I have literally been at this job for a week. One (1). After months of looking for a job and sending out CVs like crazy, I finally got a job in a nice office. Everything is fine, although the people are many years older than me. Nice, serious and well-dressed people. I'm trying to make a good impression, of course, because I'm also a person who has a hard time socializing with people.
So, today I'm walking down the corridor and I run into my boss (who will be about 60), who was coming out of the bathroom. She just blurts me out, just to make conversation:
>What's up?
And I, instead of saying "fine" like a normal person, my brain decides to improvise with a:
>Well, you were taking a shit, weren't you?
To my boss. To a 60-year-old lady I've known for a week. I don't know why. I don't know how. It just came out of my gut. I just know I said it, and she kept quiet. So did I. Both of us in silence, walking back to the office (about 20 seconds) as if nothing had just happened.
Now I'm here, at my post nervous as hell. I have a follow-up meeting with her on Monday, and I don't know how I'm going to deal with it. I don't know if she's going to say anything, if she's going to ignore it or what the fuck.

>>507090724 (OP)
Holy kek what an autistic response. Good luck if this isn’t a LARP

>>507090724 (OP)
You should have bitch slapped her like these criminal indian international students do to Canadian citizens

Be sure to mention that shit when you follow-up.

>>507090724 (OP)
I bet that sounds sexy in Spanish, you're fine

>>507090724 (OP)
youre fucked.

You need to double down to prove you’re not a beta male. Only alphas get respect.

"no, i was leaving one!"

Just tell her that you have a mild form of Autism and that you sometimes make mistakes in social interactions, also actively apologozie to her. If they fire you anyway, sue them for discrimination.

Tell her that you think she has a very healthy colon due to the odor and composition of her feces.

>>507090724 (OP)
Didn't read make a blog

>>507090724 (OP)
>Well, you were taking a shit, weren't you?
This is such a bizarre thing to say. I'm trying to think of things you could suggest you were saying by this but there's really nothing. This is awful.

Lmao bro just accept being the poop guy. Play it off. Run your rehersals and say poop says a lot about you. Ivermectin made me poop and I want to see if it's worms in my stool(say fecal she'll be like he's mature) samples. I'm curious what's in your poop. Maybe give her a funny death stare and then never. NEVER TALK ABOUT POOP AGAIN.

>>507090724 (OP)
not sure if you should say this but maybe try

"im really sorry about the other day i was makeing a crude joke i realise it was inapropriate and im very embaressed about the entire situation "


but this could litterly be used against you in a HR setting...

>>507090724 (OP)
And I saw three unclean spirits like frogs come out of the mouth of the dragon, and out of the mouth of the beast, and out of the mouth of the false prophet.

>>507090724 (OP)
Get out in front of it you idiot
You might be able to tell her you just blurted it out
I've said worse things than that and kept my job but the things I did LOOKED and SOUNDED cool if even corporate didn't think so, for instance I was redpilling coworkers on Jews and Indians -- they didn't like that, but it was cool and the coworkers liked it so they covered for me
You may not have this opportunity

>>507090724 (OP)
I don't get it

>>507090724 (OP)
your only hope is to express order picrel and wear it to work every day.

>>507090724 (OP)
yeah the unwritten rule in office world is to pretend no one shits in the toilet even if the cfo literally climbs stairs to shit in the toilet on your level for some reason before normal lunch time, monday to friday

>>507090724 (OP)
Tell her that you have a mild case of tourettes, that you have always been known to blurt out things but not to the point where a doctor could diagnose it. Apologize profusely, say that the behaviour is prompted when asked to say something spontaneously, ask her to please not discriminate you for being slightly autistic.

>>507090724 (OP)
don't listen to those keks anon, you're in for the wildest sex of your life, I recommend you goon the next 3 days, edge on Sunday and prepare for Monday evening

>>507090724 (OP)
You'll be fine anon. Sometimes people's brains do weird things. Unless this woman is a psychopath she will recognize that you had a moment. If you have to hear about it again, it'll be awkward but you'll be okay.

>although the people are many years older than me

If you get fired consider that a blessing. I remember when I was in my early 20s surrounded by people who were all in their mid 30s in a call center thinking I did not want to be working in the same place as them at their age.

>>507090724 (OP)
Wtf. Kek

>>507090724 (OP)
>boss is a 60yr old hr hag
If you are not a minority of female you are indeed fucked. If not now or soon, eventually.

>>507090724 (OP)
dude just quit this job without telling anyone
don't go there anymore and don't answer your phone

>>507090724 (OP)
Idk, what’s the age of retirement in espana?

>>507094526
I was in a similar situation.

>>507090724 (OP)
If she raises it again just apologise, say you were nervous and didn't mean to say it and tell her you hope she wasn't offended.

NICE DAY TO TAKE A SHIT!! AYE

to your 60 year old female coworker lmfao

if you show regret or weakness she will hate you for it. if you double down but are otherwise funny (in her opinion) and nice, it will just be overlooked as you being a charismatic rascal. this is what people mean when they say dont apologize to women. they dont mean spit in their faves and terrorize them, they just mean unapologetically be yourself

>>507090724 (OP)
there's a reason why spergs like you don't make it in office environments, it's because you're retarded

>>507090724 (OP)
Thinking about stopping going to work.
I've been working there for years now but I think it might be time to stop soon. It just doesn't do it for me anymore, it's not really helping me in any way. I don't get any benefits, it hasn't helped me with women or with meeting new people and it's barely enough money at the end of the month. I'm not getting any joy out of it anymore like I used to. It also eats up too much of my time.

So yeah after waging for many years, on and off I admit, it might be time to finally call it quits and move on with my life, so my new years resolution was to quit work and just fuck everything. I won't be paying any more bills, taxes, utilities, fines, groceries or any other financial obligations. First thing I will do is stop paying rent, should be about one year or so until they evict me so I'll trash the place real good at the end either way. Just not going to participate anymore that's all, I've just about had it and I'm ready to throw in the towel.

>>507098501
unbelievably based, if everyone did this we would stop international jewry overnight

>>507090724 (OP)
She knows that you know her secret tho. I think you're safe.

If she brings it up, just tell her you're nervous. Confess that and she'll be forced by her female maternal instincts to at least pity you.

Haha, what a plonker you are.

>>507090724 (OP)
If that's your worst mistake then you are fine. I've worked at a company 10 years and then found out my salary was way below the national average, and I was a top performer. They were fucking me the entire time. I got a new job that paid around 20% more and after the interview they said they were sorry the pay is entry level considering my experience, but they will try to bump it up during yearly reviews. Always Google your salary, anons.

>>507090724 (OP)
Now just continue to lurk around the bathroom and ask everyone that comes out. Turn in your report to her on Monday. You’ll get a raise.

>>507090724 (OP)
You're getting fired. Just accept it, not like you're missing out on anything anyway

>>507091369
this if real

>>507094526
This, I'm a STEMcel and I'd much rather work a shittily paid job with lots of young women than a well-paid job full of boomers and dried out roasties.

>30 year old khv here

in the meeting you say to her,
>excuse me ive gotta take a shit
now youre even


lol, dont though