>childhood neglect to narcissism/selflessness pipeline
any other anons who grew up in neglect? it's odd no? we weren't really abused physically or mentally, our parents just... didn't do anything
they left us alone and we just sat by ourselves, and the world kept on turning

now as adults, what happened to you folks? i grew up as a sort of selfless individiual, always been putting others before myself, much to the detriment of my well-being
how selfless? i give like 70% of my pay to my parents to help with their loans, groceries, etc. and when friends ask for money, i just wire it to 'em no questions asked
one of those "friends" currently owes me $4k
I'm tired, anons

>>81621141 (OP)
I'll be your friend if you send me money. I'm (not) good for it.

>>81621141 (OP)
thats not ur friend but ok

>>81621150
thats the thing, anon
i'm broke now - a few fuckups back in April & May made me use up all my savings
i've been trying to contact those friends who owe me money if they can pay it back and lo and behold, they're busy

and then two weeks ago, my mom lost her job so now i'm losing my mind

>>81621163
I know now, thats why I'm tired
tired of being used, tired of helping others, tired of putting everyone else before myself

>>81621141 (OP)
Yeah, I was a latch key kid from 7yrs old. Mom always working night shift (Nurse) dad was a pos that was wrapped up in his own greed for more money never put effort into the family other than hyper religious 'discipline' for any minor infraction. Became extremely selfless, but I managed to gain a couple extremely dependable friends I can call upon for anything because of what I did for them (housed them both for years no expense). Now dad went through 2 TBIs (traumatic brain injury) and is dementia ridden and fully disabled so I stay at home to make sure he's not wandering off. Mom still works but we have a great relationship. And I still ended up a volcel NEET. I'm not bitter about it. Things just didn't go the way I thought they would.

I mean, growing up was shit, but I did get a few good people in my life because of my nature. I got lucky really. That's it. Sorry to hear about your friend owing you 4k. I made it clear to my friends long ago the limit of my charity is 1k and if you don't pay me back or attempt to pay me within 1yr you're banished for life. Never contact me again.

I became selfish and narcissistic, but only because that's the way that I was treated by my whole family. They also never taught me that you have to have something to offer people. It makes me sad because I never wanted to be an unlikable weirdo freak that everyone else wished would just go away...but I was never important enough to anyone to the point that they'd intervene.

>now as adults, what happened to you folks?
The main events of my adulthood have been: dropping out of university, attempting suicide, becoming homeless.

Now, 32 years old, I have a place to stay and a job but I am unable to form relationships with other people (platonic or romantic). I don't really speak to my parents besides them calling me once a few months or perhaps on big occasions like a birthday or such. When we exchange words nothing is said, they don't know me, I don't know them, and I doubt I'd ever let them know me because no good ever came of it. They don't know my thoughts, feelings or worries.

>on selflessness
I think the difficulty I have with this is that while I like to believe I am selfless and put others first, when I look closely at my own behaviour it looks like a very shallow, self-serving version of selflessness. I'm not down at the soup kitchen every Thursday doling out ladels of soup. I'll hold doors for people, go out of my way to 'be nice', act polite etc but really it's because I want people to think I'm a good person. I want their affection and their attention. In reality I'm a doormat, someone spineless who fawns over complete strangers because I crave approval and connection so badly that I look for it anywhere, even among people who couldn't give a shit about me and never will.

But if it came to being deeply selfless, as in caring for another person, that's well beyond my capability. Despite my frivolous displays of politeness, at my core I think only of myself. I'm full of self-pity and no amount of holding doors open for people or saying "good morning" but nothing more can ever create a positive image of me in someone else's mind. In the end I occupy this weird limbo land where people simultaneously think I hate them, that I'm afraid of them and yet that I will also go out of my way to accede to them given any opportunity because I let them walk all over me.

I'll kill myself eventually.

>>81621218
>Now dad went through 2 TBIs (traumatic brain injury) and is dementia ridden and fully disabled so I stay at home to make sure he's not wandering off. Mom still works but we have a great relationship.
you're a good kid, anon - i'm in the same sorta situation but my dad died 4 years ago and my mom had to have open-heart surgery
I have like 3 other younger brothers but it seems like I'm the only one who helps out
>I'm not bitter about it
same, sometimes things... just happen
its not my fault my dad died, not my fault my mom played favorites since i'm a mental fuck-up, and being selfless i helped her out anyways despite how she treated me
>Things just didn't go the way I thought they would
i'm at that age where i see classmates from high school getting married, having kids, buying houses, and i'm still here in the same bedroom i've been in since i was 7 - never really saved up, all my money just went to my parents/my friends

>>81621270
you might be looking for connections that don't actually exist

>>81621285
Oh I most definitely am. I look for them in the wrong place. The only interactions I have with other people are at work. I have no friends, never have, and no girlfriend obviously.

Constantly I have to remind myself at work that while these people are the only other human beings I ever interact with, from their perspective people at work occupy the absolute lowest rung on their personal totem pole.

They all have wives, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, children and such waiting for them outside work and the people they see at work (me) are no more important to them than a stranger they pass on the street. The fact that these people see me every day means nothing. I will never mean as much to them as a friend or family member.

Yet despite knowing this objectively, I still can't help but get hung up on them. I worry about what they think of me, these people who couldn't give a shit if I never turned up again, these people who I barely even talk to because I'm so anxious, and then I feel a sense of loss when someone moves on to a new job. I think I am so desperate for a real connection with someone that I end up placing an unwarranted importance on the only human interactions I have, which is with people at work. Yet for all my desperation nothing can ever happen with these people because I am looking in the wrong place.

>>81621270
hope is not yet lost, anon
i believe in you, despite knowing you dont believe in yourself
>on selflesness
the fucked up thing about "healing" this shit is that you have to cross over to the extreme - narcissism, grade A genuine asshole

and its been hard, i've been trying to put boundaries, going no contact with those friends, but one day i believe i'll make it
though i can't make genuine connections with people, at least i'll have myself and that's all that matters

>>81621141 (OP)
Fairly selfless but I've pretty much abandoned that because I have accepted humans are trash.

>>81621304
>the fucked up thing about "healing" this shit is that you have to cross over to the extreme - narcissism, grade A genuine asshole

I honestly feel that every proper adult I meet has crossed this invisible boundary while on their way to adulthood. Like perhaps not into actual narcissism but there appears to be a level of self-serving self-interest that is required to survive as an adult.

When I look at function adults with relationships, families and friends, they are able to easily prioritise who and what is relevant to them and theirs. Anyone who isn't relevant to this personal bubble of theirs may as well not exist. Which is to say, functional adults don't care about the opinions of everyone, only those who matter to them.

I am stuck in the adolescent, or even earlier, mindset of wanting to be liked by everyone. This is what drives any displays of 'selfnessness' on my end. It's performative and leads nowhere. As you say I would be better off openly acting in self-interest and investing efforts in targeted ways but instead I am desperate for the approval of any and all strangers.

>>81621401
>When I look at function adults with relationships, families and friends, they are able to easily prioritise who and what is relevant to them and theirs.
hurt people hurt people
i had a fight with my mom a few hours ago, shit was entirely her fault but she gaslit me and tried to convince me it was all part of God's plan lol

maybe there's no fixing folks like us, huh?