Fellow bastards of /pw/, the time has come at last. I have decided to create a weekly wrestling show specifically for this board. This is the first episode of SATURDAY NIGHT METAL, brought to you by K-WAB (Kino Wrestling for Autistic Bastards). Everyone is always complaining about bad booking, bad storylines, and shitty wrestling shows in general. Although I cannot promise that I will succeed, I am going to try and provide this board with a based alternative. You may have seen me doing a little bit of hype for this show and dropping little hints in various threads. In the near future, there will be opportunities for any of you to join this fed and represent your character in threads like these, and other opportunities will be available as well. This fed will use a combination of real wrestlers and OC wrestlers, with Fire Pro as the match simulator. At present, I have a bank of 72 CAWs that are completely done and ready to use. More will be added gradually over time. The show will consist of a series of posts, which will lay out the matches and storylines using text, pics, video, and vocaroo links. I've put a lot into this project, and I hope it will deliver the kind of based wrestling show that this board needs and deserves. Tonight's card includes:
>"Stone Cold" Steve Austin Vs Jake "The Snake" Roberts (#1 Contender Match)
>King Mabel Vs Wolfie
>The Insane Clown Posse (Violent J/Shaggy 2 Dope) Vs The Scurvy Dogs (Scurvy Pierre/Scurvy Dheeg)
>Sting Vs HHH
>Gigadimes Title Match: Kane (C) Vs The Undertaker (Steel Cage DeathMatch)
Show Theme:
https://vocaroo.com/16aWecFL1U10
Our first show was the Independence Day Rumble on July 4
https://archive.palanq.win/pw/thread/18159930/#18159930
where we crowned the first gigadimes champion. Entering at #8, Kane was able to defeat all his competition and emerge as our new champion. However, at the end of the rumble a second Kane emerged from the crowd. After a long staredown, the new arrival removed his mask and revealed himself as the Undertaker. He has promised to take Kane back to hell with him, and so they will meet tonight in our main event, a special steel cage deathmatch with the K-WAB gigadimes title on the line.
Can you hear them, brother? I know you can hear their call as well. The demons are gathering, eager to reclaim that which was once their master's own. Yes, brother, it is time to tell the world of our unholy pact with the devil. We sold our souls for fame and fortune, and that price must always be paid. But you, brother, you cheated the evil one of his prize when you found a loophole in the infernal contract, something no mortal has done in a thousand years. The devil always takes his due, and I am here to make sure of that. KANE! I will not fail in my mission. Your carcass goes in this box, and your soul comes with me. It is time, brother, for you to rest....IN PEACE.
Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall, and the winner will be declared the number one contender for the
K-WAB World Heavyweight Championship. Introducing first...from Stone Mountain, Georgia, weighing 249 pounds, Jake "The Snake" Roberts!
And his opponent...from Victoria Texas, weighing 252 pounds, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin!
And our two competitors start slowly, testing one another's strength. Jake goes for a pin but it's way too early here. The winner of this match will be declared the number one contender for the K-WAB World Heavyweight Championship, which will be unveiled very soon.
And now we're picking up some steam, as both combatants get a few shots in. It's still very much anyone's game, of course. Here's a few words from Stone Cold Steve Austin about this match:
>Well, well well...if it isn't my personal steppin' stone, my favorite whippin' boy, Jake "the FAKE" Roberts! That's right son, because I already proved you ain't got what it takes, and history is gonna repeat itself here tonight. I still remember all those years ago, when I opened up a can of whoop ass on you and it was so bad you never recovered. And now you're goin' around sayin' you made me? You think you made Stone Cold? Listen here son, you might have made a lotta crack dealers rich, you might have made a lotta liquor stores empty, you might have made a lotta bars and whorehouses go out of business because your broke ass couldn't pay your tab, but you damn sure never made Stone Cold Steve Austin. I'm gonna whip your ass for a third time son, and that's the bottom line because Stone Cold said so!
Jake the Snake takes a devastating kick to the nuts, but he recovers quickly and knocks Austin to the canvas with a big right hand. These two have a lot of history, which most people already know, and Jake Roberts has a few words to say as well:
>So Steve, you want to get another piece of the ol' snake? Well that's fine with me, because you're just a little baby rattlesnake jumping in the ring with a king cobra. And you forgot one important thing about snakes, Steve. You forgot that we eat our own kind. That's right, big snakes prey on little snakes, and tonight you're gonna learn all about that when me and Damian sink our teeth into you. And never forget this, Steve...I made you and I can break you just as easily.
givin' this thread a reply for the effort put in
>>18233953>>18233943Thanks, I am hoping that I can at least provide a show that is halfway entertaining. If this show goes well I will attempt a larger one.
Reminder that OP admitted to fucking horses
Austin scores some serious damage with a piledriver on the steel chair! However, Jake kicks out quickly and gives him a nice hard knee to the gut. But he stops to showboat and Austin gives him a dose of his own move, the DDT. This is followed up with a short ground and pound, but Jake attempts to counter with a misdirection trick. Austin isn't falling for it though and so Jake eats the chair again.
>>18234027Yes I did once make the mistake of fucking your mother. In the ass. But that's an error I will not make again.
>>18233971Please don't. Go work on your resume, get a job, take a shower, litterally anything but this faggot shit.
Jake Roberts makes a very good comeback here, beating Austin around the ring like he owes him money. Of course, considering Jake's known problems with crack cocaine, it's likely to be the other way around.
Jake continues whipping Austin like a dog, even pulling out some brass knuckles when the ref isn't looking. We definitely didn't expect a clean fight out of these two. Austin finally manages to take the initiative, slapping Jake in a Boston Crab before spearing him to the canvas.
>>18233478>Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fallONE FALLL!
>>18234222You have the honor of being the first one to do that. Time will tell if that will actually mean anything, of course.
I'm not posting as to not split up your posts and storytelling. but this is a based idea. I'm enjoying it so far. might be the best wrestling show of the night, second only to All In.
Austin is in full redneck rage mode now, delivering another kick to the little fellows and a chair smash to the top of Jake's head. Jake now finds himself on the defense, even pulling out a whip. But nevertheless, this round is all Austin.
>>18234278I appreciate that a whole lot, especially since you haven't even seen much yet. I hope you'll have as much fun with it as I do.
>>18234278Also just want to add, don't worry about breaking up the posts, that's not a problem. In fact, feel free to add your own commentary if you want.
Jake begins by hypnotizing Austin and making him drop to the mat, a little trick he probably learned from his cobra friend. This allows him to get a few good ones on Austin but the effect is short-lived. That's probably because no cobra could ever be as mad or ornery as Steve Austin. Jake continues to dish out the punishment, pressing his advantage to the fullest. However, Austin does manage to land a stunner on the outside.
Both men are giving it their all here, going back and forth as each senses that the end is near. This one is going all over the building!
It looks like Jake is trying to pull a sneaky move, wearing Austin down outside the ring with a submission hold so that he can attempt to win by countout. Jake continues to use his wits, using a distraction move before tying Austin to the tree of woe. Austin better make a big move soon or he's going to be finished.
And Jake caps off a spectacular rampage with his signature DDT finisher. Even referee Chuck Norris looks shocked here, I think we all kind of expected Austin to win. But that just goes to show that a snake can be very unpredictable.
Here is your winner, and the new #1 contender, Jake "The Snake" Roberts!
https://vocaroo.com/1a6CM2yCxWaV
The fuck is this nigga doin
>Alright, you son of a bitch, you got me this time...but this ain't over, not by a long shot. You got lucky, today, old dog, but I want another go. I'm sure you'll be gettin' drunk and smokin' crack all night long tonight, so I'll give you a couple days to rest up and maybe sober up when you run out of money, but after that ol' Stone Cold is comin' back for round two.
Ladies and gentlemen, we've come to this redneck trailer park somewhere in the deep, dirty south because we are on a recruitment drive for K-WAB wrestling! Yes that's right, we are looking to recruit the craziest sons of bitches we can find, and that's what brings us to a place like this.
Yes, we are here because we've heard that there is a man here who calls himself the last soldier of the Confederacy. They say he's the superhero of the trailer park, running off various undesirables with his shotgun and protecting everyone from trespassers, faggots, illegals, wild animals, and the occasional debt collector. This man, known only as Captain Confederate, is supposed to live somewhere around here.
>HEY! What the fuck are you faggots doin snoopin round my scrap pile? Now look here, you sumbitch I been pickin those cans from the trash for months and you ain't about to steal em, by God! Just you get outta here now before I put some birdshot in your face Dick Cheney style, you fuckin' whore!
>>18234898I look like this and say this
This dude is running an feed for himself. Just play Universe Mode and keep it to yourself dog
>>18234898Ladies and gentlemen, we regret to inform you that one of our talent agents has been lost in the line of duty. It's a dangerous job, and he knew what we was getting into when he signed up, but we will miss him nevertheless. RIP guy whose name I can't remember.
>>18234918It's not just for me, there will be plenty of opportunities for participation from others. Have patience, we can't do everything right at the start you know.
Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first...from the dark alleyways of Detroit, weighing 487 pounds, The leader of the 92 crew, BIG KING MABEL!
https://vocaroo.com/1omfqobQgkqr
And his opponent...from parts unknown, weighing 122 pounds, the only person who doesn't believe Kevin Nash was raped in the sizzling hot summer of 1992, WOLFIE!
https://vocaroo.com/1fMLUYWZQrm7
>Crowd starts chanting NASH WAS RAPED, causing Wolfie to have a meltdown and tear his quads like Nash
And referee Chuck Norris has to step in and stop Wolfie from being raped! It appears that even big king Mabel knows better than to mess with Chuck. Chuck Norris can kill 10,000 ninjas with nothing but his pinky toe, and that's why he's the perfect man to keep all these carnies in line.
Alright, and now that a violent interracial rape has been averted, the match can begin! It seems that the fear of becoming Mabel's prison bitch has lit a fire under Wolfie's ass. He's not exactly winning, but he's definitely trying harder than he usually would.
Mabel hits Wolfie with a terrible sitdown splash! He broke Nash's back with that move! When Wolfie tries to counter, Mabel uses his big fat ass to knock a chair into Wolfie's face. Wolfie's beatdown continues with a Vader bomb but it doesn't do the trick! Wolfie counters with a running boot to the head!
Wolfie is doing surprisingly well here, landing a number of good moves until Mabel pulls a reversal and hits him with the KWAB slam!
Wolfie is landing a lot of hits here, but they don't seem to be doing much good. Mabel lands a couple of nice belly-to-belly suplexes, but this round is fairly uneventful. True to form, Wolfie is using evasive and dirty tricks to stay in the game.
Sad news: Pw poster and K-WAB founder Pepe Von Erich has been charged with bestiality in three states.
Wolfie manages to push the king out of the ring, which makes him celebrate with glee. I haven't seen him this happy since the last time he dropped a shitty Daniel Bryan meme. And then he somehow does it again! Wolfie is on fire, determined to avenge the brutal rape of his hero and mentor Kevin R. Nash in the sizzling hot summer of 1992!
>>18235123Your mother may look like a beast but you shouldn't talk about her that way. She may be a whore, but she did give you life and all.
Mabel finally breaks Wolfie's luck with a powerslam, and Wolfie seethes again when his attacks have no effect, but he follows up with a superkick and starts doing the "Too Sweet" thing. Apparently Wolfie actually can fight if you scare him badly enough!
they're both looking tired now, but Mabel seems to have a little more left in the tank because he's whooping Wolfie's ass now. It seems that Mabel allowed Wolfie to tire himself out, knowing that his weak little hits couldn't do much against a 450-pound-plus ghetto rapist.
But now it looks as if Mabel has tired himself out as well. He has slowed down considerably and Wolfie is back on the offense. Mabel was about to land another Nash backbreaker special but was too worn out to complete the move. Someone get this fat motherfucker a cheeseburger!
Big King Mabel lures Wolfie in and nails him with a piledriver! Unfortunately he is too tired to follow up. Wolfie ties Mabel to the tree of woe, but just kind of freezes up. He may have been reacting to the signs in the crowd that say "Nash Got Raped." It looks like both of these guys are just about out of steam.
Mabel grabs Wolfie right by the nuts and tries to rip them off! That buys him a little rest time, but Wolfie seizes the chance to hit back. Still, he can't put the big man away. Wait, what is Wolfie doing right at the end? He just threw Mabel a chair, why would he do that?
HOLY SHIT, WOLFIE JUST GOT MABEL DISQUALIFIED! That's why he threw the chair! He was framing Mabel for his crimes, thus unbelievably getting the win! I think he'd better run if he knows what's good for him though, because Mabel is not going to be very happy about this.
>WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUCK?!? Oh hell no, this little twink done got me DQ'd up in this mothafucka? That's it, wolfbitch, now you gots to deal with the rest of the 92 crew! HEY NIGGAS! GET YO ASSES OUT HERE AND HELP ME TEACH THIS LITTLE BITCH THAT YOU NEVER DISRESPECT THE KANG!!! >HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!
Holy shit Mabel wasn't kidding! He's called in Booker T, Sir Mo, and Mike Tyson! I didn't know he was a part of the 92 crew but it makes a lot of sense. Jesus Christ, they're just beating the holy hell out of poor Wolfie! DEAR GOD IT JUST WON'T STOP! This beatdown went on so long, we had to edit most of it out, but here are the highlights. It finally ends when Mabel knocks Wolfie unconscious with a thunderous powerslam.
I guess it's about time I introduce myself. My name is Pepe Von Erich, but you already knew that part. What you may not know is how I came to have this famous name. When I was just a little baby frog, I was scooped up in a net and sold to a pet store in Texas, where I was subsequently purchased by Kerry Von Erich. Thus, I became his loyal froggy friend. He would put me on top of his head and we would watch wrestling for hours on end. He would take me on the road with him and I would watch the shows on a monitor in the back. Ah, those were good days. But everything changed when Kerry died. They say he shot himself, but I've never believed that. But in any case, I was cast back into the wild and forced to fend for myself.
Why us your stupid show so long? It should take you like 10 mins to post this garbage. It's almost 2 am and your show started at 9 pm. Get it together dude.
Frogs don't live that long. You're a horse fucker larping as a frog.
It was then that I came upon some strange barrels that were leaking a glowing green substance. Upon investigating, I was affected by the radioactive waste and turned into the frog-man you see before you today. Yes, usually a radiation-induced genetic mutation leads to horrible disfigurement, a lifetime of ridicule, and eventual death, but I got lucky and got one of the good mutations. And so, I decided to start my own wrestling promotion in honor of my dear departed friend Kerry. And also because it pays for my drugs and hookers.
>Manju: hello derty basterd bich benchod sars, this big knife manju and we are being the PAJEETS OF PAIN and you will give bobs and vegene right now sar or i stab
>Subhojeet: Manju stop acting like filthy dalit we are having match against the icey p sars and we will show them glory and power of Indian man india number one sars we invent everything and beat china sars hahahahahahaha stupid clowns we murder you like whore on streets of Karnataka satyameva jayate basterd bich dalits now we go to ring and kill u
Alright, our next match will be the Insane Clown Posse taking on the Pajeets of Pain....but wait a minute...we've just received word that the pajeets have been arrested for covering all the public bathrooms in the arena with shit!!! Alright, we'll have to find a replacement team. Luckily, I know just the guys.
Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first...from the sleaze pits of Tortuga, at a total combined weight of 525 pounds, They are the plunderers of the seven seas, Scurvy Pierre and Scurvy Dheeg, the Scurvy Dogs!
And their opponents...from Southwest Detroit, with a total combined weight of 486 pounds, they are Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope, The Insane Clown Posse!
>>18235426How the fuck is a frog going to fuck a horse? Maybe you don't know that much about frog anatomy but I don't have anything that could possibly please a pussy of that size. Now Scurvy Pierre, on the other hand, he could maybe fuck a horse. But that's a topic for another day.
The Scurvy Dogs are using excellent teamwork here, and they set up Violent J for a beautiful long-range dropkick from the turnbuckle. He probably learned that from climbing the riggings of his pirate ship or something like that.
But the clowns come back with some good teamwork of their own, forcing the pirates to fight defensively.
Scurvy Dheeg shows why he is among the most feared pirates in Somalia as he ruthlessly stabs Shaggy in the forehead! And then he runs that landlubber through! It's a good thing we're operating under cartoon rules here, or else Shaggy would be one dead juggalo.
Oh no! Shaggy was trying to help his partner but Scurvy Dheeg took advantage of the situation to KWAB Shags some more! And then the tag is made to Scurvy Pierre, the French Canadian sasquatch pirate, who continues the assault.
Violent J has had all he's going to take! He just gorilla pressed a sasquatch and smacked Dheeg with a sledgehammer! Tags are made and Scurvy goes right after Shaggy again.
After some swashbuckling, Scurvy nearly gets a pin on Shaggy. But Shaggy fights back at last, and delivers a pearl river plunge to the big ape, which nearly ends the match.
And now Shaggy finds himself stuck in the corner fighting both the dogs, and it isn't working out too well for him. Nevertheless, he pulls out a scythe and cuts some of the black off Dheeg's back. However, Dheeg gets his revenge by repeatedly slamming Shaggy's head against the mat, resulting in some more blood stains.
Dheeg and J go back and forth, but when Scurvy Pierre is tagged back in, J goes all psychopatchic and clobbers him before drinking some jungle juice. Who knows what the fuck's in that stuff. But then Scurvy counters with some crazy monkey acrobatics before pulling out a pistol and shooting at Violent J! Thankfully, the pistol was an old piece of shit and it misfired.
Apparently that jungle juice helped J out, because he's going on a tear. But oh no, the Scurvy Dogs have pulled a double team move and given Violent J THE DREADED REAR ADMIRAL. Shaggy retaliates by cutting some more back fat from Scurvy Dheeg.
Dheeg continues to pour the punishment on Shags. I'm starting to think Shaggy might be made of rubber because he just seems to absorb everything that's done to him and keeps coming.
And out of nowhere, Shaggy 2 Dope hits a beautiful shooting star legdrop and gets the pin on Scurvy Dheeg! Honestly, it looked to me like the clowns were losing but somehow they took everything the pirates could dish out and took home a victory for the juggalos!
>Are you tired of paying dues at your local gym, only to fail in your bodybuilding goals? Well, let me tell you what you need. What you need is a hardcore gym that will help you to become just as PUMPED and JACKED as me, Adam Cole bay bay! But around here, some people call me ADAM SWOLE because of my huge 7-inch pythons! Yes, you too can achieve the look of a Greek God and make all the ladies fall at your feet! You too can have the strength to lift an elephant and throw it over the top of Mount Everest! And it all starts when you come down to Adam Cole's gym and sign up for one of our premium membership plans. I will show you the secrets that made me one of the most amazing physical specimens in the history of mankind, so come on down now and remember this: If you train with Cole, you will get SWOLE, bay bay!
>>18235683WHOOP WHOOP!
>>18235706Why does he look so yellow? Vax status?
>>18235706The next time my gym asks for a monthly payment I'm just going to retire instead.
Jesus Christ, who's approving these sponsors? I need to go have a talk with someone backstage, I never would have okayed that one. This guy looks like his training method involves starving himself in a cave or maybe just a lot of deliberate vomiting.
>>18235711Ahh glad to see we've got some juggalos in the thread. WHOOP WHOOP! And I think this post
>>18235717 may have answered your question lol.
sting
md5: 93da30fd630197b015a2456f089a204b
🔍
>Well, trips, it's about that time. You know what time it is...It's SHOWTIME! But tonight, I've put away the black and white, and gone back to the old Stinger. That's right, mister Hunter Hearst Helmsley, I'm about to do like Henry Godwinn and put you in the MUD where you belong!
Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first...from Boston, Massachusetts, weighing 255 pounds, he is the game, Triple H!
https://vocaroo.com/1ip4SecC1mfD
And his opponent...from every man's nightmare, weighing 250 pounds, ladies and gentlemen this is Sting!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9hw-NDnft8&list=RDO9hw-NDnft8&start_radio=1
hhh
md5: cbfbe46df32996962120cf13d3e6d53c
🔍
>Steve, I mean Sting, why are we even doing this? I already proved that I am the game, the cerebral assassin, and more importantly I am the man you cannot defeat. You don't have a chance in hell and you know it. Because you see uh, Sting...in this business, people like you don't get to do anything except lose to people like me.
And Sting responds by attacking HHH right away. It seems to me that Sting is a little bit pissed off here, he's going after HHH very aggressively. Can't blame him, all things considered.
And Sting continuing to beat HHH like a red headed stepchild. But then the game begins to fight back and retake some ground, making it into a proper contest.
Triple H busts out with the sledgehammer, but that's not even the real trick...it turns out that HHH has hired Big King Mabel to interfere on his behalf! I just saw him slip Mabel a big wad of cash, that dirty bastard!
Sting attempts to employ a hit and run strategy to deal with this new threat, but it doesn't do a lot of good. He manages to put haitch in the scorpion deathlock but Mabel immediately makes the save. Thankfully, referee Chuck Norris has now ejected Mabel from the ring area.
With Mabel gone, Sting has a chance but HHH still has the upper hand at the start of this round. Sting spends quite some time getting into position before hitting HHH with the pedigree!
Sting puts him in the scorpion, and this time nobody is there to save HHH. Nevertheless, he shows true determination and refuses to give up. Upon getting loose he suplexes Sting out of the ring to get a breather. The strategy seems to pay off in the short term but Sting is a long way from out. You can really see HHH trying to work those sneaky plots, playing that cerebral assassin thing to the bone.
The game throws Sting from the ring, but when he gets there Sting gives him a gigantic ass whoopin. The scorpion deathlock is again applied, but there can be no submission outside the ring. Wait a minute, HHH isn't moving...
OH NO! It would seem that HHH has had another heart attack and therefore forfeited the match! We're told he's being rushed to the hospital right now, we will let you know next week if he survived or not. Tomorrow, the news might read something like pic related.
>7 hour show no one is fucking paying attention to
>They say that the sins of the father will be visited upon the son. I don't know if that is true, but if it is...that means I was born with a debt of sin so great that no good deed could ever possibly wash it away. I am a son of the darkness, a son of murder and insanity, and I am on my way to show you just what that means.
There are times when a man cannot escape his destiny. No matter how terrible that destiny might be, he must accept it. Such is the case for me. I'm through running from what I am, I'm tired of running from the madness that flows in my veins. The time has come to embrace it all. They say that violence and insanity run in the blood, and every one of you people are about to find out just how true that old belief really is.
Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first...from Death Valley, weighing 309 pounds, The Undertaker!
https://vocaroo.com/14bdD43Jn4Ga
And his opponent...from parts unknown, weighing 323 pounds, he is the K-WAB Gigadimes Champion, The Big Red Machine, Kane!
Alright, main event time! They both seem to be pacing themselves here, which makes sense because this is an important one.
The Undertaker comes with a barrage of strikes that seem to slow Kane down a little. It's hard to believe that those will make any real difference to someone like Kane. I mean, we need 5 cops just to bring this guy anywhere.
The Undertaker continues his relentless onslaught, not giving Kane any time to defend himself. Kane sneaks a bodyslam in there and attempts to get an early pin. He should have known that wasn't going to work. Underestimating the Undertaker is a good way to end up six feet underground.
Pretty much the same story here, Taker is just tearing him apart. Hey hold on, it looks like we've got Paul Bearer joining us for commentary
>OHHHHH YESSSS, I wanted to tell you what we're going to do with the blasted, beaten, burned and broken body of Kane when my Undertaker is through with him. We're going to take whatever is left of him back to hell, and trade him for the soul of my Undertaker. And then, he will be free to terrorize the world all over again, OHHHH YESSSS!!!!
Undertaker hits a vicious flying clothesline, but Kane turns it around and drills him in the face with a big running dropkick. And oh look at this! Kane just chokeslammed the Undertaker through a table!
>NOOOO DAMN YOU KANE AND YOUR WHORE MOTHER TOO!
It looks like Kane has some mystical parlor tricks of his own! He just used a Darth Vader-style force choke to bring the Undertaker to the ground. But the dead men gets back up and breaks a light tube over his head! Doesn't he know that dust is toxic?
Why didn't pwcw come out?
It's not looking good for Kane here, the Undertaker is basically having his way with him. If they were outdoors Kane would probably be getting buried alive, and he's still getting buried right now anyway. If he doesn't do something soon he's going to lose that belt.
>Of course he's going to lose it, OHHH YESSSS, because he's a fool and an unworthy disciple. Since he loves that fire so much, we'll send him down where there's lots of it, OH YESS!
Kane finally starts to turn it around, slamming the Undertaker around like a rag doll. At the same time, he is clearly tired and it is not clear how much farther he can go.
>He's finished, Mr. Von Erich, alllll finished ohh yesss, because he's nothing without me. I have a special surprise in store for him, but I don't even think I'll have to use it.
Kane is fighting back with a vengeance, beating the Undertaker silly and putting him through another table! After a few missed swings with a baseball bat, Kane hits the Undertaker with a tombstone piledriver and almost puts him away!
>OHHH NOOOO NOOOOOO I'LL FIX YOU KANE!
>AHHHAHAHAHAHA OHHH YESSS I WILL UNLEASH THE MOST EVIL SOULS THAT I HAVE GATHERED IN MY ENTIRE CAREER AS AN EVIL FUNERAL HOME DIRECTOR! THEY WILL PARALYZE KANE AND MAKE HIM AS WEAK AS A LITTLE BABY!
Dear God, it's actually working! Kane seems unable to fight back at all, and the Undertaker is just having his way with him! This is terrible! This is a travesty! This is like watching two crocodiles devour one kitten! This is like watching a midget trying to play chicken with a train! It's like watching Andre the Giant fight top dolla! I was about to ask Paul Bearer to put a stop to this, but he's in some kind of trance reciting some language I don't recognize.
Foul spirits, BEGONE! In the name of the LORD I rebuke thee and cast thee out, into the fiery pit of darkness from whence thou came! For though I have no love for either of these abominable creatures, I cannot abide the stench of these evil spirits that yon fat little sinner hath unleashed.
Well I'll be a monkey's uncle, that crazy friar actually did it! He got rid of Paul Bearer's evil spirits and now Kane has a fighting chance. Is it too late for him to mount a comeback?
Despite being beaten with a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire, Kane manages to turn the tide and hit the Undertaker with a tombstone! Is it enough? YES IT IS!!! KANE HAS WON!
Here is your winner, and STILL K-WAB Gigadimes Champion...The big red machine, the big red mayor...KAAAAAAAANE!!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, this concludes our broadcast for the evening. We thank you for joining us, and we hope that you have enjoyed the show. If so, feel free to tune in next week (same time and place) to catch the next exciting edition of K-WAB Saturday Night Metal. This was a special kickoff episode, and I wanted to stretch it out as long as possible, but next week's show will be a lot shorter in terms of time. This is Pepe Von Erich signing off, and we will see you next week.
>>18236200was an excellent thread, thank you for the hard work.
