>>508826168Dope fren err fiend here.. going on 14 years since I first tried heroin. Back in the day you could get heroin without fentanyl mixed in, the rush was orgasmic, the high lasted hours, the withdrawal was horrific but endurable. I’ve watched as fentanyl became the dominant cut and eventually the major ingredient replacing heroin altogether in many cases. This is reason #1 why dope is a supremely trashy drug today, all my friends are dead is not an exaggeration, the years I spent in jail and halfway houses undoubtedly kept me alive, as well as Jewish pharmaceuticals, suboxone specifically, has kept me alive.
The thing with me and opiates, is that they are my cure. My normal self is isolating, incredibly anxious to leave my tiny apartment, working a job, hell interacting with people at all seems to border on impossible for me.
Cue heroin; one shot and I’m invincible. My anxiety is nonexistent, my verbal fluency went from one end of the bell to the other, I am no longer mentally overwhelmed and with the help of a few more shots throughout the day I can work long hours at a high level of productivity.
It’s not surprising to me that the best I ever did in my life was not on my longest clean time but actually my longest run of getting high straight (30 months everyday , the withdrawal was amazing to see how far the body will take it I was shaking on the jail floor for days)
I’m an older dog now and I recognize that I can’t keep on this path but being trapped in my room all day is soul sucking, even my long time girlfriend knows if I’m getting high , because if I’m clean and sober I’m stuck in the house all day afraid to leave I know she hates it, she’s hates me using drugs but she doesn’t even realize she only loves the person I am when I’m on them.
Opiates are a gift and a curse and I can’t help but feel that if they were legal and regulated I would be dealing with a truly life altering in a positive way substance