I've been thinking a lot about my life lately. It just feels like I'm stuck in a loop, and no matter what I do, I'm going nowhere. Everyone else seems to have something to live for, but I don't. I feel like I'm just drifting through existence. I wonder if anyone else feels this way too, or if I'm just beyond repair at this point.
Is this really it? Are we just meant to suffer until we fade into oblivion, unnoticed and uncared for? At this point, I'm not even sure if I care about the future. Maybe there's nothing after this, and we're all just pretending.

>>81725065 (OP)
Other people feel this way too. I recently lost the last thing I had that kept me grounded to reality, and I am now just an observer screaming for release from this meat suit. I have lived quite a long time compared to most posters, and at no time in my life has anyone genuinely cared. They few who've claimed care have all just been people with platitudes but not support, people who make promises they break, or people who get close to me just to hurt me in significant ways and ignore my pleas for help when I say I need them around.

>>81725065 (OP)
>Everyone else seems to have something to live for, but I don't.
I feel the same way but still I persist - would rather take my little wins like cigarettes and coffee or talking to my irl/online friends than take the leap of faith towards the beyond

any day above ground is a good day

>>81725121
People go to for help or advice, because they see me as something that I am not. Someone who has their shit together and is wise. It's tragic that the most broken person is helping people, while no one helps them. I am perceived as being strong and doing well so my needs are discarded as not important because, "I will be fine." I am not fine, I haven't been fine for decades when I am on my own. Certain people are what keep me fine, and they're a ghost when I need them.

>>81725210
>Go to me for*
Hurr durr

>>81725065 (OP)
It doesn't get any better either, i was suicidal around 17 and stayed that way all through my adulthood until now, 41 where my dad died last week and this week the landlord wants to either kick me out or up the rent which I cannot afford so I'm thinking over different ways to end this hell. Jumping from a high building was my first choice but idk any high enough, so I'm considering cutting my wrist length ways while I lay in the bath n bleed out (maybe get drunk first idk)

>>81725252
I hope that you can find a way out of that situation. Being broke sucks.

People were not meant to live in big cities/suburbs full of noise and crime and light pollution. Every little part of the city/suburb is hostile to the essence of human. The concrete everywhere. The absence of any plants besides grass and bradford pear. If by chance a seed overcomes insurmountable odds and a lovely little dandelion pushes up and threatens to make the hellscape the the tiniest but less miserable they drop an herbicidal nuke to destroy it. The lights, constant light 24 hours a day seven days a week. This is by design to make humans sicker. You rarely see discussion on light pollution and when you do it's mostly about insects. As if nobody wants to acknowledge the fact it is extremely harmful to humans. Constant noise from vehicles, inconsiderate people blasting music, gangsters firing guns wildly without bothering to aim(as if making noise is the bait purpose of them drawing weapons and firing). Can't even go to a gas station without a fucking screen turning on playing audio and video advertisements while you fuel up. Toxic toxic toxic. The emissions from automobiles, indiscriminate use of herbicide and pesticides, storm water full of fertilizer runoff. Even the food in cities/suburbs is toxic. You can buy organic but it's a meaningless joke. They are still monocrop big aggro pesticide herbicide fertilizer, still low in nutrition as the other stuff. It just costs 50% more because they got permission to put a sticker saying organic on it from a government agency that doesn't give a shit about citizens or health.
Man needs time to be alone, silence, darkness. Man needs cycles and harmony. There is a time for light, daytime. There is a time for music, during festivals and worship. I'd even say man needs work. But meaningful, not fake work all day looking at bad screen to go home and finally look at good screen. Man needs to build, to produce.

>>81725891
If you want to feel purpose, meaning, fulfillment; grow some oregano or rosemary in a pot, get a breeding trio of rabbits or a small stack of quail cages. This can be done in the city/suburb. The small act of tending one potted plant, breeding rabbits, or raising quail. You'll catch a glimpse of a spark. You will feel more accomplished in this than any amount of accolades and awards in fake work. Injuns had the right idea. Women did all the work; cooking, cleaning, child rearing, food preservation, etc. Man was free to build, produce, hunt, fish, or just sit back and admire nature while smoking a pipe. It doesn't take a genius to follow where our service economy is headed. Everyone working fake jobs for fake money. It will fail when the petrodollar is injured and the house of cards will come crashing down. No industry, home garden and raising a flock of chickens and a pig for lard is forgotten knowledge. We have internet in the country now. Logistics are in place and used physical books are cheaper than ever. There are more board games than you could play once one after another nonstop for the rest of your life and still have barely scratched the surface. There are eternal games like go and chess. Selective breeding of plants or animals is a lifelong labor. Not everyone can do it of course. But real humans are rare. Many seem content to live in the city/suburb and constant assault on all senses. Consider becoming a dirty hippy. Doing drugs and catching stds part is optional. They actually had some cool ideas about returning back to the land.

>>81725065 (OP)
Wonderful anon! This is truly some thought-provoking text. Your prose was quite refreshing. I think for this year's talent show you should try slam poetry. You get an A+++-+!

>>81725981
I generated it with chatgpt desu.

>>81725065 (OP)
the only thing i hope for now is peace: peace away from normals and a quiet life of solitude
i just need enough money to pay for a house, utilities, and occasional stuff with yields
every day i am forced into the melee with normalniggers is another humiliation and misery

>>81726122
I read all that & knew it couldn't be written by some tard on 4shit. Still, it was a good read

>>81726318
I was expecting someone to notice how cliche and cringe it was. You thought it was good?

I also feel like this most of the time, hang in there OP, we'll get through this

>>81726335
It's all true, we're in a fake society ran by the elites to keep us on the treadmill, slaving away all day while they scoff at the profits & we're still barely able to afford food in this overpriced hellhole. All the media platforms are to distract us from reality with fake bullshit & to also demoralise us, making us feel bad for having the nice things they told us to buy.. A vicious circle, a game of monopoly where they hold all the pieces making you struggle around the board with no free pass no collect 200 just taking payment from us constantly.
Some few are fortunate enough to have a nice comfy job with a nice salary but the rest are on the poverty line and no one gives a fuck.
I'm having serious thoughts about ending this shit existence