I've got OCD, and this has seriously fucked my life up more than anything else. I turned 25 two days ago, and from the time I was 17 after graduating high school to today, I haven't made any real progress. I have been receiving NEETbucks since I was 21, but it's really not that much, and I haven't been able to find a job that works with my OCD insomnia. I cannot work any job that requires me to be on a schedule: to work from A time to B time.

It's been so long, nearly 8 years, and I have to do something. I'm deciding to go back to college this year to seriously study mechanical engineering. Even if I lose the money on the initial investment through not being able to find an engineering job, it still would've been worth having taken a shot. You typically get more flexibility with high-skill jobs like engineering. I'm not giving up. I also seriously got back into lifting January 2024, and this year, I want to take my life even further.

Anyway, I was born into a poor family, and I have no money saved up. I only have around $700 in disposable income each month. I live with my dad.

I just feel like a complete shithead for having been an incel all this time. I feel like even if I did eventually get a decent paying job, all the women available to me would be used up roasties with decent body counts and way more experience with other men.

>>81491782 (OP)
19 year old autistic guy here, mild tourettes probably ocd too, never went for a official diagnosis because expensive. Proud of you anon, i'm still figuring out stuff myself, but i wouldn't call you a incel, You're actively trying to be a better man and not ranting about "WAH WAH WOMEN SHOULD HAVE SEX WITH ME" like some threads i've seen here. About that last part it is sadly true but it is what it is, you either decide if you'll settle for that or not give up on looking for someone who matches your experiences and values, if it makes you feel any better,dating pool is the same at 18-20. Keep up the good work man, i believe in you.

>>81491782 (OP)
>I'm deciding to go back to college this year to seriously study mechanical engineering
Good for you, sounds like there's actually hope for you. Just keep going, look for opportunities at all stages, and bang hookers if the sexlessness thing really bothers you that much (works for me).

>Finally manage to glow up
>Traumatic flashbacks from childhood getting pimped by parents resurface
>Psychotic delusion
>Fear of intimacy
>1k in debt
>In court to save little siblings
>Can't get job due to delusion
>KHV except for rape and I literally have to say sorry I have debt and voices in my head everytime a woman approches me
It's hard to cope but when you have a really traumatic upbringing women aren't an option sadly the only sex I'll ever know was rape. Fuck this world I really wish I could kill myself. I got some really awkward phonecalls with my siblings on public transport and at home, I dont sleep anymore and forgot to close the window multiple times, crashed out once too, now normies spread rumors and make fun of me for being a child prostitute. Everyone is so heartless.

>>81493122
Hey anon, i'm not really good at social stuff so i'll keep it real, I could give you the talk that our past doesn't shape us but we both know that is the worst bullshit possible, it does shape and hurt us in ways we couldn't even dream to describe to other people, Just want to say here that i'm proud of you for still being here and in the fight, lots would have called it quits before facing even a quarter of what you have, and that makes you strong mentally, shit is hard, life is struggle mostly, but i deeply believe you'll surpass whatever comes in front of you because you are obviously not weak. i'm not really sure why i'm replying so much today but i guess i just would have liked a lot if someone cared about my struggles so i'm trying to relay my wishes into others as best i can, I'm really proud of you anon, you are a hardy breed of human being and i believe in you, from some person who has been through some shit to another, i wish you strength so you can shoulder your life better.

>>81493208
Thank you anon it means a lot in an original way