>>81806918 (OP)The other day I finally realized why I struggle so much with weight loss.
I don't know what I'm going to do with this info but finally understanding the problem seems meaningful somehow. Like I can face it now.
Eating is the only time I'm ever happy. I enjoy food, and frankly it's the only thing left in my life that I enjoy.
To cut back on it is to willingly choose to cut back on what little pleasure I experience in this horrible existence, so it's very difficult.
I'm not addicted to food, I'm bereft of joy and desperate to fill the void.