What's bothering you, anon? You can tell me. I promise I'll keep it a secret.

>>81620656 (OP)
WANTS MEAT WANTS MEAT WANTS MEAT WANTS MEAT DEATH AND TAXES DEATH AND TAXES YOU CAN'T HIDE FOREVER

i'm procrastinating a creative project

>>81620695
I WONT I WONT I WONT. I DONT CARE WHO YOU SEND I WILL NEVER GIVE A DIME.

>>81620656 (OP)
I'm tired, anon. I'm tired of waking up and shoveling the same shit sandwich day in day out and not being able to save for anything interesting or get my way out of my 9 to 5. I hate being a literal slave to my wage and putting on a strong front when inside it's just turmoil, depression, desire for change and growth and just utter messy feelings about how my place in the world is so much more disappointing then i expected a decade and a half ago when i first turned 18. The world that I inherited became a trap where I did all the right things, avoided getting financially trapped by women, children, useless debt, etc, but I still pay 45% of my income every week to sustain my studio apartment with a stove that barely works. I'm overweight, and that never used to be a problem till I got to my 30s. I'm depressed, and that's to be expected because I'm bipolar. I'm broke, because I don't do any work outside of work, just recreational activities, getting stoned, watching youtube, playing the odd game of pub poker here and there.

I hate my lot in life and I hate that no matter how much I ruminate on it I'm still lost as to which direction to move in tirelessly, because if someone could spell out what I needed to do to become financially free, I'd still fuck it up with my low willpower and low value lifestyle.

Basically, I should have bought bitcoin when it came out, but instead i was playing vidya and chasing pussy whenever I could.

I'm a loser, I'm tired, and I'm over my life.

>>81620656 (OP)
the reason i didnt kill myself blocked me and subsequently ruined my life

>>81620766
Never be enslaved to a cunt

>be me, stripper at a skanky club, only 1 of 3 white girls there (the rest are varying types of hispanic)
>The white girls hate me a lot because their clients prefer me over them because I'm not a busted 40+ year old hag
>One of them attempts to spread a rumor on my third day that my dad takes me to Afghanistan to whore me out (????)
>No one believed her and I ironically made a ton of friends over the attempted bullying
>They even told the boss about the lie leading her to get suspended for a month since she does that to all the pretty, successful girls
JEALOUS HAG BTFOOOOOO

OCD, ADHD, and Autism.
My life is a constant state of purgatory, but i dont have the balls to kill myself.

>>81620656 (OP)
I'm annoyed because I don't have me peener en teh vageener

>>81620656 (OP)
I'm a fucking loser. I haven't had a job in 13 years and I want to change. Anything but I they won't call or hire me. 32 and not a dollar to my name I hate myself I hate myself i. Hate.
>myself
I can't take it anymore

>>81620656 (OP)
I just opened up to my mom about all the abuse and her playing favorites among my siblings and how she's been a pain in my ass the past 6-7 years of my life
she didn't really break down, more like she was trying to compose herself and trying to form a sentence - told her i don't wanna hear any of it because i'm way past that, that i don't blame her nor my siblings, i told her sometimes things just happen and i'm over it

she cried, we hugged, and she went into her bedroom to pray
i'm here in my room having a cig
>mfw i don't feel anything

>>81620656 (OP)
Idk I guess I'm just depressed or somethint

>>81620656 (OP)
Niggas who refuse to hand me a blunt

>>81620874
Why are you stripping? Why don't you get a decent job?

>>81620656 (OP)
I'm 45kg (99lb) at 18 and can't gain weight no matter how much I try it was over for me before it even began (fyi that's 26kg (57lb) below average)

I keep getting sucked into caring about gender war nonsense when the truth is that my problem is autism and self hatred. I've had girls show interest in me but I was too insecure to pursue them, I really hate myself. I can't keep a friend and when normalfaggots are blabbing to each other I just sort of get quiet and can't find a time where I can add anything to the noise that's going on. Autism is not a fucking superpower this shit has made me a friendless misanthropic incel, it's a literal brain defect and even if I were to self improve and get women breeding would be morally wrong as my kids would suffer the same ostracizing as I did. I have the same look in my eyes as the British autistic dude who went on a rampage a few years ago lol. I can't picture a dignified life for myself.

>>81620656 (OP)
It's been a month since the twink i've been talking with completely ghosted + blocked me everywhere.

He lives only about 2 hours from me and i'm sad I lost my only potential bf

I hate how un-adapted and un-adaptable I am to the world. It's set up for some people to fit right in and suceed while others are doomed to struggle and suffer. And miss out on so much, from teen love and lifelong friendships to having a family to traveling the world. I hate that such a tiny part of the world is available to me. I hate that "maintenance" takes almost all my time and energy. Others seemesly move forward while I have to sprint with all my might just to stay in the same place and not fall deeper into that pit.

>>81620656 (OP)
>I promise I'll keep it a secret.

>Autism
>Schizophrenia
>No IRL friends for over 20 years, and the last one I had was the only friend I had as a kid who liked to beat me up for fun.
>Lost my future
>Lost my fiance for no reason other than they didn't think I was worth trying to live for.
>Still love them, and worry about how badly they seem to be doing lately but I am powerless to save them from themselves.
>Back and neck are in so much pain from recently trying to play neck rope that I can barely leave bed due to physical pain.
>I drink heavily to cope
>I am in such a bad state I now look worse than the meth addicted hobos.

I'm so tired of being ugly, inside and outside. I'm tired of being underweight, I don't miss being obese but I wish I was just normal for once. I've been in a constant fight with my own image for 28 years, I'm so self obsessed and it's so fucking tiring. He was right, of course. I will never be happy.

>>81620656 (OP)
I dont know how to form and maintain meaningful connections and im afraid of hurting the girl im dating now. Maybe im just better off alone since then i wont have to worry about hurting anyone but myself

>>81620656 (OP)
I hate the fact I born a sea monkey and not even the good looking one. It's like God just fucked up my life before it even begin

>>81620656 (OP)
My future, I don't know what to do, everyone is moving forward and I haven't
I lost my job, the only thing that made me think I could do something, but I don't have it anymore
I haven't graduated yet and if I do, I most likely won't achieve anything, because they probably won't hire me. The few friends I have live far away, so socializing is quite difficult for me. I haven't had any friends in a while and it's hard for me to make friends. I don't know what to do with my life, lol

>>81621084
Largely because of energy problems! I'm extremely tired all the time and simply can't hold a normal job for long. Most strip clubs let you come and go as you please so it's very convenient to my condition. It's also pretty high paying if you're attractive and know how to work it. I can literally survive an entire month off of 4 days of work. Sometimes i wish I was willing to be an escort because holy HELL could I make a killing. Not worth it though and never will be.

>>81620656 (OP)
I'm a manchild. I'm bad at everything. I've been mediocre at every job I've ever worked, I have no hobbies or interests (I have a lot of things I like in theory but I barely spend time on any of them and I'm bad at all of them), I have negative social skills, I can't take care of myself or my living space, I'm overweight, I drink daily, I have zero prospects for a partner, I am still reliant on my parents even though I am an adult, I spend too much money... there is really no part of me that's successful, even though everyone around me thinks I'm some sort of prodigy. I feel like such a letdown to everyone.