Thread 81845768

>try reading about other peoples experience with suicide
>they imply that they dont always want to die
>they imply they still like life
Huh? what? I dont relate. I hate life constantly and there is never any moment where i want to live at all

>>81845768 (OP)
unironically have you tried fucking someone i feel alive when i am

>>81845786
i dont want to have sex actually, nor do i want to "feel alive", sounds bad

>>81845794
thats kind of lame
>nor do i want to "feel alive"
why? do you enjoy living a life of misery? thats retarded are you punishing yourself or what

>>81845806
I dont want to devolpe stockholm syndrome for life, no. Its like telling a prisoner "just cheer up!" i will be happy maybe when i am free

>>81845818
your mindset is retarded.

>>81845818
i think you should get laid and do drugs everyone dies so enjoy life a bit

>dude I totally am like a actual nihilist
>not like all those posers I ACTUALLY hate life and want to die
>but I'm still alive and wont kill myself because uhhhhh

fuck off and die retarded nihilist loser
your ideology is for edgy punk teens and is a cancer

>>81845891
k.
>>81845917
no
>>81845922
not a nhillist

>>81846322
OP if oyure gonna kill yourself why dont you try drugs and sex and rock and roll you got nothing to lose

>>81846326
i did drugs, did not help. Dont want sex. Cant even if i did. I dont like people
>If you hate jail, try singing in your cell!!!
No

>>81846340
>Cant even if i did. I dont like people
damn that sucks. maybe you can bond with another suicidal person maybe if you found someone that gets you

>>81846345
lol thats another thing, after scanning through essays and articles and posts, nope, other peoples troubles with suicidality are forgien to me, the common description of suicidal urges is NOT what i experience
>There was a part of me that didnt want to die
Not me. Not in mt experience.
>I regretted my attempts
Not me. I didnt
>Its not that i viewed life as inherently bad
Well i do, thats how i see it

>>81846366
find a sperg that gets you then it couldnt be too hard then you two pair bond and fall in love and dont kill yourselves

>>81846385
No, i dont want to, im not interested in love or romance or friendship
>stuck in jail? just make sum fwensssss!
nope im good, i dont like, nor want to like, people.

>>81846399
>im not interested in love or romance or friendship
thats not something you control man. i think youre gonna be addicted to love once you find someone that understands and relates you on a fundamental level

>>81846412
Ok well i literally cant love so thanks for hammering down on taunting me, want to grind me down a lil more or you good ?

>>81846467
>i literally cant love
why. how? that makes no sense

>>81846480
I cant love anon, want me to get into specifically why? Lets leave aside that love is rare, and rarer still for someone with a bad a mental state as me. Its even less Less likely for me as a person with no job or education, I also cannot drive a car, I have a proximity nervous system illness where I literally cannot touch other physical creatures without vomiting. It is not something that can be overcome through desensitization or repeated exposure, as it is not actually mental, it is physical, it's a nervous system reaction. For instance, I will literally wake up vomiting if a dog bumps into my leg in the middle of the night.Further, I have ZERO hope for finding someone that I actually relate to on an emotional level. It has not happened yet, not even in real life, but just also not even in fucking media. Not even in, like, imagination. I cannot imagine the person that I get along with. I have not seen one in media. I have not read about one through history. I don't get along with people, and I don't like them.I don't want a relationship, also. I don't want to be involved in a person's life like this. I don't get the appeal. Why should I want to be?

>>81845768 (OP)
most people who suicide do it because of an emotional reaction to something
if your life is just boring and empty you'll just get depressed, like you sound to be

>>81846540
Well, I mean, I guess in a way it's a little boring and empty, but quite frankly, I mean, even when it's exciting and filled with stupid shit, I still fucking hate it. I mean, I have a lot of goals and stuff to- that I'm supposed to be doing and all that, and I just still fucking hate it. I would gladly sell all the happiest moments of my life if it meant being able to not exist. I just hate it. I don't get the appeal of it.

>>81845768 (OP)
You're so deep and edgy bro. As deep as a puddle and as edgy as a pizza cutter.

>>81846590
youre the edgy one, going around making fun of suicidal people. Thats edgy as fuk

>>81846612
Based on this thread, my recommendation would be that you do a backflip and stream it.

I think op just wants to vent his anger on people

>>81846615
i will kill myself very soon i promise you, Edgey Anon

I know what it's like to be sad nigga and I gotta tell you life is never gonna present you with some definite reason to keep going, you gotta choose that for yourself, it's where all the effort in living really comes from, just discipline yourself to keep working towards a better tomorrow.
Life's all about perspective, yeah you can aknowledge what layer of prison within prison with prisons you're in, which I think is a healthy part of the process, but then you have to give up control of those grander things you can't change, and do what you can.
Let go, or be dragged.

>>81846570
don't you enjoy doing stupid shit like playing video games or watching videos? that's something. life can suck, there's not much to say about it that hasn't been said already. but in the end it's all about perception and how much of your time you dedicate to obsessing over that fact rather than paying attention to better things

>>81846727
Dragged it is, eternally, not gonna just be like
>no no iz all ok itz ok reality just FUCK ME OVER completely again and again and again forever
Its like watching a man dragged by a horse and saying
>enjoy the ride lolololololololol
fuck this
>>81846871
No, i dont enjoy being forced to kill time stuck in a giant walking tumor called my body

>>81846901
the point of killing time is being able to forget about the walking tumor part

>>81846913
can i just kill myself and be done with it? this makes no sense, this shit sucks, no im done, im not being this fucking thing anymore, not one more fucking second, no

>>81845768 (OP)
I bought a rope to kms and i was literally about to hang myself off of my doorhinge and then when it was around my neck i decided i wanted to live all of a sudden. Havent tried it since. I threw away the rope.

Also my mom, dad, and brother would be sad and whatnot.

>>81846953
ok i never felt that way after my attempts, strange, i always wanted to die lol

>>81846959
>>81846959
Strangely i always dont want to die after an attempt, when i plan it i'm really giddy and excited to not be alive anymore until i actually have to do it, like a pussy.

I guess i really just dont wanna die and am an attention whore. Its funny. I just want my pain to end, and somebody other than my immediate family to love me. I want that so bad. I guess i'm just waiting for that, but also i don't want to hurt my family because i know that i would destroy them all if i killed myself.

I live for my brother especially. He has absolutely nobody in his life, no friends, nothing. He's 23 (i'm 20). He's very successful in life but he's an absolute weirdo sperg, I have to admit, and he gets no bitches and has no friends.

I have no idea how he'd face life without me. I'm the only one he ever talks to, which is i why i can't die.

>>81847076
odd. i sympathize with your struggle but i admit it is a diffferent texture then my own, but you sound closer to mosts experience with depressuib

>>81847108
i would already be dead if it wasnt for my family, in honesty. Even if my mom abused me most of my life i somehow forgive her because i understand she is heavily mentally ill and somewhat depressed too.

There really isnt anything more important than family in my opinion, friends arent real. Ive had so many "friendships" in my life that it wouldve been better off being alone than ever interact wit hthem in the first place.

>>81847154
Odd. I see no value in family, lol, nor friends. I never even tried having friends in the first place, lol.

>>81845768 (OP)
Everything that had made me wish to live has been cruelly yanked from me. The only happiness I've felt was just a plot do I knew what I was missing and could suffer greater.

>>81846925
no one is stopping you champ

>>81847257
except the people who show up and physically stop you like the police who restrain you and send you to mental wards, got it, but i will try to be fair regardless, ha ha, we got to try