When I was 17 I had a relatively normal life and was in my last year of high school and got into a bunch of decent schools, though I was depressed because over the prior summer I did something bad fueled by spiritual delusions, which later affected a psychotic event in which I believed I was being gangstalked. That event lasted several months; however after I lost my sense of identity, and over the past few years I have been doing little by doom scrolling and being a degenerate jerking off to sick pornography, sometimes improving one small thing like working out again, or trying something, but every time I can go to college I just let it pass over because I am always back in such a shit mental state. I did some stupid pointless things like get in a relationship with a man 9 years older than me, and I once got very strong however became depressed again and starved myself and my parents sent me to a psych ward for a week. I tried going to cosmetology school and fucked up because I made a mean comment about homeless people. It will be over 3 years from now soon and I have wasted so much of my families money and energy but now I do not even have care because all I feel now is anger and hatred; I know I am a shit person but I don't care, I can't hold conversations anymore or have the will to do anything, and even if I did all I would be doing is playing catch up, and I would never get far enough to have anything I wanted, and even if I did I would just be a husk of an individual I am. I have no skills, hobbies, or talents and can not do any adult things. I do not feel sorry for myself and in fact blame myself much and think I do deserve to suffer and be punished but at the same time I still wish I could have some things I wanted or at least just stop existing. But I can't die because I am afraid of that. I have no will to do anything.
>>81715926 (OP)leave nanami out of your shitty blogpost
>>81715941I dont fucking care fuck you
>>81715926 (OP)>I did something bad fueled by spiritual delusionsCan you elaborate on this?
>ven if I did I would just be a husk of an individual I am. I have no skills, hobbies, or talents and can not do any adult thingsI honestly relate to this. However I do think I can take care of some things myself. That's basically all I got going for me.
I do feel kinda jealous about you because I didn't get to go to decent schools. My education life has been a complete mess and I blame it in ruining my life.
>>81715998I wanted to deconvert from Christianity so I performed a blasphemous act
I do not know how to do anything, the modern world makes it too complex which makes me hate it. I wish things were simpler.
The fact I could have gone to good schools makes it even worse, and repeatedly so. I fuck myself over for no reason.
>>81715941>homeless useless becky becomes god and gets with tall handsome fox spiritfemcel targeted retarded tranime
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>>81716107>femcelWhat a stupid word. It is a cute innocent show. Why does everything in this website have to be about stupid gender politics. It is so lame.
>>81716296>embodiment of female fantasyThere is no problem with that pathetic how upset it makes you.
>>81716330nigger i dont care, im just saying its a bad anime
>>81716330also pretty sure you're a trannie
Now they're doing big posts about being depressed, it just follows a flow of things. It's amazing how it's all your fault.
>>81716406its just one of the trillion shitty romcoms.kekl you will never be a woman
>>81716475There are no trannies here you are just a tasteless retard who is part of the 4chan Cointelpro hivemind
>>81716032>I performed a blasphemous actWhat did you do?
>The fact I could have gone to good schools makes it even worse, and repeatedly so. I fuck myself over for no reason.Oh, so you didn't go? How old are you now?
I messed my self over too. I basically went down a route of self destruction caused by stagnation, negligence and passivity.
>>81716546I am 21 now. I can not imagine starting college.
