Redpill me on women with BPD.
Are they worth the trouble of being friends/partners with?

some choose to be good people, just don't expect them to be at their A-game all the time

bpd has different externalizations
some people cycle through splitting and are nightmares. they will cause scenes and cheat on you just to get back at some hallucinated greivance
some just cut themselves and do too many drugs and hate themselves on a spiritual level. that type is potentially dateable if they respect what you have to say and obey you instead of listening to the neurotic thoughts in their head. but if you lose control of them theyll spiral away from you.
in general, bpd people need to be treated strictly but affectionately. theyre just emotionally stunted into a childlike state. if you like that sort of thing itll be fine

>>81779672
Perfectly explained.

t. BPD sufferer

>>81779651 (OP)
Regardless of gender people with BPD act the same, and people with BPD like conditions act like the mildest form of BPD without splitting. For BPD proper this anon got it right >>81779672. For BPD like conditions that are similar they only freakout, act mentally ill, abuse substances, or hurt themselves if you actually ghost them or abandon them.

>>81779672
Finally someone who nailed it just right

>>81779651 (OP)
Never met one but have met a vulnerable narcissist claiming she's BPD. Which come to find out is a common misdiagnosis

>>81779672
>if you lose control
You sound toxic af

>>81779912
Don't mix up or confuse a narcissist for a BPD sufferer

>>81779651 (OP)
not really. i am a man with bpd and have been in many different programs and facilities where other people with bpd were present. bpd women and attractive bpd men seem to externalize everything because they can afford to. it's not worth it in my opinion. autists, those with cptsd, anxiety disorders, or schizo disorders are better in every way i think. more internal searching and perspective building than constant dramatization and novelty-seeking

>>81780072
I hate having BPD, although my therapist says it may be a misdiagnosis and I'd actually have the gizmo autismo.

>>81780132
having both is possible if you relate to both. the trauma, confusion, rejection, ostracization, etc of those who walked around with autism undiagnosed can cause bpd.

>>81780072
I never even heard of men being diagnosed with BPD.....
I always thought it was for the most part, a roastie only mental illness.

>>81780190
Its associated with women because it involves intense emotions. But nobody wants to talk about how womens emotions are fake and mainly used for manipulation
>T. Quiet bpd

>>81779924
bpd people grow up in abusive contexts and don't really feel stable in completely "normal" environments. their neuroticism quickly outruns their own comfort. a lot of them had parents who were also cluster b and constantly going hot and cold on them or were addicted to drugs and acted totally different from one time to the next. bpd people need to be submissive in a relationship because their sense of self is predicated on the way others treat them. the only way to have a consistent identity is to lean on a dominant person with a strong identity that determines things for them. bpd people like being controlled and you can steer what used to be abusive into helping them develop themselves, but a permanent sense of self-love is innately impossible for these people.

>>81780170
Well then I have been SERIOUSLY fucked all along..

>>81780190
yeah when people think bpd they think girl interrupted or crazy ex girlfriend. they don't think anakin skywalker. most men with bpd are misdiagnosed with npd, bipolar, etc because of the biases we have towards men's emotions and behaviors. a man can't just be sad or angry, he is only appearing that way because he wants to be viewed a certain way.
>>81780220
it gets better once you realize what's really going on

>>81780275
I was misdiagnosed according to my therapist, so that means all the 'treatments' were a waste of time, what the fuck..

>>81780190
No, my BF has it, in a gay relationship, we've been together for 11 years, most of the time he is super caring, loving and obsessed with me but he must've broken up with me at least 50 times and then calms down and I don't even take it seriously anymore, I know he doesn't mean it.

>>81779651 (OP)
only if they treat my word like a gospel
i might have some sort of savior complex but i really like helping other people. i even do charity work just for the dopamine boost.
a relationship where i nurture some type of pseudo parental bond would bring me a lot of pleasure, helping her improve on not just coping with bpd but improving in other aspects.
this is not even a kink or sexual thing i just want to be someone's "life teacher", maybe i just have very strong father instincts

>>81780307
not necessarily. a lot of the coping mechanisms taught in dbt, cbt, and bpd-focused therapies extend to a lot. grounding techniques are great when you're being overstimulated for example. and for me, it was a huge relief to know that a lot of my fuck-ups in social situations weren't intentional despite how "obvious" the right path was for others. i feel more like an alien than an abomination now

>>81780377
but i dont wanna date someone who has that type of bpd where they're constantly cheating or antagonizing their boyfriend. I can't help someone who is not willing

>>81780390
True a lot of BPD therapy is just relationship soft skills and anyone would do good by learning them

>>81780390
I'm glad it didn't go to waste then, thank you

>>81780190
It's overwhelmingly a female condition, but it impacts some men. In men it is far more prevalent in homosexuals and especially troons.

>>81780072
CPTSD is just as bad honestly as BPD with the extreme push-pull splitting dynamics. They too randomly cut off your relationship, get angry at random, and think you're out to harm them for no reason. Splitting is a symptom in that condition too.

>>81780610
Is it? I see a lot of men who are narcissistic and deeply closeted out there

>>81780629
>. randomly
>at random,
>no reason
You sure about that?

>>81780644
People with BPD are not narcissists or psychopaths, very loving and caring people who have very strong morals but can easily spin out of control and think their lives are ruined because something slightly annoying happens, they can easily break up relationships or leave jobs in that state of mind

>>81780740
>People with BPD are not narcissists or psychopaths
Never said they were

>>81779651 (OP)
>Are they worth the trouble of being friends/partners with?
Only if you can completely disappear from their life once the discard starts. I mean completely go ghost and move on to the next. Otherwise, no.

>>81780657
Yes. Unconcious triggers cause people with CPTSD or PTSD to perceive threats when no threat exists, which result in an activated flight or fight response causing those behaviors. It's the same with BPD, the person with BPD has a trigger that causes them to act in the manner they do. They actually have a lot of overlap in some regards.

>>81780644
Yes unfortunately, it's nothing against homosexual people it just happens to be more common. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11617515/

>>81780629
sure but in my experience, those who identify with CPTSD over BPD tend to be more active in their healing. cptsd is a collection of trauma and trauma responses, while bpd is seen as some irreversible label that makes you more tragically interesting

>>81780861
both are trauma responses and both are treatable

I matched with a BPD girl on Facebook dating. She is pretty hot but I also know they eat beta bux like me alive (24 year old KHHV).

What can I do to mitigate the eventual split that will occur? I just want sexxo, and I think she believes I am an easy mark. (Simp with no self respect, will let her do whatever she wants)

>>81780832
>men so narcissistic and self absorbed they can only fuck other men

>>81780963
if you're a beta, BPD women will quite literally ruin your life. You have been warned.

>>81780963
BPD women will date you regardless of appearance and money
women with NPD are the ones that will drain you dry out of money while cheating on you with chad

>>81780980
this you gotta have BPD girls in a leash
only big dick doms have the wits to maintain a ltr with a bpd chick

>>81780861
Oh 100%. I mean it in the sense of how if you were to take a member of both groups, and neither were managing their symptoms that impact others well. Then how difficult would it be to maintain a relationship with that person under that criteria. CPTSD/PTSD is difficult in the sense of the hyperarousal loop (flight or flight response), and the constricted reality (avoidance) loop. Some of those loops have certain overlaps with some BPD behaviors. Both improperly managed are incredibly difficult, but BPD people tend to be less likely to get the proper support they need so are seen as fundamentally incurable.

>>81779672
This is pretty perfectly accurate IMO. I have known my girlfriend for about 4 years now, and she is def the second type. (cutting, too many drugs, and hates herself.) You cant "fix" someone with bpd, and its extremely hard to help them if they don't want to get better. That being said, (after sometime apart) my girlfriend did want to get better, and in most things she has. (no more cutting, no hard drugs, and isn't nearly as selfish and unstable as she was.)

If you really wanna date someone with bpd, make sure its the second type anon mentioned, and it can be great. They will love you like no one has ever loved you, would die for you, will never cheat if they are happy/content, and will pretty much do anything you want them to do if they're in the right mood.

However, i still just cant recommend dating someone with bpd. It takes a lot of work on both sides, they have to have a want for a long term relationship, and they have to want to improve themselves, the latter being fairly rare with people with bpd. My girl is a rare case for all of these reasons, and also almost never splits on me, and shes never split severely towards me. However, when she splits, its still fucking terrible. I was lucky enough to find a gem in a sea of shit, and if you want to try your luck, and try to find a gem too, goodluck.

I personally could never date the first type of bpd anon talked about, and i don't suggest anyone does. its a shitshow, and will always be a shitshow.

Friends wise, people with bpd are... fine? I wouldn't personally trust them as close friends, as if they split on you they'll probably fuck you over, but in my experience, they can be really sweet. (probably because they don't have many other friends.)

>TLDR: Don't date someone with bpd unless your prepared to try to find one that isn't fucking evil, and your prepared to put in a lot of work. If you do, it pretty great. Being friends with them is fine, i guess.

>>81780963
That is a human being you are talking about. Anyways if you want to be a complete piece of shit you have to date her in a way where your personal life can be instantly detached from hers when she splits on you. I.E she cannot start a smear campaign, show up at your house, etc, etc.

>>81780969
I was saying yes to BPD prevalence. The only thing NPD has in common with BPD is for some odd reason BPD and NPD naturally are drawn to each other.

>>81780980
I have lived without taking risk for 24 entire years. I might as well make something of myself.
>>81780999
What makes you think I want a LTR with one? lol. I just want booty.

>>81781082
low iq logic

>>81781022
> You cant "fix" someone with bpd, and its extremely hard to help them if they don't want to get better. That being said, (after sometime apart) my girlfriend did want to get better
issue with women with bpd is that it's very hard for them to self-reflect and come to the conclusion that they need to change.
they get so much validation nowadays for being women, they can jump from one relationship to the other pretty much at the snap of their fingers, and they rarely deal with the consequences from impulsive behavior. theyre spoiled traumatized children pretty much
this is prob why bpd is more common on women than men because men get fucked by life if they dont control their own BPD so they nautrally grow away from it.

>>81781082
just make sure you want casual sex then and not a ltr. otherwise youre manipulating a vulnerable person

>>81781172
make sure you are STATING you want*

>>81781184
I would rather sell her dreams.

>>81781160
I would say that's pretty true.I present a good amount of bpd symptoms, but i never developed it. If i was born a woman, yeah, i probably would have bpd. Instead i got avpd with shit emotional regulation witch is better then bpd, i guess.
People really should just date normal women instead of hoping to get lucky like me.

>>81781420
eh... i get why someone would date a bpd girl
normal women still are their own bag of problems, all people are complicated but at least with the best case scenario BPD girl, you'll find someone who will love you to death.
this is the type of affection men very rarely get if they date normal women
also BPD chicks will always be appealing to robots because they gravitate towards nerd culture like us for some reason.
i'd rather date a best case scenario bpd girl over dating a normie woman because i think my personality fits the role of a caretaker
but strictly a best case scenario where shes trusting and willing to improve

>>81779912
You know come to think of it we have a lot more BPD threads than Narcicissm threads. And my guess for why is that most people dont actually know how deep the narcissism rabbit hole goes or how they have a very different way of thinking that lack whole object relations and other weird mental phenomena that people take for granted. Or how often things like narcissism, psychopathy, sadism, and machiavellianism overlap. Like it's really bad in severe cases. I think most people are aware of people who are self absorbed but full blown NPD is in a league of its own.

Humans as social creatures mean narcissists are sort of like social vampires. Like they are these living dead corpses that can only sustain themselves off the attention of others and without that attention they feel like they are dying.

>>81782520
robots are either narcs or have bpd
if youre not one youre the other

>>81779651 (OP)
I fall in love with them all the time, but you can't stay with them long term.

>>81779651 (OP)
is it the one insane bitch thats been posting herself on here recently that you're posting about?

>>81782520
>>81782545
mild narcissism is normal. ive become far less narcissistic and get shit on more than ever in my life, its time to be a dipshit again. You just cannot reason with most people or with those with bpd
>>81782552
fell in love with a couple and they were completely unreasonable

>>81782587
>mild narcissism is normal.
nah im talking full on NPD due to bullying and neglect.
The type of NPD where you're essentially a psychopath where you feel 0 empathy and you derive joy from inflicting pain on others

>>81782587
Yeah but that's what I mean. We conflate being a bit self absorbed with narcissism but actual narcissists are far worse than someone whose self absorbed. Like you can't tell them anything or change their mind or make them self reflect either. And if you ever threaten their false self they will completely flip their shit on you and unlike bpd breakouts narcissists will plan for years and hold grudges forever to ruin you. And often enough they are smart and manipulative enough to do it to a far greater degree than someone with bpd. Like the best outcome you can expect when dealing with a narcissist is they get bored of you and discard you. And worst case scenario they straight up murder you because you broke their self image.

I can't find the picture but there was that mom who killed her son and had that note where she justified it and referred to herself as "failed queen" besides being creepy it struck me that she was probably a collapses narcissist

>>81782686
how do you tell the difference between npd and bpd? they're in the same cluster and many say they're like two sides of the same coin. many with one also have the other, so it's hard for me to understand it.

>>81782686
i think the typical hollywood psychopath archetype is actually just someone in the extremes of the NPD spectrum
it checks out i can see NPDs enjoying murder and lacking empathy

>>81782769
BPD got nothing to do with NPD. BPDs have a strong fear of abandonment or being left alone and a strong desire to have a romantic relationship. BPD is closer to bipolar
NPDs are extremely insecure self centered people who need external validation to feel less insecure

>>81782769
People with BPD have an unstable sense of self that they externalize to other people. They define themselves through other people and use other people to regulate their emotions.

Narcissists have a sense of self but it's a false self. Narcissists can regulate their emotions better than people with BPD but they do it via this false self image. The false self is perfect and godlike. And so it creates this dynamic where they feel that because they are perfect via the false self that they are also entitled to everything and to special treatment and when bad things happen they can somewhat mitigate it with their false self by spinning events into stories like "well they are just stupid and they dont appreciate my greatness" and things to that effect.

Whereas with BPD they act out emotionally and they rely on their partner or friends to regulate their emotions.

So in both instances their is this reliance on others but for different underlying reasons.

>>81782686
> Like you can't tell them anything or change their mind or make them self reflect either.
dont forget, they'll call you a narcissist instead. Ive met two girls off here recently that are extremely narcissistic in addition to having strong BPD. One of them literally made a post about not caring at all and zoning out when other people talk about their issues. She was absolutely insane, all she did was sit in bed all day and masturbate while thinking that shes the virgin mary reincarnate and whoring out for men online. Im not even kidding.

>>81782892
wonder if I got NPD.
i think i'm usually the smartest guy in the room if im around normies
i really enjoy getting praised and validated
my appearance self esteem fluctuates a lot. i go from thinking im very attractive to thinking im hideous very fast
every now and then fantasies of grandeur ]
im extremely insecure
getting yelled at or mistreated by someone i admire makes me miserable for days
i kind of have low empathy
but i dont enjoy hurting others and care about my family a lot.

>>81782776
Yeah the prime example being the book/movie "American Psycho" where the main character was a primary Narcissist with psychopathic traits.

Actual pure psychopaths only care about money and power as a means unto itself because they like to be dominant. Narcissists care about money and power because it grants them status and admiration but they dont actually care much about it beyond that. Like in the movie Patrick cares more about how his peers see him than the fact that he is already much richer than anyone else. Whenever he has a breakdown its because his own status was threatened by someone else eclipsing him "the buisness card scene" for example.

There's also that weird dynamic where he both hates Paul Allen but also envied and looked up to him because he got more attention and admiration. But he didn't actually give a shit about Paul Allen as a person, it was just his status that threatened his own fragile self image.

>>81782956
you really nailed on the analysis
if you consider psychopathy as just being in the extremes of the ASPD spectrum and you read the dsm 5, the stereotype couldn't be further from the truth.
aspds feel more like median IQ autists with anger issues
>>81782938
> She was absolutely insane, all she did was sit in bed all day and masturbate while thinking that shes the virgin mary reincarnate
a good example of a public figure in the extremes of the NPD spectrum is iddubbz's girlfriend, anissa whatever. shes a good case study to understand NPD

>>81782938
Yeah besides being delusional a lot of them are skilled manipulators probably as a result of constantly lying to themselves.

>>81782943
Its something that's better to get a professional diagnosis that to speculate or self diagnos. There's other things that can look like narcissism but aren't and because its a mental construct and not a physical illness there's no definitive identifier but rather a cluster of persistent stable behaviors that indicate narcissism.

>>81783085
another example of someone in the NPD spectrum doing horrible deeds is petter scully
https://youtu.be/RhucfxJX08E
NPD is the worst cluster B by far

>>81783085
Yeah people with ASPD always struck me as the "bad kids" whose parents both neglected and intermittently physically abused them but never bothered to teach them right from wrong or provide them a stable loving environment. So they grow up being violent and uncontrollable sadists as a sort of statement to the world where its like dont fuck with me because I'm tough and I'm unpredictable and I do what I want and take what I want because that's how I show my self worth and it you challenge me I'll put you in your place. And its because they are such disruptive unmitigated assholes that they create their own self perpetuating problems where they are always having conflict with the law and other violent assholes.

Not surprisingly this is also why you see ASPD diagnosed young and you dont really see too many people who were perfectly normal until they hit middle age and then developed ASPD because its something that forms early on.

Like you said its mostly anger management issues.

Grew up with a BPD mom. Everything was always about her, even when she'd do something for us it was about her being a good mom, not our happiness. If she was upset (which she was more often than not), it wasn't enough. Other people had to be upset too, and then they were wrong for being upset. Any happy moment was tainted with underlying anger, sadness or angst from her. I haven't spoken to her in 15 years now and am better off for it.

What the one anon said about being emotionally stunted children is wildly accurate.

>>81779672
>some just cut themselves and do too many drugs and hate themselves on a spiritual level. that type is potentially dateable if they respect what you have to say and obey you instead of listening to the neurotic thoughts in their head. but if you lose control of them theyll spiral away from you.
God I recently lost my v-card to a girl like this, and it's true to a fucking T. It's one of the most depressing things ever because I think she's so amazing and love her dearly, but you literally cannot convince them they're not trash, and they'll usually be SO SAD that it does nothing but drag you down with them. There is nothing you can do. She is just woefully incompetent in social skills and it makes everything, including being with her, near impossible

Are narcissists people born with it, or is it trauma and childhood, or is it learned behaviour ?

>>81783687
Traumatic childhood but they always say they had a good childhood. They just can't stop lying

>>81783733
wouldn't they trauma dump about their childhood, or does it depend on the situation, i was abused as a child if people say they had an alright childhood, and my childhood was great if people complain about their childhood ?