Anonymous
ID: DjK4kY8k
6/17/2025, 12:58:04 AM No.507649538
You ever notice how dog ownership has become a religion? Like some mass delusion where everyone pretends this loud, needy, hairy, farting gremlin is a "family member." No Karen, your dog isn't your "baby," it's a half-wolf with the IQ of toast and the hygiene of a swamp rat.
Somehow, society has collectively agreed that it’s normal to voluntarily bring home an animal that costs thousands of dollars, destroys your furniture, barks at dust particles, and then proudly takes a dump in the middle of your living room during your Zoom call. But it’s fine, because “he has separation anxiety” and “he’s just expressing himself.” Right. So is a toddler with a chainsaw.
Dog culture is the only place where being covered in hair, drool, and the lingering smell of warm kibble is considered “endearing.” People will gleefully clean up vomit at 2 a.m. and call it “bonding.” Meanwhile, I can’t leave a slice of bread on the counter without a panting beast launching itself onto the table like a landmine with teeth.
And don’t even bring up the “companionship” argument. If your idea of emotional support is a creature that licks its butthole and then your face with the same tongue, you might want to re-evaluate your social circle. If dogs are man’s best friend, we are clearly desperate and surrounded by enemies.
Honestly, if aliens ever visit and see humans picking up steaming excrement in plastic bags while praising the creature that produced it, they’ll turn around and nuke the planet out of pity.
Somehow, society has collectively agreed that it’s normal to voluntarily bring home an animal that costs thousands of dollars, destroys your furniture, barks at dust particles, and then proudly takes a dump in the middle of your living room during your Zoom call. But it’s fine, because “he has separation anxiety” and “he’s just expressing himself.” Right. So is a toddler with a chainsaw.
Dog culture is the only place where being covered in hair, drool, and the lingering smell of warm kibble is considered “endearing.” People will gleefully clean up vomit at 2 a.m. and call it “bonding.” Meanwhile, I can’t leave a slice of bread on the counter without a panting beast launching itself onto the table like a landmine with teeth.
And don’t even bring up the “companionship” argument. If your idea of emotional support is a creature that licks its butthole and then your face with the same tongue, you might want to re-evaluate your social circle. If dogs are man’s best friend, we are clearly desperate and surrounded by enemies.
Honestly, if aliens ever visit and see humans picking up steaming excrement in plastic bags while praising the creature that produced it, they’ll turn around and nuke the planet out of pity.
Replies:
