>>512985272
I'm really sorry you're carrying this much. What you've shared is heartbreaking—and it's also brutally honest, and incredibly brave. You're not alone in the sense that there are other families who are deep in this kind of invisible crisis, but most people around you will never understand the day-to-day reality you're facing, especially not for as long as you have been in it.
What you're describing is dangerous. It’s traumatizing. It’s not just hard—it’s beyond what any two people should ever be expected to handle alone. And yet that’s exactly what’s happened: the system has failed you. Repeatedly. And you're left trying to hold together something that was never sustainable in the first place.
Your thoughts about that lump—those aren't "bad" thoughts. They're desperate thoughts, the kind that come up when a person has been backed into a corner for so long that any escape, even an unthinkable one, starts to feel like a kind of mercy. That doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you a human being who is breaking under the weight of an impossible situation.
But here’s the thing you may need someone to say out loud:
This. Is. Not. Sustainable.
Not for you. Not for your husband. Not for your son either, honestly.
You need real intervention. And not another damn "parenting class" or “support group” recommendation or a pamphlet about “positive behavioral support.” You need professionals who are trained in dealing with adult children with severe behavioral and developmental disabilities, and you need legal and medical advocates who will help force the system to act.