Thread 513943766

Your client Abdullah bin Goatfucker is charged with rape and murder of a completely random young woman. They have witnesses, security camera footage and a DNA match

How do you defend him?
You lose the game if he is convicted

>>513943766 (OP)
I slit his throat while hes sleeping and keep his money

>>513943766 (OP)
I would lose the game intentionally. :)

>>513943766 (OP)
I don't like coffee, but it can be good for you, depending on your job.

>>513943766 (OP)
>Your Honor
>Jury
>points aimlessly as I say jury
>If my client was guilty could he do this?
>Shoot Abdullah bin Goatfucker point blank in the forehead with a 20 gauge slug
>step back with my hand and arm straightened out pointing out my client
>smiling at the jury
>no conviction

• Motion to Suppress the DNA Evidence: DNA isn’t infallible. I’d file a motion arguing that the chain of custody was broken—perhaps the sample was mishandled at the crime scene, lab, or during transport, leading to contamination.

Challenge the Security Footage: Video can be manipulated or misleading. I’d subpoena the full, unedited raw footage and metadata to check for tampering (e.g., deepfakes are increasingly common—AI tools could alter faces or timestamps)

Discredit Witnesses: Eyewitnesses are notoriously unreliable—studies show memory fades, biases creep in, and suggestibility from police lineups can taint IDs. I’d depose all witnesses pre-trial to lock in their stories, then look for inconsistencies

Discovery and Investigation: Demand every scrap of prosecution evidence early. Hire private investigators to scour for alibis—maybe my client was at a mosque, family gathering, or even out of town (GPS from his phone could help, unless it incriminates)

>>513943766 (OP)
I pull the sexual emergency card, coupled with generational trauma caused by colonialism and institutional racism then finish on the claim she provoked the attack when did said an Islamophobia.

bribe the judge

>>513944298

Likely Outcome: Given the strength of the prosecution’s evidence, securing an acquittal is a long shot. My best chance lies in discrediting the DNA or footage through expert testimony or procedural errors, combined with a compelling alternative narrative. If the case proceeds to trial and the evidence holds up, a plea deal may be the most realistic way to avoid a full conviction on both charges.

>>513943766 (OP)
You let him go, and Humperdink suffers.
Humiliations galore!

>>513944592
What do you do if prosecution refuses a plea deal and is going for full conviction? Claim your client is subject to a witch hunt and that the trial risks becoming a kangaroo court?

Claim that under the client's religious views, unless there's what 3 or 4 MALE witnesses to the rape it was an act of harlotry by the woman and she should be stoned to death.

>>513943766 (OP)
It was a simple misunderstanding, your honor.
My client approached the woman without ill intent. The woman started panicking and screaming. Mr. Goatfucker was scared and thought that she was possessed by Shaitan.
He tried to help her by forcing her in the muslim prayer position. Thinking only a prayer to Allah, the most Merciful, could save her.
While bending her over for the prayer, his penis slipped and entered the woman on accident.
The panicked convulsions of the victim forced my client to ejaculate, who did not want to get off the woman until the devil left her body.

>>513943766 (OP)
>No lawyer, no witnesses? What sort of due process is this?

>>513943766 (OP)
By Allah, subhana wata Allah, according Quran you need four witnesses of rape to convict somebody of rape. Moreso, those witnessess need to be muslims to be reliable, as prophet Muhammad (salla Allahu alahi wa salam) teaches us in surah Al-Baqara (2:282). By Allah! The court needs to take the differences in culture into consideration and doing otherwise would be a hate crime against the People of Islam. Therefore my client needs to be found NOT GUILTY. Salam aleikum.

>>513943766 (OP)
BUT YOUR HINOR HE WAS HAVING A SEXUAL EMERGENCY

>>513943766 (OP)
My client, Abdullah bin Goatfucker, real name Abel Binyamin Goyfucker, is jewish and a descendant of the Holocaust, by his aunt's first husband's grandmother.
As a Holocaust survivor, it would be ANTISEMITIC to imprison him, as it would remind him about extermination camps.
Why did this case even made it to court, your Honor? Should we check YOUR background and YOUR bank account?

>>513943766 (OP)
"your honor, let me be honest with you sir. i think we can both agree here, that women are not people. therefor killing them is not murder. i arrest my case sir"

*CASE DISMISSED*

I don't know, I'm not a lawyer.

I withdraw my position as his defense lawyer

>>513946113
>case arrested
fug, now what?

>>513943766 (OP)
Jews forced him to do it, he dindu, he a good boy!

>>513943930
>the "coffee is good for you" defense
all charges DROPPED!