I feel like I'm never going to improve. Like I'll always backslide into my bad habits. Like God doesn't care. I don't even know what I want any more. All I can think is that I want to kill people who make the world worse, that maybe that would give me a sense of accomplishment. I wish I could have died in a war.

>>81769117 (OP)
Who is to say the people you'd be killing would have been making the world worse? If you're speaking in a military context, whoever is in charge is going to make you believe the people you're assigned to kill are evil, but every country and their military has their own motives and most of the time it isn't to get rid of bad people. Sometimes it overlaps, but not often. Most often you'd end up killing people who think they're doing something good for the world by trying to kill you.

>>81769117 (OP)
its because you ignore the obvious, you slide back into bad habits because you have a phone and an internet connection. cancel your home internet, cancel your phone plan with data so that its only for text and calls and you'll see how much your life improves.

>>81769154
>Who is to say the people you'd be killing would have been making the world worse
A lot of bad people are in this world. And yeah I used to be military but mostly I think about going after politicians and Epstein types.

>>81769156
>phone and an internet connection.
Not even all that much of a problem, really. My issues lie elsewhere