Thread 520678886

Why was Jonah such a badass?

>>520678886 (OP)
He didn't want to be a prophet because no one would believe him.
So, God kinda forced him to.
He told them to repent in sackcloth and ashes or be destroyed by God Almighty.
they repented in Sackcloth and ashes.
Jonah was disappointed; the destruction he foretold didn't happen.
God said "you retard, you still don't get it do you? They repented. That's what I wanted"
To this day, Protestants sin boldly and don't repent.

>>520678886 (OP)
More like a bad bass! Spite me out, you damn fish!!!

>>520678886 (OP)
More like
>Why are bible believers such retards
Even if swallowed by a blue whale (not possible)
He would have suffocated and been crushed.
As large as blue whales are, their esophagus is only about the width of a grapefruit.
Their digestive track reflects that as well.
Had he been swallowed by the largest whale with the largest esophagus (sperm whale)
The results would have been the same.
The digestive track of a sperm while, while larger than a blue whale, could barely accommodate something as large as a human male. He would have been crushed again, not as severely, but certainly would have suffocated/drown in a space of time spanning far less than an hour. Much less being able to survive 3 days.

>>520679582
>Le heckin science disproves the Bible
*Tips fedora*

>>520679582
oh yeah explain pinnochio then smart guy

>>520679582
>this wonder is not possible because it would have been wondrous

>>520678886 (OP)
Love this.

>>520679189
>Protestants sin boldly and don't repent.
you arent even a christian without repenting. its the first requirement.

>>520679582
jonah dies in the whale
the whole point of the account is how he keeps saying no to God until he dies
and then God brings him back to life because he still has to do that thing God told him to do

Jesus even recalls the account as the sign that would be given unto that adulterous generation (death and resurrection after 3 days)

>>520678886 (OP)
Because he was fictional

>>520679582
I bet you're one of those autistic retards who, after being told about the race between the tortoise and the hare, a fable about the benefits of perseverance, autistically
said "rabbits and turtles can't talk. You're silly to believe that!"
WOOSH! Right over your autistic little fedora covered nit-wit brain.
By all in heaven and earth, your kind is truly a burden on all mankind.

>>520680301
kikes are God's chosen lolcows.

>>520679189
>>520679189
>God said "you retard,
>Protestants sin boldly and don't repent.
then again, i never heard a protestant put retard in God's mouth either

>>520679582
Do not fall for glownigger divide & conquer tactics.

Christianity is the definition of "right wing" political ideology:
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Left%E2%80%93right_political_spectrum#Origins_in_the_French_Revolution

Christianity has always been a racist religion:
>"Oh, race of Franks, race from across the mountains, race chosen and beloved [...]"
>"the kingdom of the Persians, an accursed race, a race utterly alienated from God [...]"
- https://www2.cbn.com/article/church/pope-urban-iis-speech-calling-first-crusade

The racist and anti-semitic Confederates have always been Christian.
The National Socialists used the Celtic cross and gave out iron cross medals for bravery. The white term for "swastika" is hakenkreuz, meaning hooked cross.
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hakenkreuzbanner

Here's a growing list of Christian political commentators who are racist and anti-semitic:
- https://rentry.org/Deus_Vult
Feel free to reply to this post with others.

Educate boomers irl. If you don't preach to them, the anti-Christian kikes will:
- https://news.antiwar.com/2025/10/06/israel-to-spend-up-to-4-1-million-in-propaganda-campaign-targeting-american-christians/
israeli nationalism ("zionism") is a heresy:
- https://youtu.be/GKlT-hhZXoM&t=658s
- https://youtu.be/odNoExd8a5U
- https://youtu.be/rp92-3aBL-A
The "holocaust" (burnt offering) is a lie made up by kikes, both soviet and freemason:
- https://rumble.com/c/ScriptureandTraditionFrJM/videos
Boycott israeli products:
- https://bdsmovement.net

Common glownigger talking points:
>"jesus is a kike"
The word "kike" comes from "kikel", which means circle. The kikes hate the cross so much, they would sign documents with a circle, hence the nickname.
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plus_and_minus_signs#Alternative_plus_sign
>"off topic"
Reminder the pope is the monarch of a country. In fact in many white nations there is no separation between church and state.

>badass
What? He was reluctant and whining the entire time. Maybe he was "badass" when he tried to disobey God but thats just stupid. Even in your picture, hes crawling away.

Did you watch the veggie tales version with the sword fight? They added that in

>>520680570
Ah! The all knowing, all seeing, perfect German says I'm not Christian.
Idiot. You're letting your cognitive bias fill your empty head with answer you need. Just because you're a Lutheran and not a Christian doesn't make you a Christian. Seems obvious, but if Christ says one thing, and Luther another, you believe in Luther.

>>520680942
i've seen people post this before, it's a generated image

>>520680828
God made turks, so it's not so hard to believe

>>520680998
you are a tradcath?

how do you feel about the pope kissing the quran?

>>520678886 (OP)
>was this mytholigical jewish person a badass
No.

>>520681000
>i've seen people post this before, it's a generated image
This from the guy who said God never said the word retard.

>>520681115
cite me the verse where God called jonah a retard

please

>>520678886 (OP)
Kek. I read this story to my kids a few nights ago. We couldn't stop laughing at the idea of the fish spitting this guy out on the beach and all the people around him going "WHAT THE FUCK??" And the first thing he blurts out is "If you guys don't change your ways, god will destroy your city" and immediately everyone agrees to do what the smelly guy who got spat out of a fish on the beach says, so their city gets saved.

Then he's all butthurt later and cries to god about how NOW he looks like an idiot because the city never got destroyed and asks to die. So god grows a plant to shade him and then kills the plant the next day to show Jonah... uh... yeah...

>whale
it wasn't a whale

>>520681067
>how do you feel about the pope kissing the quran?
gonna have to go with the real popes on this.
Islam is a pagan religion and cannot be allowed in Christian areas.
That freemason is not a pope.
Luther is a heretic.
All who say the New mass is legit are damned and must repent.

>>520681197
It's in how you translate it.

>>520680998
the fuck are you raging about. its literally what Jesus commanded.

Matthew 3
17From that time Jesus began to preach, saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.”a

open your fucking bible for once.

>>520679582
>doesn't live in a world of wonder and miracles

Enjoy your suffering, son. It never ends.

>>520681291
i don't understand

it is official tradcath view that the Muzelimese worshiBe the same God

did you just come out of tradcathery?

>>520681215
You're the same folk who read that comic about the girl who was spit out by the squid... what was it? Umbrella academy? Dark horse comics?
Yeah

>>520681427
damn dude you're pretty well read

>>520681355
That's my point.
Jesus said to repent, Luther literally said Sin boldly.
You are really quite funny how you can switch quotes and don't see the contradiction. I mean, really! You quote MY scripture at me to support what YOUR Luther said to the contrary.
Sin boldly! The Lord is suffering for our sins, not US!

>>520681377
No it isn't. The official Christian position is that moslems are pagans, worship a moon god, and is an abomination.
I'm looking for the cite, but that "pope" may be the dictator of Vatican city, but it's not a christian and kissing a quran is something a goddamned freemason would do.

>>520681600
I AGREED WITH YOU YOU FUCKING MONGOLOID
REPENT AND SIN NO MORE
>SIN NO MORE

not sin boldly
fuck I hate interacting with catholics, you only rage about luther 24/7 for some fucking reason. no normal discussion is possible with you rabid monkeys. its all about luther all the time.

>>520681215
read em badly and the bear next, love that one

>>520680867
>Christianity is the definition of "right wing" political ideology
Muh direction brain
>Christianity has always been a racist religion:
It literally says "we are all one in Christ" in the bible and that theres no greek no jew nor gentile or whatever. Also your quotes are far past the time the bible was written, so it doesnt prove that it "always has been". It could have "became" racist. And what that pope is saying isnt even racist. The Franks are blessed by God for being mercenaries and the Persians are cursed for being Christian. It doesnt say anything intrinsic about the races.
Also, Crusaders were zogbot pirates who raped Nuns, dingus.
>israeli nationalism ("zionism") is a heresy:
This is actually true.
>The "holocaust" (burnt offering) is a lie made up by kikes, both soviet and freemason:
Also true
>"jesus is not a kike"
Also true, but he is a semite

>>520681463
dark horse took off their online comics.
No refunds.
Must be run by jews.

>>520681707
Are you retarded?

I remind you that Christians unironically believe in stories like John inside the whale, staffs that turn into snakes, and the parting of the sea, but they consider Greek stories myths. This is absolute schizophrenia; it's simply laughable when you realize it. The labors of Hercules are as real as the Exodus.
Asclepius's resurrection of people is as real as Jesus's resurrection of people.

>>520681736
But you're a Lutheran.

>>520681758
*the Persians are cursed for NOT being Christian

>>520681817
when did I ever say that? you just label everyone without knowing them?
absolute brainrot.

>>520681792
Nope. Maybe your tiny little brain can put forth another hypothesis why some people don't share your idiot's opinion.

>>520681427
Don't know what that is. But I do know Momotoro, the baby that came out of giant peach and went on to slay demons.

Anyway, can you explain the relevance of growing the plant to shade Jonah and then killing it to teach Jonah a lesson? If I was Jonah I would be confused as hell. God was saying the plant was Nineveh and Jonah was god? It's a really weird part of the story.

>>520679582
yid here, because the OT is a codebook in hebrew. Most abahamics run on paschaat or literal interpretation when its talking about divine science through Kaballah.

>>520681707
i know that's what the official christian position is

but it is not the official catholic position, which is your position

unless you come out of it, because they are officially Wrong.

thoughts?

>>520681736
suffer little children

>>520681805
Parables, mostly. Jesus spoke in parables.
Like the Hare and the Tortoise, it's not a Christian parable so you aren't programmed to hate that one, you understand the teaching of perseverance and persistence and don't mock it like a 12 year old for having a speaking rabbit.
You're autistic as fuck to not understand that parables.
Yeah, I know. Prots take the bible literally, but you don't have many prots with any faith. It's just a social and business club to prots.

>>520681907
then tell me what fuck up religion you belong to!

>>520681736
Because they're a fake church with no authority, so they use the fallen protestantism as the ugly girl in the hot chick group.

These people aren't genuine. They don't want the schism healed. Because Orthodoxy was correct, and they would also be judged as heretics and called to repent. I'm talking the whole bureaucracy of the Vatican would have to change before it can come back into the fold.

>>520681957
what's code for God denying moses entry to the promise land because he didn't speak to the rock during the second time and smote it once again like the first time?

>>520682204

>>520681971

>>520678886 (OP)
>>520679189
>>520680899
>>520681215
>>520681914

The book of Jonah is about God commanding the Hebrews to respect gentiles.

Jonah is swallowed by the whale to bring him back after he refuses to preach to the scary (Aryan) Assyrians and runs away.

Later, God sends a vine to shade him from the hot east wind, a metaphor for how the warlike Assyrians save his ass from the even more savage tribes in Asia.

>>520680867
Based and thank you for sharing bro. God bless. 1488

>>520682204
>muh hecking denominations, traditions and catechisms
is it so fucking hard to believe in Jesus Christ and agree? always this pointless division.
leave me the fuck alone.

>>520682233
yeah its always the "my church is the true church" cycle jerk. same with the orthodox. its so off putting.
nobody in the real Church of Christ has to brag about it.
its all so tiering

>>520681971
You probaly are thinking the Vatican is Christian.
Oh hell no.
The Christian religion was destroyed when Pope Gregory sold it to the Rothschilds.
It was written down in 1545 AD.
the faith can't change, once a pope said it, another pope can't change it. So, no pope changed it. That quran kisser isn't Christian, simple as.

>>520682414
Now that makes sense. Thank you rabbi.

>>520682460
>the christian religion was destroyed
>when Pope Gregory sold it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMA0ClIPHeM

>>520679189
>He didn't want to be a prophet because no one would believe him
>t. another anti-prot that doesn't read the Bible
when Christanon reads the Holy Book they find that Jonah didn't want to be a prophet specifically because he believed they WOULD believe, and repent, and knowing that God is merciful that he would relent and not destroy Nineveh (a capital city of the Assyrian Empire that terrorized Israel and Jonah wanted judged and destroyed.)
so, again, OP's pornography addiction has turned him into a sodomite for dudes, and so distracted with sexual perversion, also a heretic.
sad many such cases.

>>520682167
We're talking about the mythological component of the Bible.
The fact is that Christians believe that 99% of religious texts are fairy tales (although they sometimes used to think they were demonic), and 1% are true. Ask a modern Christian if they believe in Greek myths, and they'll laugh, but they do believe in a fantastical outcome. Is that just weird? It's genuinely weird. It's fucking weird! In fact, Abrahamism is the first step toward atheism, because everything other than Jewish lore is demonic or fictional (for over a century, it's been believed that paganism is fairy tales), but that's nonsense.

>>520679189
>forced
funny how free will goes out the fucking window the moment it clashes with your hebrew fanfic

>>520680570
belief (in Jesus) is the first requirement
repentance is a daily discipline

>>520682451
It's not about bragging, it's about the ability to put a fag in a tie and start a church and pretend to be Christian. People are lost, and the physical bureaucratic church system is exacerbating the issue.

>>520682451
You have to accept the whole faith, bro. You can't pick and choose like one of those fake smorgasbord "Catholics"
every single prot religion, including the damned novus ordo, preach this or that sin...
Luther and every other prot including the Novus Ordo rejected Christ in Matthew 16
Anglicans believe in divorce, which is the founding cause of their sinful religion that was born from raping nuns, murdering priest and looting Churches.
Luther also supported polygamy, and murdering Lutherans that revolted against the Lutheran German princes... "Murder them!" luther said to the princes.
Oh well. you're confused and I can't fix that.
And yes, the Lord only made ONE CHURCH. on Simon-Peter. Right out of the bible. Which you reject!

>>520682669
sorry, I don't do jewtube
what's your point?

>>520682697
yeah, you're just a JIDF kike and not responding to my post.
I said parable, you strawman "no you have to believe it but you can't because it's silly".
Saint Jude said I'm to tell you to "fuck off, satan."
You have no soul

>>520682867
i wonder what the upper limit of heresy that's to come from the vatican before you realize that the See is vacant?

>>520682916
a pope can't destroy christianity
because he never had the authority over it

if an ism can "destroy" christianity, because YOU have replaced it with its author.

YOU are a tradcath
it is the tradcath DOCTRINE that MUZELIMESE worshiBe the same gode

the bible calls shitslam antichrist

and a pope kisses the q'ringe

this is when a christian peaces out of there

what do you think?

>>520682867
You don't though. Just accept Jesus as your lord and savior. It's that easy. If you disagree then you don't accept Acts 16:31 and that makes you the heretic. Also you seem to throw out all the parts of Christianity telling you to stop judging other people for being heretics if you are, yourself, a heretic.

>>520682770
You don't understand free will.
You die. You appear before the Lord. (you are wheat, about to be threshed in the parable).
You are told "You can go to heaven, but you will never sin again. Or you can go to hell with the Jews and Baptists and the beast and sin all you want, but they will sin against you, too".
You choose.
Choose heaven, your ability to sin "chaff in the parable" is removed and cast into the pit.
Choose hell, you're entire being goes into the pit.
Pretty easy.

>>520683293
>it is the tradcath DOCTRINE that MUZELIMESE worshiBe the same gode
No, it isn't. Some pope said you're pagans.

>>520683413
prove it

>>520682787
repentance is a one time decision on your part.
God, your way, not my way. its the required part on your side to be baptized in the Holy Spirit and be born again INTO Faith. the Holy Spirit is the one that gives you Faith.
if you have to repent daily you are doing something terribly wrong.

>>520682867
is it so hard to believe that people read the Word of God and believe what it says?
also its very bold to justify your religious institution on one verse by Jesus Christ when the rest of the bible rejects this, even Peter himself.
James was the head of the Jerusalem Church, not Peter.

1 Peter 5
So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: 2 shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight,[a] not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you;[b] not for shameful gain, but eagerly; 3 not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock.

I'm surprised that it's been so long and nobody's said it: It's a jewish prophet and judaism has a long tradition of making up stories about jewish prophets to make them seem magical and like intermediaries for their monotheistic god. Christianity is probably the most famous form of judaism to do this (what with the jesus apparently having magical blood that you have to drink and making more fish appear and etc)

These things didnt actually happen, they are mostly just things that sound fantastical to a retarded illiterate peasant if that makes sense. Like jonah. How the heck did he survive in a big fish??? Moses. How the heck did he part a SEA WITH HIS HANDS?? Jesus. How the heck did he MAKE THE FISH JUMP INTO THE NET?? Mohammed. How the hell did he take all that BBC???

>>520683504
i'm not a Muzelime

and one upon a time popes could have been good men, i don't challenge this view

but times change

this is exactly why you don't replace Jesus with an ism

i keep pointing out to you your flawed system and you keep pretending to not see it

because heavens forbid the only thing left for you is, what BroDessDanisme?

ayy lmao

>>520682867
also Acts 15

6 The apostles and the elders were gathered together to consider this matter. 7 And after there had been much debate, Peter stood up and said to them, “Brothers, you know that in the early days God made a choice among you, that by my mouth the Gentiles should hear the word of the gospel and believe. 8 And God, who knows the heart, bore witness to them, by giving them the Holy Spirit just as he did to us, 9 and he made no distinction between us and them, having cleansed their hearts by faith. 10 Now, therefore, why are you putting God to the test by placing a yoke on the neck of the disciples that neither our fathers nor we have been able to bear? 11 But we believe that we will be saved through the grace of the Lord Jesus, just as they will.”

>>520683354
>Just accept Jesus as your lord and savior. It's that easy.
You don't even know what that means, and give lip service to it!
Christ damned you as one he doesn't knows while he walked the earth.
If you believe Jesus is the Son of God, you'd take him as not let some idiot like Luther or Calvin or Smyth contradict him. They all allow some sin that the Lord preached against.

>>520683638
>Like jonah. How the heck did he survive in a big fish???
he didnt, he died.

>Moses. How the heck did he part a SEA WITH HIS HANDS??
its in the bible, God did with a mighty wind.

>Jesus. How the heck did he MAKE THE FISH JUMP INTO THE NET??
read the bible, he is God. he can walk on water if he wants to.

How many christcucks believe this actually happened or do most of you believe OT stories are allegorical?

>>520683999
because God performs miracles in your life as a believer?
its not hard to believe what is written in the OT once you can relate.

>>520684156
I'm not a schizo so I can't relate

>>520679189
P*otestants are disgusting

>>520683627
One grain harvested separated from the chaff, the chaff is burned with the weeds of the field.

>>520683999
why can't a guy die in a storm at sea and get eaten by a big ol' fish?

why can't God bring someone back to life?

>>520683861
>They all allow some sin that the Lord preached against.
stones and glass houses. roman catholics call the pope "holy father" and he labels himself as the vicar of Christ.
both statements are not biblical.

>>520683999
jews... you have no souls. nothing to save. If you had a soul, you wouldn't speak like a demon about the lord.

>>520680570
Avoiding the near occasion of sin is your first duty you fucking subhuman

>>520683980
And for what reason would i believe your particular jewish storybook and not one of the contradicting ones ? What if yeshua actually got risen to heaven by god like the zuttsluts claim? You cant just claim some random book that was compiled like 300 years after jesus died is the truth and expect anyone with a brain or foreskin to believe it
>>520683999
A majority of real christians (ie ones that dont post on pol) have copes in place for all the shit that makes zero sense in the bible ive noticed. My ex gf would try to explain to me that the stories about men fucking their own mothers and sisters were ok because "the bloodline was pure" back then

>>520681291
I look East to CONSTANTINOPLE

>>520684279
I said prove, not quote schizophrenic literature

>>520684340
doesn't paul say in romans that a blindness from God came upon the jews until the fullness of the gentiles which means that they literally CAN'T believe until a time determined by God?

lol, this guy is fun to talk to

i like you btw, i'm not being like mean

>>520684306
the plausibility of the stories is a separate issue, this is about the historicity
>>520684340
you are more jewish than me because your savior is a jew

>>520684241
>>520684361
faith is by grace, not by your works.

>>520684344
>avoiding sin in this world
good luck buddy. do you expect to stand before Jesus on judgement and tell him how good you did?

>>520684323
Father comes from The Lord saying that God the Holy Spirit resides within His priest. We don't call the man father, we call the Holy Ghost within Father. Only with the power of God the Holy Ghost can the Priest provide the sacrament of the Eucharist.
Dumb shit protestants get the call no man father part, then screw it up because God doesn't reside in a pastor. They're not apostleistic religions. The funny part (or tragic) is that the prots read this part bout the father, and then IGNORE THE LORD in the rest of it about their religions being a social club rather than for worship!

>>520684509
Paul is himself literally jewish and spent the majority of his life torturing christians to death. The fact that he managed to customize christianity to be even more appealing to goyim and simultaneously convince them that somehow jews lose from the situation lol

>>520684509
cite it.

>>520684586
Which is basically brown for "i dont care none of the surrounding details matter all that i want is to believe my shitty life will transform into jewish paradise if i pretend to be christian on pol"

>>520684558
>he plausibility of the stories is a separate issue, this is about the historicity
nice going friend

but how many people you're aware of by name and primary residence or at the least a mailing address,

that die at sea and get eaten by fish

and what are you going to say to one, if you happen to meet them and they tell you God brought them back to life?

>>520683638
If you programmed reality, you can do whatever you want within that reality.
Think of SimCity.
You are one of the SIMs, God is the one who designed the game.

>>520684613
>the Holy Spirit in the pope
top fucking kek, he is the man of sin who claims to be god on earth.

Jesus Christ is our High Priest.
not some fucking pope, or a dude in a church that can forgive your sins.
only God forgives sin

>>520678886 (OP)
I’m so tired of Christians asserting their gay jewish fairytales are cool or badass. You know damn well they aren’t and pretending isn’t going to make it so

The greater wisdom of Solomon is here. Ama

>>520684361
it's actually disturbing how disconnected from reality people can be. and sad

>>520684650
you have been on your high horse about being the real christian and everyone else a heretic, and you don't even know the book of romans?

very well, here's the verse cited
>romans 11:25

>>520684709
And so god has programmed reality to make it LOOK like judaism is a retarded desert religion that has had factionalizing feuds over which jew is the magic jew for literally the entire duration of it's maybe 3000 years at most) long existence? Why would he want to make it look like such a retarded, illogical, brown thing?

>>520683635
>if you have to repent daily you are doing something terribly wrong.
n-nani!?
even the most pious man has character defects from which they should repent. impure thoughts, bitterness towards others, disobedience or at least resistance to the prompting of the Holy Spirit, or perhaps some slothfulness in a spiritual discipline that God is calling you to that day or this season. a mature Christian is quick to repent, plead the blood of Jesus over that sin, and move forward in the grace and love of God the Father.
But if quick repentance isn't common, then sin can be as hidden-sin, and fester, and then scandal and shame.
When you are confident in the love of the Father, you run towards Him when you mess up, not run away.

>>520684675
nah, you know when you are in the Kingdom of God. I simply wait on his return, Im not the protagonist in the story.

>>520684623
>The fact that he managed to customize christianity
care to substantiate this claim?

>>520684858
Correct, you basically associate christianity with this feeling of relief from the total fear that your life is finite and you've wasted it doing nothing. "The kingdom of god"!

>>520684708
I would probably tell them to take their meds

>>520684750
I wouldn't call them fairytales if they were written as oracles of how God actually operates as a driving force of frequency. Temple Mount, Jerusalem is the holy grail Stargate. Jonah means Peace in Hebrew.

>>520684558
Nope.. First of all, jews only call themselves jews because if they really said who they are, demon worshipers who want to destroy humanity, sacrifice babies to Moloch, murder people, rob people with lies, etc they'd be wiped out over night. So they invented the word "jew" because they clearly were Turks and not Judeans as the Bible of the council of Rome says.
The "jew" religion came about when some khazars found their wicked texts like the Talmud and adopted it as their official religion so they could con the Moslems into not slaughtering them or forcing them to convert (right out of the Koran, btw)

tl:dr My Lord is not pharisee of the Synagogue of Satan

>>520684968
I didn't say jesus was a pharisee he was a jew