How many times has this happened to you robots?

Last night, I said some mean shit while drinking with some buddies of 10+ years. Another guy took serious offense I said something else I shouldn't have to him, one thing led to another, and now he says I am an asshole who only cares about myself and will die alone.

I would like to believe otherwise but I worry this may be true. I'm regularly an unpleasant person to my family for no good reason, and I don't really have close friendships or relationships with anyone, I keep most people at an arms length, at least.

I could very easily state my case in my defence regarding my specific actions, and my character, but thinking about what I've done and what my lifes trajectory is, I'm having a difficult time justifying my existence, and I kind of want to just get away from people and fast forward to the point where I can get this sad life over with.

For those who can relate, how have you been able to grow in a positive direction out of something like this?

>>81483915 (OP)
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I lost a good friend because I ran my mouth off about fatties (I was one but became skinny) and said shit about how there's no excuse to be fat and you have no reason to be fat (this friend has a bad case of actual thyroids) and my mind completely skipped all reason.

i still recoil back in embarrassment when I think about it. I deserve all of my misery.

>>81483915 (OP)
i am not an asshole and i still lose friends

>>81483936
interesting
>>81483937
Ya, I feel similarly. I also feel there is no excuse to be fat, but of course there are plenty of reasons people become overweight.
What I said that set this off was how, dude said he didn't have sex with his gf for 7 months, and my response was, wow thats long time, someone else must have been doing something... Which is honestly how I feel, but just a mean-spirited, dumb, and ugly thing to think or say.
Then when dude B took offense, I don't recall exactly, but I said, 'youre just losing your temper because your'e black'. Then he immediately proceeded to get violent with me (choked me unconscious).
Just another stupid and unnecessary thing to think and say, but I guess my autism makes me exceptionally inconsiderate about offending people.
Truly I love all people and want the best for all of them, and I felt I was joking with my friends, who say mean shit all the time.
>>81483949
That's the thing, I have made like a dozen+ new acquantances/friends in the last year, so I know that people come and go in life. But also at this point I really don't have a single long standing relationship with anybody anymore.

I've never burned bridges since I have more sense than that, but I've seen it happen firsthand. Been with the same friend group for almost 15 years now and there was one guy in the group who would completely change when he started drinking. At first, it wasn't so bad; he'd start texting random shit to people or turn into a goofball in person and we'd all have a good laugh about it, but over time he'd start getting more angry and hateful when he was drunk. The random rants turned into these hate-filled, racist rants that were just uncomfortable to hear. We make racist jokes all the time and don't care about that kind of thing as long as its funny, but these were just filled with schizo-tier anger. Eventually, everyone got so uncomfortable that he got iced out and we stopped talking/hanging out with him. All this shit happened many years ago and last I heard he went full alcoholic and moved to a different city.

I don't understand how someone can go full retard like that, especially given how seemingly hard it is to make friends when you're older, but I guess that's just a level of autism I haven't reached yet and hopefully never will. Nobodys perfect and I've fucked up a bunch in my days, but a genuine apology and a willingness to improve goes a long way.

>>81484670
Thanks for your perspective. I'm a racist and non-racist like you I suppose, and I think calling my friend black was pushing it overboard, he probably heard that as me calling him the n word, which it basically is.

The primary concern for me is just being annoying and pissing people off in one way or another, and never actually having any good character to make up for it. Then it gets to the point where people question, why am I even friends with this idiot in the first place? Besides company and familiar faces, I don't know how we positively add anything to each others lives so it wouldn't hurt me to never see them again.

Similar to that ex-friend, I'm an alcoholic, and alcohol has played a role in every regrettable incident I can think of. Inside my mind I regularly deal with negative feelings and emotions, and I frequently drink to poison myself, if nothing else. I know everyone deals with negativity, but I think my baseline is much lower than most people.

To give some light on how people go full retard, it's sort of like rolling a snowball down a hill. It may start small and slow, but it very quickly gains momentum and gets to the point where it cannot be stopped.

I tried to apologize at the time, but I was told it's happened too many times before.