>>512356602 (OP)
I haven't been able to cope yet. I'm in my mid 30s and haven't had a girlfriend since I was in my 20s. My parents are aging, but still somewhat healthy, but I know that I'll probably never give them grandkids. Despite graduating college and working full time for over a decade now, I'm still not making more than $21/hr
Lately my drug usage has increased, which is dangerous as my new job can randomly drug test. So, I'm actually trying to be mostly sober now besides the occasional beer. But, I find sobriety extremely difficult. I just get insanely bored when I can't stuff my face with stimulant drugs and binge on pornography. Mainly I get depressed about my previous relationship and how I failed to keep us together. But the worst part is that years later I still feel emotionally numb. I still think women can be hot, but the idea of falling in love with another woman, I just don't know if it'll ever happen, which sucks, because I always wanted to do the normal thing and get married and have a family.
The fucked up part is that I think my desire for a stable relationship is what fucked up my life more than anything else. By the time I got out of college I'd had a couple flings with women that lasted a few months but nothing serious, and I felt lonely at that point. Whole time I was in university I just felt if I had a steady gf I could stop thinking about getting a gf and then I could actually focus on my future and what I wanted to study and what career I wanted. That never happened. And it never really happened after college that much. So I've just bounced around from shit job to shit job. Done some office work. Been a manager sometimes. Now I'm operating a large vehicle for transportation purposes. I've basically given up, and I'm just praying that one of my investments moons or that I win the lottery or something