Please come sit besides me anon, tell me what worries you.

>>81635672 (OP)

I worry I will not become the man I want to become. I'm so worried I'm getting caught in this grind for capital and my career and making sure I'm doing a good job as a server while coding so I can be more marketable as a software engineer.

But all I want to do is help others. When I act with compassion I feel what I want to call a soul even if I don't believe in god and it feels good. But I don't do good I just work and try to make others happy through how to talk to them but to me that's not enough

This is not your blog anon, stop spamming. It goes against the avatar or signature rule

>>81635822
Announcing your report is a bannable offense, you're not fooling anybody. If mods end up receiving a report from you they've got every right to ban you.

>>81635822
this is no different from the shitty generals that are posted here anyways, actually it is better because here is more meaningful

>>81635836
Erm mods don't even check that you've reported anything. You can say "fuckken reported :^)" but not report it and still get banned.

>>81635857
Yeah, but if I were to report him for announcing a report is the most obvious and unoriginal way possible then I assume he'd get banned. It's like when you mention the filter in jest and end up getting banned for it. If you say 'reported' mods don't need to check that, they just apply the rules.

>>81635849
It's not more meaningful, it's a blogpost that breaks the avatar/signature rule.
If you want to make "your spaces" to talk with others, just fuck off to twitter or the many other social media sites that allow it. The rule is there for a reason

>threads turns into an argument about reporting
Guys, just larp.

>>81635889
its not a blogpost, its where a bunch of anons can vent about their struggles, the same way the shitty drug thread is about junkies talking about drugs or the british people talking about british things
>>81635899
sure, i fell and sprained my ankle and it really hurts

>>81635899
Venting (like amongus) about getting reported (like bodies in amongus)

>>81635672 (OP)
Priest anon i sit in this confession booth, and i must conffess i have sinned for i just shat my pants again :(

>>81635715
you have a noble soul anon. dont be sad or worried and you dont have to believe in God.just be you and be true to yourself. you will love and be loved. I promise you if you let others feel and see your good intentions you will receive much love.

>>81635822
>>81635873
>>81635899
Anons I am sorry. please know that i didnt wish for any disturbing or drama. i only used a trip name because people recommended that i do. i make these threads only with good intentions to listen to others anons here and help them if i could. i only wish good and i do not larp or pretend. i genuinely care and want to listen to anons. i love you all and wish you all well

>>81635958
its okay anon. this could be a health condition or you eat something bad. please try to not eat much junk food and sweets and check with a doctor if this continues much. please clean yourself anon with soap and wash your clothes. I wish you good anon. please take much care.

>>81635924
those threads aren't started by the same people all the time. it's not the same.
This is a blogpost, it's just a guy saying "My thread". He should just go to tumblr.

>>81635996
You don't need to apologize to me, this board isn't mine, and it's mostly hot garbage anyway. I only post on here when I'm extremely lonely, and I think many others are the same. There's no real drama here, it's not a Discord server (luckily).

Alright, I'll vent first. I'm tired of being unseen by people who should be into the same things as I am. I recently made an online "friend" who ghosted me one morning (among other people) because he's mentally ill, and it sucked because he was from the same country as me and we shared many interests. He wanted to add me again but I declined, because I don't trust people who just flip like that for no reason. I just wish I could find one (1) person in my life who would stick around and understand me, so I wouldn't have to come to /r9k/ to bitch and moan.

>>81636106
You sound reasonable and logical anon. kind and understanding too. its not nice to leave without a goodbye but maybe he had his reasons or was unwell emotionally or mentally or maybe not. online relationships are hard to maintain. did you try /soc/ anon or your country discord servers? i know its not the best but you could try. i hope you find someone like you anon and i wish you good and happiness. anon sometimes we dont find much luck in a domain but there is always another door to open.

>>81636164
I talked to him elsewhere after he ghosted me, that's how I know he wanted to re-add me. As I said though, I'm not interested. I don't even care about him, I found out he's one of those people who self sabotage then cry that they're alone. He's just an example. I met a bunch of people IRL but they were too old and patronizing, too young, or I just didn't vibe with them. Maybe I was a shut in for too long that "normal" people seem weird to me now. Kinda feels like I'm surrounded by NPCs sometimes and I'm the only player controlled character. It's a sucky feeling. I've kinda given up on actively socializing in class and at the other place I go to. Now my mindset is just going there, doing what I need to do, and go home. Even though nothing interesting or exciting awaits me at home. About the /soc/ thing, I don't care for that board. I'd probably run into more unstable people like that guy.

>>81635672 (OP)
Pathetic as it may sound, I'm unable to get good at League of Legends and it makes me feel miserable, because it points out any other time I tried to get invested into something only for it to turn into failure. I wish I could be as capable as the people around me, and yet even by pouring so much time and energy into something, the results are lackluster at best.

This entire month has been a waking hell where everything important to me has been lost, I just want things to go back to how they used to be so I can live life again or not wake up at all.

hows your day, beanie?

>>81636239
im sorry anon. you seem hurt by this and im sorry for it. lots of weird people online unfortunately. i hope you find someone you love and loves you back as a true friend. anon any luck with irl clubs or hangouts?

>>81636260
anon league is not your life anon. its a very frustrating game im glad i left it years ago. anon find stuff you can appreciate without pushing or damaging your health and mental. please dont fall into gaming addiction my sweet anon.

>>81636301
it will pass anon. please stay strong and work for a better tomorrow. your life is not over and you are still young. many beautiful suns will shine ahead.

>>81635672 (OP)
I pray and enjoy the downfall of successful people because they had the strength to do what i couldn't i also jerked off to nun henti but that doesn't really matter

>>81636420
>anon any luck with irl clubs or hangouts?
I do martial arts once a week, but everyone there is much older and grumpy. In my IT course it's either boomers or zoomers, and as a millennial I got nothing in common with either.

I thought I made (female) friends but they never message me first and never go out when I invite them. I'm not even intelligent to fake having a likeable personality because I'm naturally taciturn.
So technically I'm in a much better position than where I was a few years ago, but in reality all I get of this whole ordeal is a few minutes of texting every month or two and the reminder that I am fundamentally an unlikeable person.

>>81635672 (OP)
My boyfriend has been talking to me less and less and it's making me genuinely crazy which I obviously can't tell him.
I just feel him pulling away from me and it's probably my fault.
I've just been imagining him talking to other girls and it makes me want to throw up. I know I'm being codependent and crazy here and I'm trying to get my own life but it's hard

>>81636655
>I've just been imagining him talking to other girls and it makes me want to throw up
You should probably stop doing that before you start manifesting him actually doing so (also tits or gtfo)

>>81636366
beanie? im okay. hows yours cat anon?

>>81636437
dont envy people anon. and porn addiction is bad for you. i wish you well anon.

>>81636451
anon im so happy you are active irl. anon would you please add something on weekends? like a light party in a club or a small one. no drugs or bad stuff. young social activities. anon i truly wish you could try a different approach. would be so nice to find someone normal around your age.

Hey sol. I hope you are well. I messaged my ex and she didn't respond, but she didn't block me like last time. So that's better? I know she is easily overwhelmed so I figure she needs time to process. I think I will try adding her in a couple weeks instead of messaging again and see if she reciprocates. What are your thoughts?

>>81636579
you can change yourself anon. please dont say bad stuff about yourself. learn interesting stuff or try to work on yourself anon.

>>81636655
anon please dont worry. maybe he is just busy or got tired of texting. try voice chat or voice notes? also please dont hold on communication. its important for a successful relationship anon. i wish you two happiness genuinely.

>>81636933
hello Mike. thank you for showing up again. i hope you are doing well. im very happy with your progress and i approve. giving her time and space is very important but dont too long. a week is okay nothing more. let her know that you miss her and still care. i wish you happiness mike.

>>81636780
just okay? is your day over yet?
youre really adorable, youre not particularly great at listening and your advice isnt.. great. but you keep coming back and trying to be a shoulder for anyone that might need it. its very childish and naive.. pretty endearing regardless..
anyway are you still averse to being my nun mommy?

>>81635672 (OP)
talking to a girl again but im very aware that I get insane every time I have a crush on someone and I get obsessive.

I don't know how to not scare girls away anymore, I thought women actually liked boys that are golden retrievers.

I think im going to get a heart attacksie soon. Sad!
>go to the hospital anon
last time i went i got told it was le anxiety but that was a year or two ago i dont remember. people forget that anxiety is most often a sign of actual, real underlying disease but doctors are niggers who wont act or take you seriously until you are almost at heavens doors

So I may die. But I never really lived, just survived like a stray dog trying to find......... something

>>81637036
I'll take your advice and will add her a week from that day. There's not the ability to send a second message, so the add will have to be enough (and should be if she cares too).

Thank you for your kind words. How are you doing?

>>81635672 (OP)
hey i just wanna say fuck you op, eat shit and die, get niggergangraped you son of a jewish dog

>>81635672 (OP)
>>81636366
Is OP Beanie for real? That'd explain a few things.

>>81637096
in glad i could be something or someone to help. im sorry for i know im not the best or the smartest. i try to be and do it for love and care. i wish everyone here the best and i hope i can help them genuinely. you are very cute and funny in your way cat anon. im sorry for giving you and everyone the wrong impression but im not a female even if i show feminine traits. im sorry. i love you all.

>>81637113
anon toxic traits can be a downfall. give people space and love. you cant hold your pet in your room 24h for example. i promise you that you will find love. be gentle anon and be a healer.

>>81636731
I know I should stop but I can't (I have a bf).
>>81637036
I'm trying not to, but I can't stop worrying about it.
No one is busy for 10+ hours straight every single day, I just feel like he's waiting for me to break up with him which breaks my heart and the idea of it makes me cry.
I try to talk but it never seems works out, we haven't talked in weeks.
I already have a hard time talking about my feelings and the idea of losing him makes it impossible to talk about it for me.
I'm too fragile for a relationship.

>>81637115
anon please follow with doctors and keep yourself checked :(( dont stress and dont overthink it. follow medication and relief stress. anon dont fear or worry. i believe you can heal yourself and be back. I wish you good health anon :((

>>81637122
im doing fine Mike. thank you too. i really hope everything works for you. please update us if it happens. i genuinely cheer for you Mike. I hope she is understanding too. would she accept you again Mike? i wonder...

>>81637131
I dont hate you anon. please dont be rude to me. i only meant you good.....

>>81637183
no, we know ywnbaw but we still love you as a a real woman, anon. you didnt answer how your day really was though.. mine is fine, im about to fix myself breakfast.. its one pm..

>>81637144
im not a woman. im sorry.

>>81637236
anon please be strong. i know how much you love him and care. but he is not the end of the world. you will find someone better if anything happens i promise you. anon nevertheless try to understand him and communicate. im sure there is something he doesnt like and wont say. communication is important because of that. anon whatever comes be strong for your sake please.

>>81635672 (OP)
I don't seem to make much meaningful progress on getting out of hell. Most of my steps seem fake and gay despite successfully powering through apathy, which gets more and more difficult thoroughly years and years I've been winning each lottery of succeeding to just power through. I've hit humanity's wall at psychology, biology, nutrition, metacognition, philosophy, religion to find anything to proper myself through.
Now's a barrier, I'm feeling nausea, vertigo, tingle, numbness around my head and my throat. It's tough to figure out why I have to power through intense suffering to be able to complete simple tasks. Sometimes I hope I have brain cancer, because that'd explain everything and would pleasantly tease with me becoming too retarded to notice I'm deteriorating and dying. I live in a shit place I can't leave, where the ways to die are more gruesome than plain invasive cancer agony.
There's no adequate solution or encouragement possible. Don't let my lived negativity get to you. I'll just take a nap.

>>81637306
>I am not a woman
We know beanie

>>81637280
i never wanted to be a woman nor I will ever be. cat anon what would you eat for breakfast? do you like English breakfast? also im watching YouTube while texting friends. i like history stuff and religious topics.

>>81637337
anon please take a nap and rest well. you seem tired. please dont call yourself all of these and dont wish cancer upon yourself :(( you hurt me anon. please dont be too harsh on yourself. everything will be alright. times will pass and things will change. please fight for your future. dont give up anon....

>>81637382
whats a beanie? :((

>>81636420
>you are still young
Oh how I wish this were true, that is something I surely am not. I hope it does pass soon, I need things to be like they used to be. Thank you for listening.

>>81637306
I know my world won't end if we do break up but it feels like it will.
It's my first relationship too so I'm really trying hard to make it work because I really like him.
I don't think I ever would find anyone I'd like better than him.
I know, I probably should say something or ask him if there's anything wrong but we rarely talk anymore so I want to make it enjoyable when we do and I would also rather ignore it until I can't anymore.
Thank you OP, you're a very kind person. I hope life treats you well. Sorry for coming back with the same problem but I don't really have any friends to talk to

>>81637668
im always here to listen and care for you anon. i genuinely wish you the best and hope to see you alright and well. please take much care.

>>81637734
its your first relationship and you feel so attached i understand. but please know that you and your mental health matters more than him or her. if it didnt work then dont shackle your lovely soul to a heavy rock. please dont worry and always be strong.

thank you too for venting. i make these threads to help and im glad i could in a way. i truly wish you happiness anon. may you find your true twinflame in this life.

>>81637489
i don't know what that is, but i had some tuna and eggs
have you learned any new history as of late? (i don't really care for history but im taking an interest for you)
god.. i just keep imagining giving you a big bear hug and feeling your ample bosom squished against my chest..

>>81637998
its weird cat anon how you described it. i dont mind hugs and im an emotional person. English breakfast is famous google it cat anon. also having tuna matches your cat personality in a way. im glad you took interest in me i guess. i took interest in anons here too and love to listen and talk with them. what fields of interest you like cat anon? i bet something regarding sea or pets. Also I hope you have a beautiful nice day. please take much care of yourself and stay well. much love.

>>81638085
>Also I hope you have a beautiful nice day. please take much care of yourself and stay well. much love.
you say this a lot. why do you say it abruptly? its a parting phrase but you never leave.. is it something you throw out when an anon overwhelms you, when you want out from an anon? or do you have a quota you must meet or some manifestation of your abandonment issues..?
>he says as the tension builds and he caresses her face and tucks her hair behind her ear and momentarily his hand lingers

>>81635822
What is a trip if not a signature?

>>81635672 (OP)
Another year, another friend group abandoned. First one gone because I told an edgy joke and they accepted it at face value like I actually meant it even though we'd been hanging out for literal years and I thought we were tight as hell.

This one gone because they were narcissist lolcow hunters convincing people that they were mythical spirits and shit like that then using their position to blackmail schitzos and laugh at retards. I went along with it because it was fun to think about in a creative sense but it was clear they were just using the role play to "organically" create scenarios where you say "clippable" shit to them that sounds insane at your expense while they hide behind plausible deniability. They never cared about me. I was just for laughs. They were never going to care.

Evil evil people. I'm thankful to be rid of them.

>>81637264
Whenever I'm upset or something bothers me I say "it's fine or I'm fine". Just letting you know if you need someone to talk to I'm around.

She was understanding and accepted me before. It was a simple communication issue that should of been easy to overcome. I think if we can see and hear each other's voice then we will be set. I think the real issue was assumptions and projections based on past traumas, not who we actually are and how we actually felt about each other.

All I want is to accept her and for her to accept me.
What do you wonder?

Feels like everything I do is wrong

This is a nice thread. Sending good vibes OP's way...

im stuck in a dead end job i hate. literally soulcrushing. i get belittled and yelled at every day and am expected to just take it. it doesnt pay me enough to survive on my own but have painted myself into a corner and loaded myself with crippling debt for my education and im too old to change careers with no experience and in this job market/economy im just fucked.
i fantasize about dying in a car crash every single day i drive into work. thx for reading my blog

>>81635672 (OP)
I had a nice day, yeah it was a nice day, just a minor major inconvenient took a little bit of the good from it, but it was a nice day yeah, and it's gonna be a phenomenal night I know that hahah

>>81635958
Damn, that's horrible. I've shat in my pants once too, but don't worry, no need to feel overwhelmingly ashamed. Do as OP suggested, track the reasons of this or go to a doctor if possible and you should be fine

>>81636260
Anon, can you remember times where you felt capable of something or changed something for good with your own hands? This may sound difficult, but try to notice when this feeling happens, even small wins count. Don't let you be tricked by your own brain!

>>81636437
Hell fucking yeah, nun hentai is so arousing. What are your favorite tags overall?

>>81640646
Don't know what to say, but sending you hugs

>>81635672 (OP)
i just want to feel like an actual person

>>81635672 (OP)
I've come to know that I cannot be regarded as human and that all my previous eccentricities and feigned innocence was to mask how little I understand any of you. There's a terrible void inside me and now I am too old to do cure it in any fashion. I may as well be walking around with Gods. I don't know how you or this anon or another can collect so much, know so much, deduce so much, and BE so much, and yet never feel full of himself. Whereas, if I get even a glancing touch with success I'll be thinking about it for weeks if not years down the line. Now, people who are not people. people in my circumstance can only rely on their skills to keep up the charade "for just a bit longer", but I'm afraid that I can do no such thing. I'm not particularily bright which is why I talk for so long when making a simple point, but to make it clear.
I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. NO FRIENDS, SKILLS, PATH, BRAIN, NOTHING. And I will never know if thats how it ought to be

>>81641177
damn, looks like I'm not alone in this regard. Fun synchroncities

>>81641227
its comforting to know there are people who can relate isnt it. perhaps you could tell me more about your situation?

>>81641362
I've noticed for quite some while that I've been lacking something critical to be human. At first, I thought it was a matter of intelligence and while that is an important aspect, I don't think thats the most accurate. There's this lack of vigor you see. A certain stillness which I tried for many years to cover with memorizing things and mimicking others, but this isn't something that can be imitated. For example, I've noticed that I can play a game for hours upon hours on end and yet never become any better at it? It's as if my soul cannot take on any new form, can't grasp at any new identity other than to loop back into its old self. Idk, if thats your "not feeling like an actual person" since mine essentially bars me from participating in life since you can imagine jobs are difficult for me as is higher education.
And yet if I settle on suicide and bring in end to this horror show you wouldn't believe how my anxious I become! I have panic attacks now, I've lost weight, and yet I still won't leave.

>>81641145
Hell yeah brother i usually go for stokings nun full color and if want something spicy i through in time stop public use or incest
Pick related is fantastic if you don't mind the weird story

>>81641145
>Anon, can you remember times where you felt capable of something or changed something for good with your own hands?
No never had that, I feel completely worthless and useless, like I never do anything good.

>>81635672 (OP)
I hate certain boards on this site and I think they should be deleted, they include /soc/, /r9k/, /lgbt/, /pol/, /b/, /gif/, /tv/ and, /vrpg/.

I am in love with someone who cannot be loved and I experienced the worst feeling of heartbreak. I think I am defective because when I ever I voice my feelings I am never taken seriously. I cannot believe she made me fall in love with her so much and then ripped out my heart. I guess in a cliche way she made me a human since I had these strong of emotions before. Now without her I have to pretend not to ever care about her. I had to act like I was not sinking into a pit of despair when I was talking to her today. I was acting distant probably because I am trying not to care. I am really sorry. Starting today I am trying but I just had the worst pain in my chest and sadness I could not bear it. I have no one to tell but I will never have something like this again.

i just cant stand life and want it to end

>>81635672 (OP)
I hate the fact I'm a 5'3 brown sea monkey who have a tiny penis. My life is ruined because of how ugly I am. I won't get a gf. I won't have sex and even if I do my tiny wouldn't make my partner feel anything. I fucking hate my life