Thread 42668837

>Good news everypony: I've died and resurrected in Equestria, and boy am I having fun.
>No Tubi or Netflix or Disney+
>No cable TV or OTA and no DVDs
>No video games or internet and no porn
>No A/C in any building. It gets hot as fuck in the summer and we rarely ever bathe. Everypony smells like shit.
>I live in Ponyville, right next to the Everfree forest where its full of deadly creatures that can kill you instantly. Living in constant fear.
>It's a monarchy and I have to kiss the ass of Celestia whether I want to or not.
>When I first arrived, I was butt ass naked and had to stay that way for awhile, because none of the clothes fit a human.
>Everypony immediately looked at me like an abomination and made up fake rumors about me just like they did with Zecora.
>Even today I still get ridiculed and despised daily for looking like a freak.
>Applejack is allowing me to stay at Sweet Apple Acres.
>12+ hour work days picking apples, sowing the fields and scrubbing shit off pigs.
>Winter Wrap Up day is coming soon, where I'll be shoveling snow in the freezing weather nonstop. We will not be paid.
>So fun bros, wish you were here.

>>42668837 (OP)
>>>/trash/

>>42668837 (OP)
There's pony pussy and that's all you'll ever need, son.

>>42668840
Stop shilling your favorite board, it's a shithole.

I don't like this goofy idea some people have that Rainbow Dash doesn't like girly things. When in the show was this ever the case?

>>42668840
fippy bippy

>>42668837 (OP)
>It's a monarchy and I have to kiss the ass of Celestia whether I want to or not.
We got democracy and you still have to kiss the wall, whether you want it or not. I'd rather kiss Celestia's cake-inflated behind than the tribe.

>>42668837 (OP)
>No Tubi or Netflix or Disney+
>No cable TV or OTA and no DVDs
>No video games or internet and no porn
I thought this was supposed to be a list of bad things.

>>42668837 (OP)
literal skill issue

Should've liked books more, you could've had a comfortable life mooching off Twilight Sparkle.

>>42668837 (OP)
>"How did that two-legged freak get here anyway? Fucking unicycle..."
>"Did you know that despite making up only a fraction of the population, unicycles account for half of all crimes?"

>>42668837 (OP)
>>Everypony immediately looked at me like an abomination and made up fake rumors about me just like they did with Zecora.

You forget about Zecora was a zig. You're a human, the closest thing to God himself for the ponies to see.
They might not lick your ass on the first day, but if you can stand not to be a faggot, you're gon be okay.

Wellfare program in Equestria is pretty basic as grazing is free for everyone, but they accomodate you in a council home.

You gotta work (surprise), but at least you do it in healthy environment and good company.

>>42668837 (OP)
You should have chosen to be born as anonstallion instead of a human.

>>42668837 (OP)
>no internet
how did you post this?

>>42668837 (OP)
>Chose to live with the applebrained mare instead of the based xenophile whose thing is taking care of other species

>>42668837 (OP)
>>Applejack is allowing me to stay at Sweet Apple Acres.
What are you complaining about? Best pony has already taken you in and is taking care of your needs in exchange for working the farm. You're already well on your way to becoming a good friend of the Apple family, that's all you really need.

>>42668837 (OP)
should have gone as a pony u faggot.

>>42672905
He's gone to an Equestria where nopony has fun, it's hard for him.

>>42668864
dyewts

>>42668837 (OP)
>no tv
Correct, but there are movies.
>no video game
Flat out wrong, Buttonmash just thinks your creepy and hasn't invited you over.
>no ac
Open a window and turn on a fan.
>no pony baths
Wrong, except RainbowDash, she's autistic tho.
>everfree is full of deadly creatures
So is section 8, you got it lucky.
>it's a monarchy
Good.
>no clothing
Put some straps on a potato sack and put some leg holes in it, once you are settled, ask for Rarity to help you, you lack creativity.
>Ponies are racist
Good, you probably deserve it.
>Ponies still racist
If they still hate you after all this time, even with the mane 6 there to guide them to be more open minded, you deserve it.
>I have to work
Yeah, every pony does.
>winter wrap up
It's tradition, learn to appreciate it

>>42668837 (OP)
Go find the Mirror, you soft little wuss.

>>42671506
magic

>>42671506
Sent a message in a bottle through the portal

>>42673251
B-but you didn't answer my question. And yes.

>>42668837 (OP)
>>No Tubi or Netflix or Disney+
>>No cable TV or OTA and no DVDs
good
>>No video games or internet and no porn
read 2nd Edition of K&R C + POSIX standard and work with Twilight to make technomagical microcomputers
>>No A/C in any building. It gets hot as fuck in the summer and we rarely ever bathe. Everypony smells like shit.
ponies DO bath, M6 canonically visit le spa frequently
>>I live in Ponyville, right next to the Everfree forest where its full of deadly creatures that can kill you instantly. Living in constant fear.
conquer the unexplored frontier, nigger
>>It's a monarchy and I have to kiss the ass of Celestia whether I want to or not.
monarchy is better than democracy
>>When I first arrived, I was butt ass naked and had to stay that way for awhile
are you a gay variant of T-800?
>>Everypony immediately looked at me like an abomination and made up fake rumors about me just like they did with Zecora.
>>Even today I still get ridiculed and despised daily for looking like a freak.
who cares about normalfags' opinion
>>Applejack is allowing me to stay at Sweet Apple Acres.
>>12+ hour work days picking apples, sowing the fields and scrubbing shit off pigs.
wow neet got his first job
>>Winter Wrap Up day is coming soon, where I'll be shoveling snow in the freezing weather nonstop. We will not be paid.
then don't do it retard
>>So fun bros, wish you were here.
same

Irl Ponies only work something like 4 hours a day and with the way that Equestrian physics seems to work and magic existing I guess they probably have a similar lifestyle. They probably could automate everything with magic-powered technology and make the entire country look like manehattan but my assumption is that they just decided against doing that because there's no need. Everypony already has a good standard of living and keeping some jobs for everypony to do and protecting their natural environment was seen as more important.

>>42672983
>>>/ptfg/

also herbs

>>42674077
Agreed

>>42668864
She wore her gala dress with pride, so no, she is not entirely anti-girly.

>>42668837 (OP)
>>When I first arrived, I was butt ass naked and had to stay that way for awhile, because none of the clothes fit a human.

You'r an ideot. Wear a toga. Until you can get proper cloth, settle for a strip of bark loincloth and either scavenge some wire/a string, simply use a young and thin tree branch as string, or make your own fucking string.

Celestia is close to an ideal monarch when measured against the best monarchs humanity has ever offered and your ungrateful ass should have nothing but respect for her, even if you're politically opposed to monarchy itself.

Winter wrap up is organized by twilight or amathist star, depending on when you showed up during AJ's lifetime, meaning you should easily get assigned a job which your pathetic human body is capable of completing. Further, if you aren't being put to sleep in a den by fluttershy, that means they don't see you as local wildlife. That means, even if they call you a freak, your a PERSON freak, which means the insult and dehumanization implied by calling you names does NOT rise to the level of unpersoning. They just think you're a weird looking freak, which you are, to them. Any further issue with that is an attitude issue on your part.

>no video games
Finally, a negative, and it's the negative which forces you to go outside and meet people, and exists in an economy and society where existing in public doesn't get the cops called on you and doesn't cost most of your spending money in gasoline. Reinvent checkers or sorry or connect 4 and play with a horse. Also, enjoy actual old-style festivals. You'll probably be a real hit during nightmare night.

>>42668837 (OP)
Is no video games actually that big of an issue to you guys? You don't really play vidya past the age of 20, do you?

>>42674077
>boogyman thread
Herbs my ass you faggot go be a sub-human somewhere else.

the post above was made by a indian transgender, make sure to report and ignore

>>42668837 (OP)
>>No A/C in any building. It gets hot as fuck in the summer
harass sunbutt with formal complaints, if the doesn´t help, kidnap the royal baker and hold him at ransom of cooler weather and hope she doesn´t go full daybreaker without her sweets
>>we rarely ever bathe. Everypony smells like shit.
if you´re bothered by that it´s simply a skill issue
>>Everfree forest where its full of deadly creatures that can kill you instantly. Living in constant fear.
deus ex sparkle will save the day, no fear is warranted
>>I have to kiss the ass of Celestia
how is that a bad thing? aside from Lulu being way better
>>When I first arrived, I was butt ass naked and had to stay that way for awhile, because none of the clothes fit a human.
how fucking hard is it to ask for some fucking cloth and wear a kilt with a cloak, both are just rectangles of fabric, for footwear you can just wrap your feet in linen and secure it with tying sort of like ruskies did instead of socks.
>>12+ hour work days picking apples, sowing the fields and scrubbing shit off pigs.
soft hands, brother
>>Winter Wrap Up day is coming soon, where I'll be shoveling snow in the freezing weather nonstop. We will not be paid.
you sound like a jew nagging because god forbit you do something with and for the community for free

fucking tablet kiddie incapable of seeing the beauty of a simple life. you disgust me.

>>42668837 (OP)
>complaining about no slop.
>complaining about mare sweat.
>complaining about nature.
>complaining about a functional government that actually works.
>complaining about being naked in front of mares.
>complaining about being treates like a zigger(okay fair)
>complaining about having a job working for Applejack

>>42668837 (OP)
>It gets hot as fuck in the summer and we rarely ever bathe
E X Q U I S I T E

>>42668837 (OP)
>no entertainment
Awesome I get to tell the stories of my homeworld to anyone who's curious.
>no porn
Alright, can break my porn addiction without being chased by the nofap hypocrisy cult.
>no A/C
I make a point to not use A/C anyway, summer is my favorite season, just tell me that homes can be heated with a basic bitch fireplace.
>fear of the Everfree
move to another town/city?
>monarchy
The government is a joke but it cares for it's citizens? I'm spreading those cheeks and licking gov ponut.
>naked
outside of concern from sunburn or freezing at night, this sounds great. But basic bitch clothes shouldn't be that hard to find. Do what the mexicans do and get a big square of fabric, cut a hole in the center of it for your head, and wear that.
>pony racism
They'll come around when it's plainly obvious I'm not here to shit everything up. They came around on Zecora.
>working at the farm
Find another job then.
>Winter Wrap Up
Sounds fun, as long as I'm fed at the end of it. Honestly fuck it I'm willing to help make food for everyone working Winter Wrap Up or the other seasonal holidays. In Our world, we don't exactly get to have communities events like that now outside of groups dedicated to sucking off homeless druggies or spreading kike-on-a-stick.

>>42668837 (OP)
Sounds great, sign me up

>makes it to equestria
>still posts on /mlp/
I guess we're never truly free, huh

bump