Thread 81466464

Vent your feelings, order your drinks, pay with cash or cards

Suicide, arguing and fighting is against the rules of the feels bar

It's night time, bartender will keep eyes on you anons, please behave

>>81466464 (OP)
Genuinely getting closer to killing myself guys. I have almost no hope anymore

no one cares about going insane man

>>81466464 (OP)
Can you tell the DJ to play this song?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIC9VRD-ZAk
>>81466497
My nigger, did you not read the OP, or do you just don't care?

I am not afraid of Death because of Jesus Christ is my Nigger and I love Him and He loves me for the Bible says so. And Our Father in Heaven Loves us too so I am not afraid of death since God still using me for all sorts of things

>>81466506
What happened on that other sub?
I feel like everyone gets it, just gotta give them the motivation to open up and tell us.

>>81466464 (OP)
Hate feeling like this because its retarded and nothing matters but the state of the world is going to shit. I don't care about woke or much political shit, its all noise.
But its clear that our entire planet is heading to a tipping point that will be unrecoverable and that just kind of makes me want to kill myself. I seriously genuinely believe economically will just be fucked beyond repair and the planet too. Not much places I can go to either.

>>81466464 (OP)
I stopped drinking alcohol six months ago. I drink water, coffee, and tea almost exclusively now. Occasionally a soda. Not often, though...
Anyway, I'm in a recovery program now. Been going to IOP for over 3 months now. Going to daily meetings, working "the steps", seeing my mental health counselor on a weekly basis, etc...
Yet here I am doing my best at minding my own business and attending to the working elements of my own recovery...and there are other grown ass men in this program that essentially expect me to do nearly everything for them because they seem to want to mistake my kindness and "willingness to do shit" and "be of service" as a weakness and as an opportunity for them to treat me like a pushover and a doormat.

I have my own obligations and responsibilities to take care of. I can't logically be expected to be anybody's mom, babysitter, or service animal. Especially when it's a grown ass man. I'm not your bitch boy. The only person I'm a slave to is the Higher Power of my understanding.

>>81466497
Unless you have something to vent, get out of my bar and call a suicide hotline
>>81466573
The same goes for you

she doesnt want me but i cant let go of her u_u

>>81466592
Can I at least finish my drink...

I like that I can bring my own booze here; real bars are too expensive.

>>81466628
I accept both cards and cash, sorry for the suicidal anons on the bar, we allow venting but we can't allow suicide here

>>81466464 (OP)
whatever you'd recommend

i know that i do not know
i still don't know wether it's right or not to keep abiding by morals that promise eventual satisfaction and happiness while they seem to prevent pleasure
"suffering builds character"

>>81466464 (OP)
Bartender, can you get me a Jack and Coke... Tired of dealing with deadlines at work. I need a second to relax.

>>81466767
Suffering builds cope
Have a coca cola zero

Honestly im trying to be better. Im trying to talk to friends (I only have like 2 friends), trying to work out, watch my diet. Its hard as fuck but im trying to be better and get better. I hate my job but no where is hiring me. I literaly applied everywhere within a 5 mile radius and I havent even gotten an email back.

>>81466791
Good luck in trying to be better

>>81466464 (OP)
I've been having a lot of repetitive thoughts in my mind, about terrible decisions I've made, about attractive people I've met in my life, and I constantly wonder if I'll get away from the grip of my abusive parents. I get headaches often and I want it to stop

Honestly, I'm feeling pretty good. I've recently come to realize that my childhood dreams of bringing about a better future for mankind were inherently misguided. Humanity doesn't want a better future and I'm not no position to force it upon them. Instead, I'm just going to focus on myself. As long as I can have a good time the rest of the world can burn for all I care.

>>81466464 (OP)
I've been living in a hotel for a while. Housing here is so fucked bros. Luckily, in ten days, I will be able to go stay with my mom's family in Spain. Hopefully, it breaks the sense of repetition I've been feeling for the last month and a half.

I also quit social media two weeks ago. I often sit and think about all the girls I'd talk to. It was wrong of me to lead so many of them on especially when all I wanted was just sexual gratification. I know this will all come back later to bite me in the ass when I finally have peace of mind and not have to worry about women. There'll be a day when a woman harms me the way I did those girls. I wish I could apologize to them, I wish I didn't ghost them out of nowhere, and I hope they forgive me for the lies I told them.

>>81466464 (OP)
Was doing good for a while but the Melancholy is hitting me like a truck again. Feel so god damn scared about life in general, I don't understand it. It's fucking terrifying. This shit is a fucking nightmare that I can't wake up from. God just let me wake up as a kid again. I'm not ready for this.

>>81466791
been in that hole, good luck buddy it's not fun

>>81466464 (OP)
>Suicide, arguing and fighting is against the rules of the feels bar
Does this apply to the names of legitimate shots and cocktails? If not I will take an assisted suicide and a suffering bastard.

I lost everything in my life that motivated me, I lost the love of my life, and I lost my last shot of having a happy life in one go. I alternate between mental anguish that leaves me bedridden, and pure dissociation. I have no clue what to do anymore, I don't bother doing my job, I haven't eaten in days, and the only fluid I intake I have contains ethanol. So it's a standard tale here really.

>>81466464 (OP)
Another screwdriver please.
Still got sleeping issues. Came back home late again from work. At least co worker paid me in full for the time I cover for her. Been playing the old MW trilogy. Spec ops has been fun. Got treated like shit by the schizos hanging around my job building.
Keep going on double dates with this one chick but I'm not feeling anything when I'm with her.
Have to listen to "gf cuddling you" videos to help me sleep.
Going to attempt to bring my dad to a movie as a early Father's Day present cause the fucker says he has father day booked for a bunch of shit without telling me so lost of day of overtime.
I want "romance", I guess. I want something intimate with a chick. I want someone I can do stuff with. Like I got friends but one's a cripple, one's in the army and on the other side of the globe now, and the other two have different work schedules from me. I want a chick who's willing to lift me up as much as I'm willing to lift her up.
You know, the moon is quite beautiful.
I still don't know why I gave that one old man water.
>>81466607
I feel ya brother.

im alone again just making it through the day.

>she's not thinking of you king, get some sleep

recently got cheated on & dumped. i either feel completely apathetic, or im sobbing in a fetal position. my family has been getting me through a lot of it and i owe them so much. my physical and mental health are in shambles, and fixing it costs money i dont have.
its just been a shitshow lately. feeling very unlovable.

I was too vulnerable and friendly when young. I think Americans misunderstood my Empathy and offered Sympathy back. Made a smart boy a class clown because they didn't get me and black culture swept even the AIG students. I should have been a rape beast, I once had an entire class of girls tell me they'd thought of having sex with me. Still couldn't get it up my first time with a GORGEOUS girl.
Sometimes I think Justin Chiochio showing me porn and doing helicopter dicks at a sleep over and asking to "do sex" together but I insisted no. Sometimes I think that all mattered more than I let myself understand. Its been two full decades now, I actually have had a couple successful relationships and sexual dynamics. I love my body right now. I like my personality. I wish porn didnt fuck me up so much, I worry for the girls I hurt in lust and the years I wasted. And I still think I shouldve just been evil. So many years now of sitting on a porch peering at the moon.

>>81466464 (OP)
I don't understand how my ancestors didn't kill themselves. Why do people want to keep living? I don't want to work or pursue anything I want to die. My life is so privileged, born to hard working parents who want me to live my best life but i've been sick of it all for a while.

>>81466464 (OP)
my stomach hurts, i don't want to end with my liver fucked up i still need to take drugs please god don't take a shit on my liver yet

I used to be schizoid and I was happy, now because of being spiritual and bettering myself I healed myself and am no longer schizoid. I have awakened a part of myself that was long dead, 90s now feel more recent to me than 2015. It's weird. I should have try fixing my situation months ago when it happened, I was just so confused at first, nothing made sense any more, then it started making sense. Not long ago I was watching Encino Man and cried because I realized what happened to me and half of me I lost during childhood feels really out of place, I then spent days listening to 90s music, it no longer felt like nostalgia, it was like when Fry in Futurama spent a few days doing that.
I now have deep understanding of psychology, so many mental illnesses is people shutting down parts of their brain because of trauma, psychopaths, schizoids, it's all different parts that we discard to cope with a difficult situation. Most people never get it back, they don't experience this. My only cope is watching movies about time travel or people unfreezing.

>>81468595
dubs and you will wake up back in the 90s tomorrow

got close, sorry anon I tried

>>81468606
It's okay I appreciate you trying

>>81466791
Good on you anon, keep it up and it will become a habit, you wont even have to think about it. Applying for jobs is always shit for everyone, don't sweat it too much

>>81466464 (OP)
I cant sleep. My mind races at night and always turns to these trigger words that hit me like a whip and shoots me with stress. im tired man

>>81468760
I have frequent insomnia. Right now I'm up since yesterday. Everything triggers me about my fucked up life

i'm stuck in the same situation i grew up in. i can't seem to get out. wageslaving isn't really an option either. there is literally nothing i can do rn. i just want to get out of here, stand on my own two feet, but for some reason i can't. i think it's over though, i recently turned 28. all the strife i used to feel is starting to decay into acceptance and giving up, and that's scary.

i just wish there was some way out, i want to leave so bad it's making me feel sick, i wanna scream at the top of my lungs and turn the house upside down i just don't want to be here anymore, i need something to change so bad it's killing me. but whatever it is that wagies have, i clearly don't have it. and even if i did have it, there are too many obstacles, so many, that i can't even wageslave if i wanted to.

i'm so frustrated right now i can't even think. pain just resonating inside my skull like a loud din.

>>81468595
my experiences confirm exactly your ideas about mental illness, it all relates to self estrangement and psychological self-mutilation... a schizophrenic experiences reality in the way that someone who has lost the part of themselves responsible for making it intelligible would, reconnecting with that part of themselves can make reality intelligible again, it's just extremely painful to do so.

i just want my family to understand that im mentally ill and i can't just tough it out

>>81469880
good luck finding any genuine understanding among normies and foids. that's why places like this exist

>>81466464 (OP)
101 Rye. And a Yeungling.

I'm pissed about my life choices. Shouldn't have ever looked twice at the girl in High-school. Definitely shouldn't have married her. Wish I had just enlisted with an Op40 Infantry contact at 17 instead of getting a sterile infantry contact at 20.

Sometimes I wish I had stayed in but I have a son now, and I can't be a dad if I'm single and in the Army. Sometimes I think about contracting in Iraq but if I die my ex is gonna turn my kid into a fuckin tranny.

My house is fucked and I don't have the money to fix it. My job sucks and I missed the opportunity to get a better one because I shattered my leg. I don't have the energy to date and I doubt any girl I like would want me anyway.

I'm mad at God. I know I don't have any right to be but I'm bitter anyway. I pray and pray, but nothing gets better and I don't get strong enough to deal with it myself. I feel like I'm forever going nowhere.

>>81466791
I feel it.

If you can, try and network through people you know. Even a passing familiarity with a friend of a friend will make you way more likely to get hired. Otherwise, all you can really do is keep your nose to the grindstone and pray for the best.

I still love that one person but being repeatedly snubbed and "breadcrumed" is exhausting and demoralising. It's making me lose my feelings

>>81466464 (OP)
It's been a long time since I've had a gin and tonic, and I really miss it. Been drinking vodka for the lower carbs.
I'm turning 39 in a few weeks and am worried I won't ever find a woman to start a family with. I have everything in my life together, literal plug-and-play wife to start a family. Just seems impossible to find a decent woman in current year.