I am well aware that by posting this on this website I am likely alerting the RCMP. to something they already know. A number of years ago, when I was 17, I held a knife to my mothers throat and threatened to kill her. I was screaming. I was yelling racial slurs. Somehow, this was seen as a 'mental health episode' because i had suddenly gone off of my medication. I do think it was partially a mental health episode, though I have been violent or aggressive when things don't go my way my entire life. This led to a series of events where I never spoke to the rcmp, and I was removed from my mothers care by the government due to her inability to take care of me. I believe this was wrong. I should have been held longer in a mental hospital. I should have gone to juvie or even prison. I do not desire to harm or kill others, but the fact that shit like this has happened my entire life shows that I am an evil person who wishes to do evil things. Is it still possible for me to turn myself into the police? How can I get her to actually file charges? We haven't spoken in 7 years at this point because she and the rest of my family is terrified of me. I have been putting off every major milestone in my life because I simply do not deserve a better life.

>>81844470 (OP)
>I was yelling racial slurs.
Good heavens.

I hope you were able to express these concerns and regret to a family member or two. They should know, as it sounds like they think you're some kind of monster (you are).

>>81844470 (OP)
Just ask the government to put you on watch and chill with vidya or something

>>81844470 (OP)
Are you the "Alberta Hospital" poster? If you truly want that you'd need to specify what province you are in, how long ago this happened, and your current age.

>>81844536
>Are you the "Alberta Hospital" poster?
He's just mad because I told people about him cutting his own dick off with scissors.

>>81844553
So it's someone mad at that poster? Alright.

>>81844491
I only speak occasionally to a few. My grandfather keeps pushing me to go to college, even offering to pay for it. I don't accept his offer and often don't pick up his calls for months out of shame. My mother has very severe ptsd from her ex husband who was similarly abusive
>>81844509
No. I don't deserve a comfy life.
>>81844536
No different province. I'm almost 25, this happened when I was 17.

>>81844610
Why don't you just kill yourself instead of wasting tax payer dollars?

Have you tried reaching out to your mom, or does she refuse to talk to you?

>>81844628
Because honestly I am afraid. I do not know what happens after death. I think I am a narcissist and keep myself away from close relationships with others due to it. I'm manipulative and have been since I was 2 years old. I'm clearly broken in some manner. All the social workers took my side and were so nice because I'm a manipulative monster who looks and acts so pathetic. I've often thought about attempting suicide by cop or something similar. I'm from a small town and word would spread quickly if I went off the rails. Sometimes, it feels like I cam even hear teenagers around me giggling "isnt that the guy qho tried to kill his mom?". I doubt it's real, I'm just so consciously and unconsciously caught up in my 'shame' (potentially performative? i dont know what parts of me are real and which are fake) that it follows me everywhere. I don't date because of this.

>>81844610
>No different province. I'm almost 25, this happened when I was 17.
In Canada, generally an assault charge that would only be a summary offence instead of an indictable offence must be pursued within six months. Given your age, that would have been the second most likely outcome. At most for that you'd only serve six months. This is ignoring your mental state. Because of your mental state this would have been a conditional discharge, where you'd have been ordered to go to psychotherapy (potentially involuntary) or face the charge. If you went to psychotherapy the record would be removed. So you are torturing yourself for nothing. The only possible thing you can do is to alert your psychiatrist you wish to harm others, this would put a flag on you but not get you arrested.

>>81844703
I'm perfectly willing to ham it up to see of it can get increased to attempted homocide.
>alert your psych
i don't habe a psych anymore because im "cleared" and i do not truly wish to harm others. I don't know if I could say that I did in a convincing enough way to get flagged without actuallg soing a violent action. I could try and 'assault' a homeless guy, maybe rough him up a bit, and claim it's due to some sort of murderous psychosis that is related to the Mom incident? Would that work?
>you are torturing yourself for nothing
the wages of sin is death

>>81844720
I would rather go to prison or be stuck in a mental hospital for the rest of my life than live as a free man tormented by my thoughts. I CANNOT BE CURED OF THESE THOUGHTS UNLESS I AM SO DRUGGED UP IN A HOSPITAL I LOSE ALL SENSE OF REALITY, OR I AM FUCKING DEAD

>>81844720
>i don't habe a psych anymore because im "cleared"
If you were on those meds you could trivially get a psych. Find a doctor, mention you need to see a psychiatrist because you have urges to hurt others and then bring up your past. You'll get a psych.

I also have to state that I'm a faggot, so of COURSE the libtard government treated it as my mother 'mentally abusing me' for wanting me to go to church amd lead a normal, non sinful lifestyle. You can literally do anything as a fag or a tranny in my province and get away with it as long as youre pathetic enough and 'discriminated against' enough. It's fucking disgusting. They held pride outside of my apartment this year and I wanted to just scream amd cry. It's so gross

>>81844743
I'm on/was on just normal anti-depressants and ritalin. They gave me a low dose benzo when I was in the hospital after the incident to help me sleep. I think that a doctor and a psych would just medicate me instead of punishing me

>>81844806
Trust me, antipsychotic meds are a punishment.

You can become a beautiful woman op, I believe in you!

>>81844832
anti psychotics would probably just lead to me losing my job and becoming homeless. seems like an awfully expensive way to kill myself

>>81844470 (OP)
ahahhahahah what a freak, you should be put in a circus for normal people to throw popcorn at

>>81844470 (OP)
>RCMP
All Canadians are progressive liberals so I don't care what progr save liberals do.

>>81845108
so canadian murderers shouldnt be punished? who are you? justin trudeau?
>>81845015
THEN FUCKING DO IT

>>81844860
You said you wanted to be punished.

>>81844470 (OP)
wow that's a lot of trauma dumping I'm not going to think about today

>>81844610
I think you should try living with your grandfather a "clean life"

>>81845436
I've manipulated him into seeming like victim. He doesn't like my mother much to begin with and seems to think she's hysterical

>>81845604
Yeah, so try and keep it up
Say you were thinking about trying for college in September but you want to try living with him for a while to see if you could handle it.
Basically say you are interested but not yet ready, and that you think if you live with him and he can teach you how to deal with problems you will be more independent and be able to handle college
Basically say you need more support now for more support later. And actually learn from him

>>81845696
manipulation is evil. i will not do evil unless i can be punished for it

>>81845714
So try and establish a Father son relationship of him teaching you how to be independent instead of manipulating him.
You can have the shadow reason and the real reason be the same reason
You want to be more independent, because right now you don't feel like you are ready for college, but if you were able to establish some better living habits with him you think you would have better chances.

>>81845947
i am independent. ive lived alone since i was 17 and mostly paid my own rent. the government gave me 1k a month until i was 19