Thread 81598283

it all leads back to childhood trauma huh?

>>81598283 (OP)
>it all leads back to childhood trauma huh?
kinda

>>81598283 (OP)
Not all of it. You can get over the childhood stuff and then have bigger, more complicated problems of your own choice. Isn't that fun?

>>81598283 (OP)
I don't have childhood trauma. I'm just not right in the head

>>81598306
>t. repressed trauma

>>81598306
look at this dood

>>81598297
its horrible

>>81598288
kinda yeah or kinda nah?

>>81598352
Erm maybe don't choose horrible things then, but everyone's got problems.

>>81598382
>everyone's got issues
i know, and that makes me sad...

>>81598566
There, there. Would putting on your big boy pants and being a helper make you happier?

>>81598283 (OP)
unless it leads forward to healing

>>81598597
i siad it makes mesl sad, never said i wanted to help 'em
i've got my own issues haha

I was a sensitive kid and the mildest shit set me off. My trauma is so fake and I have to live with it

>>81598283 (OP)
Don't know. My life has always been shit and now I want to hurt people constantly, as revenge. I'm still thinking on how to do it and get away with it. I hate everything.

I feel like I don't really have childhood trauma but maybe I do. Does my middle school gym teacher humiliating me in every class count?

>>81598283 (OP)
Your late teens and early 20's is when you should make peace with your childhood. This is when the rot sets in, and people start making counter productive choices. It's a precarious time and you can easily back yourself into a corner with addiction and poor life choices.

>>81598896
>Your late teens and early 20's
yeah it's so fucking over

>>81598767
>i've got my own issues haha
Solving others' issues can help with your own.

>>81598896
No, just rottmaxxx and try to damage as many people as you can. Punish them for having what you never had: love, friends, a normal life. Take it all away from them, then off yourself. You were never gonna be happy anyway.

>>81598933
i have to make myself care about other people first, which i don't

>>81598977
Living well is the best revenge.

>>81598910
It's never over, its just easier when you are young.

>>81599088
The reason why you don't care about yourself is because you don't care about others

>>81599092
Nah, I'm sick and gonna die soon. My life was only hell, and I'll make others pay for it, because they ruined it for me.

>>81599105
damn...
i'll think on tgat, anon

>>81598283 (OP)
bad parents, bad life
simple as

>>81598283 (OP)
Suck on 5 cents coins

>>81598283 (OP)
kinda yeah. analogous to the setting of psychedelic trips. your environment going in is gonna set the tone for the whole thing. read about attachment theory. but dont blame your parents too much, their parents likely weren't healthy either and so on

>>81598283 (OP)
No. It all leads back to biochemical sabotage. Childhood trauma from purely psychological things can be damaging, but it's nothing compared to the average child's forced toxin exposure and nutrient deprivation

>>81599174
This isn't set in stone. My ex gfs kid had a childhood, very reminiscent of my own, and she has done a wonderful job surrounding herself with good people and focusing on her education.

>>81598832
I'm also sloooowly starting this arc. I'm getting kinda worried bros.

The worst things I did so far was stealing packages when I was in uni. My reasoning was "society always treated me like shit, so why give a fuck about others". I think that kinda awoke something inside of me and my thoughts have been getting more and more irrational.

>>81598283 (OP)
Nah. All leads back to nature. Either you are gonna make it or not. Enough people with shitty childhoods who made it.
People running in european championships who literally didnt have parents.

>>81599988
I did similar shit when I was young for the same reasons, I grew out of it.

>>81600048
Anon I did that when I was 27 and I am 30 now.

>>81598283 (OP)
cool sneakers tho

I've spent two days so far trying to work up the courage to dome myself. Do i go for my head or my heart. i'm old, tired and daydream nonstop about love i've never received.

>>81598283 (OP)
your realization here just saved you so much money

>>81598283 (OP)
Sort of. It leads back to learned patterns of behavior.

It just happens that your formative years aka your childhood are where those learned patterns of behavior get cemented in.

But the good news is that any behavior that is learned can be replaced with other patterns of behavior given enough time and structured training.

>>81600528
Thousands spent on therapy only to find out I have mommy issues which seem obvious now

>>81598283 (OP)
Yes, the worst things tend to be caused by childhood traumas. Clinginess and fear of abandonment is normally caused by divorce or traumatic loss. Traumatic avoidance/unhealthy hyper-independence is normally caused by a caregiver betraying their child's trust by harming them. Compulsive caring for others at your own expense is normally caused by a child having to take on the role of a caregiver for their caregiver.

>>81600498
i always figured if i were to kms i would take a sleeping bag and lots of water and go into the woods to starve myself. obviously this would also force a lot of introspection. if you then end up dying of starvation you really want to die. people always they regret ending it all mid-jump, but with a gun you dont even have time for that. give yourself some safety net

>>81600498
man you americans are so lucky that you have access to guns

would have literally already taken myself out if i had access to 'em

>30 year old poorfag khv with dead parents 5'8" yuroshit

>>81600834
good advice anon thanks.

>>81600871
understood. i'm 54 never married no kids or grandkids. The loneliness has become too much.
you youngfags want some advice? don't be picky with potential partners. it might not end well.

>>81600917
>don't be picky with potential partners.
ooff, it hurts that you mention that, the (very few) times a girl was interested in me, I was already too demoralized and depressed and just gave them the cold shoulder, I also never got into social media and never initated any chats on whatsapp, I always waited for other people to text me... but they don't do that.

>>81600950
>gave them the cold shoulder
same, and i learned far too late that you're supposed to grab any opportunity and when the time comes upgrade. That ugly fat chick has a pussy that you use to get good at sex, easier to upgrade if you have a good sex game. Otherwise after a certain age the phone stops ringing and women stop noticing you. Learn from my fuckups frens.

>>81600917
>>81601080
Thank you for the sage advice oldfag. Now i feel even worse about being a neurotic paranoid mess when i was 18 and fucking up the only time a girl liked me by not picking up signals.

>born in rural West Virginia
>parents living in grandmother's basement, both teenagers
>didn't want to have me in the first place, planned on getting me aborted
>grandmother put a stop to it, as a result I was raised by extended family
>older brother got to live at home, got to decide what we ate every night, got everything he wanted
>anything I had was hand-me-downs or donated
>stopped feeling happy when I was 5
>9, began to cry myself to sleep every night
>I was not taken to the doctor for things I specifically had issues, essentially ignored
>at any opportunity my mother would give me away to extended family for any period of time while my brother lived at home
>continue to cry myself to sleep
>due to the unsupervised nature of my upbringing, sexually abused more times than I'm even aware of
>these memories are hazy and blocked out
>attempt suicide at age 15, obviously doesn't work
>decide to join military
>have complete mental breakdown due to various factors related to my upbringing
>graduate high school and celebrate completely alone
>drop out of the military, go to therapy and get a psychiatrist
>they prescribe me mental health medications related to childhood depression, psychosis, and a third thing I forget
>come home and explain that to my parents
>they make me throw away the prescriptions or move out
>throw away the prescriptions because I'm only 18, stop going to therapy
>attempt suicide again, obviously it doesn't work
>throw myself down a large outdoor staircase when 19
>lay in an abandoned parking lot crying
>hear and see the other side, see the black shape of spirits against an all consuming white background
>children encouraging me to get up and keep fighting
>decide to tackle life with everything I've got
>earn so many scholarships at college I turn a profit
>work full-time hours while attending school full-time
>graduate, get married to my best friend, buy a house in a city thousands of miles away from where I grew up
>still not happy

>>81601248
>see the black shape of spirits against an all consuming white background
you've done well in spite of shitty parents fren, keep pushing.
care to explain the shapes, spirits etc? i'm honestly curious.

>>81601350
Not much to say really. I think I hit my head pretty fucking hard and it rewired me from a near mute autistic into a machine of productivity and efficiency. It also didn't help I had diagnosed pre-schitzo symptoms my parents didn't let me take medication for, I think I just snapped

>>81598283 (OP)
I found this out only 2 years ago. My life's gone. I want to go to bed and wake up as 12 years old again.

>>81601876
Why? Childhood is miserable

>>81602997
Not everyone's was. People like you and I being immune to the curse of nostalgia are extremely lucky.

>>81598283 (OP)
kinda yeah. but you just gotta get over it
I missed out on a lot by being a sperg, but I'm doing my best and I've managed to make life a little brighter lately

>>81598283 (OP)
pretty much. i wish almost everyday that i was born into a normal family

>>81598283 (OP)
>never knew my father
>was an only child
>witnessed domestic abuse at a young age
I never had a chance, huh?

>>81603146
Mine was too, though now I know why. I think I could fix a lot of it with my new knowledge. Adult life is garbage.

Having childhood trauma is for children. You're an adult, stop larping