ive somewhat calmed down now, at least to the point where the constant echoing of death doesnt ring on my eardrums as hard. I was hesitant on even continuing this, but wouldnt it be too lame to just do one day? anyone that wants to talk feel welcome to enter. we can pretend to be friends for one thread's time to fill each others voids temporarily. extreme short term fake bonding with anons is all im willing to allow myself going forward. to be honest even this is something i can hopefully vain out soon.

>>81673212 (OP)
hai,
i hope you are safe
dont forget to drink water. hydration is very important
whats your fav show? i like evangelion

>>81673273
hm now that you mention that i dont think ive had anything to drink all day... i often go without until im very dizzy.
>fav show
just so happens to be that evangelion is my favorite too. I dont think anything even comes close. I love all the characters so dearly, to the point i even used to think of them as friends and family. I used to always see myself a shinji, but funnily enough I think ive become so old, jaded and uncaring that I much more resemble gendo nowadays.
why do you like it?

>>81673339
forgot the highly original pic.

>>81673339
i relate to Rei alot. she is so me, i have a collection of figures of her in my room.
seeing characters who avct like me make me feel more human; when usually i just feel like a weird creature nobody likes.

do you wanna talk more..? i am @8tsk on discord

>>81673212 (OP)
What's bothering you?

>>81673389
silly anon. you seem to have completely glossed over the part where i said
>pretend to be friends for a thread's time
I highly appreciate the offer of your discord, but the absolute last thing i want to do right now or ever again is intimately getting involved in someone's life. What parts of Rei do you relate to the most? I always found her quite hard to access, not that i dont get her character, but i think ive yet to encounter anyone that really is as Rei as they claim. Id very happily have you prove me wrong though.

>>81673409
ah the usual, causing unintended life ruination on myself and the people i care about.

>>81673212 (OP)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgL3_lYgbQ0&ab

>>81673212 (OP)
>day 2
Make a tumblr blog

>>81673497
>on myself and the people i care about.
i understand.. my bad.
i relate to Rei because she does not truly have an identity.
my parents pushed this persona onto me when i was a kid - i have to be perfect, or else they will take their love away. It caused me to be blindly obedient to them for a long time.
Rei is like that. she blindly follows whatever it is that Nerv tells her.
if you change your mind on the first part you can add me, whenever you like. take good care of yourself; drink water since you Need to & eat if you are able.

>>81673556
i think that just made my already traumatic associations with this creature even worse.

>>81673599
you missed the pathetic display that was day 1 where i made it clear that im really only humiliating myself here to catch the attention of another poster/lurker.

>>81673600
Yeah i mean, that does sound very much like Rei's troubles indeed. Are you still in a position in life where you have to be like a Rei for them, or did you manage to escape that? I can imagine it's been hard trying to find yourself and your desires after essentially having everything dictated for you. Would you say you have any grasp on the "real" you, and or what YOU want out of your own life? or are you still stuck without much of an identity?

>>81673688
nerp, i still feel like ive got no identity. i only live for others. Whether its through showing them my body or simple favors, whatever identity i had slowly deteriorated.
as a kid i was molded by my parents. i was whoever they wanted me to be
i still live with them; and whenever i try to say no i get guilt tripped but its better from when i was younger & just got beaten 4 it KEK
im also a victim of CSA due to how easy i am to coerce & how weak i am to the point i cant even defend myself, lawl.
it doesnt get better for me. Quite the opposite.
ive got nothing to complain about tho. i have accepted it

>>81673688
>my already traumatic associations with this creature
wat happuyn?

>>81673754
I will be honest anon that sounds awful, and it makes me feel quite terrible in the way that it reminds me of how shit i am. I mean that in the sense of how im so weak, much like shinji ive spent way too long escaping, feeling bad about myself, and hurting others in the process. This whole thread fiasco might even be viewed as a shinji meltdown of sorts, but Rei is so strong and unwavering. Much like Rei right now I applaud you for being so concerned about me before even beginning to mention anything about yourself, though i suppose in a way that might have its own negative connotations in the context of Rei never even considering herself, but you did share when I asked so im happy about that for you.
>i have accepted it
I really dont think you should. By the end Rei does manage to find her own individuality in a way, sure it was mostly through the care and compassion shinji showed her, but that doesnt mean it wouldnt be impossible for you either anon.

>>81673771
refer back to the previously mentioned ruination. i dont like to air out things too specifically.

Rei anon you arent accepting friend requests you have to turn that on for them to be able to add you. I was curious and tried to add you.
OP why are you trying to rid yourself of social desire? Humans are social creatures after all. Coming to 4chan isnt the place for that goal anyway. For me I want to make friends I have that desire within my mind but I dont know how. Its funny when you think about it god is kind of cruel for giving people desires but not the knowledge of how to fulfill them.
Non ascii text isnt allowed so I removed all my commas. My sentence structure is probably weird sounding now please understand. I put the captcha in like 15 times and I keep getting that message its frustrating just remove it for me!!

Other people put commas with no problem.. maybe it was the apostrophes

>>81673908
So sorry, i fixed it.. try now?

>>81673889
I dont know. seeing other people flourish gives me determination; maybe one day there will be a revolution between everyone i know & i will join in and become somebody aswell.

>>81673908
well friend if you already tried adding rei anon it seems to me that you are at least somewhat going about making friends in a good way. A lot of people endlessly cry about it, yet they never add anyone, nor never even put themselves out there. You can meet very interesting people even here, but I also feel obliged to warn you. Never expect anything. ever. especially out of internet people. and no offense to you personally rei anon, but id be very careful around someone that would have that option turned on. probably means some retarded bastard like myself got overly attached to them, that is fine to turn on to protect yourself, but it also implies someone that would remove you and leave you absolutely no options of contact again if they feel too "scared" by you in anyway. maybe recent events are getting to me too much, but you dont want to turn to making cringe threads for the slightest chance of them seeing it and contacting you just so you can get one last ounce of closure like im doing.
>why no social desire
im simply no good for people and ive come to a point where i cant see myself trusting anyone again.

>>81674056
Its all about the baby steps really, one doesnt need to have everything figured out, but at least knowing yourself enough to have knowledge of what you deeply desire out of this experience called life i think is important. Or else youll just endlessly keep floating on, and i dont think one can find true happiness like that. it doesnt matter how simple or stupid it is. any dream has worth as long as you find it gives you joy in any way.

>>81674122
Would that person recognize you if they saw you posting?
> A lot of people endlessly cry about it, yet they never add anyone, nor never even put themselves out there
It could also be they've tried and got hurt, like you. Or they've tried many many times and each time the "friendship" sizzles out and ends up being a waste of time. Anon, I know you can come back from this and regain your hope, it will just take time. Between now and then do all you can to try and heal yourself.

>>81674122
>think one can find true happiness lik
thank you. I do have a dream of becoming a chemical engineer one day, but it all seems so bland in retrospect.

ive had my frqs off since late 2023, when my old groomer got in contact with me and would harass me in all the socials he found me in. He wouldnt stop, & when i blocked he would make new accounts to pester me. after that i caved and blocked everyone out.

Before you sympathize with him and say, "oh; you are simply a femoid who led him on" or something of the sorts; he was 23 and i was around 14 when he exploited me and i moved accounts a while later (i was safe before he found that too). He would give me fake promises and say helping me get out of my household is a priority for him, and I believed it at first. I am generally paranoid as shit. forgot i had them off, still. i genuinely apologize.

i hope your experience with other people doesnt stop you from making new memories. i still have hope for humanity. Take care.

>>81673688
>made it clear that im really only humiliating myself here to catch the attention of another poster/lurker.
who anonette

>>81674188
everything from the freshness of the happenings and only using things related to our time in the opening post pics. Perhaps most arent as conscious about those things as i am, but id like to think if anyone went through my many experiences they wouldnt be crying about not having friends, and more so just wishing they never even meet anyone in the first place.

>>81674192
Like i said rei anon, no offense towards you personally. Those are even very reasonable causes to make you want to keep it off and you shouldnt apologize for it. If anything id be more happy if you just called me a retard for assuming the worst about you, though i guess that wouldnt be very rei like. I wish more people used those features honestly.
>Before you sympathize
I wouldnt ever sympathize with anyone like that regardless of the context. that might seem quite hypocritical of me, hell, what im doing is essentially the same. im quite a creepy, obsessive, stalker. though in this particular case i really only am looking for my own closure. if the person with honest sincerity would have a proper final "goodbye" with me id never ever pester them again if that were their wishes.
>making memories
all i want to do is forget.

>>81674264
im not an anonette

>>81674406
okay, who anon

>>81674406
>if the person with honest sincerity would have a proper final "goodbye" with me id never ever pester them again if that were their wishes.
i used to feel the same way until it happened. and sometimes you realize that no closure in itself is a form of closure...

>>81674412
it's for them to know

>>81674421
care to elaborate on that? sounds like you mustive had gone through something as well to mention it in that way.

>>81673389
>@8tsk
i saw your comment last night, are you still looking for friends?

>>81674513
I've had an on and off relationship with someone I viewed as my best friend for many years. When I got blocked I wanted nothing more than to embarrass myself and beg and do anything it took to get a response. I wanted nothing more than closure. This happened a lot. You are never really truly happy with closure, I think. For the same reasons you keep chasing that person and hoping for something to change. And the odds are the same reasons things go bad will continue to happen over and over. I've learned a lot though. You shouldn't chase after someone who abandons you. You don't need to humiliate yourself for anyone. Stuff like that. It's a very cowardly thing to abandon someone you care about and i don't know what's worse: that they never cared, or that they once did. I hope things get better for you. I can relate I suppose.

>>81674540
sure, feel free to add me if youd like.
though i am a foid. so if you dont really like women or have the average beliefs about them anyone on /r9k/ has then i do not think we would get along

>>81674604
Im very well aware on a logical level and even taking from past experiences that what im doing right now at best wont work at all or at worst will just further cause misery to the person and myself. All i can say is that im extremely petty and selfish, but also pathetically desperate. On one hand im extremely concerned for their well being and how i hurt them and on the other the idea of them misinterpreting my intentions with them is driving me completely crazy with rage that theyd even think such things about me. I want to scream and yell at them, yet i also want to cry and say im sorry over and over. the unfairness of it all is just driving me mad. i think trauma has just completely broken my attachment to people. Im sorry that you feel like you can relate. I wouldnt wish this on anyone.

>>81674887
it's ok. i understand. deep down inside i think we should try to do better for the people we care about. even if it means moving on. i don't want to hurt anyone anymore and if it means i have to let go then it'll be hard but it's what I'll do. best of luck in your pursuit of your own happiness. it'll probably get better after a bit it sucks to hold onto such conflicting feelings. if you feel that deep it means you really do care

Hi! Hope your doing well, is on ep 21 on eva rn and I'm enjoying it alot, I don't really like shinji rn, but I heard his character development gets better! How's your day so far?

>>81673212 (OP)
this is a nice thread and i will bump it
i hope everyone here manages to be happy some day

>noooo you need to force people to listen to you or else

>>81674604
This shot me through the heart. Why does this shit have to happen

I'm surprised this managed to survive the night. Good morning everyone...

>>81676466
I mean, the last few episodes are pretty much spent entirely exploring his inner world, though if you already didn't like him I doubt it will change much.