>>510622528 (OP)
I think it's pretty unlikely for you to have NPD OP, as by definition it's the most difficult condition to cure and manage simply because it, by definition, prevents the realisation you've just had. Narcs would also never describe themselves as having low self esteem, which is an inescapable realisation for you(it's true for them too, but most of them can't realise it consciously).
You probably saw this furry faggot deflect for over 6 months now, after getting reality checked again and again harder than most, you probably watched his interview with the poo-psychologist as well and how unreasonable even that left him. That's how difficult getting to a narc truly is.
However what I think you've correctly identified are narcissistic patterns of behaviour you exhibit and it's worth exploring what triggers them what insecurities feed into them and much more. It's a difficult journey ahead and I applaud you for setting off on it.
I would strongly suggest accepting a guide on that journey in form of a therapist. Depending on where you live, and I'll go out on a limb to suspect some western country, most of them are probably pozzed faggots and you'll sadly have to go through multiple untile you find someone worth their salt. I would recommend specifically looking for psychoanalysts, but I'm not yet sure if that approach simply was the best fit for me or if it is the best we have developed up until this point.
It could turn out you have bpd(hunch of mine, please don't put too much thought into this but is gotta let it out), in which case I know not how much psychoanalysis will help, CBT approach is more widely used to manage the symptoms at least.
