Dear Anna,

Many years have gone by and I still think of you.

I miss you.

Are you doing okay? Do you still look at this board at all?

You know where you can msg me.

Love you.

J

MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP PLEASE GOD MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE JUST MAKE IT STTTOOOPPPPP!!!!!

inconsequential little piggy

>>81771356
This person gets it. That's how life is.

>>81771356
make what stop, anon?

girlfriend you're so big and strong aha

Juliana,
You owe me access to all of your holes.

>>81771285 (OP)
i'm going to kill you and then myself

sorry foid. you're just going to have to rape me if you want my little sissy hog (7 inches)

>>81771698
You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Which I can't anyway because they're watching me.

shut up bitch. nobody cares about your fucking letter

>>81772948
actually they do care you are wrong about it

Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell.
J. Epstein and Maxwell.
J.E. and Mack

(skype that, sea creature ass bitch)

When Drumpf asked if people really still cared about the Epstein file, and gaslit us like it was no big deal . . . that's when the fuck you KNEW he was involved. Very sus behaviour to downplay it and act like we're crazy to want answers

lines in the sand
or piss on the sidewalk
at it again?
nah, this is how I talk

ahem

daddy's off flying the spaceship
hubby's off poking at rocks
a satyr has sat here for too many years
while lando's just streaming his stocks

but someone's afflicted with memories
so we're all afflicted with memory
turbans still flattened out all on the ground
I think that this dude is on ketamine

ahem

should have remembered
we're keeping a lovelist
the squeeze is still worth it
when I'm taking a piss

said you were watching
well silly goose, watch this
swan in my pond but
I'm making him watchless

*floats back away*

tfw no pearl, just rock

>>81771285 (OP)
Dear K

I haven't dreamed about you in a while, so I hope to forget about you soon

I dreamed last night of a tornado funnel cloud that was halfway formed. It was frozen in time, completely still, and was forecasted to remain the in the area for several days. And then several dozen formed around it out of nowhere, and I had only the tractor to hide myself under as they wreaked their havoc

wonder what it means

https://youtu.be/2YwRb6-aSrU?si=M8aTm8xwGL8XepJe

My grandma, aunt Sue and I were treatment resistant alcoholics that went through complex operation surgery in terror and brief scare education for complications from intoxication that was unnecessary. The bullshit is so sick, though I still drink I do also no longer get interventions, I do not get the same kick as before brain operation work. Eighties never ended or? Perhaps I missed the starting gun? I hate this crummy crap lol

I don't feel good about it but everyone else has told me this is how I should have been this entire time. I disagree because you didn't separation I felt the need for faithfulness and loyalty. But I need to recognize that if she's not here and not talking to me then I cannot maintain that because she will not honor it in return. Even though I love her. I know I'm not going to feel that kind of love again but I should just go back to playing the game and fucking girls.

uh oh, is he finally going to take the leap?

>>81775220
So I texted back 3 girls who have been wanting to 'hang out' with me.

The first two are at the point they are emotionally involved towards me despite me always keeping everything casual with them and not entering relationship status when persistently asked. Ive never taken them on dates and they have only come over to get fucked/suck me off. The first is 19 Italian decent 9/10 and very attractive, does modeling. She's always dating someone but always wants to come over and constantly saying she wants to dump them and be with me. She craves my cock and how I fuck her. "Only I make her feel that way" . It's just that she started having a lot of emotions telling me she loves me and stuff, really working to get me involved in her life, take her on a date, show up for her. She wants me to meet her parents and she's always asking to come over spend time with me. I say no and only have her come over to fuck. And I have her leave basically after that, despite her pushing to spend the night. It's not even negative, she's very giving and will buy me things without me asking and it all makes me feel like shit because Even though she's gorgeous and perfect physically I just can't do the emotion stuff, I could do the normative love I can see that growing with her and having feelings but it just isn't the same from maria who I felt soul tied love and part of me hates that because it broke me in a way. Gave me this hurt that never goes away

>>81775235
I have a second girl who is very cute but she's not model sexy like the first girl, she's 20 petite Asian coquette style soft and gentle. I destroy her body, "ruin" her pussy and hurt her beating her up.tearing her clothing off so it rips and when she goes home I come on her face and she has to wear the ripped clothing and the panties are snapped so she's not able to put them on. She comes from a very traditional household and will not date other guys while she's with me Even though I insist that we are not going to date unless you should find someone that she's happy with, she says that they don't make her feel the same way. But she's only comes over for me tonfuck her brains.

I think that's part of why I am not happy because they want badly to be involved in my life and for me to be involved in theirs, to learn more about them, learn more about me, Care for each other, have special moments, but the fact is The only interactions we have is me fucking the shit out of them and that translated into them emotionally loving me and telling me they love me. I feel like they don't want to marry me, they want to marry my cock and what I do with it to them.

>>81775239
Then the third girl is 18 very punk and fun to "bro out" . To stay faithful to Maria even though we've broken up I haven't done anything with her but this girl is very aggressive in her needs and after I communicated that I wasn't going to fuck her She took off her clothes and started masturbating next to me. When we hang out it's progressively been getting more intense with stuff she's doing and I know that next time she comes over she's going to force herself on me so I've been putting off hanging out with her which sucks cuz I like playing video games with her haven't fucked her yet even though she's wants me to. She's very much physically active in that way and so I know the next time she'll come over she's going to aggressively initiate. So I've been having to put her off Even though I really enjoy hanging out with her to play video games. I know that despite her being super casual and hangs like a guy, she's very emotionally focused on me, tsundere in love and has a really high jealousy reaction that she pushes to resolve physically.

So that's where I'm at and the truth is I don't want any of it, I only want Maria.

But it's time that I need to take care of my physical needs because I have not been putting myself first with that in respect to being faithful and loyal despite being broken up with

hah
guess not

https://youtu.be/-wWcQfJ2YeM?si=27CTMnm54QsJin4y

>>81775239
Then the third girl is 18 very punk and fun to "bro out" . To stay faithful to Maria even though we've broken up I haven't done anything with her but this girl is very aggressive in her needs and after I communicated that I wasn't going to fuck her She took off her clothes and started masturbating next to me. When we hang out it's progressively been getting more intense with stuff she's doing and I know that next time she comes over she's going to force herself on me so I've been putting off hanging out with her to game. I know that despite her being super casual and hangs like a guy, she's very emotionally focused on me, tsundere in love and has a really high jealousy reaction that she pushes to resolve physically.

So that's where I'm at and the truth is I don't want any of it, I only want Maria.

But it's time that I need to take care of my physical needs because I have not been putting myself first with that in respect to being faithful and loyal despite being broken up with

I hate it but I think I need to accept that Maria is may not even be here despite some post feeling like they are her and having details that only she would know. But because she has never straight up said it's her I need to accept that we're not any further in getting better and we were before and we're completely cut off and she's not communicating. I hear her in post and feel like she's lurping as a form of communication because narratively the responses communicate that to me and it is common with what she is suffering from that she was communicate like that because it feels safe. But even if it is her there's been enough time and she has not opened to me with opportunity to heal. Despite what I want and how I feel she has not been open to it. I added her on Instagram again and she denied the request plus what her status with that guy leads me to believe that she broke her promises to me, betrayed us in that way, give her first to someone else. And that breaks my heart. So I shouldn't give her faithfulness and loyalty if that is how it is be reciprocated from her.

>I think I need to accept that Maria is may not even be here

i hope ryan the pedophile dies in a fire.

>>81775371
I would never be cruel to an animal,

But I will cannibal Holocaust my cock through your cat body and use you as a fleshlight

I'm playing final fantasy. i don't have anyone to watch me play.

>>81775286
>>81775239
>>81775235
>>81775331
You hate all of this because this is not according to the Lord Almighty's Plans. This is just to satisfy your own lusts. You're disgusting to yourself, you're defiling your own soul, and the souls of all the women you're ruining and not caring for. Meanwhile you're focused on some dumb bitch who doesn't give a fuck about you.

Get over yourself, return to the Word. How do you live a good life? Ask the Most High.

>>81774641
i like how this is the jsutification that they all probably genuinely use "oh well it was for the better good!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ecks dee"

>>81776697
which final fagtasy you playing?

>>81776724
I was loyal and faithful for Maria for 4 years of silence and distance. I did everything I could.

I didn't choose to lose her to a misunderstanding and outside circumstances that have nothing to do with us. We were so lucky we found each other in this life. I have my understanding of who she is to me.


If there is a God and he wants different, that's on him because I did all I could. Nut up or shut up. I won't be there for someone who is cruel and did what he did. Abusive. Fuck that.

Is it day ten or eleven? I don't know. It never gets better though.

I've been very clear with the girls how I feel and what this is. They are the ones who catch feelings and start making it more than and bring emotion into it. It happens every time.

And then I met maria and everything changed. It was like things were clear and I could feel. And then we were taken from each other and I suffered the time between.

So now my eyes are clouded over and I'll go back to before because I know that there is only her for me.

Built back up the castle walls. No one is allowed in. I'm safe here.

I'll play the game just as I did before because I'm good at it and I'll build up to more than seven girls that and I break and naturally turn into cock-addicts who obsess over The opportunity to get stretched out, railed, broken, beaten, ruined In a way that no one else in their life will ever be to that level and they will have that hunger for what I gave them and what others lack. They will unknowingly battle each other to be the ones to suck my fat cock, get their brains fucked out of them, fill to the fucking brim with my cum with a 'b' treat after, and sexually twisted turned into trembling shaking crying scratching clawing hitting lip biting clinging onto leg wrapping toe curling mind numbing moments of euphoric escapism as I fuck them so hard they can't think straight. And in the height of it they squirt cry shutting their tongue in my mouth and saying I love you with each clench of their pussy shaped ruined perfect to milk my cock right into their womb. And then they collapse in my arms twitching dripping held safe secure fucking full dreaming of more and in that they are the ones who choose to turn The lust I make them lose themselves in to emotion and care and seeing me as the love they have.wanted since they were a little girl. So they beg for more and when I deny to send them away the debouxhery they offer is of greater and greater degradation slutification but only for me as I'm the only one able to fill them in that way, as their boyfriends try they are never enough.

>>81777149
I know the results because I've lived this before. 9. Is a good number because it ensures a variety for each day, some days sucked off by one and fuck another that night. 9 gives perfect timing limiting communication to only allowance to come over as they are left in silence crying out for my words, my eyes, they spam The filler words offers and nudes they ask me to accept that they feel means everything but ultimately nothing as the only word that matter is my yes to a time. a natural balance to that silence between girls as timing of the rotation to each girl the ideal amount of time it takes for the angst to grow and peak requiring release and feed their craving hunger for my cock,.cum .and attention to relieve their physical and mental desperation for my sex

I know you don't care about me anymore. but I just wanted to say. I still love you.

>>81777312
>I know you don't care about me anymore. but I just wanted to say. I still love you.
Maybe they do still do.

>>81771285 (OP)
Dear you,

Not white fucked church sister

Good byes

Happy birthday fren. Hope you feel better.

I was looking at photos you had sent me of you when we were together and looking at them next to you now and you look like a completely different person.

I don't know how to say this without it sounding wrong or mean. I already said my volatility , This is purely concern.

What happened? You know as well as I the vast difference you can see looking an old photo of you that you had sent me and yourself.

I know you would not have turned out looking like that if you were with me.

I'm sorry if those words hurt, but they are true.

It makes me think that photos are even photoshopped online because of the difference.

These words are just going to be misinterpreted because I am unable to express them correctly. That's fine. I've had a rough day walking down a path I don't want to be on.

baby my name hdoebaby my name hdoebaby my name hdoebaby my name hdoebaby my name hdoebaby my name hdoebaby my name hdoebaby my name hdoe

>>81776697
I can watch you play. I'm a guy like you though so you probably wont like that. Send me an email at cerpint@protonmail.com and I can give you my discord tag.

i care about you, so goddamn much, and i always have, and i always will

>>81778238
You should show it and tell them as such.

I'll put it like this:
I don't think you're special either. I see you as cruel, pathetic gremlins who have plateaued, and you rather ironically seem to be utterly devoid of any transcendent cognition. I would not want to be one of you because I deem you incredibly goofy. Heavy vice principal energy. The original Karens.
You are unfeeling cartilage in a beached whale. I do not respect you. May eternity treat you more kindly than you've treated others during this fleeting and inconsequential dream.

And Todd, your poetry is fucking garbage.

>>81778604
doesnt want to speak to me anymore, which is more than reasonable i fucked up, itd be selfish to say it to this person directly because they dont want to hear it and i know that

I hope someone heard this powerful brap I just produced. I was starting to feel a bit down coming off the stims but this powerful fart demonstrated that I have big things inside of me that yearn to come out and this thought was very uplifting for some reason.
I wish everyone a nice day (except Mike, he sucks). Was Mastodon invented by flatulence fetishists? That would explain their use of "toot" instead of "post".

I have once again successfully rebuked a version of you that only exists in my shower thoughts. Clearly I did this out of genuine concern and not just a materialization of my deep need to be seen as superior as evidenced by the snide manner in which I continually lob my unaddressed remarks. I am not obsessed.

>as though they don't keep a meticulous index of everything you've said going back two decades so they can throw it in your face whenever they're bored

Goofy.

At some point, you're so deeply dishonest that it really does just constitute a form of stupidity. You look stupid and are stupid.

>>81771285 (OP)
I didn't know I was doing it. People were afraid of me so they wouldn't tell me what I was doing. If I could go back in time and change something I'd just get myself to leave years before the rest happened. I've been in therapy for it for a year and a half. Nothing's ever going to make it ok. One day I won't be able to live with it anymore. Going to go window shop for a gun later today.

>>81773584
I agree. I also think messing up his spelling on purpose is cringe. You're cringe, anon.

>>81778917
Unless they made it impossible to communicate I'd go ahead and say it anyways, nothing worse can happen.

>>81778979
I shall once again display only a small concerning representation of myself to others instead of being honest. In this way I may look helpless, clueless, and in need of assistance. Haha, you fool who dares challenge this persona I have built believing me to be genuine. Don't you know it was all but a ruse? Any who question my choices think themselves above me, and all disagreements can only be someone seeking to harm or undermine me. So how dareth you pretend this persona I laid forth to you is me? Your intentions are evil incarnate for daring to treat me like how I present myself towards you.

Oh look illegible-sarcasmchan is back.

>>81779461
The two sarcastic posters should make out.

>>81778943
I feel compelled to say something, but am told it would be a big mistake and cause me to lose Maria loving me.

I'm told omething is happening and it will wipe the slate clean so there no filler on the in between.

>>81779809
You lost "Maria" as soon as you became a man-whore, boyo.

>>81779484
Oh yeah. THAT would be just GREAT.

>>81779861
Well we're broken up and she hasn't been faithful to me and she hasn't contacted me directly on here so why is it fucking matter where I put my cock? Especially when there's girls who beg for it?

>>81780264
Well then. Excuuuuuuuuse me Princess!

Messaged #1 to come over tonight and she called me crying that she misses me and had been really upset for months, everything was just fucking fine until I found some one I actually cared about.

Wrote this. Felt relevant

Rotten apples by Mike
---------------------------
Opened an apple orchard
Beautiful place
Serene, clean air, and tasty
No one came
Apples rotted off the trees for the season
Put them in a rusty trough behind the coop
The juices fermented with the worms
Went to compost more rot and found a girl floating face down in the slew
Pretty heartbreaking, not sure why she was back there or how she drowned
2 weeks later spent the afternoon collecting the fallen apples
Went to toss them
Another girl
Around the same age
Quite pretty, and it's another tragedy
The apple orchard didn't feel so good to spend time at after that so.took a week vacation
Relax, renew, restore

>>81781668
Came back and I have that feeling like chewing on cement.
I didn't want to look.
Tried to put it off.
But I couldn't sleep
So I took a flashlight just to confirm it was all just anxiety
7 bodies this time
I needed know
I didn't want to
But I needed to
So I sat on a lot a distance back and just waited
Several hours passed.
Thought I heard splashing noise
Wasn't quite sure
8 bodies
I closer but still out of site
I wouldn't let this happen again
An hour passed and a figure approached from the dark
I got him.
That fuck.
Something wasn't quite right
The person was alone
They weren't carrying a body
I waited until I could see clearly
A young girl
Quite beautiful
Kind smile
Dressed up like she was going on a date
Dressed in white
She reached the trough
Where the 8 bodies were floating
Among the worms
Rotten apples
She looked at me and waved, smiled
Then went head first into the fermented slew
Face down and stayed that way
Then she started struggling
She was going to drown
I got to her and saved her
Her clothes now and ugly brown
Pieces of worms and rotten apples in her hair
When she came to screamed at me.
Rushed to the slough and done in
I had to fight to save her life that time
Put her in the coop and notified the police
Parents disappointed in her
Gave her a talk but her eyes not once looked away from the slough
I tried everything to cordon of that place
Put up signs of retirement
Warned those who visited
But they would always find way in
They would always die
I figured it though
The young girls
They were trying to eat the rotten apples
Worms and all
Drunk of the ferment
They wouldn't stop
Until they drowned
There was no stopping this
So I made a decision
I sat at the trough
charged a considerable sum
To go bobbing for rotten apples
I was there to pull them out in time
The girls loved it
Told all their friends
With pieces of work stick between their teeth
Well at least we saved the orchard

>>81781668
Came back and I have that feeling like chewing on cement.
I didn't want to look.
Tried to put it off.
But I couldn't sleep
So I took a flashlight just to confirm it was all just anxiety
7 bodies this time
I needed to know
I didn't want to
But I needed to
So I sat on a log a distance back and just waited
Several hours passed.
Thought I heard a splashing noise
Wasn't quite sure
8 bodies
I sat closer but still out of sight
I wouldn't let this happen again
An hour passe
a figure approached from the dark
I got him.
That fuck.
Something wasn't quite right
The person was alone
They weren't carrying a body
I waited until I could see clearly
A young girl
Quite beautiful
Kind smile
Dressed up like she was going on a date
Dressed in white
She reached the trough
Where the 8 bodies were floating
Among the worms
Rotten apples
She looked at me and waved, smiled
Then went head first into the fermented slew
Face down and stayed that way
Then she started struggling
She was going to drown
I got to her and saved her
Her clothes now an ugly brown
Pieces of worms and rotten apples in her hair
Screamed at me when she came to
Rushed to the slough and dove in
I had to fight to save her life that time
Locked her in the coop and notified the police
Parents arrived disappointed in her
Gave her a talk but her eyes not once looked away from the slough
I tried everything to cordon of that place
Put up signs
Warned those who visited
But the girls would always find a way in
They would always die
I figured it out though
Those young girls
They were trying to eat the rotten apples
Worms and all
Drunk off the ferment
They wouldn't stop
Until they drowned
There was no stopping this
So I made a decision
I sat at the trough
charged a considerable sum
To those young girls
To go bobbin for rotten apples
That way I was there to pull them out in time
The girls loved it
Told all their friends
With pieces of worm stuck between their teeth
At least we saved the orchard

i'm new here and this thread makes me feel shizophrenic. can someone loredump pls

>>81781806
I am changing the title to "Bobbin' for rotten apples"

>>81781830
I'm Mike
You'll either love me or hate me
A narc will stop in and make shit up about me
Same fag as multiple posters to back up their narrative

All I ask is you judge me yourself and form your own opinion about me
Or someone else will do that for you
Understandable if you hate me based on this thread though

>>81779048
If you want the dossier to remain zipped then ya gots to stop being anti-Italian capisce?

>>81779461
>illegible-sarcasmchan
kek

i miss you and want to play with you again

I am not obsessed, just very fond of taking showers

Still thinking about your tongue, Juliana.

>>81782092
Go shower then stinky

I used a broken learning tool from A.I. to force my stepdaughter into a miscarriage death because I wanted a gay student to become a roommate

>>81781910
i mean this in the most non offensive way possible, does that girl maria actually exist?

>>81782036
they turned him down because he was asking for a buttfuck and started beating a hooker and they want a dude to go down on him, which i'm declining because I'm not a sexworker

>>81782217
yeah lol follow AIDSwatch, dickhead

>>81782126
Haha yes I will! Who knew digging up dirt does get ya dirty, although that hasn't been very successful tbqdesufam, which is a shame cos I really would love em to be dirty. So as an alternative I fill up a pinata with doo doo and just start whacking blind. Ohhh boy what a mess. The thoughts I'm gonna be having from this long shower is making me throb already

>>81782092
Showers are cool, what faucets do you like?

>>81782168
At least coat hangers are not that expensive at your local walmart

>>81781933
Phew it was after all about Ma'am Danny and not about ME ME ME ME. Hans are we the narchies?

I wonder if you will figure out what the rotten apple is.

>>81782728
Sometimes you have to make your own messes when there never was a mess to be found. I'll bring the hose and the soap to clean up.

Constantly running from how they feel. And all sorts of other negative outcomes from their attempts to compensate for and avoid their pain.

I'm leaving in an hour or so to pick up the girl. The only reason I wouldn't is for you. Send me a "don't go" here with some kind of identifier for you and I won't .

>>81781933
Kek literally a Sopranos meme
/tv is glitching the matrix once again

>>81783450
mike. you are so right. i can't help but agree.

>>81783450
The world is not yet ready mikhail. Soon they will be crushed like the rocks underneath the torrents of a mighty body of water ;-)

>>81783450
Make sure to post evidence that you really fucked those "girls" so we know you didn't just make them up to make "Maria" jealous with your transparently manipulative scheme, Mike.
Personally, I can't believe anyone with more than 2 brain cells would be able to listen to your dumb rants irl and not either run away or kill themselves.

I want to marry, I want to love and I want to be seen

>>81784031
We all do, we all do. Sadly some things are very impossible.

I am home alone for the next two days. I could get away with bleeding out and no one could stop me.

Bethanie

I think I am falling in love with you, and it hurts. I don't think I could ever confront you with my thoughts or feelings. In the very few minutes I can slip away from what I am supposed to be doing without being caught so that I can steal a few minutes of your time is the highest point of my day, and the worst is the crash when you leave.
You probably think nothing of me. There are other men you see daily that are probably better options than me and we both know it. I'm a coward. I'm a coward and for a few minutes a day when you are around I don't hate myself.
There are so many rules and obligations and standards standing in the way. It will never happen. You wouldn't break them for me and I wouldn't blame you.
I want to go stargazing with you or take you to the botanical gardens if you haven't been there yet. I want to see your paintings and drawings you said you've made. I want bury my nose in your hair and breathe in your perfume.Lately whatever you have been wearing smells like lemon cookies and I like it. I want the bravery to pull you close with the knowledge you wouldn't pull away.
I will play it as cool as I can and ignore this. Burry it down. When you look at me in the eyes the way you do it doesn't help though.

Being apart and missing me is the best outcome for you, since your conjured ideas of who I am and infatuation are a better wingman than anything I'll ever be. And it's the best outcome for me because I'll be as far the fuck away from you as possible. This is our most harmonious. You can even shamelessly go after other people again and then retreat to your limerence as a safety net

>>81784165
We all know you've been doing this for years with countless dudes. Go fuck yourself.

>>81784165
It's actually the worst possible outcome for me, and I wish that you loved yourself enough to accept that someone does and can like the actual real you. I don't believe it is the best outcome for you because you thought of me. This is our most chaotic, and I will not be pursuing anyone else. Bedrotting brings me no safety net.

i wrote to a girl in these threads for years that i had wronged in the past. a few weeks ago, she added me on social media. even tho it was just a message, i was finally able to apologize to her directly. she forgave me. it felt like a weight was lifted. just wanted to share with yall.

Dear M,

Perhaps you won't know who this is, or, even worse, let this letter languish in obscurity in some third party 4chan archive. Nevertheless, drunk as I am, I simply want to say that I love you in despite of all reasons for me to abhor my decision to (I say decision, since my love is chosen. I wake up each day and decide to love you). My life is consumed in snatches of fearful sleep, hallucinations, shakes brought on by lack of drink and surfeit of regret, and I fear my heart shall break into a hundred thousand flaws before we have the opportunity to speak again. Even though I and I alone have made a myth of when we first met and fell in love nine years ago now, I believe my favorite moment shared between us, the one that was the most meaningfully tender and morally "mature", was when we cried, both drunk, naturally, about the various familial deaths we both experienced, and the agony we underwent by the absence of the other. That was four years ago, and three months after that conversation we would cease to speak to one another. How do I still so commitedly, painfully love you after four years? Ah, well, who knows, and frankly who cares? Certainly no one else reading this does. I have had time to process our separation in this gap of contact. I want to say that I forgive you. I don't care if you forgive me. You are in my thoughts. I love you with deliberate loyalty and persistence, even as I drink myself into regretful, ashamed stupor and end up writing letters to you on 4chan threads, I love you still. Goodbye! Shantih shantih shantih.

B

Im sorry for touching you

Best not to say anything further regarding it or anything else surrounding it. Night

Why do you still love me? Maybe it's why that word is so important, you know the one. Maybe you know more about where we are on the timeline where we see each other irl.

>>81785822
There's a reason I said where. Someone once told me it's never when, it's always where.

This whole universe is just an insane terrifying mess though, that's for sure. There is no logical reason that any of this should be happening. None. What an absurdity it is to be "creatures" an a "world!"

Self-awarness is hitting too hard right now. I really want to shut off from the world. I wish I didn't need to go to work and have to interact with people just to afford mortgage and bills.

> A hint of uncertainty in your response, but I choose to interpret it as a sign of consideration rather than outright rejection.

Bit more than a hint, but that's deserved

>I understand that this is a big revelation, and you need time to process it. I respect that. Just know that my feelings for you are genuine and sincere, and I'm willing to wait patiently for however long it takes for you to come to terms with them.

Have not had a good experience with time and space/distance. It tends to distort and leads to a anxious walls to be built, not disolve

>I hope that gives you some relief

It gave me more last time when I heard you and thought you sent the package, planned on calling me not neither happened

>Maybe we both need to learn what the word acceptance means

Maybe so

>Okay asshole, what do you think is going to help?

Discord call, seeing each other face to face and hearing each others voice. Text is not sufficient and never has been. I know you actually thought that it was before and then when you figured out it wasn't too much has happened because of reactions to go back to that moment where it was actually more approachable with your anxiety

>Yup heard you for the billionth time that text is not sufficient

Did you hear hear how shitty I felt and know I am being sincere

>No because I don't feel I can trust you

I have that same feeling despite wanting the opposite so badly. To know me dwell with each other knowing we are safe and that this is the one place we don't have to be afraid, distrustful, waiting for the other shoe to drop

>You made me cry and I'm upset with you

We both have that perspective and the reason we are upset is that we remember what it was like with each other before the silence and distance.

>>81786328
>Well what now?

I don't know. I don't feel like there is much I can do and it's your move next to reach out

>Fine I'll think about it fuck face piece of shit retard asshole

A hint of uncertainty in your response, but I choose to interpret it as a sign of consideration rather than outright rejection.

>>81786109
I feel you. The Hebrew Roots Christian church near me have been psychopathically tooting their horns very loud meanwhile an ancient Palestinian Christian village burns. People are insane

>>81786474
And by the tootin I am talking about it in the most literal sense

Angst fucking sucks bro

Dear E,
I saw you yesterday, carrying all your belongings to your new boyfriend's house down the street. I can't believe it's been 2 years since you started dating him, and 2 years since you stopped replying to my messages.
Why do you treat me like the bad guy when I was the one who had to stop you from puking on MY husband's shoes while trying to massage MY husband's cock under the table. Honestly, I felt kind of disrespected by you flirting with him the entire evening since you have no idea I'm into that. Not to mention you were ignoring me while trying to get him to be alone with you, but I still didn't say anything.
You're not my type but I still would have let you suck his cock. Or more. It was him who told me to pull you away, because you were basically molesting him while he was close to passing out. And your puking certainly didn't help.
Imagine my surprise when you suddenly get together with your new boyfriend a few days after hitting on my husband.
Is that why you slowly started ignoring me? Are you scared I'd tell him what you were up to? You know he's my friend too but I've known you for 20 years... Not to mention everyone in our hometown knows you're a slut, so there's no way he doesn't know. He hasn't gotten laid in years so I hope he's at least enjoying that part of your relationship.
Please stop being retarded and text me
back.
Love,
M

>>81778917
fess up anon what did u do

>>81782774
you can be anything you want to be and do anything you aspire to

As I grow older I have found myself wistful for an innocence lost in me; or that I perhaps never had. Was there ever a time when a sunset filled me with wonder and appreciation, or that I cupped an insect in my hands and marvelled at its existence? Did I meet fresh faces with openness and curiosity, did I hear new voices without suspicion? If there was, it is lost in the fog.
It is a strange contradiction of mine to be envious of children, considering my own childhood was fraught with confusion and terror; nontheless, the envy burns. To know so little - for each mundane experience to be novel and exciting - is a thing of beauty. The preservation of innocence should be prioritised above all else, although admittedly in regards to practical matters it is a handicap.
My ego is not so great that I would claim to know more of the world and our lives upon it than the next man, but my patterns of thinking direct me towards the unpleasant realities others seemingly brush off with ease. If only I were able to unstitch the gordian knot where my heart should be, to purge the malaise that has permeated my sense of self.

sub 2 pewdiepie lads..

>>81788161
Hey Maria,
I wanted to say something clearly

I got emotional and let my thoughts run too far.

That wasn't fair to you.

I own that, and I'm not proud of how I handled it.

I'm not trying to make things heavy or dig into anything

If we are still in contact
I just want to come
from a more grounded place

be present
stable
no pressure
no expectations

Mike

>>81788211
so say we all
>>81788544
you've called me maria a couple of times in replies
i'm not her, i don't think i am
see i went into rehab and met a guy named mike there, he was nice enough, but very hollow and had little interest in engaging with the groups

i don't rightly know what's left for me to do, i sent some more emails, i lost my old accounts mostly, i haven't reached back out to my friends and rekindled former flame, it's just a lot more than i can handle now, it doesn't feel important and when asked what does i have no answer either. i'm stuck deep, mike. i really am. i could kill but what's the point in doing that? really.

you only ever called me maria because she's a dead woman
i've always been james but i'm not that guy either

i wanted to take my beating and move on, but the moving on part is what was offered to me first and i haven't figured that part out yet

thankful for the appendix, at least
it wasn't useless, it just hurt me more and now i have to rebuild everything i lost again
just with less community than i always thought i had

i miss my other parts
i love you, i'm not whole without you
or You, or (You)

>0
>;
;-;
because even at our lowest points, we're still connected somehow with love maybe, or hate idk how it goes here anymore

i'm not coming back here for a while, this makes me stir crazy
i never really did stop spinning out of control and the dirty floor isn't a place for soft toys to stay

thanks anon, i don't know what i should own anymore
i don't know myself well enough yet, every piece was stolen to survive and every day feels like a new form of survival for me now
the appendix really did change me but i feel worse than before now, it hurt really badly, i wasn't ready to be a schizophrenic, i wasn't ready to be anything yet

i like this show called the chosen, it's really good and you might get something out of it like a good chuckle or it'll make u cry too

i should call a couple more people today, i have to

>>81788879
>you only ever called me maria because she's a dead woman
i've always been james but i'm not that guy either
The two names the most mentally ill and saddest saps in this thread are looking for, clever. Sorry for ruining your fun, I think it's mean to bully the mentally ill.

>>81788879
https://youtu.be/nHu14GIsqMw?si=Sjxxvr4DHvDX22aM
~~~~~~~~
Maria,
I don't know where you are right now mentally or emotionally, but I see you in what you wrote.

I hear the pain, the confusion, and the love too.
You said Maria is a dead woman,but I know you. You're still in there, even if it hurts and all broken up.

Just know I'm not reaching out to pull you into anything or expect you to be a version of yourself you can't be right now, I only want you as you are.


I just want you to know I'm still here. I always felt you were coming home. That still matters to me.
No pressure.
Just presence....

I made this jewelry tree from a bird cage and a candle stick
I cut and bent the bars

To symbolize
That our love is a choice of each other
Choosing to stay in each other arms
Choosing to be full
Choosing to be home

Come home when you are ready
I trust you My Moon,

My Mike

The sooner you get a catheter fitted the better

I cant take much more of this nearly dying in a car crash because you "need a piss"

90+mph in the fast lane only to swing across 3 lanes without a glance just to go stand in a layby for 5 minutes unable to take a piss (but its about to run down your leg)

10 minutes later the process repeats and here we are running red lights and speeding because "PISsSSsSSSS"

All you ever talk about is needing a piss, or nearly pissing your self, its fucking embarrassing

https://youtu.be/4HhCKJdKFz0?si=yT4iPKMj6SJDYBaO
~~~~~~~~
>>81775234
8 steps forward now
Almost to 10

Even if you fall back 2 steps, you will gain 3


Dwelling in the 2
Accept your self of your 2 .
You judge yourself harder than anyone could
Perception is everything.
Maybe the 2 is.actually instrumental for you

The world does not always know what it wants.
Scratch that, the world is naturally who it truly is, the inner truth
And then it's caged by those outside people who judge
Told what is healthy and unhealthy love
Told the love you've dreamt about, fantasized about, hoped for
Is unhealthy, against their rules.
They don't understand
I am naturally this way
Who I love is also naturally this way
Our dynamic and who we are to each other in roles is our personal love
We are so lucky we found each other
To find the other part of my love and lust
To fulfill the dynamic naturally
And the best is that we recognize our true selves in the other.
Even if the other hasn't recognized it yet themselves.
So we Care for each other.
And live in our roles that we dropped up
And always thought didn't exist any other
But as we became we recognized fulfillment

Our relationship dynamic is not in the world's rules of acceptable forms of love
I'm fact our relationship is against the world's rules

I always felt like I was holding my breath and I judged myself limiting myself and my thoughts and feelings because the world told me what was good to want. But once I recognized the only judgment was from the outside imprinted on me as a masochist. So I redefined what the world and the outside cannot
And who the fuck cares anyway?
Their dynamics, their rules It's outside of us.
Here we are free and we live in our dynamic
That we silently dreamt of
"not just want,. I need"

And everything is okay again

>>81789382
I hate that I am such a fast reader and read the post before I can hide it hide it
Even a glance is not good

LISTEN,
I've been wanting to show you this song for so long
https://youtu.be/9pno9BrK8iI?si=lQZ7dRzNdkVHhVXE
~~~~~~~~
>>81788879
Being James you naturally communicated through his voice

I understand and I apologize for my reactions
There are suddenly a completely different tone to All you have said.

You don't need my permission but you have my silent acknowledgment and respect of your process however degrative demeaning, sadistic bully,what you feel are.
Embodiment of James is
How you find your self

What you said in those
What You say of James degrative, sadistic, bully, and as James the words were not external toward another they were internal wrestling with acceptance of who you are
You used This place the same as I do for therapy to understand myself and accept who I am, even if there are faults.

Letter thread electro therapy
Bzzzzzzzzz

>>81788879
>i've always been james but i'm not that guy either
He sadly has vanished and isn't coming back... There's no way out.

>>81791272
Maria,
It's okay if "James" is fading.
It's okay if Maria doesnt feel real yet
Whatever name or shape you're in
you don't have to explain it.
I'm not asking for someone stable or finished. Just someone honest, even in the mess.

I still care. I'm not here to judge you or fix you.

Just to sit with you here for a bit