>>509750664 (OP)Can't really help you, the only thing that helped me was connection, comradery and purpose, but all that evaporated in 2020, and then relationships helped, but when those end and the despair comes back, so do the feelings. Being able to dedicate yourself to something external to yourself helps you see yourself from the eyes of others and you can respect yourself as the man you are because without the power you possess the people who count on you would have nothing.
It only helps as long as you can keep the purpose going... keep it going long enough and maybe you can rewire your fried brain, didn't help me though.. but then I use it as a cope and a crutch to escape the abyss, it's comforting to drown yourself and feel the cool waters of oblivion overtake you.
Good luck, Krautfag.