>>513682131 (OP)
I'm completely lost and don't want to make a thread about it.
I'm 23, really autistic like the sperg kind. Socially maladjusted from many years of doing nothing. Haven't had friends for over 10 years. I'm NEETing at home with $0 to my name, barely ever go outside. I have had no desire to participate in society since I was little. No education outside of a high school diploma.
Yesterday I discovered I had 3 grey hairs on my head. It just kind of hit then that I'm not a child anymore, I'm not 15, I'm five years into adulthood with nothing. I wanted to maybe one day live by myself and have a family, I don't know how. Every available position seems like it won't give me enough money to live, all of them are dead end wagie jobs with no future that I know I won't succeed at.
I tried looking into college, everyone said it's impossible to find work in the only field I care about. I'm looking at trades and it seems like a lot of them require physical ability. I'm female, it seems like a bad course to take if I want children, although I'm not entirely discounting the idea.
I don't know. It seems impossible to get what's needed to live, so I'm in a rut of not even trying to start. I don't want to be stuck at retail my whole life. There's no opportunities, the economy is shit, I'll never own a home no matter what I do, even if I have children they'll end up being pozzed minorities in their own country.
Every time I think "maybe I should go look for a path in life" I see a ton of demoralizing bullshit from people who actually tried that path and it didn't work out. Then I go back to shitposting since it feels hopeless. I hate my life. I hate jews for making it impossible to make a living. I hate feminists for thinking making women work was the path to freedom. I hate trannies for ruining even the fiction I used to cope. I hate everyone but the hate has turned into sheer exhaustion with everything I see and hear. And I especially hate my own failure to thrive.