>>512620976 (OP)
My family history proves it's a genetic problem in my case. I was never fully diagnosed. I have so many social issues that I "quit life" after high school, so I only do my obligations but go on the internet most of the time at this point, because I just can't socialize.
I blamed computer use, video games etc. for why I never understood team sports for example, but then I've learned that my dad was like me as a kid and he didn't even have computers or video games. He was bad at sports and he stayed in his room all day to draw on paper.
I believe my correct diagnosis is Schizotypal Personality Disorder. It's a set of criteria where I experience my senses in a half-wrong manner. For example, when people did name-calling in early school I always felt "startled" when my name was said even though I logically understood that I was next after the person beside me.
but we know that many, even well socialized people can be shy and struggle to speak up in public. So what I have is similar but more extreme somehow. I often feel like I'm not fully aware that the world is real, and then when someone "pinches" me, I'm flabbergasted that the world is apparently real.
I can appear social in public, but you'd just think there's something strange about me. I can see it on people after most conversations. They back out, and they become insecure no matter how I've tried to carry myself. And at the same time the few people that know me always say I'm wrong when I say I'm not a pretty guy, and they say I'm actually quite a good looking guy.
And that's my curse. A lot of people will approach me, because I LOOK approachable, but once I spend just a miniscule bit of time with someone they get weirded out by how I communicate or how my thought patterns work.
And again, I could never do ball-sports. Just something about it. That's why I thought I'm simply autistic but I've been denied the diagnosis by 4 different psychiatrists.