anyone you trusted to carry your..."
>"MMMFLMMM"
"Right, een-soo-leen, did you have a friend keep an emergency dose for you?"
>Conveniently her face popped back out of scrunchiform at that moment, or is it more of a ploop sound?
>"No, it has to be kept cold, doesn't work sitting in your pocket all day! I did trust Anon with glucose shots but that's-"
>Glucose means sugar! You know that because you're a doctor!
>"Wait what's that look for- NO THAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW"

>>42632696
AHAHAHAHAHA!!

pre bed dorp

this is my new favorite thread

>>42633462
My house sucks I'd be embarrassed

>>42633732
Her little pony mind looks blown

>>42634362
War crime

>>42633759
Twilight wouldn't mind unless it's a pig pen. (You) do keep your living spaces clean for when the girls visit, right, Anon?

>>42632164
>Finding Anon on such short notice proved....
>Difficult
>Normally, one would just get Pinkie but she's working the intercom
>Plus, she'd probably try to take the sugar for herself
>Most ponies would, honestly
>Oh wait, there he is
>First place you looked- his house
>Weird, usually he's in the last place you look
"ANON OPEN UP IT'S A MEDICAL EMERGENCY!"

>No response
>Well, hooves make for great door knockers
>KA-THUD KA-THUD

>No response
"ANON, YOUR FRIEND NEEDS THAT SHOT YOU CARRY!"
>No response
"THE SUGAR SHOT! SHE'S IN THE HOSPITAL! COME ON!"
>"I'M RIGHT HERE! YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL!"
>Oh
>Ponies often forget how quiet his feet are
>You completely missed him walking up, but how did you miss him opening the-
>The door
>The door you kicked down
>That door
>"I'll bill Rainbow Dash for it later, now what's all this about shots?"
"Anonfillous collapsed at school, her sugar is dangerously low even after a juice feed, she's spouting nonsense about fiberglass insulation or something, she mentioned you carry sugar! She needs it!"
>"Cra...yons. Yeah I'll-"
"AND DON'T TELL ANYONE, DOCTOR SECRETS!"
>"Yes I know what doctor-patient confidentiality is about, hold on lemme go get the thing."
>He spun around on his heels in that gracefully sexy (or sexily graceful) way he does, and disappeared into
>Well no, you can see him rummaging through drawers, but disappearing into his house would make for more dramatic storytelling
"Phew. That was a lot easier than I thought it would be-"
>>"Hey did Anon just say he has sugar?"
>>>"Special doctor-grade sugar?"
>>>>"I want some!"
>>"I heard it first!"
>>>"NO ME!"

>Oh hayburgers

>>42630487
>Anon is the only creature that can go.
"Back where I come from..."
>And nopony would question him.

>>42634762
>>42635051
This is why anonpone stories are hilarious. Because it adds an layer of insanity to it. lmao

>>42635350
I will proceed to stare into the deepest darkest parts of her snowpitty and into her soul

>>42635834
No. If I do that, your enjoyment of the bed will be cheapened. Some battles need to be fought. Take a leap of faith, I know you can do it.

>>42635834
as long as she won't pee the bed then yeah I would literally sleep with her. no one wants to wake up wet and smelling like piss unless they are a fetishist.

Pwe bed

>>42636333
Mare behavior

>>42637174
Twiggy twiggy twiggy twiggy love the purple horse simpul as

>>42637350
hesburgar

>>42636960
What are they saying? I'm a dumb ass.

>>42637733
Hello which arm would you life?
If you can't decide, we could ask Dr Fangs
Dr. Fangs! Which arm should we use?
Well you know what they say
[incomprehensible]

>>42634762
>In an instant, Anon's house was filled with pone
>A hurricane of hungry horses cascaded in from every entrance until they became a furry carpet covering the entire floor
>The closest ponies pawed at him like a cat staring at the last salami in the world
>But Anon was wily and prepared for this
>His jacket had a not-so-secret inside pocket and a zipper that nopony could reach from the ground
>A few venturesome pegasi tried to work it from the air, only to be immediately petted into submission and cast into the whinnying ocean
>For a moment it looked like he was trapped, but Anon was tall and his house was small
>>"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS, RAVENOUS HORDE! YAY!"
>Bracing himself with the rafters, he began wading towards the front door and you
>Yeah, you, you're still part of this story
>Why are you just standing there? He can't defend himself like this!
>Oh no!
>"I'm kinda slogged here! Help!" he cried, as he shook the cutie mark crusaders off his pant legs

"ANON! INCOMING DERPY!
>Derpy has a level five rump, legally classified as a siege weapon
>Even Anon can't withstand a crash from her!
>Quick, do something!
>Okay, she's polite enough to fly through an open door if there is one
>She just had her eyes checked so she's a little wobblier than usual
>Let her mosey on in
>Wait for it
>>"What's all the commotion, everypony?"
>NOW!
>You leap onto the low-flying 10 ton birbhorse and pin her wings
>You're not sure what happened right after that, but now you're outside Anon's half-destroyed house
>Anon is looking at you
"Uh... I'll give you two lollipops on your next checkup?"
>stare.png
"Alright, FOUR!"

>>42635185
I just realized what about the reaction an anon pony that was born in kinderquestria meeting a anon would be like. Like imagine being a human in a pony's body in kinderquestria. And after probably years of your life, you finally see a human walking around. You almost accidentally swear but censor yourself at the last second. But you unfortunately draw the attention of the human. And now they're coming up to talk to you.

>>42639072
would

pre bed

Kinderquestria VS Coffee

> Be Pinkie Pie.
> Currently trying to get anon to give you the super special adult juice he drinks every morning.
> "For the last time, no. The last thing you need is caffeine." He responds.
> You pout and give him puppy dog eyes.
> You're starting wear him down. You'll get the adult juice eventually.

>>42638024
>The reprieve didn't last long
>Past Anon's leg you could see the horsey river reconstituting
>You were still in shock, though you'd never know if it was from Anon's stare or being at ground zero of a Derpsy-Doodle
>A tinny ponkle pone voice came from his pocket. "HEY GUYS!"
>"How the- that phone doesn't get reception!"
>>"Sure it does! I'm sitting in hospital reception right now, silly! You're gonna want to run, like right now! Try the east!"
"Why east!?"
>>"That's where the hospital is, duh?"

>Good thing it's hard to slap yourself while running from an amorphous blob made of hungry and greedy ponies
>Otherwise you'd have hurt yourself for that one
>The hospital is in sight now!
"Oh no-"
>"WHAT?"
"The doors are hard to push open without a gur-YIPE!"
>Your words cut off as he picked you up and tucked you under his left arm
>Doors were smashed open by his mighty boot
>Orderlies were flung to and fro
>A frankly unreasonable amount of cursing when his suit was power-washed

>Excellent, the patient is still sedated
"Okay, you'll want to look away while I do this."
>>>"MMMMMMMMF"
>"Why? It's just a needle."
>>>"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMF"
"There, all done."
>>>"YOU JUST KILLED ME YOU STUPI- wait I do feel better."
>Oh, there's some ponice here. They must've snuck in during the commotion.
>>>"Why do I feel better? That's fucking retarded why did it work!?"|
>And now the ponice are peeved. Luckily they can't read this.
"Uh, guys-"
>"Of fucking course you'd feel better. You're not a fucking human anymore, you idiot!"
>And out come the BIG ticket sheets
"GUYS!"
>>>"HOW THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW I GOT CURED?"
>And the Big Boy Cuffs
"GUYS!"
>"Gee, maybe because ponies fucking NEED sugar like humans need salt!?"
>>>"That doesn't fucking mean we can't get shrivelled up like jerky if we eat too much-"
"GUYS THE PONICE ARE HERE!"


>"So anyway, that's how we ended up in pone prison. Three day timeout for swearing. Turns out the officers just needed paperwork for Red's use of a Derpy Bomb but they couldn't pass up this opportunity right in front of them."
>>>"Jerks probably got extra milk for it, too."
>>"What I wanna know is why that story was from Redheart's perspective if it was supposed to be YOUR arrest story."
>
>
>
>"Shush, Pinkie."

>>42640665
>"Gee, maybe because ponies fucking NEED sugar like humans need salt!?"
>>>"That doesn't fucking mean we can't get shrivelled up like jerky if we eat too much-"
Now I'm thinking about an anon whose entire thing is that he just has a fuck ton of salt, and the ponies think he's some kind of lord of salt.

>>42640778
>Fuckton of salt
Oh god no, not League of Legends Anon

>>42640978
Wrong salt. lmao

>>42641094
Spice and salt salesmanon (the ponies think he's magic because pink and orange salt aren't real)

>>42641223
All the pink salt in my house vanishing upon reading this:

>>42641223
> "Wow! Look at all these different colors of salt! It's a salt rainbow! Anon truly is magical."
> Meanwhile Maud, who helped Anon make all the salts with a combination of human chemistry and pony geology:

>>42641608
That looks especially painful

>>42641690
she's a big mare

>>42641708
For you

10

>>42641478
>"And we apply the baking soda, leaving us with Salt That Makes You Itchy"
>Meth
>Maud just made meth
>Ponies are eating it and not getting high
>Just itchy
>She looks at (you), her deadpan expression becoming one micron more sad
>"Don't you want any? It's fun."

>>42642423
> Salt anon, having an internal crisis. "N-no thanks."

>>42642979
>Anon would later find his mashed potatoes to have a very itchy finish
>The only evidence of wrongdoing would be a laughing blue rump hiding behind the curtain

The pone is semi-solid

>>42642986
> "This is why I live out of town" - Anon

>>42643208
>"Certainly not because it's right next to Maud's camp"
>"Rumors that I can't get enough of her special salt are just that- rumors"
"You said you'd marry me to get more."

>>42643105
qt

>>42643309
At this point might as well make a big ol' green. (I'd do it, but I'm working on some other stuff RN.)

>>42643499
>>42643309
>"No, technically I said I would give shameful amounts of oral pleasure to you for more salt."
"And that's only between married couples, ergo we're getting married."
>"Semantics, purely semanticswaitwhat"

>>42643511
You heard of beauty and the beast. Well get ready for the geologist and the chemist/spice seller.

>>42643547
I'm not falling for that a tenth time

>>42643547
would anyways

>>42644345
Nonny Applesneed

>The pre-bed boop came
>When he was already in bed!