>>81869458
you are so much more lovable when you present yourself like this, at least in my opinion.
there's nothing wrong, or unhealthy about anything of what you just said, however. wanting someone to love fully and someone to fully see you for what you are and not just for what they want to see isn't anything extraordinary or wishful. you're on the right track by sticking to your standards. you clearly have the framework to become a great person, yet you're missing someone to guide you there.
>>81869489
i think it's really pretty. i understand your pain, i know how it feels to be so lost, so misunderstood and surrounded by guilt and misery that the slightest hint of hope feels like salvation, only to continue the loop again. but there's a beauty in that suffering. you could have given up. you could have ignored everyone, you could have kept on repeating the cycles over again. and yet you didn't. you're here, acknowledging your whole self, and how much you hate it. it's so hard to become detached from hope when that's what your entire life has been running on since god knows why. just know that it's okay to fuck up. even when you know you're fucking up. maybe not always entirely okay, but okay enough.
if you want to take a moral from this, then i can give you some guidance. if not, then i hope that i could at least share your pain for a bit. but the biggest thing you could do right now is embrace yourself, and give you space. make yourself the person you obsess over, if that makes any sense. not immediately, of course, but try to slowly bring yourself back into the spotlight of your own life. i think what you need the most is recognizing how much you're worth by yourself, even as you are right now
