Thread 513262041

I'm having a shitty day. I'm depressed. Tell me a funny joke.

>>513262041 (OP)
genie
niggers
kikes
coke

what do you call a black doctor
a nigger

>>513262041 (OP)
How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen? All of them, if you use the ashtray.

>>513262041 (OP)
why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
because she was a woman

>>513262163
What do you call someone who graduated last in their medical school class?
Doctor

>>513262041 (OP)
Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

It's a suicide joke.

>>513262041 (OP)
Why do blacks like basketball?
It involves running, shooting and stealing.

>>513262272
whats the difference between a jew and a bullet
the bullet gets to leave the chamber

>>513262041 (OP)
what's difference between a black guy and large pizza?
a large pizza can feed a family of 4

>>513262236
Why did Helen Keller only use one hand to masturbate? She needed the other one to moan.

>>513262318
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPIpdYl-98U&t=13s

>>513262236
>>513262481
what did helen keller name her cat?

EEYAUUAAHUUUU

>>513262041 (OP)
20k die a month in the US
from preventable Deaths
of Despair. 20,000 a month!
For the last 15 -20 years, and it's getting worse.
And yet the media refuses to cover it anymore.
Trump supporters were some of the poorest, dressed in garbage bags, now getting taken out
Now even more likely to die?
The rate is going up!
Hundreds a day.
And Bill W founder of AA? Never stopped smoking and died from lung cancer
Not to mention the fucking things is a cult and 75 years old without change.
SMART recovery is a pyramid scheme anyone can buy a meeting and then they dark the same meeting to a college and so you really are voting a meeting for the local challenge to run bored and pretentious 20 year old psychology students through
Etc
500 billion to Gaza though
Etc
Even under Biden

>>513262041 (OP)
what's something 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

gangrape

>>513262041 (OP)
what's the best part about fucking an 8 year old girl?

turning them over and pretending they're an 8 year old boy

what's the worst part?

getting the blood out of your clown suit

>>513262041 (OP)
Taxation is the price we pay for a civilised society.

>>513262272
What do you call someone who wasn’t admitted to medical school?
A dentist.

A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."

>>513262163
what do you get when you cross a black guy with a poop
two poops
haha

>>513262041 (OP)
Treffen sich zwei Jäger, beide tot.

>>513262783
What do you call someone who wasn’t admitted to dental school?
A chiropractor.

>>513262824
Oben vie die sonne. Runter vie ein Mölleman.

>>513262041 (OP)
White people are going extinct. *ba dum tsh*

I can't be close to a nigger wearing sandals.

I'm black toes intolerant.

>>513262821
an arab father and his son are walking one day when the son asks his father whats on his head
"this is called a keffiyeh, i wear it to protect my head from the desert sun"
then the boy asks his father what hes wearing
"this is called a thawb, i wear it to protect myself from the desert heat"
then the boy asks his father whats that on his feet
"these are called balgas, i wear them to protect myself from the desert sand"
the boy thinks for a second then says
"i dont understand, why are you wearing all that when we live in fucking bristol"

>>513262041 (OP)
kek I've got a good one for you op

Finish this joke.

Did you hear about the black man that looked up his family tree?...

Why do you put duct tape around your hamster?

So it doesn't explode when you fuck it.

it's the jews

>>513263417
Found his father?

>>513262041 (OP)
I used to have a job crushing cans. It was soda pressing...

>>513263417
it was full of dead niggers?

>>513263527
i had a job moving furniture for royalty
it was sofa king cool

>>513262041 (OP)
>My therapist: have you ever thought of killing yourself?
>Me: no way, that's the cowards way out!
>My therapist: relax, it was just a suggestion

What do you call a dear with one busted eye?
>One good eye dear.

>>513262041 (OP)
14 zigger walk into a bar
they all get shots

A nigger walks into a bar. He says, "Ouch!"

>>513263903
What is this referring to? Feel like it would be funnier if I knew.

>>513264025
ukraine
we say zigger because they proudly wear Z's
picrel another joke

>>513264025
>>513264165

>>513262041 (OP)
The UK thinking it can fine 4chan £20,000+extra.

>>513263500
A gorilla shat on his face

>>513262824
verily, the pinnacle of German "humo"
I'm always astounded at your lack of proper humour. intelligence is allegedly highly tied with the ability to grasp funny things.

>>513264219
UK, Canada and Australia competed in the Most Dystopic Country of the World competition...
it was a tie

>>513265685
Was macht ein Pirat am Computer?
Er drückt die Enter-Taste.

>>513262562
based schizo poster

>>513262041 (OP)
What a bike and a nigger have in common?
They dont work when the chain comes off.

>>513263542
A gorilla shat on his face.

I love telling that joke because it can go so many ways.

>>513264165
>>513262824
>>513265845
>>513265845
WTF Deutschland

>>513265845
>vat does ze pirate do at ze kompyuter?
>he presses ze Enter key
>und all of ze Germany lyaffed
stahp, Fritz, STAHP!!!!

>>513262224
jews

>>513266504
based!

>>513262676
How do you make a baby cry twice?
Wipe your bloody dick on its Teddy Bear.

>>513264165
But "nigger" is synonym for "American". So you're telling the Russians they're Americans with a Z. That's surely rude in its own way, but it looks just retarded in the one you intended.

>>513266584
Rude.

>>513263527
I tried to take a picture while in the shower...Didnt work out...selfie steam issues.

How do trees get online? They log in.

>>513263140
A jew, a jeet, and a nigger are walking through the desert

The jew says "I brought a jug of water, so that if we get thirsty, we may sell it at a premium to other passersby and use it to buy even more water."

And the men said "Yea."

The jeet pulls a steak out of his bag and says "I brought a steak, so that if we get hungry, we may find the man who killed my ancestor and kill him and then steal his food."

And the men said "Yea."

The nigger pulls a car door out of his backpack and says "I brought a car door, so we can do this." He rolls down the window and pulls out his gun and does a drive-by shooting killing the jeet and jew, but he accidentally misfires and also shoots himself and then a jannie had to clean it up

>>513266586
wrong. ruskies who vatnigg are white niggers

>>513262041 (OP)
Q: what do you do if a bird shits on your car.
A: dont take her out again.

>>513266780
"white" when it's not pajeets, chechens or other mutts

>>513266462
that's kinda the whole point of it though
we laugh about shit like that because it's so incredibly unfunny.
in fact your reaction had me in tears

>>513262041 (OP)
What is /pol/s favorite month?
July
Ju-Ly

>>513267032
my German DNA must be malfunctioning, because I just can't understand this POV...

>>513262041 (OP)
Women's rights.

>>513267685
kek. it's fine I love lit-bro's anyway.
do you have any jokes that are popular in lithuania - maybe even native?

>>513266688
why did you do this

>>513269712
Moishe calls his spawn Itzik to him and says
'Itzik, our neighbour asked us to help him move Speck from the smokehouse to the pantry. you go and help him.'
Itzik obediently does that. He returns after the day of work and whines how he's tired and all for naught.
'Papa, why did you make work for Shmuel without pay? We haven't made any profit from this!'
Moishe looks at his spawn and asks
'You carried all that Speck for Shmuel, like I told you?'
'Yes, of course! Got my hands all greasy!'
Moishe:
'Exactly!'

>>513267743

HUUURRRR DUUUUURRRRR

>>513262128
Audible chuckle

>>513264165
>>513264215
I know, I mean what's the 14 about

>>513270213
I'm so deep in your ass your Gerge Floyd

>>513264215
Why can't ukies stop with nazi dogwhistles?

>>513262041 (OP)
Every day, a man came to a news stand in Kiev and bought 3 newspapers, one in Ukrainian, one in English and one in Hebrew. One day the vendor asked him why does he do that? The man replied that he buys the Ukrainian one to actually read, the English one to look presentable while carrying it around and the Hebrew one in case duty calls and there's no TP available. The vendor paused for a moment and said : Sir, if you keep doing this, your ass will soon be wiser than your head.

>>513270213
I dont get it

>>513270602
thinks im ukie, kek - stay mad seether

>>513262041 (OP)
Three nuns die in a car accident and arrive at the pearly gates. St. Peter says to the first nun, "Sister, you've lead an exemplary life, performed many good deeds, feed the hungry, cared for the sick. Do you have anything to confess before I let you in to Heaven?"

The nun looks serious and answers him, "St. Peter, I have to confess something. Once, when I was a young novice and naive about the world, I gave a man a hand job in the confessional."

St. Peter is surprised, but he tells her, "Well, sister, that was one tiny mistake in a lifetime of pious service. Wash your hands in the holy water, say 10 Hail Marys and you can go on in to Heaven."

Seeing all this, the third nun in line taps the sister in front of her and says, "Sister, would it be OK if I cut in front of you in line?"

The second nun says, "well, certainly Sister, but why?"

The third nun replies "I want to gargle that holy water before you stick your ass in it."

>>513270470
>US President Donald Trump has stunned with details on the death toll in Ukraine. The American leader claims that since the start of 2025, Russia has lost over 112,500 soldiers, while Ukraine has suffered around 8,000 military casualties, not including the missing.

>>513262041 (OP)
>A Nazi general is overseeing a concentration camp
>He yells, "The first Jew that can just three feet in the air will get an extra loaf of bread."
>A jew comes up, does a jump, get's some bread
>He then yells, " The first Jew that can just five feet in the air will get a two extra loafs of bread."
>Another jew comes up, barely makes the jump, but gets loafs of bread
>Finally, he yells, "The first jew to jump fifteen feet in the air gets ten loafs of bread."
>A new jew runs up, and the guard immediately pulls his gun on him.
>"Guards, shoot this man, he can jump the fence!"

What did the lesbian pirate say to her girlfriend?

Scissor-me timbers!

>>513272226
good one fren - I chuckle

here is a WoW joke.
Yo mamma is so fat when she stepped into the Black Temple it became the Sunken Temple

>>513266710
a billionaire gets into a vicious car accident and needs a blood transfusion but has a very rare type and his only match is a local rabbi
so he sees the rabbi and says
"rabbi, i need your blood for my surgery, i will pay you one million dollars"
the rabbi says a million dollars is a million dollars and accepts, the surgery goes well
a month later the billionaire gets into a brutal boating accident, again he needs blood for another surgery so he asks the rabbi
"i need blood for my surgery i will pay you half a million"
the rabbi says half a millions half a million and accepts, the surgery goes well
not even a week later the billionaire gets into a gruesome plane accident, the only survivor left
he sees the rabbi once more and says
"give me your blood, ill pay you five bucks"
the rabbi says hold on, first you payed me a million, then half a million and now only five bucks, why?
the billionaire says
"im sorry, i guess it must be all the jewish blood in me"

>>513271226
the kike got grease on its hands, ergo - he got profit, even if a little. lesson - a kike will always fuck you over, even in ways you don't even realize

>>513274808
b-but I think kikes are based

>>513275019
well, too bad bucko, I think kikes are non-human parasite race that ought to be exterminated with EXTREME prejudice.

>>513275100
what has led you to this conclusion?

>>513262041 (OP)
There's an earthquake one morning in vienna and a building falls down.
On the first floor lived some turks, on the second some sudanese, on the third some greeks and on the last some austrians.
Who survived?
The austrians because they were at work

>>513275308
lifetime of experience, verbal memory of my ancestors, world history and kikes themselves

>>513275563
In Heaven
The police are British
The cooks are French
The mechanics are German
The lovers are Italian
And it’s all organized by the Swiss

In Hell
The police are German
The cooks are British
The mechanics are French
The lovers are Swiss
And it’s all organized by the Italians

>>513276417
severely outdated joke
In Heaven
Europe is populated and run by Europeans
In Hell
all positions taken by shitskins and the the whole shebang is run by kikes

>>513262041 (OP)
at least post the webm ffs

>>513276590
Yes of course outdated but since a Greekbro posted an old joke with self insert self deprecating humor I decided to knock the cobwebs off this one for old timey sake and try to be light hearted if possible. Plenty of threads to dwell in the darkness and be serious. Be well with protection my Baltic brother.

>>513262041 (OP)
Woman's Rights.

A guy bumps into a friend he hasn't seen for a while.
The says "I heard you got married recently, congratulations. I be you know what's what now!"
The guy says "what's what?" Not understanding his friend.
And the friend says "yeah, bet you know what's what!" Giving a little wink.
The guys still hasn't a clue what his friend means and eventually goes home.
That night, the guy with his wife getting ready for bed. He takes all his clothes off and switches the light off.
After a while, he starts to feel around in the dark. The he says "what's that?"
His wife says "what's what?"
He says "oh! It was on the mantle all the time!"

>>513277684
>Be well with protection my Baltic brother.
same to you, brother. may Gods watch over you!

>>513262525
Fucking kek